Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be

Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be (Full Version)

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Malkinius -> Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be (8/7/2010 2:18:28 PM)
Greetings all..... This is based on the post about different, insulting names for s-types but I didn't want to derail that post. Note: for this thread, the definition of a want-to-be is someone who wants to become something but isn't there yet due to lack of knowledge and experience. I am asking two questions. First, what is the difference between someone you would call a wannabe and someone you would call a want-to-be? Second, how do you tell the difference, especially online? Be well all.... Malkinius

juliaoceania -> RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be (8/7/2010 2:23:06 PM)
The difference between me and you, I have no emotional investment in how other people label themselves. It just doesn't matter to me.

lally2 -> RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be (8/7/2010 2:34:22 PM)
there is a fair number of types who wannabe in the possession of a woman who will do everything he tells her to, will never disagree, will always come up smiling, will submit to his every whim but have no inkling how a submissive ticks, has no interest in finding out and invariably falls flat on his face spouting such expletives as 'TFTB' 'brat' and 'youre no submissive!' and then there are the types who want to be furnished with as much information as they can possibly glean because deep inside of them is the desire to have a woman submit to him and complete him on some level he can only so far imagine in his wildest hopes and dreams. they are the sort that ask questions, read up, go to events, take each bump in the road as a learning process and eventually get there. i think for it to be clear maybe wannabes should be called thinktheybes - but i guess wannabe trips off the tongue easier. after a while you can see them with youre eyes closed, but it takes practice (sadly)

SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be (8/7/2010 2:36:24 PM)
Standard disclaimers of the IMO/YMMV variety apply. Want to be: Someone who is honest about what they do and don't know and what they want to learn. This person listens to advice, accepts constructive critique, and asks intelligent questions. Everyone is a want to be in the beginning and every time they want to learn a new technique. Wannabe: Someone who thinks there's nothing left to learn or pretends to know more than they do. This person doesn't listen to anyone, gets defensive when offered constructive suggestions, and says/does things that make it obvious they haven't a clue what they're doing. This person often falls back on statements like "I've been in this lifestyle for X years so that makes me a master." However, they fail to mention that X = the number of years they've spent watching porn and reading Gor/Sleeping Beauty/Exit to Eden without any practical application. Telling the difference online is relatively simple. A pattern develops over time that gives a clear indication which side of the line the person falls.

porcelaine -> RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be (8/7/2010 2:50:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Malkinius First, what is the difference between someone you would call a wannabe and someone you would call a want-to-be? Second, how do you tell the difference, especially online? Want to Be: A candid assessment of ones desire to acquire a skill set, adapt a role, etc. that acknowledges their ignorance and inexperience forthrightly without embellishment. It includes a willingness to learn, listen, ask questions, and find the answers that apply to their specific goals. Patience, practicality, mistakes, and lessons are often noted experiences. More than anything he understands the "lack" is temporary and ever changing. Getting there is part of the journey and one he enjoys traveling. Wannabe: An individual that wants the spoils without the work and effort required for the cultivation of knowledge and mastery on some level. He often masks his deficits through words and behavior that deflect or overstate the nonexistent. Giving the appearance of being what he desires is more important than developing the skills to do this instead. ~porcelaine

CaringandReal -> RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be (8/7/2010 5:58:28 PM)
Odd question. Wannabe came first, in my personal experience,and was the standard slang term for this concept for years predating the internet. Want-to-be always stuck me as someone misunderstanding or never having heard the term wannabe and imagining they were spelling it properly, without realizing it's never been a noun. I tend to assume that people using either term are talking about the same thing: your definition of "want-to-be" fits the bill. Being slang, I don't know if wannabe has penetrated most dictionaries yet, but it does spring from the verb phrase "want to be" (as in "I want to be somebody"). Want-to-be as a noun, however, still strikes me as a latecoming bastardization of wannabe. I remember a time when nobody said it or wrote it. They said "wannabe." Anyway my answer to your quesiton is there is no difference in meaning for me between the two phrases, but I do not use "want to be" when speaking or writing because it sounds odd, like the wrong term. When someone else says "want-to-be," however, I assume they mean wannabe. Maybe want-to-be's meaning is evolving into something else, something with less insulting connotations than wannabe? That would be interesting, at least for us word freaks. ;)

