Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

A Transitioning Relationship??


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> A Transitioning Relationship?? Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
A Transitioning Relationship?? - 8/4/2010 10:08:27 AM   
Born2BMasochist


Posts: 42
Joined: 6/19/2009
Status: offline 		My Dom and i had a dicussion a few weeks back about collaring. Now i have researched collaring and i understand that collaring can be differant from relationship to relationship. i also understand that dynamics to any relationship in the scope of BDSM can be differant depending on the dynamics of ones relationship. That being said. When the discussion of collaring came up basically the answer was Yes you are worthy of a collar but.... Now i am very accepting of this answer. i totally understand his point of view, and i am not ready to be collared. i personally know this. But something he said has got my mind wondering. And so i am trying to figure it out. He said that if he collared me we woul go from a D/s relationship to a M/s relationship. i asked him what he meant by that and he said it is hard to explain. my curiousity is going and i am asking to find out if anyone else maybe feels this way or can enlighten me? Thanks any imput is greatly appreciated?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: A Transitioning Relationship?? - 8/4/2010 10:21:40 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Oh boy!  There's a lot going on in that one paragraph.  Let Me see if I can help in some way.

Truthfully, the best person to answer what the difference is would be him.  If he can't explain it to you, there's an issue.  A person who wants to transition a dynamic from a D/s to a M/s one really should have the ability to cough up the words to express what the difference is in his point of view.  This was something that I had to do when I discussed this very situation with clip last year.  Yes, to Me in means more control and authority on My part and more obedience on his part.  That included taking more control of his life in certain areas that I didn't have authority over prior.  Yes, I had to take the responsibility of explaining the difference and how I felt it would impact our dynamic.

I see it very much like this.  Suppose you were buying a house.  You certainly wouldn't sign the purchase agreement if you didn't know the terms of sale, would you?  This isn't a fill in the terms later kind of deal.  If a collar is going to happen, you need to know precisely what that entails.  So does he.  If he can't explain the difference, it's not a situation that anyone should be jumping into.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Born2BMasochist)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: A Transitioning Relationship?? - 8/4/2010 10:32:14 AM   
phoenixmoonn13


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline 		how long is a piece of string it is a really hard question to answer all i can do si give a few of the things we do. i am in a M/s relationship living 24/7 we love each other deeply. i text to ask to go out and when i get back home, i ask to leave the room if the kids are around i will make a comment about doing something , ask to go to bed to get if hes going to bed at the same ask to get into bed, ask to go to sleep, call him master and use third person when the kids are not around. day to day i pretty much do as i please during the day sometimes he will request i do certain things, i cook what i want for us keeping his likes and dislikes in mind as a priority. you will be putting him first without question (kids can sometimes change this as kids do you just adapt) i dont wear underwear indoors, however it depends on what your relationship is like now and what protocols you have at the moment. i am loved cherished protected and feel so secure and i can be who i am and not be ashamed of being who i am he encourages me to get further education to get the right job etc and supports me in all this. in bed and play i am his to do as he wishes he knows my limits and knows my reactions so knows if he pushes how far he can push i dont have a safe word as i dont need it, if he did start to go too far he would listen to me anything new he will start slowly to judge how much if any i can take.

i am wondering why you feel you are not ready to be collared the relationship will be deeper and you should have a deep trust in him to take it deeper.

(in reply to Born2BMasochist)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: A Transitioning Relationship?? - 8/4/2010 10:33:13 AM   
frazzle


Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline 		nm

< Message edited by frazzle -- 8/4/2010 10:37:46 AM >

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: A Transitioning Relationship?? - 8/4/2010 10:37:14 AM   
frazzle


Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline 		If you need a collar to deepen the relationship, im confused.

Does an engagement ring deepen a relationship??? or is that depth there to warrant one???

(in reply to phoenixmoonn13)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: A Transitioning Relationship?? - 8/4/2010 10:47:15 AM   
Born2BMasochist


Posts: 42
Joined: 6/19/2009
Status: offline 		Thank you all. Yes pheonix that was the dynamics in my marriage, lol. But we were not in any type of D/s relationship. i guess the main question that has still got me snagged is how a relationship starts out as D/s and changes to M/s. i was unable to phathom there being this transition. i thought a D/s is D/s and M/s is M/s. Yes Lady, this is what he told me. That is more of a commitment and entails more. But i was more confused on why it switches?
Now to answer your question pheonix. Our relationship is not a 24/7 one and i am going through a lot right now. The position i am in right now would be why i know i am not ready to be collared. The discussion we had about this was a lengthy one. He just could not explain why he feels it must change from D/s to M/s. But maybe re evaluation of this conversation may be warranted. thanks all.

(in reply to frazzle)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: A Transitioning Relationship?? - 8/4/2010 10:52:55 AM   
Born2BMasochist


Posts: 42
Joined: 6/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

If you need a collar to deepen the relationship, im confused.


i believe the same.i was not asking Him to collar me but merely asking His opinon on collaring. i honestly feel as his submissive it would be disrespectful to even make that type of request. But thats the dynamics of Our relationship. If He was to consider me for collaring He would let me know. i personally do not need a collar to make feel owned by him or to change anything that is why i was questioning why it to have one meant that i was no longer a submissve but a slave?

