RE: building relationship with a Domme

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: building relationship with a Domme

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: building relationship with a Domme

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: building relationship with a Domme - 8/3/2010 3:39:46 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mcgrupp

thanks for the advice everybody. Do you think I should wait a certain amount of time before asking if she takes on subs from her clientele or is it ok to ask now? Again, I don't want to offend her in anyway.

In case she wants you as a personal sub, she WILL let you know, don't push her, after you have seen her a few times, you can carefully ask if she might want to meet outside for a coffee or a meal, or if she lets slip that she's interested in something (theater, concerts, etc.) you could ask if you might take her there, but let her lead, you don't want to come over like a client who is trying to push himself on her and her private life. As a pro you do have a hell lot of problems with guys who have a tendency to stalk, so you don't really want to give her the wrong impression.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to mcgrupp)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: building relationship with a Domme - 8/4/2010 1:49:10 AM

SirGuy68

Posts: 96
Joined: 7/19/2009
Status: offline

You must separate reality from fantasy. You need to recognize that if she is a good pro domme, she is just doing her job and not interested. Rather the inverse of my life you have.. you sessioned with a pro and now you want to get to know her to see if there is something more. In two past relations I was involved with women who were pro dommes, performers who I met on a vanilla level.

Be Well
Sir Guy

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: building relationship with a Domme - 8/4/2010 3:38:15 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirGuy68

You must separate reality from fantasy. You need to recognize that if she is a good pro domme, she is just doing her job and not interested. Rather the inverse of my life you have.. you sessioned with a pro and now you want to get to know her to see if there is something more. In two past relations I was involved with women who were pro dommes, performers who I met on a vanilla level.

Be Well
Sir Guy

So you were involved with 2 women who were pro dommes and that makes you an expert on what every pro domme thinks and feels... Actually might be more typical for the women you attract than for all the women who are pros?

I was one for a while, simply because this way I could learn from the best and because my partner wasn't a masochist, sometimes sadists fall in love with vanilla guys and have enough scruples to not force them to do what goes against their grain. Being pro was an excellent way of living out my sadism, the pro part gave automatic boundaries that are a bit harder to keep if you're life-style. I thoroughly enjoyed it, so did most of the pros I met, because it's not a get rich scheme and it requires a lot of dedication and effort, the few who were just performing and not into it, they didn't last long because it's too much of a strain and the money simply isn't good enough - the prices for outfits and proper tools are amazing, you have to have a fetish and I made more money in my vanilla job, what I made domming went straight back into equipment. And oddly enough, I did meet quite a few people through the professional environment that became friends and private play partners, because they understood that there always will be my personal boundaries, i.e. that I wouldn't have sex with them.

What I found was that a lot of women who were pro dommes also practiced BDSM in their private life, quite a few of them were switches in their private lives, which by no means made them less good dommes. If you are willing to spend a couple of K on equipment and outfits, chances are that you aren't just going to pretend you are into it, a halfway decent leather whip is a few hundred, a good quality leather corset is a few hundred, don't get me started on decent quality leather boots, dresses, tops, etc... Most guys who come to see you also want the visuals - and since they are paying they have every right to expect a wardrobe - they aren't satisfied with whips that are novelty toys or clothes from the biker's bargain bin...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to SirGuy68)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: building relationship with a Domme - 8/4/2010 5:55:00 PM

Steponme73

Posts: 552
Joined: 11/9/2007
Status: offline

Just remember that she is a Pro. She pays her bills and earns her living by being the top. That is her job. Don't take it any further. Like others have said, look around, their are lots of fish, and plenty of sharks in the water.

(in reply to KurtAllen)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: building relationship with a Domme - 8/4/2010 6:29:56 PM

maxthq

Posts: 9
Joined: 7/24/2010
Status: offline

Oh yeah, good luck with this buddy. She is only interested in you as a client and so as long as the money is good, she will continue seeing you. Otherwise, you are going nowhere quickly and will only end up losing your professional relationship with her if you push for more. Don't you think she most likely gets that reaction from a LOT of submissives she professionally has sessions with on a regular basis?

(in reply to Steponme73)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: building relationship with a Domme - 8/4/2010 7:47:41 PM

hereyesruponyou

Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline

You said that she mentioned she likes to get to know people through lunches dinners etc, so maybe she is open to having a more personal relationship with her customers, but that doesn't necessarily mean a relationship. Many professionals in all fields make surface friendships with their clients and often meet for a meal, or to play golf, etc... but they don't date them. You might want to think about the difference.

I'd also want to reiterate that being in a relationship with someone in the business may mean that she has days when at the end of the day when she comes home, she's had enough of this for a while. Can you handle that? Can you handle that you might be in the mood for an evening together, but she has a client to meet? Are you the type who can enjoy hearing about your partner's experiences with others, or will that bring out the green in you? Just some things to think about.

Good luck

_____________________________

Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be

(in reply to maxthq)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: building relationship with a Domme - 8/5/2010 9:05:27 PM

SirGuy68

Posts: 96
Joined: 7/19/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

So you were involved with 2 women who were pro dommes and that makes you an expert on what every pro domme thinks and feels... Actually might be more typical for the women you attract than for all the women who are pros?

