Is it un-sub-like...

Is it un-sub-like... (Full Version)

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subforherMaster -> Is it un-sub-like... (8/15/2010 5:05:09 PM)
to refuse an activity that is on the fringe of a limit? Sir and I have spoken at length about limits. He has none, i have a few. Sir is well aware that scat is a limit for His girl. To me this includes ass to mouth, He sees it differently. Sir recently tried to have me follow through on some "ass to mouth" activity and i politely refused. Afterward i was quite worried but He said repeatedly that He was not disappointed and that He was not angered by my refusal. Sir knows i am very hard on myself if i disappoint Him. I could see that He was frustrated sexually but not beyond that. My question to any Dom/Master is: Would this be viewed by You as un-sub-like? Or are You as understanding when trying to push the limits of Your sub? If so, how do You show that You are not disappointed, or angered?

DarkSteven -> RE: Is it un-sub-like... (8/15/2010 5:20:53 PM)
Drop it. He tried it and you refused. He saw that you were worried and he reassured you. Repeatedly. Now you're coming here. I would be a little frustrated if refused, but I'd get over it. But if my sub refused to move past it, and kept bringing it up, I'd be irate at it. I'm not sure how to convey the lack of disappointment or anger. I'd simply not show the symptoms of disappointment or anger. Not something to look for, rather the lack thereof.

subforherMaster -> RE: Is it un-sub-like... (8/15/2010 5:32:58 PM)
DarkSteven...Please do not misunderstand. Sir and His girl are fine. There is no issue. He is not disappointed or angry, and i know this completely. The question is simply how other Doms/Masters see and/or handle this type of thing.

sweetsub1957 -> RE: Is it un-sub-like... (8/15/2010 5:38:49 PM)
~FR~ Daddy might try to push that limit but, if I said "No" (as I would too), He wouldn't be disappointed. But that's part of what Dom/mes do, is push limits. [;)] ~sweetsub~

sexyred1 -> RE: Is it un-sub-like... (8/15/2010 5:47:41 PM)
How nice that Sir has no limits; you do. If you discussed it as a hard limit, that is what it is. I don't think something is "un-sub" like. There are things one will do and things one will not do. Sub or not.

laurell3 -> RE: Is it un-sub-like... (8/15/2010 5:52:50 PM)
I agree with sexyred. This isn't an issue of being submissive or not (although I have to tell you honestly I would have the same question and concerns and have thought this way too). This is an issue of you putting defined parameters on what you need to be safe. Reinforcing those parameters makes you a healthy adult. Role is not relevant, nor should it be to that decision. Let it go. You did what what right for you and you always have the first responsiblity that is never abdicated to make sure that you are safe as far as I'm concerned.

littlewonder -> RE: Is it un-sub-like... (8/15/2010 6:57:53 PM)
for our relationship it would be un-slave-like since when I entered into a relationship with him my limits were his limits and I gave my consent once. What he says is law. I do it or I have the option to walk. This was discussed before we ever got together the first time. Now in your relationship if you both discussed you had the right to say no then that's something you both have to learn to live with. If you said no and he was ok with it then you both just move on with your lives together. Just let it go and move on.

subforherMaster -> RE: Is it un-sub-like... (8/15/2010 7:09:48 PM)
Once again i am not asking "what should i do?" There relationship between Sir and myself is wonderful. He and i both have moved forward from this and will continue to do so in the future. My question is only: Would this be viewed by You as un-sub-like? Or are You as understanding when trying to push the limits of Your sub? If so, how do You show that You are not disappointed, or angered?

SpiritedRadiance -> RE: Is it un-sub-like... (8/15/2010 7:12:41 PM)
Its not unsublike to have limitations, its not unsublike to not wish to have things that can cause you harm. I understand your feeling of disappointment for not being able to do what was asked of you. but its never un -term- like, because you cant or you wont morally go somewhere.

laurell3 -> RE: Is it un-sub-like... (8/15/2010 7:15:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subforherMaster Once again i am not asking "what should i do?" There relationship between Sir and myself is wonderful. He and i both have moved forward from this and will continue to do so in the future. My question is only: Would this be viewed by You as un-sub-like? Or are You as understanding when trying to push the limits of Your sub? If so, how do You show that You are not disappointed, or angered? I do see everyone here answering that question. I'm confused on how you see it otherwise. The s-types are only answering the first part of your question most likely because it's the that's the only one we have perspective on. Honestly from my standpoint if he tried to push a limit that I hadn't already verbally acquiesed on repeatedly I would tell him to knock it the fuck off and he was being an idiot without much regard for whether he viewed that as submissive or not. Role doesn't extend to me saying I need to be safe and you need to adhere to what I believe is safe for me. That is what limits are. UNLESS you really aren't holding on to this as a limit and it's just an activity that you have difficulty with and I've done that too and can certainly identify with that. (as an aside I totally blame Aileen for this too! the cunt!) Also, I really don't get asking us if it's un-sub like, hell there are guys on this board that will tell you all sorts of things are un-sub like, that are clearly unrealistic. If you are really worried about this being a role issue, the only two people that define roles in your relationship are you and him imo.

