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RE: Do you feel guilty and ashamed of your submissive f... - 8/1/2010 7:13:31 AM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		~FR~
I don't feel at all guilty about being submissive. I felt kind of weird about it at first, but not guilty. Then, when I accepted that I am & that I'm not alone in being submissive, they had to be some of the most freeing, most validating things that have ever happened to me. And I'm not at all a failure in life, I have a job where I supervise other people. I am submissive to Him but not to other people. So I'm not sure what being submissive would have to do with failure.

~sweetsub~

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Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to UniqueRaven)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Do you feel guilty and ashamed of your submissive f... - 8/1/2010 11:55:03 AM   
atursvcMaam


Posts: 1195
Joined: 5/10/2004
Status: offline 		   Be pleased with yourself (quietly, of course) that you have the strength to give yourself to the one you care about.  Derive strength from the peace, comfort and pleasure that you can bring your dominant.
  early in my admission to myself and the world that i was indeed a submissive spirit, i had a fledgeling Dom make some disparaging comments as to what a wooss i was. 
   he quieted down when, later on tin the evening i caught him away from the group, put my arm firmly over his shoulder and whispered, "i let Her win."  He never said any more.

_____________________________

live hard, die young and leave a good looking corpse when you die.
Love ya, but, when the zombies start chasing us, i am tripping you.
The glass is always full, the question is, "with what?"

(in reply to HopelesslySub)
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RE: Do you feel guilty and ashamed of your submissive f... - 8/1/2010 5:11:42 PM   
texangael


Posts: 167
Joined: 12/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

I'm like a self-destructive drug addict.
Unlikely, unless destroying a mythos of masculinity equates to destroying self.

You are as you are.


_____________________________

"Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no Try."
Corny movie cliche that just happens to be true.

(in reply to HopelesslySub)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Do you feel guilty and ashamed of your submissive f... - 8/2/2010 6:09:33 AM   
NymphetamineGirl


Posts: 55
Joined: 11/29/2009
Status: offline 		Here is a quote from "A Different Loving" by Gloria Brame, William Brame, and Jon Jacobs.  (I bolded some relevant text).

Sexuality theorists traditionally have held that men are more likely than women to have sadistic sexual fantasies, that fetishism is a uniquely masculine phenomenon, and that women are more likely than men to have masochistic fantasies.  No evidence, anecdotal or otherwise, supports these conjectures.  Indeed, submissive men are the single largest component of D&S communities, and widespread male interest in sexual submission is an observable phenomenon.

Why did I in fact recieve far more fantasies from men that express masochistic desires than the other way around?  The ratio was four to one.--Nancy Friday
 
As a group men are certainly more visible than women in the D&S subcultures.  This, however, is in keeping with the overall social phenomenon that men more readily, confidently, and aggresivley pursue sexual encouners than do women.  Among out interviewees, the numbers of men and women who prefer the dominant role was roughly equal.  The majority of all interviewees enjoy both dominant and submissive roles.

(in reply to HopelesslySub)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Do you feel guilty and ashamed of your submissive f... - 8/2/2010 9:20:05 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I have never felt guilty or ashamed , i was born a submissive so why should i be ashmed of who i am. I do freely admit i was confused for a while not understanding these feelings the need inside to make others happy and not unserstanding why others don't feel the same way. Confused yes ashamed or guilty no.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to NymphetamineGirl)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Do you feel guilty and ashamed of your submissive f... - 8/2/2010 11:32:18 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Sometimes I think people think far too much about something, that they project, analyze and box themselves in, often putting themselves in a situation where they become afraid or obsessed with what they are thinking about. It's time for a little less thought and get right into some action. At younger ages you are trying to figure it all out and sometimes you can't figure it all out without some information/experience to work with, other than what is inside your head.

Go with what you feel at the moment, stop thinking about it so much and go out and do some of it and see where you find yourself then. This doesn't mean to not think about what you are doing... that would be stupid. Just don't think so much because it will hinder you. Be safe... but go play.


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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Do you feel guilty and ashamed of your submissive f... - 8/2/2010 2:11:24 PM   
trueshadow


Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline 		I think this is more of a problem for sub/slave men.  In this society, women can be submissive; in fact, it's encouraged.  But men are supposed to be dominant, running the house, the business, disciplining the kids, competing in sports, and so on.  For a man to want to strip naked and kneel at a Doms/Dommes feet, liking his or her boots, desiring nothing in life more than to be totally and completely dominated by another, to allow them to physically and mentally take control of them, is alien to the norms of the culture. 

It was very difficult for me to express my desires to others, and then only during sex, by asking them to spank me and torture my nipples, genitals and take a belt to me. 

However, as I've gotten older, and associated more and more with people of my kind, I've found acceptance as a slave.  And there are men and women who live to dominate others; have a ready, willing and able slave at their disposal delights them. 

The best thing to do to deal with these feelings is to associate with others who share the same desires.  With a lot of luck, you may just find someone who will not only accept you as you are, but look for people such as yourself, so they can complete themselves.