I did not say that I was an expert at anything. MCGRUPP said "I just recently had a first session with a pro switch" and went on to ask about how to start a relationships with a women he met first from a PRO Domme/ client position. Also in this thread a few wise men added comments about first time players and leant to the idea of falling in love with the first girl you play with. All good points. I added that MCGRUPP must separate fantasy from reality. That is based on my school of life knowledge of working on video shoots, web pages, marketing,attending clubs, performing at shows, speaking / demonstrating at (Them not me, speaking) fetish gatherings. All this behind the scenes life experience is where the basis of my reality of my advice stems from.

Perhaps my 'expert' opinion is a bit, 'sorry to burst your bubble' in nature but also MCRUPP asked for "Any advice would be greatly appreciated." There fore here is my advice based on my life experience, factoring in the prior posters responses and factoring in, as I read it, MCGRUPP's newness.

Be Well
Sir Guy

PS I should clarify the two Pro Dommes I mention, we both were very romantically involved, lived together, played together, etc. And I was / am still involved / associate/ am friends with, share a toast with many pro dommes.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: building relationship with a Domme - 8/5/2010 9:13:23 PM

SirGuy68

Posts: 96
Joined: 7/19/2009
Status: offline

PS I should clarify the two Pro Dommes I mention, we both were very romantically involved, lived together, played together, etc. And I was / am still involved / associate/ am friends with, share a toast with many pro dommes.

(in reply to SirGuy68)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: building relationship with a Domme - 8/6/2010 2:53:00 AM

ladycynaptic

Posts: 11
Joined: 2/10/2010
Status: offline

I've had some clients that I've clicked with on a friendship level, who I go to dinner with and sometimes chill with - but it's almost never the case. I do have plenty of people asking, though. It's individual. I would say see her in a paid context at least a few more times so she can get to know you, then ask, casually, if she would like to hang out sometime - like ask her to a concert or something you think she would enjoy. You probably still have to cover it since it's your invitation, or you can always ask if there is anywhere you can accompany her, or even for a walk. If she likes you and she's in the mood, she might accept.

(in reply to SirGuy68)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: building relationship with a Domme - 8/6/2010 4:22:57 AM

maxthq

Posts: 9
Joined: 7/24/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ladycynaptic

I've had some clients that I've clicked with on a friendship level, who I go to dinner with and sometimes chill with - but it's almost never the case. I do have plenty of people asking, though. It's individual. I would say see her in a paid context at least a few more times so she can get to know you, then ask, casually, if she would like to hang out sometime - like ask her to a concert or something you think she would enjoy. You probably still have to cover it since it's your invitation, or you can always ask if there is anywhere you can accompany her, or even for a walk. If she likes you and she's in the mood, she might accept.

Listen, this almost never works out. Why? Because right now he is a client. Plain and simple. If he tries to move beyond that then one of two things will happen. 1) She will do the honorable thing and explain to him that he is not her type, that they can only at best be friends, and that perhaps he had better not see her again since he is developing an emotional attachment. or 2) She takes advantage of him and uses him for further financial manipulation. She will string him along and let him pay for everything and then when she feels she can no longer control him, she will drop him like a lightbulb.

I have friends who are professionals and you would be surprised at how often they get clients who propose to them, who want more from them than a professional relationship, who fall in love with them, etc. It is a testament to their character that they let them down gently and move on to another client. However, most people would not do that. But to the OP, you are walking down a fools path if you think that your behavior and actions are things that she has never experienced before. You will not change her mind on what she wants and you will not be able to break through that professional client image you have already. Trust me, if she was interested in anything more than she would have let you know by now. Don't ruin your professional relationship by pushing for more than what you have. Otherwise, you will soon have nothing. Remember the old idiom: A fool and his money are soon parted. Well, dont be that fool.

< Message edited by maxthq -- 8/6/2010 4:49:17 AM >

(in reply to ladycynaptic)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: building relationship with a Domme - 8/6/2010 5:40:56 AM

cyntax

Posts: 11
Joined: 6/29/2010
Status: offline

quote:

Listen, this almost never works out. Why? Because right now he is a client. Plain and simple. If he tries to move beyond that then one of two things will happen. 1) She will do the honorable thing and explain to him that he is not her type, that they can only at best be friends, and that perhaps he had better not see her again since he is developing an emotional attachment. or 2) She takes advantage of him and uses him for further financial manipulation. She will string him along and let him pay for everything and then when she feels she can no longer control him, she will drop him like a lightbulb.

I have friends who are professionals and you would be surprised at how often they get clients who propose to them, who want more from them than a professional relationship, who fall in love with them, etc. It is a testament to their character that they let them down gently and move on to another client. However, most people would not do that. But to the OP, you are walking down a fools path if you think that your behavior and actions are things that she has never experienced before. You will not change her mind on what she wants and you will not be able to break through that professional client image you have already. Trust me, if she was interested in anything more than she would have let you know by now. Don't ruin your professional relationship by pushing for more than what you have. Otherwise, you will soon have nothing. Remember the old idiom: A fool and his money are soon parted. Well, dont be that fool.

I've been a pro Domme for over 8 years... everyone is different. There is no one true stereotype for how a *person* will react. I've never dated a client, I don't date men, but I have become friends with clients who I do not have pay for everything and who are just cool to hang out with or take to events/whatever. Meaningful relationship? Prolly not... once that professional thing has been established it's hard to break from that - but friendship, definitely.

ETA - oops, sorry for the confusion, I signed on with my other profile. -ladycynaptic

< Message edited by cyntax -- 8/6/2010 5:41:33 AM >

(in reply to maxthq)

Profile

Post #: 31