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Scheduling "assignments" - 8/11/2010 4:24:42 PM   
MasterToasty


Posts: 16
Status: offline 		I have a few questions for my fellow Doms, but first a little background: My current partner and I aren't 24/7. We like keeping the BDSM "below the surface" of our relationship, and certainly out of the public eye among our friends. That said, our relationship is her first BDSM experience (I've been at this since about 6 years ago), and I've been slowly easing her into the lifestyle over the past 9 months; and she's hooked! It looks like we might be getting our relationship closer to a 24/7 dynamic.

My partner is very into the control aspect of BDSM, as am I, and in addition to our regular repertoire of discipline-based spankings, canings, floggings, rough sex, bondage, and Master/sub bedroom play, we've been developing a bit more dialog-based play around control within the bedroom (under my more recent rules, she now has to ask permission to come, and she has to thank me after coming). She's pretty comfortable with that level of control/instruction, so I'm planning on taking things up a notch.

We've been discussing and exploring a little bit of kink outside of the house, such as dinner rules when we eat at a restaurant (for example, she has been instructed to ask permission to be excused to use the bathroom -- with the understanding that I won't say no, but with the expectation that she must ask first).

One idea that I've enjoyed previously with my ex (we were involved 24/7 for approx a year) was creating a calendar of "assignments".

It's a simple idea... I place a number of activities on a privately viewable google calendar, and she performs the tasks she is given and "checks in" via text by the given deadline. If she fails to complete the task, or fails to check in (and thank me for any orgasms), she is punished via spankings and by having to repeat a more involved make-up assignment while under supervision at my apartment.

Some of the assignments I've given in the past involve scheduled masturbation (once a day keeps the doctor away! hehe), other assignments involve going out for a nice lunch with her coworkers, but with a butt plug in for the duration of her lunch break. Additional assignments have also included kegel exercises multiple times daily during work hours (my previous partner always got verrrrry turned on and wet when she did her kegels, so I enjoyed having her do them at work so she'd be all hot and bothered when she came home.... hehehe).

I wonder, have any of you doled out kinky assignments in this way (or similarly) before? What are some that you particularly enjoyed having your sub perform for you? Got any particular tasks in mind? Those of you who have never been in this position, what are some that you think you might enjoy having your sub perform? My aim is to have her feel controlled when I am not around, and to have her endure mild & discreet humiliation (i.e. lunch with friends while wearing a buttplug).

It's always nice to get a little outside input from those with a newer-to-the-lifestyle mindset, and certainly from those more experienced than myself... so I look forward to your responses!

Thank you for taking the time,
J

(Forum Mods: this will be cross posted to the "Ask a Submissive/Slave" and "Ask a Mistress" forums with different questions at the end. Please don't delete these as duplicates, they are separate for a reason; different audiences and different questions to be answered! Thanks for not nuking my threads)
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RE: Scheduling "assignments" - 8/11/2010 5:53:32 PM   
pwnerandpwned


Posts: 83
Joined: 4/13/2010
Status: offline 		Sorta like the google calendar idea. Normally, we talk often enough that I just give directions when convenient. However, there have been a few times I thought of something after she was asleep, left for work, etc, and if sending a text or voicemail have to hope she remembers to look at her phone before the needed time.

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RE: Scheduling "assignments" - 8/11/2010 5:55:04 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Expect additional threads to be deleted. We all read all the forums and answer in any of them that catch our eye.

First off, how well could you work with a butt plug up your ass? How effective would you be if you were insanely turned on?
I'm betting not well. So by doing these things you are in effect ordering her to be a poor employee and to be the first one to lose her job come layoffs. Is that really what you want? Can you afford to pay her when your orders cause her to be jobless? Right now you're telling her to take money she isn't earning, and that's just wrong. Get her to learn more aspects, become a better employee and get a raise instead.

Why not give assignments that are in her better interests? Such as getting to bed at a earlier hour? Learning to cook a new dish? Going to the gym with you so you both get healthier?

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 8/11/2010 5:57:08 PM >

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RE: Scheduling "assignments" - 8/11/2010 6:49:02 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		I agree, nothing wrong with wanting her horny, but at work isn't the right time or place for it.

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RE: Scheduling "assignments" - 8/11/2010 6:59:24 PM   
tiggerspoohbear


Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline 		What Desfip said.  It's hard enough to keep a job let alone get a new one when your previous employer has nothing good to say about your work performance.  I'm a submissive and there's no way in HELL someone would have me do something that could jeopardize me at work just for his amusement. 
And your "hehehes" are kinda creepy.  Just because it worked for your previous sub doesn't mean it'll work for this one.  They're two different people and you should recognize that. 

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RE: Scheduling "assignments" - 8/11/2010 7:05:49 PM   
Chrisincuffs


Posts: 602
Joined: 12/7/2009
Status: offline 		I agree as well. I have my kinky assignments that are handed out when I'm at home or running errands. I tend to procrastinate on household tasks, so often Master makes me wear a bunch of clips or my tack bra until I get my to do list done. Pain is a great motivator for me! lol. My other assignments are to keep up on my painting and photography.
Our biggest rule though is we don't do anything that will affect our jobs, family or the law.



