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Do Subfems/couples check for Doms in listings? - 9/23/2004 9:15:27 AM

OurRules

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/20/2004
Status: offline

Not out of insecurity or lack of subs/slaves to replying, it seems to Us that for the most part, it is submissive guys, not females, that do most of the e-mailing. At least that is what We get which is strange. On other sites, We also received much female and couple messages.

So, basically, why don't the subs/slaves check out and reply to Dominants instead of just sitting back and reading their mail?

Post #: 1

RE: Do Subfems/couples check for Doms in listings? - 9/23/2004 10:50:07 AM

theroebabe

Posts: 3155
Joined: 7/25/2004
Status: offline

Hi and welcome to the forums at CM.

Yes subs do as i am one but i have found that most are not what i am looking for in that some people do not take the time to write more than a few lines, so its a turn off. And I also for one am not activey looking. I had been speaking to a few people and until that was over i am not going to go looking for more!

I am sure you cand find much info on this topic as well as others in the other sections on these discussion boards.

So jump on in the water is fine!

I know Proudsub did this before and found a link to other discussions on this topic. Maybe she would be so kind as to find them again and post them here for you?

_____________________________

Roe

People always ask me why I do these things . . .
It's because I can!

(in reply to OurRules)

Post #: 2

RE: Do Subfems/couples check for Doms in listings? - 9/23/2004 11:17:39 AM

SentForu

Posts: 303
Joined: 3/23/2004
From: Middle Tennessee
Status: offline

quote:

So, basically, why don't the subs/slaves check out and reply to Dominants instead of just sitting back and reading their mail?

I don't like to be the pushy type. The way I see it is, if someone's interested in me, he'll contact me. Besides, I have a huge fear of rejection...lol.

_____________________________

Myra

(in reply to OurRules)

Post #: 3

RE: Do Subfems/couples check for Doms in listings? - 9/23/2004 12:31:27 PM

here2domin8

Posts: 50
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: Fall River, MA
Status: offline

quote:

I don't like to be the pushy type. The way I see it is, if someone's interested in me, he'll contact me. Besides, I have a huge fear of rejection...lol.

Well the way I see it (which isn't always right), by this manner of thinking you may, perhaps miss an opportunity to find someone your interesting in talking to, who for one reason or another missed finding you. I don't think it would be considered pushy for a sub to iniate contact with a Dom. Again, just my opinions, hope they help.

_____________________________

If you believe everything you read, better not read.

~Japanese Proverb

(in reply to SentForu)

Post #: 4

RE: Do Subfems/couples check for Doms in listings? - 9/23/2004 6:02:43 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

I know Proudsub did this before and found a link to other discussions on this topic. Maybe she would be so kind as to find them again and post them here for you?

Here is the most recent thread, in which i posted 3 other links on the same subject:

etiquette

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to theroebabe)

Post #: 5

RE: Do Subfems/couples check for Doms in listings? - 9/23/2004 10:16:12 PM

LeatherSerpent

Posts: 1
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline

Dude, I feel the same way that you do about the lack of responses that males get to their ads. But we've got to look at it from a demographic standpoint.

1) On average, there are like 5,000 males per every 1 female on most online personal sites.

2) The women on said sites are constantly bombarded with messages along the lines of "fresh meat!" or "On your knees and suck my dick!" or something else of equally or more crass intention. And so, as such...

3) By the time a decent male does come around, these ladies have already become so jaded that they'll more likely delete his message than read it. And of course, when they're being so bombarded, why should they look at ads when the most likely impression is that all guys on personal sites are HNG's?

It's unfortunate, I know, but demographically speaking, males really have no prayer on personals sites, largely because others have come before us and ruined it for everybody.

As for subs looking over ads and initiating contact, I feel that's another matter. You see, to initiate contact with someone takes a go-getter mentality, which to many people implies aggression. However, in my experience I have met few femsubs that have a go-getter or aggressive mentality. Please note that I'm not saying they don't exist, because they do; I'm just saying that I have not met very many of them.

Sncerely,
Serpent

http://leatherserpent.com

(in reply to OurRules)

Post #: 6

RE: Do Subfems/couples check for Doms in listings? - 9/24/2004 7:49:27 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I would if I were seeking. Just because you classify yourself as submissive does not mean you don't go out there and get what you want. Take the bull by the horns and all that garbage. Lately I've been getting so much mail, I do not respond to all. In my profile I state I am looking for friends within the scene.
The amount of people who cannot read is astronomical. Why would I want to be with an illiterate? I do reply to those who obviously can read. Those who ask questions. The polite ones.

