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mstrjx -> So what IS your approach> (7/25/2010 12:57:58 PM)

In the 'Investment in Relationships' thread yesterday I made the below post to the notion that Julia and Katy made that in approaching someone of the opposite sex (for women, anyway) that it is better for the man to make the first move.

I might not like it for reasons of my own, but I understand it. As dominant men we should determine whom we are interested in and go stake the ol' claim. As if it were that easy.

Hey, this is CM. I can watch profiles of newbies come along all day and think I'm attracted to all of them. Well of COURSE I am. They are all pinup pictures of not real people made for the purpose of not real ads for whatever reason. I could send out dozens of messages to these not real people and get nowhere. There are also legitimate ads of potentially interesting people and certainly messages can be sent there. Complaining about the 'fakery' on the other side is not the point of this thread. Nor is it about the legitimate ads of people who never see this side of the site.

This thread is relative to the forums here. Assuming you are single and you see someone else within the forums that you think might be a good fit, how do you make it known? Or DO you make it known? Do you chime in on the same threads hoping to get their attention? Do you send an email on the other side? Do you signal by perving their profile on the other side as a clue? Do you find out where they live and hop a plane to go stalk them? Do you find all of the posters here repulsive and not worth your time other than the obvious derision we're pretty good at?

Inquiring minds, and all.

Jeff

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx


quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

There are some good points in The Rules book, it is not all rubbish. My rule: give the same amount of attention to a man that he gives to you, mirror, but do not over play anything. I think it is desperate to chase a guy. Let him come to you, let things grow in an unrushed, organic way, if it is meant to be, it will be.

And it's just this kind of heretical thinking that got witches burned way back when.

Pffft, haven't you been reading the feminist thread in the other room? Have you learned nothing? It's the woman's right in this society to go out there and grab your due with all the gusto you can muster.

Or, at least send a casual email saying 'Hey, you're cute! Wanna chat some time?'

Please, for the love of all that is holy..... Recant what you said so the lurkers and the posters get the same idea that it's all ok to congregate on one side of the room waiting for the boy to ask the girl to dance. Nothin's EVER going to get accomplished that way. Nothin'.

Jeff





littlewonder -> RE: So what IS your approach> (7/25/2010 2:28:32 PM)

quote:

Assuming you are single and you see someone else within the forums that you think might be a good fit, how do you make it known? Or DO you make it known? Do you chime in on the same threads hoping to get their attention? Do you send an email on the other side? Do you signal by perving their profile on the other side as a clue? Do you find out where they live and hop a plane to go stalk them? Do you find all of the posters here repulsive and not worth your time other than the obvious derision we're pretty good at?



Well I'm not single but I'll answer what I did before I met Master...

When I was single I never really looked at profiles on here to find someone. I put my profile on here and then if someone responded, great. If not then that was fine too. I would read the forums but very rarely responded to anything and I never pursued a man before in my life. I've never had to.

If someone approached me on here then I would respond to their emails and get to know them but that was it. If it came to a point where I felt we might be compatible even just a little bit then I would agree to meet them in public and see where it went but I never once was the one to ask to meet or chase after them.

To be honest there were an extremely few number I was ever even interested in even a tiny bit here until I got to know Master and even that took a long time.

I just never had any reason to ever go after a man or be the first to approach them. I never have had to. I always found the men I'm attracted to had zero problem doing that for themselves and they preferred it that way which is a big turn on for me. I like extra confident men.





sunshinemiss -> RE: So what IS your approach> (7/25/2010 2:36:08 PM)

I figure I"m not gonna meet anybody who is going to stir me enough to get me to move ... and I sure don't think anyone is going to come HERE!  Therefore, I just flirt and have fun.

I will say that there is a man or two who has tempted me.... but then I think "do I really want to disrupt my life?"  and I say no.  And I just have never had the gumption to ask someone to come to Asia for a cup of coffee at Starbucks.

*shrugs.
sunshine




KatyLied -> RE: So what IS your approach> (7/25/2010 4:20:17 PM)

I let them approach me. I can sit back and wait patiently. I am not desperate or needy for a relationship. It is an easy thing to do if you are not in a situation where you feel as though you need a relationship to complete you. I am traditional enough to believe that the man should lead and I should follow, that is truly my comfort zone. I am also careful not to give a man more attention than he gives me, he needs to want it as badly as I do, or it will not work.




slvemike4u -> RE: So what IS your approach> (7/25/2010 4:26:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I figure I"m not gonna meet anybody who is going to stir me enough to get me to move ... and I sure don't think anyone is going to come HERE!  Therefore, I just flirt and have fun.

I will say that there is a man or two who has tempted me.... but then I think "do I really want to disrupt my life?"  and I say no.  And I just have never had the gumption to ask someone to come to Asia for a cup of coffee at Starbucks.

*shrugs.
sunshine
To meet someone "sweet as pie"(and get a good capuchino) I would go to Asia.
don't believe me ...just ask,I doubledog dare you!




UniqueRaven -> RE: So what IS your approach> (7/25/2010 4:31:47 PM)

i will view their profile - and most often they will view me in return.

