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Do you or have you - - 8/16/2010 8:43:23 AM

MistressLavinia

Posts: 1110
Joined: 3/6/2009
From: DFWM in the Land of LaviKinks
Status: offline

-judge someone on here just by their photos? I mean I definitely have and recently learned its wrong, because it affected me. But I think the ones I judged were when I see a girl spread eagle, saying "If your a guy don't contact me" Or "I don't want guys looking at me so don't" Or a guy with his cock out, and it says, He's very shy, and a newbie, and a wonderful submissive and respects women.

*Edited because I spoke Italian* "he's a very shy"
Lavinia - The Roman Swede

< Message edited by MistressLavinia -- 8/16/2010 8:47:20 AM >

_____________________________

If somebody offers you a lifetime supply of candy and there is just one piece, don’t eat it: It’s probably poison:
~I am: ~Petal-icious~Bitch with Tits~
~ Ravager ~Sovereign~ LaviKinKs

Post #: 1

RE: Do you or have you - - 8/16/2010 8:47:12 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

Of course people judge others based on their photos and the words accompanying them.

How could you not? That is all someone has to go on in this medium. There is no voice, no eye contact, no aura surrounding a photo; only the photo itself and the words.

Why is this wrong? If you want to project a certain attitude, you do. If it is the wrong one, change it.

(in reply to MistressLavinia)

Post #: 2

RE: Do you or have you - - 8/16/2010 8:50:42 AM

MistressLavinia

Posts: 1110
Joined: 3/6/2009
From: DFWM in the Land of LaviKinks
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Of course people judge others based on their photos and the words accompanying them.

How could you not? That is all someone has to go on in this medium. There is no voice, no eye contact, no aura surrounding a photo; only the photo itself and the words.

Why is this wrong? If you want to project a certain attitude, you do. If it is the wrong one, change it.

To me its wrong because your judging someone before you know them. Just as if your child was in school for the first day and a teacher judged them, judging sometimes stays with the person. I believe its wrong to judge someone before you know them whether its internet or not. It's better to have an open mind, not a closed one and say, I don't like the photo so I don't like the person. To me, my opinion, its wrong.

_____________________________

If somebody offers you a lifetime supply of candy and there is just one piece, don’t eat it: It’s probably poison:
~I am: ~Petal-icious~Bitch with Tits~
~ Ravager ~Sovereign~ LaviKinKs

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 3

RE: Do you or have you - - 8/16/2010 8:55:46 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

It's not about the photo. It's about the mentality that putting a cock shot up on a site like this represents. I don't have any interest in people that think that representing themselves as a cock is a meaningful way to start a relationship. In fact, I would go as far as thinking they really don't have that interest at all.

It's great that everyone wants to be nice, but actions do have consequences. The consequence of representing yourself poorly, is being seen poorly and that's not going to change. I will say that when I was single and I got those emails, I did tell them that it would probably be easier if they are really looking if they changed their picture. That usually just got me the typical "you're shit" responses though.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to MistressLavinia)

Post #: 4

RE: Do you or have you - - 8/16/2010 8:59:32 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

Yes.. Like when you're browsing a profile an you just happen to pass by one where the place is a huge mess, and utterly disgusting I'd think ewww, have some pride clean your house up before taking photo's or go somewhere clean.

Or when I see "doms" on here throwing gang signs in their profile pic an trying to look tough and getto, I just think how stupid they look and move on.

I've also seen some people's pictures and been wowed by how beautiful she was, or he was.

IT can go both ways, a judgment that's disapproving, or approving. Just depends on the pics.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressLavinia

-judge someone on here just by their photos?

_____________________________

One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

(in reply to MistressLavinia)

Post #: 5

RE: Do you or have you - - 8/16/2010 9:17:50 AM

MistressLavinia

Posts: 1110
Joined: 3/6/2009
From: DFWM in the Land of LaviKinks
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

Yes.. Like when you're browsing a profile an you just happen to pass by one where the place is a huge mess, and utterly disgusting I'd think ewww, have some pride clean your house up before taking photo's or go somewhere clean.

