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For all Dommes that are looking for love - 4/18/2006 10:12:22 AM

FLsubmalecd

Posts: 143
Status: offline

This thought just crossed my mind when I thought back to a very vanilla dating site I am a member of. That site is obviously vanilla, but there are a number of us in alternate lifestyles BTW.
Like this great site, it is totally free and has many forums as well. (plentyoffish.com) Hope that's allowed.
Anyway, on that site most women suggested to a guy that he do the contacting as the majority of women will not. Same ole thing, the men do the chasing I guess. Is it true with Dommes as well?
I was wondering, as a Domme, do You contact sub males that might have caught Your eye and interested You? Or do You feel it is up to us sub males to partition You?

I am talking mainly for a loving D/s partnership as opposed to just a play partner. How many of You are looking for the same thing as I am? That is a long term monogamous D/s relationship (unless play toghether is agreed) Or to put it another way, not wanting to "just" add to Your stable if boys or subs. No offense to those that do have or want more then one sub, but the dynamics are so different then what I seek and may skew the answer of the majority. I respect Your choices in regard to multi subs..honestly. But if You don't mind, I am more interested in hearing from Dommes that seek that ONE love bond in a D/s relationship.

_____________________________

"Don't make someone a priority in your life, When you're only an option in theirs"

Post #: 1

RE: For all Dommes that are looking for love - 4/18/2006 10:30:10 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

I think anything you want you need to make a plan, do the research and prep work and go after....no matter if it is a great job, the perfect house, or the love of your life. I personally dont chase per say because I only see folks from my island as a hard limit, but if I was open to the whole world as my pool and there was not alot of offers coming in then I would absolutely be researching, contacting and evaluating. Its supply and demand, if my mail box was empty, the need inside me would force me to initialize contact.

If you are asking should you be the persuer? Yes absolutely, you will increase your chances 100 fold, because it is very very rare that I go have a peek at a submissives profile these days.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to FLsubmalecd)

Post #: 2

RE: For all Dommes that are looking for love - 4/18/2006 11:22:23 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

FL,
I obviously cannot speak for anyone else but for myself, if I see someone (granted I am only interested in a woman ) that interests me I have no problem saying hello and expressing an interest in getting to know them. However....I just looooooove when they contact me first!

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 3

RE: For all Dommes that are looking for love - 4/18/2006 11:37:25 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I'm personally not looking for love but (in the future) will be looking to expand my household.

When I see someone who seems to meet my superficial criteria I always send a note; heck I send notes just to say "sweet picture" or "nice write-up" cause I think its friendly and encouraging.

I have no problem and feel flattered when I'm contacted; I'm rarely impressed though because in general it is clear that my profile has not been read at all.

I think it is very good form to say on your profile that you are looking for monogamy and romance and love -- its upfront and honest.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to FLsubmalecd)

Post #: 4

RE: For all Dommes that are looking for love - 4/18/2006 12:02:24 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

I have said before that when I have an active profile in the "seeking" mode, I am making Myself available for pursuit. I prefer not to make assumptions based on a profile, and then drop the boy. I also would require relocation or local. Since I have spoken with many boys who claim they will relocate, but then realize that it isn't practical, or they can do it in three more years, I hate to presume.
I did write to someone who put Me on his favorite's list, and his profile looked pretty good on the surface. He responded well, so I asked a few questions. He then immediately launched into a description of his very sexual relationship with his ex-Mistress (Not live-in, btw) and professed his excellence at oral as well as his ability to take My strap-on.
On the other hand, I got an email (one-liner) a few days ago from a boy who also has an excellent profile. However, the email specifically stated that he had read My profile and felt we had things in common. Please feel free to flip to My profile right now. I asked him to tell Me what it is that he found in My profile that he felt we had in common. It took him 4 days to respond, but I did have the response this morning. Another one-liner stating the same...he could tell from My profile that I was looking for service and he wanted to provide that.
*Sigh* It seems I am damned if I do, and damned if I don't.
So I seldom begin a correspondence, and I have found that a profile doesn't really mean too much. I don't browse them, and I look at most every profile from which I receive mail.
I really wish there were more boys on the message boards. It is a suggestion I often make and the reaction is usually that there is little time and less interest. Or I never hear from them again.
Maybe I am missing the boy of My dreams, but since I am not looking at the moment, it is My loss. And even when I renew the search, it will still be My loss.
I still choose not to inititate the contact.

**Edited to add: I am not looking for same thing you are, so maybe I shouldn't have participated, but it is just another opinion.