DarkSteven -> RE: Is it un-sub-like... (8/15/2010 7:23:06 PM)
And I did try to answer the second part of OP's question but I found it hard to say how I would convey the lack of something.

SpiritedRadiance -> RE: Is it un-sub-like... (8/15/2010 7:36:51 PM)
Steven I think shes coming to the feeling, that she shouldnt have said no and feels bad for saying no and she wants to know if saying no is okay, and most seem to just say move on from this situation. If saying no is causing a problem every time she says no is going to cause this sort of problem with the feeling of doubts, from the way i read it she wants reassurance that is is okay to say no I dont want to do that or i cant do that with out the world ending. OP if your dom gives you the vibe that hes having an issue with the situation ask to sit down and talk to him, say look I really feel bad for saying no when you ask for, it makes me feel.... and ask him to explain his reasoning. If he asks for things over and over you know you can not do then you guys arent as compatible as you think you are and it might be time to re-evaluate.

Twoshoes -> RE: Is it un-sub-like... (8/15/2010 8:12:29 PM)
It's preferable you act this way subforhermaster. If you weren't telling him what you aren't willing to do and went along, you would be sitting there miserable, but not in a good way. And then he'll have no way of assuring your happiness, which is what a good dominant should do.

juliaoceania -> RE: Is it un-sub-like... (8/15/2010 8:54:58 PM)
quote: But that's part of what Dom/mes do, is push limits. some do, some don't... I prefer the kind that don't

RedStapler -> RE: Is it un-sub-like... (8/15/2010 10:03:39 PM)
I think that part of the whole relationship process (and it is a PROCESS) is learning each other's likes and dislikes, exploring each other's boundaries, and even testing those limits. A Dom should never get upset if he's venturing into a gray area or uncharted territory and bumps up against a sub's limit. He should treat it as a learning experience that will improve the relationship going forward.

Zevar -> RE: Is it un-sub-like... (8/15/2010 10:08:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subforherMaster to refuse an activity that is on the fringe of a limit? Sir and I have spoken at length about limits. He has none, i have a few. Sir is well aware that scat is a limit for His girl. To me this includes ass to mouth, He sees it differently. Sir recently tried to have me follow through on some "ass to mouth" activity and i politely refused. Afterward i was quite worried but He said repeatedly that He was not disappointed and that He was not angered by my refusal. Sir knows i am very hard on myself if i disappoint Him. I could see that He was frustrated sexually but not beyond that. My question to any Dom/Master is: Would this be viewed by You as un-sub-like? Or are You as understanding when trying to push the limits of Your sub? If so, how do You show that You are not disappointed, or angered? Greetings: From my viewpoint it is simple. I respect the term NO to mean just that. NO! I am not angered or disappointed when NO is the answer. Instead I am pleased as when a lady feels safe enough to tell me NO this is an indicator that a bond of trust is intact. I would never protest a bond of trust. When mutual respect is exchanged in a relationship, regardless what the boundary/limit is, therein is an opportunity to deepen in a intimate bond of trust and love. In every instance I prefer this to anything else, regardless. Take good care!

Focus50 -> RE: Is it un-sub-like... (8/16/2010 12:07:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subforherMaster to refuse an activity that is on the fringe of a limit? Sir and I have spoken at length about limits. He has none, i have a few. Sir is well aware that scat is a limit for His girl. To me this includes ass to mouth, He sees it differently. Sir recently tried to have me follow through on some "ass to mouth" activity and i politely refused. Afterward i was quite worried but He said repeatedly that He was not disappointed and that He was not angered by my refusal. Sir knows i am very hard on myself if i disappoint Him. I could see that He was frustrated sexually but not beyond that. My question to any Dom/Master is: Would this be viewed by You as un-sub-like? Or are You as understanding when trying to push the limits of Your sub? If so, how do You show that You are not disappointed, or angered? The bigger issue brewing (IMO) is his lack of repect for a known limit. Yeah, it's ok to push limits, many subs even welcome it, but there must surely come a point where it dawns on his ego-centric self that this really IS a limit for you. If he wants his arse kissed so much, encourage him to run for public office where there's always a small support army of glad-handers and general hangers-on looking to hitch a ride.... Focus.

DesFIP -> RE: Is it un-sub-like... (8/16/2010 3:55:16 AM)
Why do you care about how other dominants might react? The only one you need to concern yourself with already told you to drop it. Some dominants are asses who would blow a fuse at being denied anything, hard limit or not. Others would realize later that what they wanted was firmly on a no-go list and apologize for it.

aldompdx -> RE: Is it un-sub-like... (8/16/2010 4:33:02 AM)
If you have enough respect to honor and enforce your own limits, then you have the capacity to truly honor somebody else. It is excelently sub-like. Good for you! Put another way, zero times anything is still zero. Don't be a zero.

texangael -> RE: Is it un-sub-like... (8/16/2010 6:00:41 AM)
quote: My question to any Dom/Master is: Would this be viewed by You as un-sub-like? What is "un-sub-like" in your behavior is you not taking Sir at his word. He says he is at peace with your refusal to cross that line. Accept that he is, and rejoice in that.

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