Or when I see "doms" on here throwing gang signs in their profile pic an trying to look tough and getto, I just think how stupid they look and move on.

I've also seen some people's pictures and been wowed by how beautiful she was, or he was.

IT can go both ways, a judgment that's disapproving, or approving. Just depends on the pics.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressLavinia

-judge someone on here just by their photos?

I totally agree, and when I see things that are not appropriate I think automatically "how could you not expect to be judged" But when I see lets say a beautiful woman, on the outside I don't judge her as a bitch because her photo is beautiful. What I meant to say is, do you just judge the average looking photo, lets say TheRaptorJesus (sorry lol and I do love the kid already and we discussed this privately ) would you judge him just for using that photo?
There's a time and place for everything, so I guess what I felt wrong about is judging someone with a non cockshot or eagle spread shot, but understandably you would judge someone who immediately put up that kind of shot wondering why would they? I personally do not like to judge. I have no right to judge someone because of a photo, and yet I do. My personal opinion is I am wrong. I'm not calling anyone else wrong, I was just wondering if the same thought process applied.

_____________________________

If somebody offers you a lifetime supply of candy and there is just one piece, don’t eat it: It’s probably poison:
~I am: ~Petal-icious~Bitch with Tits~
~ Ravager ~Sovereign~ LaviKinKs

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

Post #: 6

RE: Do you or have you - - 8/16/2010 9:23:24 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

I don't think you're wrong though. You're operating in a medium where you have limited information and basing your reaction on what information you have. If people that make profiles don't understand that is human nature, then well they're probably not being very realistic.

The cartoon shots are different than a cock shot. To me that indicates they have a sense of humor and don't take this all way too seriously. Really that was what I was looking for when I was single. Someone that has a profile that indicates they have balance and aren't portraying themselves as someone just interested in sex or a stereotype of a dom or sub. While I may have still spoken to someone that had what I perceived as a bad profile if they sent a respectful email, it's still something I considered. How can you expect yourself to NOT consider all the information that you have?

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to MistressLavinia)

Post #: 7

RE: Do you or have you - - 8/16/2010 9:27:13 AM

Twoshoes

Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline

No, I am very unjudgemental unless it comes to animals, kids and helpless women.

I just look at photos and try to relate to what the person is thinking. I'm really good at relating so any kind of human behaviour makes sense to me. I'd be a psychologist if it didn't involve so much sitting down and taking notes.

The only thing going through my mind is: "Oh, this person seems to not be using the most efficient method for getting what he/she wants. I hope they realize this."

Not being good at presenting yourself isn't quite as bad as pathalogically lying.

I'll bring up another point, though, don't you notice how much more judgmental this site is towards men's profiles than woman's ones?

(God knows, we can forgive a beautiful woman just about anything. ;()

< Message edited by Twoshoes -- 8/16/2010 9:29:49 AM >

(in reply to MistressLavinia)

Post #: 8

RE: Do you or have you - - 8/16/2010 9:32:45 AM

MistressLavinia

Posts: 1110
Joined: 3/6/2009
From: DFWM in the Land of LaviKinks
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

I don't think you're wrong though. You're operating in a medium where you have limited information and basing your reaction on what information you have. If people that make profiles don't understand that is human nature, then well they're probably not being very realistic.

The cartoon shots are different than a cock shot. To me that indicates they have a sense of humor and don't take this all way too seriously. Really that was what I was looking for when I was single. Someone that has a profile that indicates they have balance and aren't portraying themselves as someone just interested in sex or a stereotype of a dom or sub. While I may have still spoken to someone that had what I perceived as a bad profile if they sent a respectful email, it's still something I considered. How can you expect yourself to NOT consider all the information that you have?