(in reply to Born2BMasochist)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: A Transitioning Relationship?? - 8/4/2010 11:06:39 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Born2BMasochist
i asked him what he meant by that and he said it is hard to explain.

I could write all sorts of really, truly, cynical things about that statement. I think I'll simply leave with two questions.

a) Don't you think you better make freakin sure you know what you're agreeing to before you agree to it?
b) Doesn't it bother you that the person who is going to lead you to this M/s spot seems to be unclear on the goal?

Most of the people here cannot define what M/s is for the community, but they certainly have a crisp workable definition for themselves. For instance, my definition is pretty straight-forward:

If you're my slave, you obey all the time, every time. The moment you knowingly disobey, then you're not my slave anymore. Yes, this includes things like me commanding you to hack off your limbs, rob banks, or any other conceivable command.

Now, you may like that definition or you may not. It doesn't matter. The point is that I know what I mean and I can describe it succinctly.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Born2BMasochist)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: A Transitioning Relationship?? - 8/4/2010 12:07:57 PM   
Born2BMasochist


Posts: 42
Joined: 6/19/2009
Status: offline 		Yes Leadership, i agree one hundred pecent with the questions you posed and your responses. i can personally answer both those question as a yes. But i can also say that he is not putting me into the M/s position at this point in our relationship. i also agree with your definition. it would be my definition. As i read these responses i am noticing maybe i did not pose the question in a correct manner. But we all learn. So lets try this again. When i got with my Dom collaring was never an option. This is due to his definition of collaring. His definition which blows the whole concept out of our relationship is a 24/7 relationship. We do not have these dynamics. However, i brought up the collaring question because i had a misconception on collaring. Now i know everyone has differant opinons and dynamics on collaring. But the concept of switching from a D/s to a M/s concept was the one that blew my mind. i was always under the impression that subs do not like to be called slaves and vice versa. So how many of these relationships start out as D/s and turn to M/s? i am just trying to figure out this concept and where the idea comes from. He could not really explain to me why he has this concept of switching from D/s to M/s but he was willing and able to explain to me what switching from D/s to M/s entails. I am sorry i am the type of person that sometimes wonders why the sky is blue? and where the name blue came from? and etc. I am thinking this may be one of those questions?

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: A Transitioning Relationship?? - 8/4/2010 12:38:05 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		OK, so a casual and heretical thought... possibly also grossly incorrect.... but it's my latest internal understanding of "things". Take this for what it's worth.

Currently, I'm seeing a vast divide between top/bottom and dom/sub. That is to say, I see a huge difference between sexual submission and lifestyle submission. However, once we're in the lifestyle camp -- what I call D/s -- suddenly the lines get very unclear. My personal guess is that M/s is what happens to a D/s relationship that's working well over time. If he's viewing it in the same way, then M/s is simply a natural progression from D/s... no further scrutiny required.

I would say that Carol's and my relationship started out as vanilla. Then we went D/s with a stated goal of M/s.... that is to say we both wanted M/s but we realized that it takes time to safely establish anything resembling total control. So M/s was always in there as a desired target but in the beginning it was more "M/s in theory" than "M/s in fact".

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Born2BMasochist)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: A Transitioning Relationship?? - 8/4/2010 2:25:21 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		So he would only collar someone who was a slave, not a sub. That's fine. The question you need to ask yourself is if this is what you want. Do you want to be a slave? Or are you a sub with negotiated limits, areas he cannot control?

Beyond that, what would his expectations of a slave be? What limits will he put on your use? Does he expect to share you with anyone he chooses to, without you getting to express an opinion of them? Are you allowed to demand safe sex? Does he propose to have you have sex with other women even if you find that repugnant?

You need to know a lot more about his desires before you decide if this is something you want.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: A Transitioning Relationship?? - 8/4/2010 2:56:55 PM   
Born2BMasochist


Posts: 42
Joined: 6/19/2009
Status: offline 		i do not regret possing this question. i really appreciate all your responses and now i did somehow get the answer i needed. Leadership what you are saying has a lot of clarity to it and i appreciate your imput. Des, i myself know the answers to all those questions and i know exactly what my Dom desires. As does He with me. i woud love to be His slave. He has expressed that i would make a good slave however its more circumstances beyond either of our control that prevents us from entering into a M/s relationship. That is about the extent of it. We are both just not in the position and the funny thing is i just learned this myself.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: A Transitioning Relationship?? - 8/4/2010 3:31:22 PM   
phoenixmoonn13


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle

If you need a collar to deepen the relationship, im confused.

Does an engagement ring deepen a relationship??? or is that depth there to warrant one???


for give me i have problems with writiing am dyslexic and somtimes find ithard to get meaning over properly no i dont need the collar to deepen a relationship

(in reply to frazzle)
Profile   Post #: 13
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> A Transitioning Relationship?? Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078