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THE MINDS OF A SUB/SLAVE - 4/18/2006 3:05:56 PM   
MistressSophia


Posts: 61
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		Hello Everyone,
I don't usually post here, but I am doing reseach ,and need the aid of you boys!
My question is one that deals with inside the minds of the sub/slave many at some point during talking disappear  just leave. Some delete their accounts all together starting new. I would very much like to know ,what's going on in their minds. is it just fear, self doubt .a need to reflect. and is the fight as great over the loss? Thank you, Mistress Sophia
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: THE MINDS OF A SUB/SLAVE - 4/18/2006 3:31:59 PM   
starymists


Posts: 139
Joined: 2/1/2006
Status: offline 		From the few times that I have gotten into contact with someone prior to the profile deletion, there seems to be an element of being overwhelmed by the kinds of emails and the sheer volume of emails that are received upon putting up a profile. Not everyone is overly polite. Some are down right rude. Particularly for someone who is new, it can get to be a little much. I also know of a couple of cases where a relationship broke up, resulting in a new profile that is then deleted upon the relationship reconciling. I'm sure there are a great number of other reasons as well.

(in reply to MistressSophia)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: THE MINDS OF A SUB/SLAVE - 4/18/2006 5:13:28 PM   
subrob1967


Posts: 4591
Joined: 9/13/2004
Status: offline 		For some it's realisation they are getting in way over their head.
For others it's all a game, meet someone, play them along until you reach a meeting arrangement, and disappear.
And for others it's just fear of change, and not being able to take the final step into a relationship, or relocating.

(in reply to starymists)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: THE MINDS OF A SUB/SLAVE - 4/18/2006 6:00:42 PM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		Thank Guys

I wonder why someone does this now
i know


best wishes Mons/jane

(in reply to subrob1967)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: THE MINDS OF A SUB/SLAVE - 4/18/2006 7:57:33 PM   
MistressSophia


Posts: 61
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		What I am trying to understand is the fear of maybe that last step or not being sure they will please or if they will fail..the one that makes them hide. from them self as well as the one they have gotten close to. Then when they do disappear. the struggle with in themselfs. Do they look for another Mistress/master, do they take time to heal.? Do they want to reconnect with the person they walked away from, what may or not stop  them from doing so? There are books about Dominates/ slaves. I think there is a need for , for one about a subs their struggles. disappointment,  thanks for all your help
Mistress Sophia

(in reply to mons)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: THE MINDS OF A SUB/SLAVE - 4/18/2006 8:07:02 PM   
MistressSophia


Posts: 61
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		Can someone tell me how to remove this  icon of a vanilla cone ? thank you

(in reply to MistressSophia)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: THE MINDS OF A SUB/SLAVE - 4/18/2006 8:23:16 PM   
starymists


Posts: 139
Joined: 2/1/2006
Status: offline 		On the vanilla cone, keep posting. It changes at appropriate times. Some of the ones that come after are worse...like newbie ;)
 
As far as disappearing once connected with someone, it can be all manner of things. Such as having not been honest in something that was said, using older pics, changing height/weight/age. Sometimes, in spending too much time online leads to a false sense of intimacy, the feelings can get too deep and fear of making it real, fear that it can never be as good in person as it was in fantasy. For still others, there was never an intention to meet in the first place. Then there are things that happen in real life that change priorities such as parents getting sick, reconciling another relationship, problems with children. As far as what they do after they walk, I would guess that depends on why they disappeared in the first place.
 
As far as reconnecting, fear of rejection, fear of being labeled a player. Maybe an internal issue got tripped and they didn't know how to deal with it. I am sure there are as many scenarios as there are stars in the sky for why people do what they do. But if your question is will this one I've been talking to come back to me? You won't know till it happens, if it happens at all.

(in reply to MistressSophia)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: THE MINDS OF A SUB/SLAVE - 4/19/2006 2:07:14 AM   
Darke


Posts: 33
Joined: 9/3/2005
Status: offline 		If you do not mind a slght segue--talk of "the number of emails, and the tenor of them", and some of the incredibly defensive language in amny profiles, and the the forum topics about the one-line posts Masters send, make Me think that female subs on this site receive far more attention than Male Doms.