Thank you Laurell, I appreciate the positive message. I am usually not the one to feel in depth to things like this. Recently I was made aware of all the things people thought of me, just by my photo. So I examined myself before posting this, I did it too, and felt wrong, because I am one to say "I don't judge", and yet I did, I have judged others by a photo alone. Words can be bullshit, you could sit and type and be all tough or all sub behind a computer, so that doesn't actually give any light to who a person truly is. I have men contact me in business suits who were faker then anything, so my point was, I guess even though I didn't want too, I did judge, and definitely was wrong to do it. - A book by its cover, is never enough for you to evaluate the contents of the book. I never wanted to be the one to judge, until I looked someone square in their eye, and felt them, and yet new to the internet scene there I was judging as well.

Thank you Laurell, your message enlightened me.

_____________________________

If somebody offers you a lifetime supply of candy and there is just one piece, don’t eat it: It’s probably poison:
~I am: ~Petal-icious~Bitch with Tits~
~ Ravager ~Sovereign~ LaviKinKs

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 9

RE: Do you or have you - - 8/16/2010 9:33:23 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I do look at presentation. I've written to men asking them to change their photos (if it seemed from their profiles that it would work) and they honestly thought they were doing the right thing from THEIR perspective. Which was looking down at their units.

We can't all be pretty. We CAN all present ourselves well, and when I see someone with a peevish expression, or taking a photo with the reflection of a disastrous room behind them, or a shot of their genitalia I think "wow, this is the best they have?"

So, yes, I do use pictures as a screening tool.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to Twoshoes)

Post #: 10

RE: Do you or have you - - 8/16/2010 9:39:49 AM

MistressLavinia

Posts: 1110
Joined: 3/6/2009
From: DFWM in the Land of LaviKinks
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twoshoes

No, I am very unjudgemental unless it comes to animals, kids and helpless women.

I just look at photos and try to relate to what the person is thinking. I'm really good at relating so any kind of human behaviour makes sense to me. I'd be a psychologist if it didn't involve so much sitting down and taking notes.

The only thing going through my mind is: "Oh, this person seems to not be using the most efficient method for getting what he/she wants. I hope they realize this."

Not being good at presenting yourself isn't quite as bad as pathalogically lying.

I'll bring up another point, though, don't you notice how much more judgmental this site is towards men's profiles than woman's ones?

(God knows, we can forgive a beautiful woman just about anything. ;()

Another great point, and yes your right about some being like that. I am not, I am much more judgemental when I see a woman posing nude and writing the "Why are all you men looking at me" I want to say to her, what the hell are you looking for? So I think me personally (again my opinion) as a woman gets a little more infuriated when I see that message. It blows my mind how you could say you don't want something and yet your legs are spread wide open. So for me I think I'm less forgiving of my own gender, and again, I wish I wasn't.

_____________________________

If somebody offers you a lifetime supply of candy and there is just one piece, don’t eat it: It’s probably poison:
~I am: ~Petal-icious~Bitch with Tits~
~ Ravager ~Sovereign~ LaviKinKs

(in reply to Twoshoes)

Post #: 11

RE: Do you or have you - - 8/16/2010 10:02:54 AM

PeanutTigerinBox

Posts: 1624
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

It's not about the photo. It's about the mentality that putting a cock shot up on a site like this represents. I don't have any interest in people that think that representing themselves as a cock is a meaningful way to start a relationship.

dito.

And whilst judging pictures isn't a great way it still is a bit part from the first impression. One guy I met - much later than when I received his first picture - said "sorry, but this isn't a good one"...and he was right, it was an awful one and I had no interest to meet him on that one and sticked with my involvement I had during that time. Later I did meet him as by then he had an appropriate picture on his profile...though still showed that the impression from the first pic was right...he was an arse.