(in reply to UniqueRaven)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Do you feel guilty and ashamed of your submissive f... - 8/3/2010 2:16:47 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HopelesslySub

I am a guy in his 20s who likes the idea of submitting to women. But recently I have started feeling very ashamed and guilty about it. It has taken over my life and I feel set me up for failure. Nature works by the victory of the dominant and the failure and death of the weak. But I feel the way I feel about women since I was literally born! It sometimes feels like a disability to me. But it's sweet at the same time and I keep going back to it. I'm like a self-destructive drug addict.


to say a bit more about this:

it can feel like a disability and it can be difficult to not be incharge and get your 'fix' without losing your standing in this society where everybody is supposed to be able to take care of themselves and be in charge of their lifes and that
and it is a pity if feelings of shame and guilt hamper your happiness

for me it took a long time to be ok with my feelings of shame and guilt, i am ambivalent about these feelings... i like them as much as i am confused about them.
I am a strong person and i can take care of myself, at the same time i feel ashamed about some of my desires and needs... and guilty about some of my thoughts aswell

i might seem hard on the outside, but i am soft in the middle

(in reply to HopelesslySub)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Do you feel guilty and ashamed of your submissive f... - 8/3/2010 3:38:04 AM   
phoenixmoonn13


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline 		when i was growing up i was always the girl tied up at school but the boys who were cowboy chasing Indians and various other similar games. when i discovered masturbation i used to do what i thought was weird things like get into really uncomfortable positions so it hurt i thought i was strange and weird and thought i was the only one. i ended up hair pulling as well which i found i stopped when i met my first master i did it for sensations and because i thought there was something very wrong with me. i married a vanilla man who in hindsight was probably a sub to and when i look back we both tired to submit to each other just didn't know what we were doing. i ended up divorcing as our marriage was destructive and left me thinking i was even more worthless and weird. then i found second life the online game and it was a eureka moment i started to read up on what i saw there i met a wonderful man whom became my online and started to be my rl master. then he had big crisis and had to stop. i tired vanilla again thinking i may still be weird and strange but the light bulb was light and i found my master i am now living with and at 50 i am no not ashamed or think myself wierd. i am just glad you have found out who you are at a youger age so dont worry about what you feel i think it is normal to go through it. i am stronger as a person now than i ever was.

so i sont think it strange you are feelign this just give it time

sorry all the spell checker gave up and my dyslexia is not letting me spell check manually well

(in reply to ranja)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Do you feel guilty and ashamed of your submissive f... - 8/3/2010 8:55:34 PM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline 		Ashamed, yes. But also kind of proud.

pam

(in reply to HopelesslySub)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Do you feel guilty and ashamed of your submissive f... - 8/4/2010 2:44:42 AM   
pains


Posts: 17
Joined: 5/23/2008
Status: offline 		I agree with a lot of the other comments...being submissive does not equate to being weak or indeed being a failure, in fact I would say it's the complete opposite.

I do not feel any guilt about being submissive although have had the odd battle with my inner demons about being a masochist..because I wanted an explanation of why I like and want to be hurt. I do believe sometimes there are no definite answers and in time acceptance of why we are like we are is almost like a weight off the shoulders.

You cant fight against your basic nature so it is best to embrace it and enjoy!

p

(in reply to HopelesslySub)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Do you feel guilty and ashamed of your submissive f... - 8/6/2010 2:41:16 PM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline 		Been where you are...
At some point you need to maybe just accept yourself for who you..are.
Shame and guilt don`t belong in a relationship...
Be you....be free
Good luck

(in reply to HopelesslySub)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Do you feel guilty and ashamed of your submissive f... - 8/7/2010 10:59:15 AM   
81song


Posts: 293
Joined: 1/22/2005
Status: offline 		No I do not feel ashamed nor guilt and there is some very good reading about all this on the net and in books. To be a sub it takes a very strong person to give that gift and one has to feel this in R/T and come out the other end. But the feeling of guilt is sometime we all have because of the way we were bought up and what we have been taught. I think in D/s all this comes out of course and maybe or maybe not gets worked out.

(in reply to UniqueRaven)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Do you feel guilty and ashamed of your submissive f... - 8/7/2010 11:29:52 PM   
OneMoreWaste


Posts: 910
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HopelesslySub
I'm like a self-destructive drug addict.


Yup. There are a lot of other guys who can relate. Just remember:

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
I've known many CEOs in my life. The majority of them were married to women who were the heads of households. Nobody wants to work 12 hours a day and then go home and do the same thing for free. In this case, decision making.
(snip)
So yes, submissive to women but successful in their field can very well be the norm.


As long as you can fake Dominance to the rest of the world, you can be successful in life, and then you won't have anything to be ashamed of!


_____________________________

-and the few still remember passion over rage-

(in reply to HopelesslySub)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Do you feel guilty and ashamed of your submissive f... - 8/22/2010 4:50:31 PM   
subanthony2010


Posts: 36
Joined: 6/16/2010
Status: offline 		Why would you feel guilty?  Is it because of religion or society beliefs?  I think if you feeling ashamed has taken over your life then your right you have set yourself up to fail with Dominant Woman.  It seems like your saying you were born submissive to Women, and if this is the case then this is who you are.  No matter how ashamed you are, you will always be pulled back to this lifestyle.  The more you deny it, or push it away, or try to be "normal" the stronger it will grow inside of you until you find yourself doing all kinds of deviant acts in the darkness of night.  You can't deny yourself, so don't be ashamed, rather accept it, love it, embrace it and go for it, then you will know true happiness.

(in reply to HopelesslySub)
Profile   Post #: 35
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