If i'm *really* interested, i'll add him to my "Favorite Users" list - and let them see the red light on their "Admirers" page.

If i see a Dominant man has viewed me, and then he doesn't write, i assume he's not interested. i don't turn around and write him begging for his attention. i fall into the camp of "Men tend to do what they want, and go after what they want." If i'm not what he wants, my feelings aren't hurt - there's a lid for every pot, so to speak.




mstrjx -> RE: So what IS your approach> (7/25/2010 4:42:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I let them approach me. I can sit back and wait patiently. I am not desperate or needy for a relationship. It is an easy thing to do if you are not in a situation where you feel as though you need a relationship to complete you. I am traditional enough to believe that the man should lead and I should follow, that is truly my comfort zone. I am also careful not to give a man more attention than he gives me, he needs to want it as badly as I do, or it will not work.

This sets up (taking it to an extreme of sorts) unrequited love. I don't see how giving some sort of a little poke to someone just to let them know you exist is going to hurt. Little girls have been punching little boys in the arm for time immemorial it seems. In this setting, to see someone from afar you might have interest in go through their life stages and have no idea that you could have been part of the mix seems sad. At the same time, you are going through your life changes and it turns into two ships passing in the night.

As the old axiom goes, you can't win if you don't play the game.

Jeff




KatyLied -> RE: So what IS your approach> (7/25/2010 4:45:34 PM)

It is not sad because I do not his life situation or his level of interest. I expect a dominant man on a kink site to man up if he is interested. It's not like I am worshipping a guy from afar and wishing he would contact me




mstrjx -> RE: So what IS your approach> (7/25/2010 4:50:12 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

i will view their profile - and most often they will view me in return.

If i'm *really* interested, i'll add him to my "Favorite Users" list - and let them see the red light on their "Admirers" page.

If i see a Dominant man has viewed me, and then he doesn't write, i assume he's not interested. i don't turn around and write him begging for his attention. i fall into the camp of "Men tend to do what they want, and go after what they want." If i'm not what he wants, my feelings aren't hurt - there's a lid for every pot, so to speak.

My problem, and it could be a problem, is that denseness creeps in.

I post here in different ways in different threads (some philosophical and clever, some biting and snarky) but I'm not being a wallflower. If I go through a day of posting where I don't get perved (viewed on the other side) I get all weepy and morose. I haven't often taken the viewpoint that there's something TO that perve. It's gotten to the point from me as a lurker on the other side that I don't often use that 'view profile' button because I don't want people to think I'm stalking.

Lesson learned.

Jeff




UniqueRaven -> RE: So what IS your approach> (7/25/2010 4:59:55 PM)

Honestly, i don't think many people post on the forums that are also hoping the posting might lead them to a partner? i could be wrong on this. This could be why you're not getting perved much from other forum posters.

i know that i don't - yes, i am currently seeking a Master, but i post because it's fun to share ideas, and i learn from others - not because i'm going to find a Master here, even though i have talked with some men from the boards.

My "search" is separate from my posting here and in my blog. So i really don't mind when people from the forums don't perv my profile...it's not why i'm here. [:)]




BitaTruble -> RE: So what IS your approach> (7/25/2010 5:18:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

Assuming you are single and you see someone else within the forums that you think might be a good fit, how do you make it known?


I keep things fairly close to the chest for online so if I were interested in someone, I would rather meet face to face before putting too much of an emotional investment into them. I need to feel the chemistry and power up close and personal for the most part so would ask them if they would like to attend a munch so I can meet them. I meet folks at places I'm going to be anyway.

quote:

Do you find all of the posters here repulsive and not worth your time other than the obvious derision we're pretty good at?


::chuckles:: Not generally. If I find someone repulsive, I just block them. Most people I find to be at least tolerable but not as good company as a dog. [8D]There are several people I find entertaining, a whole bunch who are just plain fun (even if I don't participate, I sometimes read P&RS for the sheer joy of seeing so much joy) and a few that are wonderful teachers and educators so I am pleased when I see those folks posting especially if it's on a thread which I've started since I'm obviously interested in that topic. There are also a few whom I find quite exceptional and regardless of the thread or topic, I stalk their posts because I am enamored of their writing skills. It's nothing personal, but I'm a sucker for a well-turned phrase and there are two or three people here that amaze me with their insight and ability to express themselves. Then there is the one man who I find intoxicating. His words, demeanor, manner, style, eloquence, power.. every single thing about him hits me like a ton of bricks everytime I see him post. [sm=hearts.gif]








juliaoceania -> RE: So what IS your approach> (7/25/2010 5:31:39 PM)

quote:

Assuming you are single and you see someone else within the forums that you think might be a good fit, how do you make it known? Or DO you make it known? Do you chime in on the same threads hoping to get their attention? Do you send an email on the other side? Do you signal by perving their profile on the other side as a clue? Do you find out where they live and hop a plane to go stalk them? Do you find all of the posters here repulsive and not worth your time other than the obvious derision we're pretty good at?