So obvious as to be a truism, but something to remember--the Dom mailing you does not know how many other msgs you have received tonight, or if the are similar in tone to what he sends. Just something to keep in mind.

(in reply to MistressSophia)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: THE MINDS OF A SUB/SLAVE - 4/19/2006 4:40:22 AM   
MistressSophia


Posts: 61
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		Again thank you , For your in put.So lets take it to the next level,He/She feels themself  overwhelemed,scared, Perhaps they feel this way because it's so right, but the need to run, hide is stronger, Do they struggle with this choice, do they take comfort in looking for another Mistress/Master?  Or do they self punish? I have no question the submission carries intense emotions with it. as well as self doubt.

(in reply to Darke)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: THE MINDS OF A SUB/SLAVE - 4/19/2006 4:54:45 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		I don't think that deleting a profile has anything to do with feeling overwhelmed or scared or the need to hide.  Some may have their line in several ponds, so to speak, and hooked the one before you, but is too chicken to tell you...so they disappear.  People disappearing online is hardly uncommon.  They've been known to fake their deaths and all sorts of things.  Mostly...because they're not representing themselves accurately and disappearing is an easy out.

(in reply to MistressSophia)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: THE MINDS OF A SUB/SLAVE - 4/19/2006 5:32:32 AM   
subrob1967


Posts: 4591
Joined: 9/13/2004
Status: offline 		Some decide to stay vanilla, and that BDSM is ok to fantasize about, but not to actually participate in.

Some like feastie said, have multiple accounts, with multiple "relationships" going on, and bail when it becomes too hard to keep the individual relationships seperate.

Some just fear change. They agree to relocate 2000 miles away in the heat of passion, or a scene, but once the glamour dims, and they have a reality check. They end up fearing change of address, city, lifestyle, IE they fear leaving their comfort zone.

(in reply to MistressSophia)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: THE MINDS OF A SUB/SLAVE - 4/19/2006 8:22:00 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSophia

Hello Everyone,
I don't usually post here, but I am doing reseach ,and need the aid of you boys!
My question is one that deals with inside the minds of the sub/slave many at some point during talking disappear  just leave. Some delete their accounts all together starting new. I would very much like to know ,what's going on in their minds. is it just fear, self doubt .a need to reflect. and is the fight as great over the loss? Thank you, Mistress Sophia


no boy here, but some perspective anyway...
 
maybe they just aren't into you and have an immature way of getting it across
maybe they are underage and doing the cyber equivalent of sneaking in to the adult pool to gawk at the titties
maybe they are just experimenting and aren't really serious about taking this to RL yet
maybe they are just posers
 
whatever the reasons, this slave doubts that there is any one single reason that would account for ALL submissives to act this way.

(in reply to MistressSophia)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: THE MINDS OF A SUB/SLAVE - 4/19/2006 12:18:14 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		From the Domina's perspective:

quote:

ORIGINAL: subrob1967

For some it's realisation they are getting in way over their head.


Absolutely.  There are many boys who find this site and it feeds right into fantasies they have had for many years.  Then they actually begin talking to a Domina or meet for coffee, and realize there is much more involved and they have to make life altering decisions.  It is more than they realized. 

quote:

For others it's all a game, meet someone, play them along until you reach a meeting arrangement, and disappear.


I have had this too.  It seems all if on the up and up and there is actually a good possibility.  Then it is time to meet, and they bail.  That is probably the most disappointing scenario for Myself, as a FemDom.

quote:

And for others it's just fear of change, and not being able to take the final step into a relationship, or relocating.


Again, it does come down to how much they are willing to adjust their personal life to enrich same in a way that they felt they needed.  Life is going to change.  Sometimes the need for M/s or D/s or even S/M cannot be outweighed by the vanilla freedom they are unwilling to give up.
 
Most of the time, the boy has not taken the time to really think things through and when various aspects are pointed out, they run like hell.  It's very hard to make the fantasy hit the reality.  I think this is why we see so many complaints regarding unanswered emails, and questions like "what am I doing wrong".  It isn't that they are doing something wrong, so much as they really don't know and they don't understand what it is they think they are looking for.  When they find out, they can't deal with it.
subrob, you are right on. It is too bad that you are the only sub boy to answer this.  But then, the ones running away, are not likely to be the ones taking the time with an educational discussion board.

