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atractivenuisane -> RE: how to ask for things (8/9/2010 8:44:22 AM)
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I used to have this exact same problem. Asking my first ever boyfriend if he wanted to try anal was one of the scariest inter-relationship things I've ever done. When I found a D/s relationship, that got harder, since I felt both awkward and un-submissive asking. It didn't help that my last dominant had zero interest in pursuing my fantasies...often when I'd build up the incredible courage needed to ask, I'd get a response of, "Yeah, maybe someday" or "Gross".
However, I'm in a new relationship, and I've found that with a good, giving partner, the benefits of asking for things and explain your fantasies far outweigh the risks. Some tricks that I found to help myself ask for things involved sending them via e-mail or letters, exploring them via erotic writings, or trying the, "You tell one, I'll tell one". Although it still feels un-submissive sometimes to be asking for things that I want, I think that a dominant has a right to know what his submissive wants. It should be his decision whether or not to fulfill your fantasies, and know that when he does, it's for his pleasure.
tl;dr: Find the courage to ask, it's soooo worth it.
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