A submissives desires

A submissives desires (Full Version)

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DaddyDomP -> A submissives desires (7/31/2010 5:53:33 PM)
Ok, I am not stupid enough to think that a submissive doesn't have desires and fantasies and wants and needs, I know they do. I would like to hear from subs about how they express these to their Dom and I'd like to hear from Doms how they balance their Dominant role with allowing Their sub to experience the pleasure they desire. Please, I am not interested in responses like "whip the bitch and tell her to shut up". Side note, this is not a 24/7 relationship.

littlewonder -> RE: A submissives desires (7/31/2010 6:07:26 PM)
I just tell him. We're in a relationship. We like to make each other happy. Not rocket science.

DarkSteven -> RE: A submissives desires (7/31/2010 6:40:23 PM)
If she tells me that doing X would make her happy, I take that into account. I want to use her in such a way to make me happy, and seeing her smile is one of those. That said, as soon as she complains that I am not doing X enough to make her happy, there will be consequences. I don't like a negative approach.

juliaoceania -> RE: A submissives desires (7/31/2010 6:54:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DaddyDomP Ok, I am not stupid enough to think that a submissive doesn't have desires and fantasies and wants and needs, I know they do. I would like to hear from subs about how they express these to their Dom and I'd like to hear from Doms how they balance their Dominant role with allowing Their sub to experience the pleasure they desire. Please, I am not interested in responses like "whip the bitch and tell her to shut up". Side note, this is not a 24/7 relationship. I get the impression that you are asking for your situation, and not just a general call to how "we" do it? Is that correct? Since you are specifying yours is not a 24/7 relationship....

laurell3 -> RE: A submissives desires (7/31/2010 6:59:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DaddyDomP Ok, I am not stupid enough to think that a submissive doesn't have desires and fantasies and wants and needs, I know they do. I would like to hear from subs about how they express these to their Dom and I'd like to hear from Doms how they balance their Dominant role with allowing Their sub to experience the pleasure they desire. Please, I am not interested in responses like "whip the bitch and tell her to shut up". Side note, this is not a 24/7 relationship. Ironically, "whipping the bitch and telling her to shut up" is one of my desires. When it comes to needs to make a relationship work successfully, I have found that NOT telling them is setting them up for failure, which isn't fair and makes us both miserable. When it comes to desires, I do tell them what my general turn ons are, but my expectation is really that they do as they want, when they want it and as cliche as it sounds, giving them that makes me happier than any specific other personal desire. The way I communicate my needs is, honestly. It may not always be pleasant, but I do believe it is necessary.

sweetsub1957 -> RE: A submissives desires (7/31/2010 9:30:11 PM)
~FR~ I will say, "Please, Daddy, <whatever it is>? Pleeeease???" and His answer is either yes, no, or not yet. ~sweetsub~

Chrisincuffs -> RE: A submissives desires (7/31/2010 9:46:09 PM)
A relationship is a relationship regardless of it it is "24/7" or not. It's between 2 people who both have feelings, and for that relationship to succeed, certain needs must be met. Those needs differ from person to person and relationship to relationship. In order for needs to be met by one another they need to be made known. If one person's needs are continuously being ignored or the opportunity to express them is never given, they will never be happy. It's best to leave some time to sit down and find out each others needs, wants, and fantasies. I find the more time Master and I speak about wants, needs, fantasies, etc. the more fun we have...and the more deviant ideas we come up with! 2 heads are better than one

HisEvelyn -> RE: A submissives desires (8/1/2010 1:05:44 AM)
I make my needs and desires known. I ask respectfully. And it is always his choice to agree or deny me. Sometimes he denies me, when it is his wish or he has a plan he is not telling me about. More often, as long as I have a reasonable reason for asking, he will agree. He also knows I will only ask for something when I REALLY want/need it, because otherwise I defer to what he tells me.

lally2 -> RE: A submissives desires (8/1/2010 4:36:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DaddyDomP Ok, I am not stupid enough to think that a submissive doesn't have desires and fantasies and wants and needs, I know they do. I would like to hear from subs about how they express these to their Dom and I'd like to hear from Doms how they balance their Dominant role with allowing Their sub to experience the pleasure they desire. Please, I am not interested in responses like "whip the bitch and tell her to shut up". Side note, this is not a 24/7 relationship. what you need to do first is take the capital D out of youre arse and look at youre relationship as a relationship and go from there. that said - because i think it needed to be said) 'allowing' youre sub some pleasure is one way to think of it. another way to think of it is that in giving youre sub pleasure in areas that she enjoys youre getting pleasure too - youre not servicing her needs, youre enjoying her enjoying herself. does that make it easier for you? if youre in a relationshp with someone already then you should already know what she likes, needs and craves from the early 'getting to know' phase. its up to you to encorporate through play and sex, elements of pleasure for her that you know she needs as a sensual, sentient being.

