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Proprietrix -> RE: New Subbie - Help Please (4/18/2006 1:11:08 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OhioSissyBoi
It seems that most of the Dommes that I have tried to contact are either hardened by the many fakes out there, just wants paid, or just dont respond. Knowing that I am for real and need this in my life (I genuinelly feel that I NEED to serve), how do I go about finding a good Domme.
Here's a list of *my opinions* and things *I* personally look for as a Domme.
It's not so much that we're "hardened", but we do have to take certain measures to help us in sorting out who is who. You can help us make that sorting easier by offering information, learning, learning, and more learning. (Learning takes time, no rush needed.)
Offer as much information as possible in your profile. A lot of us aren't looking for a list of your kinks and fetishes. I'm not saying don't list them, but put an equal amount of time into what you can offer a Lady as her slave. Chances are, most of us have plenty of offers for sex, dressing people up, and playing in the dungeon. What can you offer above and beyond those things?
Tell about your vanilla interests as well. You'll hear a lot of women on these forums talk about how BDSM is only one aspect of their life. We want submissives we can communicate with, have fun with, relax with, be ourselves with, sometimes even whine and cry with.
Be honest!!!! The quickest way to get the door slammed in your face is to lie. If you're married, say so. If you're only looking for weekend thrills, say so. If you *must* have a Mistress who will play certain things, say so. Put yourself forth in the most honest manner possible so that everything's out on the table and everyone knows what they're getting into.
Don't hide behind the computer. If a Domme wants to (at a comfortable pace for both of you) start moving in a direction of trading emails, then making phonecalls, then meeting for coffee, either take her up on the offer, or at least be forthright and tell her you're scared. Don't limit yourself to having a relationship from behind your desk. Being from Ohio myself, I know there are plenty of real time groups available. You might have to drive a few hours to find the one that's right for you, but it's worth the trip each month once you start meeting people face-to-face. Ohio also offers some annual events (usually in Cols). And does have at least one dungeons (right near you).
I personally like a submissive here on this site to fill out interest lists, keep their journal going, keep adding and refining their profile as they learn more, and post on the forums. You're new, so you'll have tons of questions. Keep asking, and we'll keep answering.
Don't try to rush in. You wouldn't just run up to a girl and the street and ask her to marry you. Neither is it feasible to think you'll be a full time live in slave next month.
Try not to disrespect those different from yourself. Yes, there are people out there who are concentrated on money or sex. They are not wrong. You are not wrong. There is a HUGE variety of people here who seek diverse things.
Don't take non-response as an insult. Just make sure that your emails are offering honesty and something to go on. If you say "Hi." to a stranger on the bus. They'll probably say "hi" back, but unless you actually engage them in a conversation, it was just a hello in passing.
READ the Ladies' profiles!!!!!! (I can't stress this enough.) Our profiles often tell what we are looking for, how to go about contacting us, what we are *not* looking for, how we expect to be treated, and much more. Writing to a Lady without reading her profile, is kind of like offering someone shrimp when they're wearing a shirt that says "I'm allergic to seafood."
And, um... did I mention learn, learn, learn. :)
Good luck kiddo. You're on the very beginning of a long path to a wonderful place.
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