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 4/18/2006 12:05:34 PM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to FLsubmalecd)

Post #: 5

RE: For all Dommes that are looking for love - 4/18/2006 12:10:51 PM

EarthGoddess52

Posts: 70
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline

I definitely pursue and contact people on Collarme. I also get contacted by people here. I usually am intrigued by a screen name, look up a profile and go from there. If there is mutual interest or some sort of "chemistry", the relationship evolves. I don't BEG. If there is not reciprocation, it dies. I've been stood up. There have been times when online and phone contact seem promising, but the in-person meeting doesn't go well. It's all part of life, D/s or otherwise.
I DO try to answer all initial correspondence. One never knows. Some people don't express themselves well in writing, so a phone call and/or meeting may reveal that "ideal" partner. I've met a lot of people in my Quest. IT mostly helps me decide what I DON'T want while narrowing down what I DO want..
I think it's unrealistic to expect one person to satisfy all of your needs. you may agree to be monogamous sexually (maybe not), but it puts a lot of pressure, expectation on the other person to want them to share all of your interests or to give up the interests that you don't share in favor of only the mutual ones. This was how my marriage was. At first it was my desire to forego those interests, but I ended up resenting it. I won't do that again. If I decide to get into a 24/7 monogamous relationship with someone, they will have to understand that and give me that space, just as I will give them space to pursue interests. I think that's healthy and it gives you something to talk about when you DO get back together. You should be secure enough in the relationship to not feel threatened by outside interests.
Years ago when I first started in this lifestyle, most submissives I met were not looking for a romantic relationship. They wanted to play only. It seems now that things have changed and more and more are looking for monogamous relationships and/or marriage.

(in reply to FLsubmalecd)

Post #: 6

RE: For all Dommes that are looking for love - 4/18/2006 1:03:07 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I'm open to both methods of contacting; I've contacted and I've been contacted. However, I'm more comfortable being chased, but that's merely do to my lack of social skills in the area. I was married the first time at 18. I never really learned how to do the whole dating thing and it can still make me uncomfortable. I picked jason up at a party...the first time I've EVER done that...and I only did that because he impressed the hell out of me and I felt a deep connection.

As for your other comments about mono/poly...some of us, like myself, find it offensive for it to be suggested that our partners are "just another addition to the stable". This is not how it is for a lot of us who are in poly relationships. anne and jason are both VERY special to me. Each is unique and each has an important place, just like each of your bio family members are special and have a place. Neither of my slaves are just another slave to have around. I understand that you are looking for a mono relationship. That's fantastic! But please, be open-minded about other alternatives other than your own.

Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to FLsubmalecd)

Post #: 7

RE: For all Dommes that are looking for love - 4/18/2006 1:24:57 PM

FLsubmalecd

Posts: 143
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

I'm open to both methods of contacting; I've contacted and I've been contacted. However, I'm more comfortable being chased, but that's merely do to my lack of social skills in the area. I was married the first time at 18. I never really learned how to do the whole dating thing and it can still make me uncomfortable. I picked jason up at a party...the first time I've EVER done that...and I only did that because he impressed the hell out of me and I felt a deep connection.

As for your other comments about mono/poly...some of us, like myself, find it offensive for it to be suggested that our partners are "just another addition to the stable". This is not how it is for a lot of us who are in poly relationships. anne and jason are both VERY special to me. Each is unique and each has an important place, just like each of your bio family members are special and have a place. Neither of my slaves are just another slave to have around. I understand that you are looking for a mono relationship. That's fantastic! But please, be open-minded about other alternatives other than your own.

Fire

Dear Ms Fire,

Please forgive me if my statement sounded like a put down to Your choice of having more then one sub or slave. I can asure you Ma'am, it was not intended that way. Now I do feel bad for You taking it that way. I just never gave thought that the term "stable" would be offensive to those that are poly or have more then one sub. I'm very sorry. True, it is not for me, but I respect anyone's choice to have a poly relationship. No tthat it matters, but I think I could be involved in a poly with mt Domme IF the other sub(s) was female. But to have to share her with a male would never work for me.
Again, I did not mean any offense with the term stable. I guess I read to much of the nonsense on FemDomme on the net and see that term to much.
Thank You for correcting me Ma'am.

_____________________________

"Don't make someone a priority in your life, When you're only an option in theirs"

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 8

RE: For all Dommes that are looking for love - 4/18/2006 4:51:44 PM

MochaMistress

Posts: 275
Joined: 1/8/2006
Status: offline

I will initiate contact with someone who's profile catches my eye. But I am also contacted by others. I dont leave all the pursuing up to the submissive.

