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WyldHrt -> RE: what is sub frenzy? (7/30/2010 12:07:32 AM)
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quote:
Yes, there are some people out there who throw around "sub frenzy" as an excuse for poor behavior. But honestly, i most often see someone being blamed of "sub frenzy" when she is simply trying to find her way as a new submissive in this huge world of BDSM, experiencing new sensations and feelings and emotions that she is suddenly awash within - and i see her as deserving of empathy, and as much guidance as we can offer (and that she will accept) as possible - because she's not using it as an excuse, it is simply the current state of her experience, and she's trying to deal with it and get help with it.
For me, i've learned to deal with the feelings of sub frenzy through yoga, meditation, and sometimes simply just withdrawing from the situation - or even the world. i've learned to communicate honestly and effectively what's going on with me - and to be obedient and serve no matter what my feelings are. But these skills take time and discipline to learn. i didn't have them on day one.
So my thoughts: let's consider less judgment, and more empathy, around this phenomenon that we call "sub frenzy". We all know it happens. It's how we help others that matters.
I gotta go with Raven on this one.
What is funny to me is that some label sub frenzy as an 'excuse' for bad behavior. I find it funny because it seems that 9/10 times (or more), the person in frenzy is too new and inexperienced to even know that the term exists, let alone use it as some kind of 'excuse'. They only know what they feel and what they want, and attempting to pretend that sub frenzy doesn't exist at all is simply a way to invalidate those very legitimate feelings. Recognizing them and helping folks understand what is happening and that they should slow down would be much more productive, IMO.
Bita nailed it pretty much perfectly.
I will add something I wrote on another thread, as I think it bears on this discussion:
quote:
It can be really confusing for someone just discovering submission; it certainly was for me. For most s types, the goal is giving up control. Doing so often requires a bit of a mental shift, as most of us were raised to be in charge of our lives. When we make the decision to give that control to another for the first time, it can be a bit disorienting. Add to that the enormous amount of disinformation that most new folks on both sides of the kneel tend to run into when first exploring, and it's no wonder that internal compasses get confused.
My own compass, I'm quite sure, was pointing somewhere southeast when I met my first Dom here. It was a one time encounter that ended badly for me, physically. Was it sub frenzy? Perhaps, or it could have simply been that I was very new and didn't know any better.
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