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RE: Serice / use = a valid description or not? - 8/6/2010 2:11:21 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
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quote:

We're addressing activities or acts of submission if you will. Service and use can be sexual and nonsexual. It's largely dependent on the context and the value assessment that the dominant makes. An identical task can be termed differently (use versus service) depending on the individual's perspective.

~porcelaine


porcelaine,

No arguements there but how do "you" react to the two terms?

CP

(in reply to porcelaine)
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RE: Serice / use = a valid description or not? - 8/6/2010 2:22:24 PM   
pains


Posts: 17
Joined: 5/23/2008
Status: offline 		Thankyou for the welcome, i should really post on the introduction...i will get round to it eventually.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

I find those terms quite ambiguous as they literally can mean many things, personally when i use the term 'use' i mean it in regards to many areas..sexual use, s&m use yet 'service' i tend to think of as on a more practical level whether this be preparing drinks or cleaning etc.....but really they are much the same thing.

Not sure if that all makes much sense.

tori


tori,

Thus the question; but you have made a separation of the two terms and that a good start. Welcome to the boards..land of ego and mind enhancement.

CP


(in reply to CelticPrince)
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RE: Serice / use = a valid description or not? - 8/6/2010 4:23:31 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		~FR~
I don't consider one sexual and the other non-sexual. I look at it like I serve Him/He uses me however He wishes. I think it's just a different POV.....I serve = He uses. To me it's really kind of the same thing, except from a different viewpoint.....serving and using are both action words. Either I am actively serving Him or He is actively using me, but they can both be happening at the same time and are done according to His wishes.

~sweetsub~

~edited to add thoughts~

< Message edited by sweetsub1957 -- 8/6/2010 4:41:44 PM >

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RE: Serice / use = a valid description or not? - 8/6/2010 6:03:32 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Heya CP:

I find those (and pretty much ALL other terms) to be worthless. For me personally they would be worthless even were they well defined because my definition of slave does not include boundaries, limitations, exceptions, etc. So to me, there is no such thing as a "sex slave" or "service slave". There's just someone who does whatever the hell I tell them to.

Even were that not true though, the words used are all so vague. Take the word "service". So what exactly does that mean? I know what it means to provide service to another person. That's pretty straight-forward. I also can't figure out how any two people can be in a real relationship and not provide service to each other... dom and sub alike. I might make the same observations about "use".

~Jeff


jeff,

your comments at core is what brought up the thread. I kind of get the impression that so many newbies coming on to this site and others just "borrow" terms and thoughts from other profiles as an easy expression for themselves; and thus the terms grow and grow.

CP

(in reply to leadership527)
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RE: Serice / use = a valid description or not? - 8/6/2010 6:05:22 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

kind of get the impression that so many newbies coming on to this site and others just "borrow" terms and thoughts from other profiles as an easy expression for themselves; and thus the terms grow and grow.


You mean language changes and evolves... color me shocked and amazed that English and how we use it changes over time! I thought King James English was holy and sacred!

_____________________________

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Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

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(in reply to CelticPrince)
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RE: Serice / use = a valid description or not? - 8/6/2010 7:28:36 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		I agree that the two terms aren't particularly helpful unless contextualised with examples. I also agree that far too many male subs think oral sex is a service LOL! My definitions align more with LPs, in that for Me, service is generally something non-sexual and non-bdsm that is of practical use for Me ... such as doing chores, or assisting My research etc, anything that frees up My time and energies. I don't resonate particularly well with the term "use" as it applies to a person, though I could apply it to a scenario such as commanding a sub to perform oral sex along the lines of "Don't stop till I tell you" and "Don't assume you're going to get to cum either". That could be use of his tongue!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

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RE: Serice / use = a valid description or not? - 8/6/2010 7:50:54 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

I also agree that far too many male subs think oral sex is a service LOL!


Here is the thing, I have had the doms I have been with tell me to "service" them this way (which coming from a man I love and care for is really hot). I think this might be a male perspective?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Serice / use = a valid description or not? - 8/6/2010 8:15:23 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, the male sub perspective is that he is doing the Domme a huge favour by being "willing" to "service" us this way, and in many cases, it seems to be about the only form of service they are willing to provide! There's also this assumption that it's the main form of sexual activity Dommes desire and that we want them to do it for hours on end! For My money, if he has to do it for hours ... he's doing it badly LOL! On the other hand, one who goes "lick lick" and then pulls away is damned annoying too. It only becomes a service when it is done ONLY at the Domme's behest and in exactly the way She wants it done. Not too many male subs (in My experience and they have to get past a number of bases to even get to do this for Me) are particularly good at being told exactly how they are to do it.

i love to service Master this way ... and i actually beg Him to give me more instructions LOL! He tends to get all quiet and bound up in the sensations so i spend my time guessing as to what sensation He needs next. Not so much a problem these days as i can now read Him ... but made it very difficult in the early days. In my mind (and His) it is a genuine service in that it's not something i actively initiate (though i am allowed to ask Him if that's the hole He wants), and it's understood i keep doing it until He pulls my head away by my hair, or cums in my mouth, whatever He wants at the time. It's also understood that i may or may not get to cum myself, depends on His mood. Fortunately He tends to enjoy playing with me so more often than not, i do! In summary, whether it's a service or not very much depends on the motivation and the attitude, male subs don't tend to have the service mentality going where this activity is concerned.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

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RE: Serice / use = a valid description or not? - 8/7/2010 7:49:34 AM   
jujubeeMB


Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay
Yes, the male sub perspective is that he is doing the Domme a huge favour by being "willing" to "service" us this way, and in many cases, it seems to be about the only form of service they are willing to provide!