poise -> RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be (8/7/2010 6:22:17 PM)
First, what is the difference between someone you would call a wannabe and someone you would call a want-to-be? My interpretation of a wannabe is someone who feels that by reading a few articles, or watching a movie with some spanking or bondage, suddenly they are Insta-Dom. Just because you fit into Supermans cape doesnt mean you know how to fly. The want to be's are a little more humble in their approach/interactions. They aren't looking for the "get out of jail free card" and probably truly enjoy the learning process. Second, how do you tell the difference, especially online? Its really all in the attitude. Ignorance is a hard thing to hide. A wannabe will be quick to judge you, if you dont react in the predetermined way he fantasizes about. "On your knee's bitch" to someone he just started chatting with is a pretty good indicator. pardon my language

dreamysubmale -> RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be (8/7/2010 6:47:55 PM)
Wannabe is a slang word used for someone who tries to be or do something that he isn’t just to impress or fool others in MHO. A poser perhaps? A want to be is a person that wants to become somebody; he/she has a goal in mind. For example my daughter wants to become an orthodontist. She has the knowledge and the drive on how to achieve her goal, but she’s not there yet. How can you tell online? The wannabe is the one that knows it all (well he thinks he has), has every answer to every question and is never wrong. But porcelaine explains it eloquently above.

Nehemiah -> RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be (8/7/2010 7:23:58 PM)
I see wannabe types in Los Angeles all the time. They wear the leather, they get the piercings and pose as if they are so into the lifestyle, but know absolutely nothing about it. To them the whole leather/BDSM culture is just a fashion trend. Want-to-be types are the sincere ones. They may not dress the part but they at least talk to people, learn from people and experience and are honest. I want nothing to do with wannabes.

juliaoceania -> RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be (8/7/2010 7:25:31 PM)
quote: I see wannabe types in Los Angeles all the time. They wear the leather, they get the piercings and pose as if they are so into the lifestyle, but know absolutely nothing about it. To them the whole leather/BDSM culture is just a fashion trend. You mean they want to be in with a trend. Is there anything wrong with that?

Nehemiah -> RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be (8/7/2010 7:39:18 PM)
Wannabes tend to cheapen things. Like with certain music trends that start out with sincerity, then the marketing types get hold of it and remove all social relevance. Or political trends or social movements. Once marketing and wannabes get hold of it, the substance is removed and all that is left is the shell. Also reminds me of exterminating companies that introduce large populations of sterile insects to halt the spread of pests.

itsmeinLV -> RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be (8/7/2010 7:45:55 PM)
Wannabe = someone who thinks they are already something they are not even close to becoming. Wants-to-be = someone who actually knows they are not what they want to be yet but are striving in their own way to become it. ...in my nutshell. [:D]

LadyPact -> RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be (8/7/2010 8:14:06 PM)
Good Evening Malkinius, In My definitions the only real difference between the two is intent and drive. In both definitions, neither is putting the action behind the conjugation of the verb "to do". In other words, for whatever reason, they haven't made that leap into real life. Wannabe - Doesn't know squat and it's generally obvious. Generally someone who will count their cyber only <cough> experience <cough> as 'years in the lifestyle'. Has neither play experience in real life nor has ever had a power dynamic that was in the physical world. Want to be - For whatever reason hasn't quite made it to the conjugation of that verb YET, but is actually moving forward in that direction. This could be folks who haven't play opportunities yet or haven't found a suitable person to share a dynamic with, but they are putting efforts into the real world to reach their goal. Truthfully, I really don't worry about the difference online. I concentrate My efforts on those who will get out from behind the computer screen and do things.

porcelaine -> RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be (8/7/2010 8:23:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Malkinius Second, how do you tell the difference, especially online? You'd be taking a guess unless they've confided in you. Since everyone's telling the truth on here it could be hard to decipher. I don't bother. I lump it in with the other expert opinions levied against virtual strangers. [:D] ~porcelaine

DesFIP -> RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be (8/7/2010 8:25:50 PM)
Your wannabe is someone else's perfect just as he is. Why do you need to go around labeling others? You either are or are not compatible with them. That's it. Screening techniques require a sufficient history together to see if he walks the walk or just talks the talk. No magic eight ball can take the place of time.