(in reply to OurRules)

Post #: 7

RE: Do Subfems/couples check for Doms in listings? - 9/24/2004 10:56:49 AM

SentForu

Posts: 303
Joined: 3/23/2004
From: Middle Tennessee
Status: offline

quote:

Well the way I see it (which isn't always right), by this manner of thinking you may, perhaps miss an opportunity to find someone your interesting in talking to, who for one reason or another missed finding you. I don't think it would be considered pushy for a sub to iniate contact with a Dom. Again, just my opinions, hope they help.

Yeah, you're right. I've just never been good at approaching members of the opposite sex. I'm basically, a shy person. Though, I'm getting over that a little.

_____________________________

Myra

(in reply to here2domin8)

Post #: 8

RE: Do Subfems/couples check for Doms in listings? - 9/24/2004 5:05:15 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

I'm not looking, but i do read a lot of dom profiles, especially in my state, and i like to look at their pics.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to OurRules)

Post #: 9

RE: Do Subfems/couples check for Doms in listings? - 9/25/2004 4:52:57 AM

cynnacent1

Posts: 340
Joined: 6/25/2004
From: Massachusetts
Status: offline

i read all of my email & i reply to any who email with honorable intention.

i have to say that on the first day registered here at collarme the amount of email received was overwhelming, and more than half of those received were not of the best quality (one liners, rude and disrespectful content from others including unrequested nude pics, ... i won't even get into the poor grammar and spelling). In frustration i'd deleted more than half the emails i'd received that first day UNOPENED, including the first sent to me by the One i now know as 'Master', INSIDEYOURMIND ( a more detailed account of that is contained in the following thread: http://www.collarme.com/forum/The_fates_were_with_us/m_31865/tm.htm ). The fates MUST have been with U/us as i did read His profile (having no clue that He had already attempted to contact me) and then emailed Him. Yes, some female submissives DO email/contact Doms.

i now open all email. Of the emails received, i reply only to those who are respectful with only the most honorable of intention (all others are forwarded to my Master to do with as He pleases.)

i do enjoy browsing the profiles now and then (not just those belonging to Doms.. i like to read them all, sub's and switche's, Dom's & Domme's as well) as *some* are very well written.

< Message edited by cynnacent1 -- 9/25/2004 4:55:09 AM >

(in reply to OurRules)

Post #: 10

RE: Do Subfems/couples check for Doms in listings? - 9/25/2004 8:48:27 PM

strongminded

Posts: 7
Joined: 8/29/2004
Status: offline

The first night I joined, I read five profiles of Doms who unfortunately happened to be out of my state...I was impressed with them though. Being that I do not want to move at this time, I narrowed my field to search for Doms in my area. Though some profiles were great but not my type (they were M/s), most profiles were of condescending men, married men, or men looking for a part-time play thing or a 24/7 immediate slave. Still others seemed angry with the world. I know these last profiles are not representative of all Doms on the board, but having to read so many profiles of jerks in order to find real Doms takes a long time. I occasionally look through the profiles hoping to find my Dom, but it hasn't happened yet--thus, no messages.

(in reply to OurRules)

Post #: 11

RE: Do Subfems/couples check for Doms in listings? - 9/26/2004 8:55:01 AM

kiki blue

Posts: 315
Joined: 1/16/2004
From: Brisbane, Australia
Status: offline

If I find someone's profile interesting, and they're local, then I'll usually send an email.

I've sent emails to folks on here who are in my area, but aren't as yet active in the scene (if they were, chances are I'd know them), inviting them to come out and play :)

I have no problem making the first move if I find someone appealing.

It's just finding someone I'm interested in that's the problem

_____________________________

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

(in reply to strongminded)

Post #: 12

RE: Do Subfems/couples check for Doms in listings? - 9/26/2004 1:44:24 PM

MattyP

Posts: 20
Joined: 9/17/2004
Status: offline

I must admit I had been wondering this to, and wondering why it is that I have never gotten a reply from submissive females in my area when I would ask if they would care to set up a dialogue and get to know each other. But if I were to take a guess, it would fall with LeatherSerpent. It can't be repeated enough on these boards how most of these men on these are simply seeking "easy" girls or cyber or whatever, and after so many PMs from so many of those, you get you would become jaded too!

Of course, that still means that I'm the one not getting the return emails because of the rudeness of other species of my gender. *sigh* Oh well. One does what he can, eh?

(in reply to kiki blue)

Post #: 13

RE: Do Subfems/couples check for Doms in listings? - 10/1/2004 7:21:45 AM

Caine41

Posts: 5
Joined: 4/29/2004
Status: offline

Imo, I think that femsubs do browse the profiles of Doms but sometimes hesitate to initiate contact for a number of reasons.

Many believe that making first contact is not the act of a "true" submissive. I disagree with this one. If I am to believe that she is a good match for me, then she will be willing to help me find her by letting me know that she is there.