_____________________________

RIP 08/09/07

aka Phoenixpower

one of my favourite songs :o) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_CuY4nMu8c&feature=related

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 12

RE: Do you or have you - - 8/16/2010 10:22:40 AM

Chrisincuffs

Posts: 602
Joined: 12/7/2009
Status: offline

I think that no matter how hard we try to be nonjudgmental it's kind of human nature to an extent. I mean if you saw someone covered in oozing open sores and dirty clothes you would think twice about shaking their hand. They may very well be one of the nicest people on earth but you're still going to judge them to an extent.
The same goes for pictures, if you had enough brains to figure out your computer, you should have enough brains to know what kind of attention you will get if you post a pic of your hoo haw.

_____________________________

No kind of sensation is keener and more active than pain it's impressions are unmistakable. -Marquis DeSade

(in reply to PeanutTigerinBox)

Post #: 13

RE: Do you or have you - - 8/16/2010 10:30:35 AM

MissSophieM

Posts: 20
Joined: 7/9/2010
Status: offline

I'm with LadyHibiscus on this.

On the other hand, I purposely have edge-play shots up because I DON'T want emails that say:
I'm new and all I really want is a spanking and opportunity to peform cunnilingus...
Of course there are those who don't notice that my "victims" are really happy in their position and think I'm a murderess. That's just fine because I'm looking for someone who ENJOYS fear-play and is an experienced R.A.C.K. player.
.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 14

RE: Do you or have you - - 8/16/2010 11:16:34 AM

sappatoti

Posts: 14844
Joined: 10/30/2006
From: the edge of darkness...
Status: offline

~ fast reply ~

Yes, I have judged people solely on the photos and words they've put in their profiles. Was or is it right? Wrong? In some cases, my judgement was correct, in others I've been wrong. Am I changing my ways and not being so judgmental? I'd like to think I'm trying but, in the end, probably not.

In the context of what CollarMe is, "The World's Largest BDSM Community," I tended to view photos and profiles through that filter. Thus, while I found the contradictions between photos and profile text to be somewhat amusing, I also passed them by with nary another thought. Other profiles where the photos and profile text matched in intent, I judged based upon what was happening in the photos and/or what was being described in the text. If I wasn't interested, I passed them by.

However, my failing in these "interested" or "not interested" decisions was to exclude the possibilities that the person behind that not so compatible profile photo or text could be a decent person; a good friend.

Only after my participation here, in the CollarChat fora, was I able to think that perhaps I should also include possible friendship as one of the criteria I use when viewing CollarMe profiles. With people engaging here, there's so much more information available about them -- like their attitudes, thoughts, and disposition, than what exists alone in their profiles.

So, yeah, I like to think I have mellowed out on the judgmental aspects of my decision making. I'm still not perfect, though, as I have been approached in recent days by someone who, a year or so ago, I passed by as not being compatible. It turns out that not only is she, the person, not someone I would have imagined her to be based upon my judgment of her profile, but she is, and I hope, will be a good friend, or more.

Thank you to the Roman Swede and everyone else for posting their thoughts. I'm glad to see that I'm not alone in how I judge profiles.

< Message edited by sappatoti -- 8/16/2010 11:17:43 AM >

_____________________________

Never mind the man on the edge of the darkness... he means no harm...

"Community, Identity, Stability." ~ A Brave New World, Aldous Huxley, 1932

If you don't like my attitude, QUIT TALKING TO ME!

(in reply to MissSophieM)

Post #: 15

RE: Do you or have you - - 8/16/2010 11:20:15 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I hear so many folks say, "but it's a BDSM/dating site!" as an excuse for poor taste. I am just not buying it. Anyone calling himself a submissve or slave who has a picture of himself holding his erect cock? Is getting hidden. Yes, my judgement of that person as a tasteless horndog may be partially wrong. I am willing to take that chance.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to sappatoti)

Post #: 16

RE: Do you or have you - - 8/16/2010 11:24:53 AM

sappatoti

Posts: 14844
Joined: 10/30/2006
From: the edge of darkness...
Status: offline

Those kind of shots don't bother me. If someone wants to show their genatalia, in whatever manner, that's their business. If the genatalia is unique in some sort of way, I might view the photo a bit longer than if it was the standard "cock with ruler," "cock with beer can," or pussified dildo shot.