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 4/19/2006 12:22:41 PM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to subrob1967)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: THE MINDS OF A SUB/SLAVE - 4/19/2006 12:24:31 PM   
dave1212


Posts: 158
Joined: 1/2/2006
From: Lancashire UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSophia

Again thank you , For your in put.So lets take it to the next level,He/She feels themself  overwhelemed,scared, Perhaps they feel this way because it's so right, but the need to run, hide is stronger, Do they struggle with this choice, do they take comfort in looking for another Mistress/Master?  Or do they self punish? I have no question the submission carries intense emotions with it. as well as self doubt.


Well MistressSophia, I have not yet had to "cross that bridge" so to speak ..
But i can only assume it will be similar to what you have already mentioned ie:  the realisation of "this is it" sort of thing , possibly unsure of the "final commitment" and leaving the "comfort zone" of the PC or chat room if you know what i am trying to say, and also the fear of leaving their "known" life behind and entering a whole new way of living/existing    


On the other hand there are the "timewaster's out there..

_____________________________

~Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me~
~Distracting/reacting~
~Against my will i stand beside my own reflection~
~It's haunting how i can't seem to find myself again..
"Linkin Park"
TSR-560-087-333

(in reply to MistressSophia)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: THE MINDS OF A SUB/SLAVE - 4/19/2006 3:15:34 PM   
liks2plzlf


Posts: 390
Joined: 7/21/2005
Status: offline 		MisstressSophia   I would  agree with Goddess DustyGold. You can fantasize aboout serving and then discover a site like this one. Suddenly you start to believe it can be a reality. Then after reading the forums, and realizing, what you probably will have to give up to fulfill your dream, its is just too much. For some of us, a commitment is binding, so when it comes right down to saying I will, it is 'very scary' .Possibly some sub/salves rush into things without seriously considering what they think they want. I also know, at least for me, there is a serious concern about being able to satisfy or  please the Dom. There are so many little things, I try to accept, that would be a radical change from what a single person is used to.Its almost like going back to Parris Island. I think at some point you give it up, stay reasonably happy vanill, or just do it. Endure it for the time agreed upon, and then you will know. If you have both made a wise choice it could be pure bliss.

(in reply to dave1212)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: THE MINDS OF A SUB/SLAVE - 4/19/2006 4:01:09 PM   
tsk1964


Posts: 20
Joined: 6/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSophia

What I am trying to understand is the fear of maybe that last step or not being sure they will please or if they will fail..the one that makes them hide. from them self as well as the one they have gotten close to. Then when they do disappear. the struggle with in themselfs. Do they look for another Mistress/master, do they take time to heal.? Do they want to reconnect with the person they walked away from, what may or not stop  them from doing so? There are books about Dominates/ slaves. I think there is a need for , for one about a subs their struggles. disappointment,  thanks for all your help
Mistress Sophia


Not sure if my post will be of any help but I can share my thoughts. I tend to have some stuggle with my submissive desires while being part of a male dominated society. I would have to say that things that we learn growing up as male can sometimes make it hard to come to grips with our need to submit. I would say that for those that dissappear the need to submit remains so they will usually come back. I can say that there are still many internal stuggles I have concerning the fact that I am a submissive male.....and maybe I always will. I hope that helped a bit. If you have any other questions or would like more detail feel free to drop me a note. And good luck with getting the information you are looking for.

(in reply to MistressSophia)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: THE MINDS OF A SUB/SLAVE - 4/19/2006 4:15:52 PM   
tsk1964


Posts: 20
Joined: 6/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSophia

Again thank you , For your in put.So lets take it to the next level,He/She feels themself  overwhelemed,scared, Perhaps they feel this way because it's so right, but the need to run, hide is stronger, Do they struggle with this choice, do they take comfort in looking for another Mistress/Master?  Or do they self punish? I have no question the submission carries intense emotions with it. as well as self doubt.


Another good set of questions.

I would think that seriously believe that they have a need to submit struggle with the decision to run. And after they have run there is always self doubt. Like many here have said if you take the time to contemplate what it truly mean to become Someones submissive you realize that it will result in many changes to your previous life. Not unlike the life changes that accompany marriage or becoming a parent. The ones that are out there only for the game of it would find no internal struggle as they have no true need to submit only to feed their fantasies.