(in reply to FLsubmalecd)

Post #: 9

RE: For all Dommes that are looking for love - 4/18/2006 5:42:21 PM

MistressLorelei

Posts: 997
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

I have not spent much time surfing the profiles, but in the past, if I noticed someone who seemed unique and had a lot to say that sounded like a potential match, I have sent out an e-mail or two.

I think that if someone appears to be what you are seeking, it certainly cannot hurt to make contact. What have you got to lose? Personally, the submissives who I have ended up meeting have initiated contact with Me, and I am happy they did so or I might never have noticed them. My desire is to have one submissive who will become part of My soul... The love shared between us may not be the 'norm' for society... but it will be be a beautiful bond that can only happen if at least one person takes the first step.

Flsubmalecd, I have noticed through some of your posts that you seem to be making efforts to 'perfect' your profile and your communications with those whom you contact. I think it's wonderful that you are taking these steps seriously and making the effort. While many times one of us might have a certain preference in these areas, and someone else another, there are many consistencies which seem to exist in what we do like.... and one of those is effort. Good luck to you.

(in reply to FLsubmalecd)

Post #: 10

RE: For all Dommes that are looking for love - 4/18/2006 5:52:29 PM

Proprietrix

Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FLsubmalecd
But if You don't mind, I am more interested in hearing from Dommes that seek that ONE love bond in a D/s relationship.

If you decide you want other opinions as well, let us know.

(in reply to FLsubmalecd)

Post #: 11

RE: For all Dommes that are looking for love - 4/19/2006 1:21:34 AM

LoneGoddess

Posts: 73
Joined: 1/1/2005
From: Moscow, Idaho
Status: offline

I am still a woman, I still desire to be pursued. A man still needs to woo, and I still need to be wooed... most of the time. Only a very sterling profile (meeting my criteria at the very least 95%), with a photo will ever catch my attention enough for me to email him or add him to my admired list. My preferred method of letting a man know I was looking at him. If he doesn't take the bait within a week, he's off the list. He has had his chance to "pursue" me... and he'd best make that first email count.

~LG

_____________________________

~*~
"Unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it's a waste of your time.
There are too many mediocre things in life, love shouldn't be one of them."~DfaI

(in reply to Proprietrix)

Post #: 12

RE: For all Dommes that are looking for love - 4/19/2006 6:19:09 AM

TeeGO

Posts: 451
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoneGoddess
Only a very sterling profile (meeting my criteria at the very least 95%), with a photo will ever catch my attention enough for me to email him or add him to my admired list. My preferred method of letting a man know I was looking at him. If he doesn't take the bait within a week, he's off the list. He has had his chance to "pursue" me... and he'd best make that first email count.

~LG

I have to be honest, when somebody is on my "admires" list I do not initiate contact. Many people have many different reasons being on there and my thinking is I'm respecting that. Of course if somebody popped on there that was interesting and living in the Chicagoland area...well I'm no fool either.

(in reply to LoneGoddess)

Post #: 13

RE: For all Dommes that are looking for love - 4/19/2006 12:30:29 PM

FLsubmalecd

Posts: 143
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TeeGO

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoneGoddess
Only a very sterling profile (meeting my criteria at the very least 95%), with a photo will ever catch my attention enough for me to email him or add him to my admired list. My preferred method of letting a man know I was looking at him. If he doesn't take the bait within a week, he's off the list. He has had his chance to "pursue" me... and he'd best make that first email count.

~LG

I have to be honest, when somebody is on my "admires" list I do not initiate contact. Many people have many different reasons being on there and my thinking is I'm respecting that. Of course if somebody popped on there that was interesting and living in the Chicagoland area...well I'm no fool either.

Thank You Ms TeeGo.
I didn't even know there was such a thing as an admirers list. lol I have not been here long enough to have seen all the features of this great site. So when I found it, I saw that no one was on it. I wonder if many Dommes use that feature to indicate an interest in a sub without having to write to him first?
I have just comletely re-written my profile to try to give a clear picture of who and what I am. I sure hope it is not to long. I tend to get wordy at times.
Perhaps some of You will help me out by looking at it and giving Your opinions on it's content and length. I'd really appreciate it. I am new at this trying to find a Domme, the right Domme, the one and only Domme to love and serve.
In the past they have always found me or we discovered each other by accident.

_____________________________

"Don't make someone a priority in your life, When you're only an option in theirs"

(in reply to TeeGO)

Post #: 14

RE: For all Dommes that are looking for love - 4/19/2006 12:40:15 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

In the majority of my relationships with men I was the pursuer. I take an interest in someone and generally make the first move. I've been the first to ask a guy out, initiate the first intimacy and domination, etc. I also like to flirt though and am aggressive by nature, so men that are afraid to make the first move get relieved of that pressure.

