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Real life or... I am getting lazy - 7/28/2010 6:43:20 PM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
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I think I'm getting lazy and before you read this, I do realize I'm the Top/Dominant/Mistress, so in my mind, in most ways, its up to me to lead... to take charge of this...

but.. real life interferes... and we're getting lazy. My boy is the boy to my Lady, the Butch to my Femme and my girlfriend. Because we have all of this in our relationship, is easy to fall into the easy part of things.. the girlfriends.. the Butch and the Femme. We both crave the boy and the Lady -- we both try, and yet, we're always at cross purposes... our timing is forever off. We blame ourselves... never the other.. and we continue to try. Its about playtime, about all aspects of our D/s relationship. Because the D/s isn't 24/7 -- I can't make her and she can't make me... very specific example -- while I'll be moving in a matter of weeks, I'm still packing and such this week. Last night, before I went back to her place, I called and said.. "what time do you get home?.. and what do you have to do tonight at home?" After getting my answers, I said... "good, when you get home, do your stuff and then you're mine... " Needless to say, it didn't work out --- traffic made me 45 minutes later than I wanted. She got home a bit late, and then there were cat boxes to clean, some bills to take care of.. and in the end, the boy just wasn't there.

It happens the other way around too.. I've been working like a crazy woman.. as has she...

If we plan it, set aside time, it doesn't always happen or we both aren't there... so.. .at this point, planning isn't working, spontaneous isn't working.. me mandating isn't always going to work, though it can sometimes...

thoughts? ... what do you do? ... when the cat boxes need to be cleaned, the kitchen floor needs to be mopped... etc? We share a good deal of that, its still a partnership for us...

I am glad that we have the broad relationship to fall back on... and that we communicate openly and a lot about this.. and how we feel... I was infact prompted to write this tonight because she called me from work this evening and said.. "my collar was heavy today... " and I asked why.. and she said she felt the boy had failed me last night.. I reassured her that wasn't the case.. and that I understood.. I didn't want her to feel that way...

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RE: Real life or... I am getting lazy - 7/28/2010 7:15:20 PM

ProlificNeeds

Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
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Sounds like life is just being too hectic. Unfortunately the cat boxes can't be paused, nor work, nor many obligations despite your desperate need for even a single day 'off' together.
Maybe there might be unique ways to try and incorperate a little 'role' play to help spark Lady and boy while doing some of the mutual tasks together? As I'm not privy to your life's specifics and preferences it's hard to give any specific ideas. Though perhaps along the lines of turning the mundane household tasks you do together into tasks you dictate? (okay life dictates them but you can pretend!) It might give you a bit of 'toppish' time and your 'boy' might then have a sense of achievement? Cleaning cat boxes doesn't suck so bad if you get a pat on the head for it afterwards? Just a thought.
It's not ideal but even slipping in a few minutes of improvised exchange might help alleviate some of that weight or the sense of missing that part of your relationship.

Not quite relevant to your situation but, when one partner and I had difficulting finding time as well, I use to start sending his pager rediculously long messages in numeric code that he would have to decypher at break time or whenever he had free time. Usually by the time he figured them out he would be on his way home, which was fortunate as they were often very graphic in context. It was one way we could still have something unique even if it was small and not direct interaction. Sometimes you have to make due with the little things for awhile, simple games, teasers or good humor, until life gives you a break.

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RE: Real life or... I am getting lazy - 7/28/2010 8:55:09 PM

SthrnCom4t

Posts: 343
Joined: 9/9/2007
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Otter and I can relate to this challenge. We are both social, have passions, projects, work, etc. We talk about 'Saturday night', but then its so nice to just 'slow down and reconnect' that the power exchange doesn't necessarily make it to the dungeon. There's the 'connect time' and then there's the 'play time', right? I guess one thing I would say, and then I have to put it into practice myself, is maybe if you both work at 'getting in the mood' (as individuals) prior to seeing each other. Yes, it's great to spark that passion IN each other, but I'm thinking a little 'jump start' might help shift those priorities (like I'm betting you did at the beginning of the relationship?)

I have a book, "She's on Top." A bit of FemDom fiction, short stories.....but if I read a few chapters, I'm on my way up into Top mode, even before Otter has a chance to be cute and blush from something I've said.

I feel your frustration :)

More hours in a day! More days in a week! :Longer weekends!! Time to buy another Lotto ticket!!

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RE: Real life or... I am getting lazy - 7/28/2010 9:01:34 PM

LadyPact

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I'm sorry this is getting you down. Trust Me. I've been there.

You are in the process of packing to move and all that goes with that. It is a stressful, hectic, busy time. On top of that, you're both working your tails off. That's not being lazy, in My opinion. That is both of you making your way towards the goal. There really are only so many hours in the day and it sounds like you have an awful lot of them used up. The last thing you need right now is the additional pressure of either of you feeling like you're lazy or you are failing in some way.

It's life. From where I'm sitting, even with the time crunch, it sounds like it's going pretty good. When the additional workload is over due to the move, things will go back to normal and you can have the fun discussions that go with living together. (One hint. There really is a reason for the toilet paper to be hung over the roll instead of under. LOL.)

Give yourself a break and make sure your boy does the same thing. Neither of you are at fault for there only being 24 hours in a day.

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RE: Real life or... I am getting lazy - 7/29/2010 6:28:39 AM

Sylverdawn

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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Ive always found that there is a natural ebb and flow to my desire for *play*... and it all revolves around how much life desires to mess with my plans...whats that quote " Life is something that happens while your making other plans".. I realize thats a bit trite but true.. sometimes just being is enough..I also belong to a group that meets just to recharge Top Energy.. no subs allowed.. we meet quarterly and I find that helps as well.. its not being lazy its draining exhausting to do all the necessary things AND maintin a relationship.. AND maintain a D/s relationship...whew. its a wonder we get out of bed some days..

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RE: Real life or... I am getting lazy - 8/2/2010 6:37:58 PM

blmtrsne

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Joined: 6/29/2004
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I make a difference between play (we rarely do), and IRL. In IRL my slave does his best to relief me of the tasks that bother me: he frees up my time (bathroom cleaning, doing the beds, garbage, cooking...) so that I can enjoy myself (relaxing, reading, going to the film...). He serves me (getting a glass of wine f.i.), but we both know it will not always be with the same speed. People get sick, tired.... But when I order him around, he does what is needed. Slow when he's tired, most of the time fast.

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