As to whether or not the runner self punishes I suppose it depends on the individual. For myself the second guessing and self doubt would be punishment. I would guess that there are as many reason for running as there are subs that run. But I think in every case the truly sincere submissives are dealing with a great inner stuggle.

(in reply to MistressSophia)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: THE MINDS OF A SUB/SLAVE - 4/19/2006 6:26:20 PM   
blackpearl81


Posts: 506
Joined: 8/30/2005
From: Home of the Yankees
Status: offline 		It could be self doubt... Maybe they felt that their chances of being called upon to serve isn't goin to come. Maybe they were hoping for an easy..uhmm "score" ? (trying to be respectful about that)
Maybe they feel they don't have a chance? (been there.. done that.. got the medal for it too)

If this has happened to you before, how did everything go up untill they bolted?

Hope this helps

*Bp*

_____________________________

~ Karma. Being a motherfucker since 1981 ~

Ms. Pacman was the greatest prostitute that ever lived. For 25 cents, that bitch swallowed balls 'till she died.

(in reply to tsk1964)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: THE MINDS OF A SUB/SLAVE - 5/6/2006 5:46:32 AM   
anthrosub


Posts: 843
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline 		I read your profile before reading through this thread, so it puts the question into perspective.  There are very few Dominant profiles asking for such total submission as you are.  In many ways, what you're looking for is what most submissives fantasize about but are not realistically expecting to ever find.  I may be wrong on this last point but I have a hunch it's close.
 
I will tell you my reaction to reading your requirements...doubt.  Not in myself but in the odds of you ever finding someone who is willing to give up everything about his life (absolutely everything).  I've thought of this in my own situation and have come to the conclusion for me to offer such a sacrifice, the recipient must be looking and planning for it to be a lifetime commitment (to the death).  Such a degree of sacrifice surely has no light at the end of the tunnel, so why should the Dominant not be prepared for a lifetime of service from her property?
 
To get back to your question, I think most "subs" and "slaves" here that are beyond the recreational players are slighter examples of the above dynamic.  They want something (we all want something regardless of who we are and how much we may say differently) and when they see what it will take, they flee because at that moment they have an epiphany of what exactly it is they are doing.
 
I think maturity and intelligence has something to do with it as well.  Anyone looking to give up their life for someone else has to be thoughtful about it or else they are a fool.  So thoughts of growing old, becoming infirm either mentally or physically come into play.  What about contact with immediate family such as siblings and parents (or one's own children if there are any)?  Financial stability...what does that mean?  Is the prospect rich or simply without debts to clear up?  Will he work to provide a source of income to offset the cost of keeping him or is he also to become a source of profit?  Questions such as these and many others would need to be answered prior to any commitment and perhaps it's these sorts of questions that finally strike home and make the prospect in question suddenly disappear.  Especially if the would be Owner demonstrates she is not thinking of them herself.
 
anthrosub

_____________________________

"It is easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled." - Mark Twain

"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde

(in reply to MistressSophia)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: THE MINDS OF A SUB/SLAVE - 5/6/2006 6:27:22 AM   
MistressSophia


Posts: 61
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you for all the responses, I posted this question, more to the point of understanding their actions,fears and questions.Hoping it would help on both sides, leaving them sub/slave a chance to allow the Mistress/Masters with a  understanding of the sub/slave fears. I don't believe most are posers. I think the fears are real. and lack of understanding them, The sub/slave allows the fear to control his/her actions...Is it the fear that they will be labled? or fear the Mistress/Master won't understand or take the time to understand. And if so why do they return? I think it takes more then a whip or restraints , but a deeper understanding of what fears control them. Only by the sub/slave sharing can we better understand and aid them to a different place in this life style.
I never intended this post for the fakes or posers. the online fantany seekers. But the ones that have  desired to move forward. but fear controls them, stops them cold...Does the struggle end with the disappearness. Does the loss become greater then the change?

PLAY BY ALL THE RULES
MISS ALL THE FUN.
MY RULES MY FUN!

_____________________________

A whisper in the dark of the night, freezes the soul. and sets the heart on fire!

(in reply to anthrosub)
Profile   Post #: 20
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