I don't know what I'm talking about (having zero experience with male subs), but that sounds a little non-submissive to me. When my ex used to have me...er...service him orally, it was a huge turn-on for me, so it was kind of like he was doing both of us a favor. I generally felt quite grateful, and I sort of think any sub that feels they're doing you a huge favor doing some basic sexual activity (unless it's something they hate, maybe?) is kind of misplaced in the role of submissive. That just sounds like some of the vanilla guys I've slept with...

(in reply to MaamJay)
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RE: Serice / use = a valid description or not? - 8/7/2010 8:57:02 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay
Yes, the male sub perspective is that he is doing the Domme a huge favour by being "willing" to "service" us this way, and in many cases, it seems to be about the only form of service they are willing to provide!


I don't know what I'm talking about (having zero experience with male subs), but that sounds a little non-submissive to me. When my ex used to have me...er...service him orally, it was a huge turn-on for me, so it was kind of like he was doing both of us a favor. I generally felt quite grateful, and I sort of think any sub that feels they're doing you a huge favor doing some basic sexual activity (unless it's something they hate, maybe?) is kind of misplaced in the role of submissive. That just sounds like some of the vanilla guys I've slept with...


Hmmmm.. I have a different perspective on it. Of course I felt I was getting something out of servicing a man orally. If I am there, and I am doing it, I am getting something out of it. I also do not feel that it is more of a service for the fact I might not like it. If the only way I can truly be of service to someone is to dislike the activity, well, I suppose this means I am not into service...

I see it differently, people should enjoy what they are doing, even S-types. Does this mean I will do things I don't want to on occasion at the behest of my dom, well yeah, I will. But I do lots of things I don't like in this world. I do not think that liking or disliking something makes it more "serviceable" to the person receiving the action.

Here is what I think about it, I think dommes believe eating their pussy is a privilege, and since it is a privilege it is a treat for the male sub, not a service to them... I could be wrong, but this is the vibe I see this discussed with on these boards

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to jujubeeMB)
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RE: Serice / use = a valid description or not? - 8/7/2010 3:16:28 PM   
jujubeeMB


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Joined: 1/8/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I see it differently, people should enjoy what they are doing, even S-types. Does this mean I will do things I don't want to on occasion at the behest of my dom, well yeah, I will. But I do lots of things I don't like in this world. I do not think that liking or disliking something makes it more "serviceable" to the person receiving the action.


Just to clarify, I fully agree that the S-types deserve to enjoy themselves, as much as the D-type, if possible. And I think you're probably correct about how little liking to do something has to do with whether it's a service or not, but in my head it sort of worked this way: if you do something that you don't want to do, in a way it's a sort of gift. You're gifting your time and energy because you want to make someone else happy even at your own expense. Whereas if you're enjoying yourself, it's not really a gift so much as a mutual enjoyment.

I happen to prefer mutual enjoyment, as much as physically possible. I don't have very much experience with doing things I don't want to do, either. But that's sort of how I think it might go. I recognize I don't have the information necessary to come to a really solid conclusion on that one.

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RE: Serice / use = a valid description or not? - 8/8/2010 12:19:02 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		For me "service" is not about sex (though it obviously is for most of the men on the other side) nor is it necessarily about kinky scenes. I had one long (13 hour) service "scene" yesterday that left me totally wiped-out and in pain. And I loved it! But most people don't understand how servicing 120 people is possible or why someone would willingly do it. It's not something most dominants would look for in a submissive, unless they're in charge of putting on a big play party.

The terms "use" and "service" get interchanged all of the time. More important is how each person is defining the terms within this context. My definitions are far different than many people's on the other side. But those who take the time to understand my definitions have a far better chance of getting me to offer them "service" and "use" according to *their* definitions.

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
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(in reply to jujubeeMB)
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RE: Serice / use = a valid description or not? - 8/8/2010 3:14:03 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sublizzie

For me "service" is not about sex (though it obviously is for most of the men on the other side) nor is it necessarily about kinky scenes. I had one long (13 hour) service "scene" yesterday that left me totally wiped-out and in pain. And I loved it! But most people don't understand how servicing 120 people is possible or why someone would willingly do it. It's not something most dominants would look for in a submissive, unless they're in charge of putting on a big play party.

The terms "use" and "service" get interchanged all of the time. More important is how each person is defining the terms within this context. My definitions are far different than many people's on the other side. But those who take the time to understand my definitions have a far better chance of getting me to offer them "service" and "use" according to *their* definitions.

quote:

For me "service" is not about sex (though it obviously is for most of the men on the other side) nor is it necessarily about kinky scenes. I had one long (13 hour) service "scene" yesterday that left me totally wiped-out and in pain. And I loved it! But most people don't understand how servicing 120 people is possible or why someone would willingly do it. It's not something most dominants would look for in a submissive, unless they're in charge of putting on a big play party.

The terms "use" and "service" get interchanged all of the time. More important is how each person is defining the terms within this context. My definitions are far different than many people's on the other side. But those who take the time to understand my definitions have a far better chance of getting me to offer them "service" and "use" according to *their* definitions.

lizzie,

I am confused, are you in catering or a waitress?

CP

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Serice / use = a valid description or not? - 8/8/2010 3:38:07 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		CP -

"cooking is my kink"   I particularly like cooking for large groups of people. Directing the food service for a large community party is my idea of an ideal scene. It's an act of service that I particularly enjoy. From planning the menu, doing the shopping, prepping & cooking, to servicing and keeping the buffet stocked. Someone who can appreciate that for me that *is* the scene/party, is more apt to get more than just cooking from me.

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 34
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