However, that doesn't mean that a man doesn't have to do anything. He has to make himself noticable, available, and show initiative to pick up on my cues.

In the femdom/malesub arena I've been on both ends of the pursuing. It greatly helps a sub to show some initiative and proactive courting in order to stand out from the masses. It also makes sense to network or have some visibility by posting on forums like this or being involved in groups -- otherwise, femdoms really won't ever see you. Just having a profile isn't enough.
Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to FLsubmalecd)

Post #: 15

RE: For all Dommes that are looking for love - 4/19/2006 2:36:03 PM

MistressLorelei

Posts: 997
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FLsubmalecd

Thank You Ms TeeGo.

Had to laugh at this one... I couldn't help Myself. This may be all that is needed to ensure that 'Ms Teego' keeps his photo posted from now on.

(in reply to FLsubmalecd)

Post #: 16

RE: For all Dommes that are looking for love - 4/19/2006 3:50:16 PM

TeeGO

Posts: 451
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressLorelei

quote:

ORIGINAL: FLsubmalecd

Thank You Ms TeeGo.

Had to laugh at this one... I couldn't help Myself. This may be all that is needed to ensure that 'Ms Teego' keeps his photo posted from now on.

It's not often...actually, I don't believe I've EVER....um before that is, been mistaken for a woman. I know FLsubmalecd himself can't say the same thing. Although I saw the pic and he's one ugly she. Thanks buddy. Thank god LdSocrates doesn't frequent the forum.

Lesson learned Ma’am.

(in reply to MistressLorelei)

Post #: 17

RE: For all Dommes that are looking for love - 4/19/2006 5:24:11 PM

MysticFireTopaz

Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline

I am ultimately looking for a long-term, committed, loving D/s relationship, but am taking some time off right now to regroup.

Generally, I only respond to a profile when it "speaks to Me" in some way. Unfortunately, most subs on Collarme have such sketchy information in their profiles that this rarely happens, LOL. So most of the time sub males end up initiating the contact rather than Me.

Lady Topaz

(in reply to FLsubmalecd)

Post #: 18

RE: For all Dommes that are looking for love - 4/20/2006 2:33:14 AM

MsBlackheart

Posts: 54
Joined: 7/27/2005
From: Memphis TN
Status: offline

The numbers make it pretty easy for us, no doubt. I do get tired of the word "picky", it sounds like a child pushing green beans around her plate. It's knowing what I want and finding someone who wants the same thing, which in my case was a romantic relationship within a D/s context. It was just as hard for me during the nine months of searching before I met the boy I have under consideration now as it was for any of the male subs who were searching during that time. The first thing I'm looking for is to be considered a man's type or just generally very attractive to him, and that limits the possibilities a great deal. If he sees me and is compelled to contact me, then I know that's assured. I want to get to know him and see if we click after that first contact.

It's much easier to find play partners, obviously, but for those of us wanting the whole package, holding out for the right person is worth the wait. Cream rises to the top, and eventually someone is going to butter your bread. :)

_____________________________

"Reality kicks Fantasy's ass every time" -Me

(in reply to FLsubmalecd)

Post #: 19

RE: For all Dommes that are looking for love - 4/20/2006 5:32:58 AM

FLsubmalecd

Posts: 143
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TeeGO

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressLorelei

quote:

ORIGINAL: FLsubmalecd

Thank You Ms TeeGo.

Had to laugh at this one... I couldn't help Myself. This may be all that is needed to ensure that 'Ms Teego' keeps his photo posted from now on.

It's not often...actually, I don't believe I've EVER....um before that is, been mistaken for a woman. I know FLsubmalecd himself can't say the same thing. Although I saw the pic and he's one ugly she. Thanks buddy. Thank god LdSocrates doesn't frequent the forum.

Lesson learned Ma’am.

TEEGO,

Funny how a person can make an honest mistake since your name is rather gender nuetral and you take offense because of it. If you were not so rude as to comment on my picture I would have appoligized. How nice of you to call anyone ugly. I read your profile and see that you just proved one stastement to be false. And I quote your profile:
I love people and have always been a people-pleaser. I look for the best in everyone. (Although I do have little tolerance for rudeness and disrespect. I can be an SOB when faced with those.)
Whatever happened to the saying that if you hae nothng nice to say,say nothing at all.
You are intolerant and very rude. I suggest you edit your profile and tell the truth. And while you are at it, post a picture so we all can see how ugly you might be.

Takes all kinds. sheesh!

_____________________________

"Don't make someone a priority in your life, When you're only an option in theirs"

(in reply to TeeGO)

Post #: 20

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