Again, that's just me. I'm not offended by those types of shots. However, if they're using them to grab my attention, they also better have some bang-up profile text to go with it.

_____________________________

Never mind the man on the edge of the darkness... he means no harm...

"Community, Identity, Stability." ~ A Brave New World, Aldous Huxley, 1932

If you don't like my attitude, QUIT TALKING TO ME!

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 17

RE: Do you or have you - - 8/16/2010 11:30:26 AM

MistressLavinia

Posts: 1110
Joined: 3/6/2009
From: DFWM in the Land of LaviKinks
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sappatoti

~ fast reply ~

Yes, I have judged people solely on the photos and words they've put in their profiles. Was or is it right? Wrong? In some cases, my judgement was correct, in others I've been wrong. Am I changing my ways and not being so judgmental? I'd like to think I'm trying but, in the end, probably not.

In the context of what CollarMe is, "The World's Largest BDSM Community," I tended to view photos and profiles through that filter. Thus, while I found the contradictions between photos and profile text to be somewhat amusing, I also passed them by with nary another thought. Other profiles where the photos and profile text matched in intent, I judged based upon what was happening in the photos and/or what was being described in the text. If I wasn't interested, I passed them by.

However, my failing in these "interested" or "not interested" decisions was to exclude the possibilities that the person behind that not so compatible profile photo or text could be a decent person; a good friend.

Only after my participation here, in the CollarChat fora, was I able to think that perhaps I should also include possible friendship as one of the criteria I use when viewing CollarMe profiles. With people engaging here, there's so much more information available about them -- like their attitudes, thoughts, and disposition, than what exists alone in their profiles.

So, yeah, I like to think I have mellowed out on the judgmental aspects of my decision making. I'm still not perfect, though, as I have been approached in recent days by someone who, a year or so ago, I passed by as not being compatible. It turns out that not only is she, the person, not someone I would have imagined her to be based upon my judgment of her profile, but she is, and I hope, will be a good friend, or more.

Thank you to the Roman Swede and everyone else for posting their thoughts. I'm glad to see that I'm not alone in how I judge profiles.

It is I, the Roman Swede, aka Petal who wishes to thank you appas, because you have taught me the things I knew you would. I can always be the diplomat, or the "fucking sovereign" depending on the mood, but within, I am always a woman foremost with the best of intentions in all I do.

Thanks Sapppz, for the insight, for the friendship, for it all.

Lavinia - The Roman Swede

_____________________________

If somebody offers you a lifetime supply of candy and there is just one piece, don’t eat it: It’s probably poison:
~I am: ~Petal-icious~Bitch with Tits~
~ Ravager ~Sovereign~ LaviKinKs

(in reply to sappatoti)

Post #: 18

RE: Do you or have you - - 8/16/2010 11:31:28 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sappatoti

Those kind of shots don't bother me. If someone wants to show their genatalia, in whatever manner, that's their business. If the genatalia is unique in some sort of way, I might view the photo a bit longer than if it was the standard "cock with ruler," "cock with beer can," or pussified dildo shot.

Again, that's just me. I'm not offended by those types of shots. However, if they're using them to grab my attention, they also better have some bang-up profile text to go with it.

I didn't know dicks were your thing, Sappa!

Yeah, some doof with his hand on his dick thinks that he's making a GOOD impression? Sorry. I do appreciate a handsome penis, attached to a handsome body even more so, but I do not accept that as a way of saying "I will serve you well and honestly."

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to sappatoti)

Post #: 19

RE: Do you or have you - - 8/16/2010 11:34:04 AM

Twoshoes

Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSophieM
That's just fine because I'm looking for someone who ENJOYS fear-play and is an experienced R.A.C.K. player.

So, are your guns loaded?

(in reply to MissSophieM)

Post #: 20

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