RE: BDSM and Ageism

RE: BDSM and Ageism (Full Version)

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LadyConstanze -> RE: BDSM and Ageism (8/17/2010 4:32:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance Vc: its not specific personal references its more like generalized statements, like on threads such as flakey 19yo slave and the would you introduce your sone/daughter threads that sparked the questions. The 18 to 22 aren't emotionally mature enough for the life or similar statements like she's 19 what do you expect comments that have fueled my wonderings. I also have to add that knowledge goes both ways generationally my generation knows typically more about electronics and the like because we were raised on them from baby up. Where as someone in their 40s had to pick it up at a different stage. So being 40 or 50 doesn't mean all the time you have had X number of years that's means superior. As somebody in her 30's, I grew up with computers, electronics, the internet, only you had to learn a bit more about it, computers used to be a bit more expensive, so people of my generation assembled them ourselves, with the group I used to hang with, it was normal to write your own applications, with a lot of teens or 20-somethings I notice they simply use electronics without knowing how they work or being all that interested in it. On the other hand, I know a ton of people in their 40's or 50's who know a lot about computers and tech, possibly more than the average teenager I know. Apart from that, you know life experience, in general you can't cram 10 years or more into a year, at different stages in your life you want different things, 10 or 20 years ago settling down wasn't a priority, I wouldn't have wanted to own my own place because I didn't know where I was going to study next, where my career would take me, in which city or country I would end up. I'm much more settled now, back then well I rented and I moved a lot, now I think it's quite relaxing to own my own home, I don't need permission from a landlord to change anything, to have pets... It's not ageist, it's just that right now I want different things than I wanted 10 years ago and in another 10 years I possibly want different things again. Take your time and enjoy the phase in life you are in, change is something that comes naturally anyway.

BellyDancingSub -> RE: BDSM and Ageism (8/17/2010 8:47:18 AM)
When I was eighteen, I was really pissed off that my twenty-four-year-old boyfriend thought I couldn't possibly know anything about life. At the age of eighteen, I had experienced some pretty heavy stuff, and I resented anyone thinking I was still a child. When I was twenty-six, I was in a therapy group with a bunch of older women. They all seemed to look down on me, as if I couldn't possibly "know" the things I knew about life, or be capable of solving my emotional problems, at such a young age. This really pissed me off. Now I am thirty-nine. I know far more about life than I did at thirty-two. And at thirty-two I knew a great deal more than I did at twenty-six. And at twenty-six, I knew a fair amount more than I did at eighteen. Yet at each of those ages, I thought of myself as experienced and rather wise for my age. One thing I have finally learned from all of this is that we do continue learning, growing, and changing as we age. And although we may not like to hear it, being around longer generally does mean more real life experience, with accompanying wisdom, for most people. I would never put down someone younger than me, because I remember how much it pissed me off when it was done to me, but I am also aware that there are some things a younger person simply cannot understand without some more life experience (you may think you understand, but you don't -- not really).

juliaoceania -> RE: BDSM and Ageism (8/17/2010 9:04:16 AM)
quote: nd although we may not like to hear it, being around longer generally does mean more real life experience, with accompanying wisdom, for most people. And what I have noticed at 40 was that things just got easier for me in many ways. I don't struggle the way I used to.... I suppose I have more faith in myself, more trust in my own wisdom, and I have the skills to accomplish what I need to get done. It took a long time to acquire those skills, and the accumulation of them seems to just make things... well, easier.

leadership527 -> RE: BDSM and Ageism (8/17/2010 9:19:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance I guess I have the belief that if generalizations about most topics, like my way is the only way, or something that comes across as degrading to a general group of people that is not often tolerated on the boards. Often there are flame wars when one comes here with one true wayism beliefs. Not to worry, lots and lots of subtle and not-so-subtle intolerance is practiced here. What is also true though is that each of us feels the intolerance levied against us more acutely. Would it surprise you to find that I see pretty strong negative biases against male doms and anyone who is submissive by personality? quote: I am seeing that some things are meant to be less of an attack on a younger generation, and more of an expression of personal experience. I also hope I didnt offend anyone by trying to seek out peoples opinions on the topic. Correct and no worries. As someone else said, all us old farts were young people once too. And also, let's not forget that just like everything else in life, the good & bad go together. There are lots of endearing things to say about youth beyond the beauty aspects. quote: I still think I will find distaste with most generalizations, and stereotypes as they tend to label people with negative opinion or leanings prior to getting to know that person and they are hard to overcome once that has been formed. Be careful here because fundamentally our brains use stereotypes for a reason. It helps to categorize and sort all the data stored there. I don't believe it is possible to get rid of generalizations and stereotypes... especially not if they are largely correct. What we CAN do, however, is be careful how those stereotypes are applied to a specific individual, eg: "Sure, maybe I think young people are generally melodramatic... but is that what is going on in THIS PARTICULAR case?" Things like rules and standards and expectations and whatnot help us get through life so long as we don't forget that they are not reality -- only approximations of it.