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RE: Scheduling "assignments" - 8/11/2010 9:21:13 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Now that I know which thread is staying, I can answer the question.

I'm not much for scheduling assignments.  I'm also not a fan of giving assignments just for the sake of doing so, ensuring a submissive has 'busy work', or ones that have sexual overtones just for the sake of it.  I tend to use ritual and protocol more for the routine things to reaffirm the dynamic and assignments for specific areas that I want to address.

The calendar thing wouldn't work too well for Me.  Those times that I do want to use assignments, it's because I want My submissive to be more in tune with Me.  Not exactly the kind of thing that you can plan ahead for.  I may decide that I want him masturbating to a certain fantasy because it's what excites Me and another I may have him researching because it's an area that holds My interest.  Whatever it is, I tend to do this with a purpose in mind.  Not just random activities.

I don't use assignments to remind him of control.  I feel that control has to be established for the assignment to be given in the first place.  Otherwise, you have no idea if the assignment has been completed.  I want there to be a result that I can verify.


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RE: Scheduling "assignments" - 8/12/2010 12:11:29 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		depending on the size of the butt plug of course - but theyre not that intrusive. 

i think that if youre into that sort of thing then it sounds fun to me.  clearly you dont live together so any way to keep the connection going and to feel in touch with each other is a good way to go.

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RE: Scheduling "assignments" - 8/12/2010 12:35:12 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I recently began seeing someone and we have moved the relationship to the assignment stage. His approach is not to dictate when and how I will engage in these assignments, they are used for me to remind myself of our connection. I have discretion about when it is and isn't appropriate for me to do these assignments, but I also know that there is a reason for them and that makes me want to do them

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(in reply to MasterToasty)
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RE: Scheduling "assignments" - 8/12/2010 12:41:09 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		What LadyP said.

I get irritated by assignments for the sake of having an assignment. I have a busy work and family life which is pretty finely balanced in terms of the energy I have, so a good dominant would bear this in mind when asking for extra effort from me when we're not together.

Having said that, however, if he wanted me to research something or do something that would enhance 'us', then of course I would do it. I would happily learn to cook a new dish, make some new clothes, learn to dance...whatever came to mind. As long as there is reason to do it.

I don't do kink at work - as I work with kids and I'm on my feet all day, I need to be the one to choose what to wear to best suit the day's needs, and of course I can't be distracted during the day.

But just to echo what previous posters have said - there's nothing more annoying than hearing "but my last partner/sub/whatever used to LOVE that!". Ick...

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RE: Scheduling "assignments" - 8/12/2010 7:12:56 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I get asked to research things for him all the time. Things that are clearly designed to help him. Or us. But they aren't busy work so I don't start looking at him and sighing to myself, "not more foolish timewasters please".

Being submissive doesn't mean we immediately become brainless. We know when something's important and when it isn't. Make our lives much more difficult needlessly and you've proven yourself not trustworthy, not respectful of us as people, not caring about us.

And the bit with demanding she react just like your ex did? Creepy! Do you call her by the ex's name also?


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RE: Scheduling "assignments" - 8/12/2010 7:57:47 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		No assignments from me.. unless its something I really need or want... to me, that's game playing.

If I request something be done, I usually don't care how it gets done, unless I'm specific about it.

"Get the luggage upstairs and get us checked in at the hotel." ... if she wants to pay a baggage handler to do that, I'm fine with it.. saves her back a bit
"Do my boots" ... well, that has a specific ritual and a set of protocols behind it and only she does them, with me in them... and she knows how that goes.. she doesn't get to send them out, so to speak

I'm an outcomes Top.. not a process Top.

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RE: Scheduling "assignments" - 8/12/2010 8:09:55 AM   
CeriseNin


Posts: 286
Joined: 4/8/2010
Status: offline 		Stop focusing on your ex's psychological buttons and focus on the girl you're with now. What trips her trigger? What reinforces her submissiveness with you? For example, busy work would make me see my partner as scatter-brained and not in control - - flinging stuff at me to see what sticks. Get inside her brain and stop using your ex as a template for your current girl.

(in reply to MasterToasty)
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RE: Scheduling "assignments" - 8/12/2010 10:03:59 AM   
MasterToasty


Posts: 16
Status: offline 		Thanks to all who've replied.

Some things to clarify:
I'm glad you guys have your priorities straight, and we have ours very clear as well. In order of importance: Family, Work, our relationship, kink, then everything else. If you re-read my original post, you'll note that I didn't have my ex wear a buttplug while AT work... but rather on her lunch break. And it was a small one (about 3" long, ~1" diameter?), not some ridiculous side-splitter. I agree that anything that negatively interferes with someone's work/family life is stupid and unethical, and I also agree with not breaking any laws.


Also, please don't assume that I'm trying to recreate what I had with my ex... that was a very different relationship and she was a very different person. In terms of what my current partner enjoys kink-wise, there is some overlap though.

