New and scared but still curious (Full Version)

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iwant2byourslv -> New and scared but still curious (8/9/2010 2:21:42 PM)

I have been on this site for quite sometime,  but not always actively.. I still have yet to experienced what it is like to be a sub.. however
last night I was introduced to some of the things that are used for play.  Mostly just looking .. ii did get to experience  leather wrist cuffs put on wrist to get a feel of what it would be like.. I can honestly say I was very nervous, scared but also aroused.. My one wrist was hooked to a door frame but I would not allow my other wrist to be hooked... How long does it take to get over the nervous and scared feelings.. I think it was the loss of control that stopped me..  What is to be expected as a first time sub and what should happen at that first or second introduction.



mstrjx -> RE: New and scared but still curious (8/9/2010 3:10:52 PM)

I believe a lot of it boils down to whomever your partner or play partner is. When you feel you trust that person (and your feelings, equally important) to go to the next step, you do.

Having said that, if you trust your partner sufficiently but your feelings are still a little too skittish, that person might take the initiative and take the next step if they feel your feelings are becoming too much your barrier. Does that make sense?

Nobody ever said that 'what we do' constitutes a race. Go as quick or as slow as is necessary to taste the deliciousness of our world.

Jeff



DarkSteven -> RE: New and scared but still curious (8/9/2010 3:12:10 PM)

First off, a submissive serves. Sexually, domestically, in play, etc. What you experienced was an intro to scening, which is just a part of it all.

To answer your question it takes as long as it takes. Keep doing what you just did, and push further when you're ready. This isn't a competition.



Focus50 -> RE: New and scared but still curious (8/9/2010 4:06:43 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: iwant2byourslv

I have been on this site for quite sometime,  but not always actively.. I still have yet to experienced what it is like to be a sub.. however
last night I was introduced to some of the things that are used for play.  Mostly just looking .. ii did get to experience  leather wrist cuffs put on wrist to get a feel of what it would be like.. I can honestly say I was very nervous, scared but also aroused.. My one wrist was hooked to a door frame but I would not allow my other wrist to be hooked... How long does it take to get over the nervous and scared feelings.. I think it was the loss of control that stopped me..  What is to be expected as a first time sub and what should happen at that first or second introduction.


The "how long" is dependent on how much you trust your partner (and yourself) and what role general society has played in conforming you to believe it's "wrong" to pursue and enjoy that which excites and attracts you.

I've had a few "first time" subs and mostly I allow them (or their body language) to initially dictate how far a scene progresses. But once a new step is accomplished (ordered to strip naked, for eg), I'm not tolerant of hesitation next time or from then on.

D/s *IS* about unequal control. Everyday egalitarian society is NOT. And the latter is what most have been "engineered" to believe and the hurdle you have to get past in your personal relationships. What consenting adults do together in the privacy of their own home is NOT society's business.

You're clearly wanting to explore an obvious submissive need. It won't happen until you can let go and give up control to another.

And welcome to the public Forums... :)

Focus.



LPslittleclip -> RE: New and scared but still curious (8/9/2010 8:00:44 PM)

trust takes time to build in any relationship and scening is no diffrent. if you play with the same person/s you will build more trust in them and become more relaxed during play. i trust my Mistress completly. i know She will hurt me but never harm me. i stsrted as you just watching and slowly playing more and more intensly as well, now i am a maso slave collared to my sadist Mistress.
just relax and enjoy the journey



phoenixmoonn13 -> RE: New and scared but still curious (8/10/2010 12:16:53 AM)

depends on the person. my ex i was married for 27 years i never trusted hiim enough to even tie me up if i could wriggle free even. my master i trust totally and when playing he has full righn he knows my limits and can tell if hes pushing without me saying anything. its one of those how long is a peace of string questions



joether -> RE: New and scared but still curious (8/10/2010 2:25:33 AM)

I've been on occasion, on the opposite side of the whip, with a 'first time Domm'. You think being a first dome submissive is tough? Try being a first time Domme. They all seem to believe, they should know exactly what they are doing. And that, is simply unreasonable, in every sense of the word. When you are new, step in to things, at your speed. Your partner, should be adult enough, to go at your speed. However, if you start stalling, then you are not communicating. Dom/mes, just like submissives, are not mind readers.

I recalled the first dungeon I actually stepped in to. I almost fainted. But my Domme at the time, urged me in, and simply walked around (with me), to allow me to look at everything. Of course, trying to bind me to some stuff, proved a challeng with my height....

As you grow, in being a submissive, so to, will your undertanding of being a submissive grow. You will learn new things, that you never knew existed. But always, always, always, communicate with your partner, if something is making you uncomfortable.



lally2 -> RE: New and scared but still curious (8/10/2010 3:14:01 AM)

i think being tied up by someone you dont know very well, if at all, when youre nervous and new and its youre first time ever is going to be scary.

i usually try to spend a certain amount of time getting to know a person and get to feel comfortable with that person before i feel its ok to submit to them on any level.

aspects of play can make a sub nervous even when theyre in a relationship with someone.

trust in a person doesnt just ping out of the air, it has to be given a chance to develop.  it sounds like this person was new to you and you went straight into play so there was no strong element of trust, you were going on a wing and a prayer a bit.

if you are this nervous and scared you should maybe try to get to know a person first, talk on the phone, meet up and go into play situations where maybe youre not tied up at first.  it might take a few play sessions for you before you relax and can trust enough.  finding someone who is prepared to go gently with you i think is very important too.

it really isnt about 'how long does it take' its about you feeling comfy with someone you trust. 



littleone35 -> RE: New and scared but still curious (8/10/2010 9:32:44 AM)

For our first few meetings Master and i just taked finding out what we both wanted/needed from a relationship. No i did not let him toe me up at first, it can be scary untli you know you can trust that person not to cause harm to you while you are helpless. When i did trust him i let him do it and it was wonderful, now i ask for it.

Don't rush it or let youself be pushed/bullied into it. When you gain more trust you may be ready for that next step. Just take things slow and communiate what you are feeling that is very important.

Matt's littleone



dreamerdreaming -> RE: New and scared but still curious (8/10/2010 10:06:54 AM)

As noted above: trust takes time, to develop. A certain amount must be advanced initially, in order for the rest to be earned. Move at a pace that feels comfortable to you.

However long you need- THAT is how long it takes.

Take time.



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