I am much more likely to message someone from the forum that I find appealing then I am to do it for some random stranger. If I admire the person enough to email back and forth with them, it means I really appreciate their contributions here... and yes, there are a couple of hotties I have emailed with, and I desire their friendship if nothing else. But if there were to be a "date", they would have to make that move.


This is far different than phoning someone I am dating, emailing a stranger, etc. I am not very unlikely to do that, ever.




mstrjx -> RE: So what IS your approach> (7/25/2010 5:36:55 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Then there is the one man who I find intoxicating. His words, demeanor, manner, style, eloquence, power.. every single thing about him hits me like a ton of bricks everytime I see him post. [sm=hearts.gif]


Yeah, Domiguy does it for me too. Can't blame you there.

Jeff




mstrjx -> RE: So what IS your approach> (7/25/2010 5:43:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I am much more likely to message someone from the forum that I find appealing then I am to do it for some random stranger. If I admire the person enough to email back and forth with them, it means I really appreciate their contributions here... and yes, there are a couple of hotties I have emailed with, and I desire their friendship if nothing else. But if there were to be a "date", they would have to make that move.


This is far different than phoning someone I am dating, emailing a stranger, etc. I am not very unlikely to do that, ever.

I find what you say here making perfect sense. You have no trouble initiating for the sake of making friendships first, then seeing what happens. The regulars here have the privilege of getting an idea of who each other are which is why posting becomes relevant.

I must admit, though, that the vision I get while writing this reply is that if a huge group of us were to take over an internet cafe in some centralized location (Korea, probably, so sunny can be there), and we're all dressed in our jammies furiously typing away and nobody's talking.

Jeff




DarlingSavage -> RE: So what IS your approach> (7/25/2010 5:44:04 PM)

quote:

This thread is relative to the forums here. Assuming you are single and you see someone else within the forums that you think might be a good fit, how do you make it known? Or DO you make it known? Do you chime in on the same threads hoping to get their attention? Do you send an email on the other side? Do you signal by perving their profile on the other side as a clue? 


Within the forums?  I would email them outside the forum to let them know I thought they were attractive or whatever.  But I won't say anything directly to them in the forum. 

If I "perv" somebody's profile, it's not necessarily because I'm interested in them. 




DarlingSavage -> RE: So what IS your approach> (7/25/2010 5:45:58 PM)

quote:

Then there is the one man who I find intoxicating. His words, demeanor, manner, style, eloquence, power.. every single thing about him hits me like a ton of bricks everytime I see him post.


Shut up!  He's not allowed to do that to you!  He's only allowed to do that to me!  And I'm not into sharing!  So there!




mstrjx -> RE: So what IS your approach> (7/25/2010 5:51:34 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarlingSavage

quote:

This thread is relative to the forums here. Assuming you are single and you see someone else within the forums that you think might be a good fit, how do you make it known? Or DO you make it known? Do you chime in on the same threads hoping to get their attention? Do you send an email on the other side? Do you signal by perving their profile on the other side as a clue? 


Within the forums?  I would email them outside the forum to let them know I thought they were attractive or whatever.  But I won't say anything directly to them in the forum. 

If I "perv" somebody's profile, it's not necessarily because I'm interested in them. 


No, I'm sorry. I thought it was more clear. I meant confining interest to those who post here, and how you would (or would not) approach them with interest. For instance, the way I set up my search on the other side, I don't think there's a single person here who shows up my online list. So it's like it's THOSE people, and then us here. Two, two, two pools in one.

I suppose it COULD be within a thread, but even for as bold as I think I could be that wouldn't be my style at all.

Jeff




DesFIP -> RE: So what IS your approach> (7/25/2010 5:58:21 PM)

I view profiles not to perv people but because something they say makes me wonder about their age or location.  I figure that's why people view mine.

I've written guys to comment on a post they made so I don't hijack a thread. Sometimes it develops into a friendly exchange.

Since I'm taken, and don't want to put myself in a position where I might develop an inappropriate attachment I don't do this with guys my age and in my general vicinity. If I were looking however, I would write those first. And I'd focus on keeping those exchanges going.

If I developed a casual liking for someone appropriate, through casual banter both on and off the boards, I would be receptive to meeting him for lunch one day should he say he would be in my area and killing time. Someplace nonsexy like a Paneras or a local diner. Just to see if we liked talking as much in person as we did on the boards. And if that worked, I would enjoy a follow up call saying he really enjoyed the meet and could he take me to dinner some time.




BitaTruble -> RE: So what IS your approach> (7/25/2010 5:59:43 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx


quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Then there is the one man who I find intoxicating. His words, demeanor, manner, style, eloquence, power.. every single thing about him hits me like a ton of bricks everytime I see him post. [sm=hearts.gif]


Yeah, Domiguy does it for me too. Can't blame you there.

Jeff


Who?




BitaTruble -> RE: So what IS your approach> (7/25/2010 6:06:43 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarlingSavage

quote:

Then there is the one man who I find intoxicating. His words, demeanor, manner, style, eloquence, power.. every single thing about him hits me like a ton of bricks everytime I see him post.


Shut up!  He's not allowed to do that to you!  He's only allowed to do that to me!  And I'm not into sharing!  So there!



I was talking about my Master. [:D]




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