juliaoceania -> RE: BDSM and Ageism (8/17/2010 11:22:04 AM)
quote: Would it surprise you to find that I see pretty strong negative biases against male doms and anyone who is submissive by personality? I had never noticed this, but I suppose this is because it doesn't matter to me how people feel about their personality in relationship to being a sub or a dom. We are all oriented in the way we are oriented, I hadn't noticed a prejudice towards this, just people who are oriented differently than you commenting on that difference. I am sensitive to people denigrating daddy doms, and subs who call their doms "daddy". People actually post how we are sick, immature, can't run our own lives, morally questionable, disgusting and so forth and so forth... I hadn't noticed that sort of prejudice leveled at you.. just my perception

Mistletoe -> RE: BDSM and Ageism (8/17/2010 2:31:05 PM)
Being new to this site, being over 50, and admitting I am new to BSDM, I have gotten quite a few emails here chiding me as being to old to pursue my interest in the lifestyle now. One actually told me I should have started at an earlier age. I figure most of those sending me such messages are idiots (regardless of their age) and I just block them.

GingerGirl4USA -> RE: BDSM and Ageism (8/19/2010 12:35:36 AM)
I really like your honesty in what you said ...and admitting you were once with silly thoughts about the world too...All of us go through changes,,,..this has been a year of reflection for me..with my daughtor graduating from college....the things she knows that I should of years ago...and the things I learned that I shouldnt have known at the age that I did. But there is no gudgement here. There are so many differant kinds of gifted people in this world. quote: ORIGINAL: crazyml Hey there, In the uk the age of "consent" is 16, the age of majority 18. I wouldn't change either. I've no doubt that there are some people younger than 16 with the maturity, wisdom, etc to have sex, but I think 16 is a pretty good stopping point (and even if I didn't think it was a good stopping point, I'd be risking jail time if I chose to ignore it, no matter how worldly the minor). I've also met people in their 20's who (in my very subjective and non-qualified opinion) aren't mature or wise enough to have sex... I would point out though that when you say - quote: ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance I do not think that age has really anything to do with being an adult. You're right to add - ultimately someone's level of maturity is more about life experience, but there's a pretty strong general correlation between age and life experience. And yes, some people are lucky (or unlucky as the case may be) to gain 30years' worth of life experience in 16 - but I do think it's fair (as a general rule) to say that people in their 20's are generally more mature than people in their teens. So, yeah - if a 19 year old starts ranting on the boards about how they know all there is to know about Domliness, I'm inclined to think (and occasionally reply) "fuck off you silly little boy/girl". Although, I'd say that a 19 year old's willingness to make such claims is pretty much proof of their immaturity - just as a 40 year old's willingness to make the same claims is also proof of their immaturity (I should also point out that when I was 19 I was absolutely one of those self-certain silly little boys). On the other hand, I'll occasionally follow someone on the boards and take a look at their profile and be surprised to see that they're in their early 20's - Much as I was just now when I snooped your profile. In that event wouldn't hold their age against them for a second. I do filter by age, which isn't quite as strong as "discriminating" - I won't pay much attention to profiles of people in their early 20's, but if I bump into someone who is younger than my normal range I wouldn't dismiss them either. [Ed for typos and shocking wording]

txurinal -> RE: BDSM and Ageism (8/29/2010 12:56:32 PM)
LEADERSHIP527 is 100% correct when saying young people have a lot of drama in their lives. i know i sure did. i always knew i was interested in BDSM but was in my late 30's when i became owned. And both my MASTERS were younger than me. Now in my 50's, i know what Mistiletoe means when people think you are "too old". Many people want the young hotties as slaves. Why would anyone want a middle-aged slave? i admit i am not as handsome as when young. Also not in the best of shape. However, i know that i can still be a valuable slave for someone who can look beyond the age thing

SubPet715 -> RE: BDSM and Ageism (8/29/2010 1:10:38 PM)
When I do rarely message a domme and it turns out she may be older than me it is usually met with rejection because of my age. I don't ask for any other explanation because frankly they don't owe me one, I know it to be something that is just not done commonly. To many who reject simply on age, they have their reasons, compatibility being a main one. Someone being around for the regan administration and someone who saw him referenced in an episode of family guy, will most likely not get along. Most likely being a key word, personally I try to bridge the gap by being the opposite of what someone my age is. Like I said, rejection based on age just sort of...sucks, but I respect other peoples decisions when it comes down to it. Knowing that someone who takes the time to know me will find I am as loyal and mature as they come.

Twoshoes -> RE: BDSM and Ageism (8/29/2010 1:15:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SubPet715 Like I said, rejection based on age just sort of...sucks, but I respect other peoples decisions when it comes down to it. Knowing that someone who takes the time to know me will find I am as loyal and mature as they come. Agreed, there's no point feeling bad about it; it's nice to be young. I'm sure we'll be older alot sooner than we'd wish, anyway.

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