sweetsub1957 -> RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be (8/7/2010 8:33:46 PM)
~FR~ Wannabe = Someone posing as something they are not in order to get what they want. Want-to-be = Someone who genuinely wants to learn about (in this case) bdsm so they know where they "fit in." These terms, IMO, apply to either side of the kneel. One person's wannabe could be another person's perfect match. ~sweetsub~ ~edited to add another thought~*

juliaoceania -> RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be (8/7/2010 8:35:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Nehemiah Wannabes tend to cheapen things. Like with certain music trends that start out with sincerity, then the marketing types get hold of it and remove all social relevance. Or political trends or social movements. Once marketing and wannabes get hold of it, the substance is removed and all that is left is the shell. Also reminds me of exterminating companies that introduce large populations of sterile insects to halt the spread of pests. I would disagree. People should express themselves and their sexuality any way they like. No one owns BDSM. People have enjoyed hot kinky rough sex long before the "lifestyle" was even conceived of

ResidentSadist -> RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be (8/7/2010 11:19:23 PM)
First, what is the difference between someone you would call a wannabe and someone you would call a want-to-be? The “it” factor is the difference. Like the entertainment industry, if someone has “it”, they are training and developing skills until they succeed. If they don't have “it”, all the practice in the world won't help . . . they are just a wannabe. Second, how do you tell the difference, especially online? If you walk the walk and talk the talk, often you recognize others by their style and demeanor. Often but not always.

Nehemiah -> RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be (8/8/2010 12:11:03 AM)
Some people like art from individual artists. Other people like "pretty pictures" pumped out by corporations. Some people like movies made by people who trained in the craft and sacrificed and put everything they had into film work. Other people like mass-produced movies created by a committee of marketing executives, starring a "face" that matches up with statistical trends. And in BDSM, there are wannabes, want-to-bes, and people who are in the lifestyle. Everyone has their place and will get along fine within that place. I just don't want to be mixed in with the groups that don't appeal to me.

lally2 -> RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be (8/8/2010 1:43:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: ORIGINAL: Nehemiah Wannabes tend to cheapen things. Like with certain music trends that start out with sincerity, then the marketing types get hold of it and remove all social relevance. Or political trends or social movements. Once marketing and wannabes get hold of it, the substance is removed and all that is left is the shell. Also reminds me of exterminating companies that introduce large populations of sterile insects to halt the spread of pests. I would disagree. People should express themselves and their sexuality any way they like. No one owns BDSM. People have enjoyed hot kinky rough sex long before the "lifestyle" was even conceived of if the wannabes want kinky sex let them have kinky sex but they should stay the hell away from Ds or Ms submissives. a little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing in the hands of a man who has no clue and is more domineering and a bully than anything else. people who march into someone elses life and take it over and then fuck with their heads and their lives. at 21 and naive as hell i got snapped up by one of them and its a topic im fairly vehement about as a result. it took me a very long time to start trusting men to go out with them and i still look back to that and profoundly regret my naivity. ive just had a cmail from somoene. she mentioned that she's met this great guy, but she had to get through the swarm of wannebes first. they predate the newbie because they know they dont stand a snowballs chance in hell of getting a sub once she's worked out how it all goes. therefore they know what they are and that makes them malicious in my book. these people make no attempt at all to understand what Dominance is or how a sub ticks. and by the way its invariably that lot that use the phrases you have a peeve about. i remember a thread a while back and all the people were saying how they dont get the asshats so much anymore. guess why. it makes me laugh when some twonk writes some utter crap about how i should address him and that now im under his consideration (and ive never even seen his profile) i should delete my profile and no longer be in contact with anyone else. do they behave like that in real life? would they approach a woman in a bar and say something like that? - no - . its internet nonsense. their assumption is that all subs will fall to their knees and leave a puddle and when they dont 'theyre not submissives' - for me its risable, for a newbie virgin its the stuff of dreams and fantasy and off they go. hopefully no harm done, though in my case alot of harm was done. but i didnt have the internet to help me see through all that toxic waste - at least here and on other boards newbie subs can at least read this stuff and be made more aware.

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