I have seen many subs complain about getting too many HNG's contacting them with ridiculous first emails. Why not solve the problem by initiating contact with the ones that you think are not of that ilk.
One of the traits that I have enjoyed in my previous subs is their ability to see something that they think I would like and the willingness to bring it to my attention. This shows me that they have my interests in mind as I do their's.

Another reason, IMO, is that subs sometimes think that most Doms spend a great deal of time perusing the profiles, aimlessly searching for a quick connection. I, for one, resent that line of thinking. Do I look at the profiles occassionally? Yes Is it a major part of my time in sites that include forums? No, it is not......Personally, I need to be able to get into and enjoy your mind before I want to get into your pants.

Just a few thoughts....Caine41

_____________________________

She trembles not from fear but from passion....

(in reply to MattyP)

Post #: 14

RE: Do Subfems/couples check for Doms in listings? - 12/3/2004 8:32:47 PM

MSjim

Posts: 5
Joined: 9/11/2004
Status: offline

This message was removed as it had nothing to do with the subject. Please do not troll the forums.

Attachment (1)

< Message edited by ModeratorThree -- 1/1/2005 1:42:00 AM >

(in reply to OurRules)

Post #: 15

RE: Do Subfems/couples check for Doms in listings? - 12/3/2004 10:52:17 PM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

How many different forums are you planning on cutting and pasting this spiel to?

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to MSjim)

Post #: 16

RE: Do Subfems/couples check for Doms in listings? - 12/4/2004 9:00:36 AM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline

quote:

My thoughts about the role of a Master …

Too bad for all your "deep thoughts", you aren't clever enough to slip this personal ad into a thread where it would be on topic.

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to MSjim)

Post #: 17

RE: Do Subfems/couples check for Doms in listings? - 12/4/2004 11:27:30 AM

feline

Posts: 1101
Joined: 2/23/2004
From: CA
Status: offline

You can put me in the group who do. (maybe this should have been a poll?) I contacted the Dom I'm talking to presently.

We would have never spoke otherwise.

I like to be contacted, but at the same time I like to peruse through profiles. A persons profile can say a lot about them.

Take care,

Attachment (1)

_____________________________

Variety is the soul of pleasure.
~Aphra Behn~

(in reply to OurRules)

Post #: 18

RE: Do Subfems/couples check for Doms in listings? - 12/4/2004 2:41:51 PM

dixiedumpling

Posts: 456
Joined: 5/10/2004
From: southeast Mississippi
Status: offline

When I first joined the site, I was looking. Then I decided I didn't want to look and changed my profile to "not looking". I still get occasional emails from the reading impaired, but I still answer them. I occasionally email Doms OR subs about something they wrote on the forum side and most of them respond. Occasionally they don't for reasons of their own and it doesn't bother me.

_____________________________

Toodles,
dixiedumpling

My mind is no place to play alone. Anna Pigeon as written by Nevada Barr

(in reply to OurRules)

Post #: 19

RE: Do Subfems/couples check for Doms in listings? - 1/23/2005 9:34:09 PM

vibechild

Posts: 4
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caine41

Many believe that making first contact is not the act of a "true" submissive. I disagree with this one. If I am to believe that she is a good match for me, then she will be willing to help me find her by letting me know that she is there.

I have seen many subs complain about getting too many HNG's contacting them with ridiculous first emails. Why not solve the problem by initiating contact with the ones that you think are not of that ilk.
One of the traits that I have enjoyed in my previous subs is their ability to see something that they think I would like and the willingness to bring it to my attention. This shows me that they have my interests in mind as I do their's.

Another reason, IMO, is that subs sometimes think that most Doms spend a great deal of time perusing the profiles, aimlessly searching for a quick connection. I, for one, resent that line of thinking. Do I look at the profiles occassionally? Yes Is it a major part of my time in sites that include forums? No, it is not......Personally, I need to be able to get into and enjoy your mind before I want to get into your pants.

This is exactly my take on it. What I find odd is that my experience in real life has always been the opposite. I don't go looking for subs in real life, they find me. It usually involves them hinting hard at me to take control, and me refusing until I decide whether or not they would be suitable. I've talked to a lot of people and read in a lot of different places that there are more subs than doms in real life, and it's usually much more common to see subs competing for dom(me)'s attentions. It was a little disorienting to see how things work here. I still have not recieved any "first contact" messages on here, but my pet has gotten many. Granted most of them are clueless, but it's still interesting to see dom's falling all over themselves to get the attention of subs, where in real life (at least from everything I've seen), the best submissives will do whatever they can to be noticed by someone they are interested in.

(in reply to Caine41)

Post #: 20

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