In sharing past experiences with my current partner, she specifically asked me if I would/could tell her to do naughty things for the sake of doing them. She gets off on that, and I'm happy to provide opportunities for her to enjoy herself. She asked ME if I would incorporate assigned tasks into our relationship because the idea of it got her very excited, and I said I'd be happy to try it out with her for the sake of seeing if it felt right, on an experimental basis. This isn't something that I'm forcing on her to get my rocks off, but rather something she has specifically, explicitly asked for.

Further, I'm sorry if I've offended you in any way, DesFIP... but you really shouldn't jump to such far reaching conclusions about people without asking for further clarification first, nor should you make assumptions about them. Twice now you've called me creepy, and you've begun writing your own story about about me ("And the bit with demanding she react just like your ex did? Creepy! Do you call her by the ex's name also?") based on I have no idea what. I treat my partner with the utmost respect, I do not expect her to react just like my ex did at all, and I don't understand why you feel the need to fabricate these colorful additions to my post. Please try to be less hostile without just cause... I came here asking respectfully for advice from those with different perspectives and most importantly from those with more experience than I.





So, with all of that in mind, allow me to thank you all for the useful information so far.

I especially like the self-improvement assignments suggested above by DesFIP. Also, excellent points raised by LadyPact, specifically the point about holding a purpose in mind; I will definitely focus on that.

(in reply to CeriseNin)
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RE: Scheduling "assignments" - 8/12/2010 10:14:01 AM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

nothing wrong with wanting her horny, but at work isn't the right time or place for it


Not getting into the assignment debate, but this is questionable.

If men couldn't work when horny, they'd rarely work.

Are you suggesting women are less capable?

I can assure you they manage just fine.

(in reply to Andalusite)
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RE: Scheduling "assignments" - 8/12/2010 10:52:00 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery

quote:

nothing wrong with wanting her horny, but at work isn't the right time or place for it


Not getting into the assignment debate, but this is questionable.

If men couldn't work when horny, they'd rarely work.

Are you suggesting women are less capable?

I can assure you they manage just fine.


Maybe it depends on the type of work that they do.  I need to be very focused for specific parts of my job so any distractions would cause problems. I can only speak for myself but I find it easy to "switch off" my sexual feelings/horniness when at work ... the two areas just don't intersect nor overlap for me and that is how I prefer it to be.

OP you mention that the assignments are what she wants in which case the calendar etc is a great idea.  I am not a fan of them personally and thankfully my dominant shares my views but maybe giving her something of yours (a hanky or something) which she can keep in her pocket or handbag which she has to hold while repeating some agreed upon phrase at particular times could work.  This would be very discrete and can be done quickly at work.

if she doesn't have a work uniform maybe she can tell you a couple of options for clothes she is thinking of wearing the night before and you can make the final decision

Enjoy


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RE: Scheduling "assignments" - 8/12/2010 8:26:36 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		I love the idea of having tasks put on my google calendar.
I love when he gives me to do lists.

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RE: Scheduling "assignments" - 8/13/2010 7:45:09 PM   
MasterT59


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/11/2010
Status: offline 		The thought of scheduled task does interest me and i might incorporate it into my pets routine. I normally have a different approach thou i give goals to improve my pets ether to better serve me or for their benefit for example i will give my pet a week to work on being able to stand at attention for 15 min without moving to much or sitting down or giving them 3 weeks to be able to run in place for 15 min without stopping. you do haft to greatly consider their current health and ability level when setting the deadline and for how long you want them to do something, and this is something they work on at their own accord so it does not interfere with family or work even if they get called in to work unexpectedly during the 30 min when say wanted them to wear vibrating pantys.



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RE: Scheduling "assignments" - 8/14/2010 8:12:59 PM   
Bobbie9395


Posts: 38
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		I'm a sub, not a Dom, but may I share some of the chores my Mentor gives me.  He's in Northern CA and I'm in Southern CA.  I have chores I do daily and chores I do as he assigns them. 

He currently has me wearing a sort of chastity belt I fashioned out of suspenders and a butt plug in my vagina.  I must do this daily, except Sunday.  He sent me a chain with two locks.  I wear the chain around my ankles in the evening, which hobbles me.  I wear it around my neck during the day, except when I go out.  He gives me corner time, at which time I sit nude in a corner with no windows, pictures, etc.  He had me purchase two oven mitts and some velcro.  At various times he will have me wear the mitts, held in place with the velcro, for an hour or two.  He has me do an enema at 10 AM each Friday.  He tells me what color nail polish I can wear.  He's had me do clothes pins, wax, and ice water, in that order, on my nipples.  He specifies how I'm to have my hair cut.  Fortunately, we both prefer very short hair.  After my haircuts, I'm required to take photos and email them to him, to make sure I've followed his specific instructions.  He also has me put olive oil on my hair for two hours each Monday, Wednesday and Friday.  On one occasion, when I neglected to send my required evening email to him, he had me put shaving cream on my face and shave for three days.  These are just a few of the chores I do daily, or as assigned.  Just a few possible ideas for you.

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