IronBear -> RE: A submissives desires (8/1/2010 5:56:00 AM)
I expect a girl of mine to be forthcoming about her wants, needs and desires.. These are grist to the mill and the mills of Bear grind slowly and fine..

chamberqueen -> RE: A submissives desires (8/1/2010 7:29:53 AM)
I am involved with many other subs, and I've carefully watched how they express their wants and needs. Some don't seem to be able to tell the difference between the two and can become very whiny, will nag for what they want, and become a real nuisance. I've also seen a few cases where a slave has gone to the opposite end of the spectrum and keeps so quiet about her needs that she starts to feel that she is starving. In most of these cases it has been in a poly family when she knows that the Dom is so busy with the others that she chooses to step back and not make her own needs known in order that he has less pressure on him and can take care of the whiners to keep them quiet. In my situation my Master and I came up with our own definitions between us for wants, needs, and dreams. A want is something a sub would like to have, a need is something that could damage the relationship if she did without it, and a dream is something that she enjoys thinking about that may or may not come true. A want can become a need at times, and I gave him the example of a hug. While I always enjoy one I rarely NEED one; but if I have been working for him for hours and know that his mind has been somewhere else to the point that I feel he is virtually unapproachable then I may NEED to have some physical touch to remind me that he really does care that I am there. Then the need status drops away and it goes back to being just a WANT. I can go to him freely and ask for something. He may ask me if it is a want, need, or dream. If I go to him with something and say that it is a dream he will ask me what makes me think it is only a dream, and then I will explain why I believe that it may not happen. (He actually had to teach me how to have dreams about him and/or our journey - I was so cautious because of the demanding natures of others that I stopped allowing myself to dream.) There are times when it is a very powerful tool for a Dom to grant wishes, especially when they are not necessary. Then it feels like a reward for a job well done. Balance needs to be kept because I've seen subs become very pampered and virtually top from the bottom when virtually every "want" is met. It's kind of like going to a buffet. I'm sure we've all seen people that feel that they absolutely "need" whatever looks good to them, while others take just what they need and maybe a little piece of dessert on the side. In the long run it is the latter group that is most satisfied and healthy.

sexyred1 -> RE: A submissives desires (8/1/2010 7:32:22 AM)
I just communicate.

UniqueRaven -> RE: A submissives desires (8/1/2010 7:40:49 AM)
i used to be really bad about over-explaining (still am sometimes). For example, if i were cold, i would say "Oh gosh, i'm freezing, and my hands are numb, and it's making me really hurt, and will you consider turning up the A/C?" Now i just say "i'm cold" - so he can make the decision to turn up the A/C (or not). [;)] i'll also use statements like "i'm scared." Or when asked how i feel, i'll list: "nervous, happy, excited, open." i've found simple statements are the best - and clarity is good. Especially as a slave. He needs information to make decisions, but not necessarily my emotional tirade of justification of why i think he should take a specific action.

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: A submissives desires (8/1/2010 7:50:49 AM)
I write him a lengthy dissertation, cataloging all of my desires and needs of that moment, carefully documenting and citing appropriate references. That way, I have full control of the remote while he's reading it, which is all I really wanted anyway. Usually, I just send him out to the strip clubs. That assures me a few unviolated hours of remote control me time and a great payoff when he gets back. WinD

jujubeeMB -> RE: A submissives desires (8/1/2010 8:01:08 AM)
I wouldn't be with someone (for long) who didn't get pleasure and happiness out of fulfilling my wants and desires, so it's really quite straightforward, as other people have said: I tell him, and then he knows. Once he knows (and is at least comfortable with it), I sort of just expect it to happen in some way, shape or form (including, perhaps, a bunch of work on my part to make it happen). I'm bewildered by Doms who react to a sub expressing his/her desires by recoiling in irritation and Domly pride. There are very few relationships that work purely on the "shut up and do what I say" principle.

phoenixmoonn13 -> RE: A submissives desires (8/1/2010 8:15:50 AM)
i can just ask if i want something if i get it thats another thing completly but often i will when hes ready. however if i try to manipulate in anyway ie drop hints etc then i will be waiting a very very long time

poise -> RE: A submissives desires (8/1/2010 8:22:28 AM)
I'll arch my back a certain way, but mostly I use my mouth. [:)]

DesFIP -> RE: A submissives desires (8/1/2010 8:23:30 AM)
Back when we weren't living together, I would mention stuff I had read of, or send him the link via email. That eliminated the chance of me pushing for something at a time when he had something else planned. Plus personally, I don't like people springing stuff on me so I don't do it to them. Saying "Hey, look at this. I think it sounds pretty cool. Could we try it sometime" takes the pressure off of doing it right then when he isn't prepared to. This gives him the knowledge of what I'm curious about and allows him to take his time to learn about it and decide when, or if, to do it. And sometimes I get "Not going to happen, ever". His decision.

leadership527 -> RE: A submissives desires (8/1/2010 9:14:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder I just tell him. We're in a relationship. We like to make each other happy. Not rocket science. yeah, that.

Missokyst -> RE: A submissives desires (8/1/2010 9:29:08 AM)
Before I play with someone he usually knows what I enjoy, he might know what I have done, and we definitely have discussed what I do not allow. I have never had to ask for something in particular but I think that by letting people know what you enjoy or have interest in before you play is a good way to let people have at it.

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