ElanSubdued
Posts: 1511
Status: offline
|
flipr,
You're in Missouri (not somewhere in a 2nd or 3rd world country). Thus, I'm guessing there are mature, sex shops in your area that carry BDSM equipment. For that matter, quality strap-ons (harness and dildoe) are carried at vanilla sex shops too. What I mean by a "mature" sex shop is a place that is more advanced than a novelty shop. This kind of shop will have higher quality, often handmade merchandise (not the stuff that comes in porn-packages featuring a cacophony of colours and porn actors on the box), change rooms where your girlfriend can try on harnesses, and knowledgeable staff who are there to answer your questions and who expect to answer your questions. There is no need to feel embarrassed in a shop like this. When shopping at a place like this, you are not forcing your kink onto the shop clerks. The clerks are there to help you with whatever kinky things (in this case, a strap-on harness and dildoe) you're looking for.
You might have to go to a few shops to find something of quality that appeals to you. You'll want to select the harness and dildoe separately. Don't purchase something that comes as a package as this will be very low quality.
It's important that the harness works for your girlfriend's body so it's preferable she is with you. The harness has to feel comfortable and not chafe at the thighs and it also has to be the right angle (for holding the cock) for your partner. Some harnesses hold the dildoe higher than others; some place the dildoe much lower. There are many reasons why your girlfriend will want to try several harnesses on in a change room. Here's another. All harnesses do not go on the same way nor do they offer the same level of support. Some use two straps, some use three straps, some use four straps. Also, the clips and clasps are all different so your girlfriend will want to choose something the works and feels comfortable for her - both while it is on and while putting it on and taking it off.
As for the dildoe, your choice of harness will effect this because there are different attachment mechanisms. The two, most common systems I've encountered are: metal ring encased in leather (dildoes for this kind of setup must have a flange at the base because otherwise they'll fall through) and the vacuu-lock system (dildoes for this kind of setup have a hollow section at the end where they suction onto a small, ridged phallus that is part of the harness). It is true that the vacuu-lock system is quick and easy, and offers possibly the most solid support/connection for the dildoe, but it also greatly limits your selection of dildoes. In fact, many shops don't carry vacuu-lock dildoes at all so I recommend a traditional harness with the ring type of attachment.
As for the style of the dildoe (length, thickness, hardness, etc.), you'll want to choose something that works for you now. This *will* change over time so don't think of this as a "buy it once" kind of purchase. I'm not a fan of softer, somewhat spongy dildoes as these don't provide a consistent feel and aim for the giver and receiver. For a beginner, I recommend something reasonably firm, moderately thin (around a half to one inch in diameter), and moderate in length (around 4 to six inches). There are many different sensations when fucking and being fucked with a dildoe, and the length of the dildoe, in part, effects what you can do. If the dildoe is too long, you won't be able to take it all the way to the hilt, which is a lovely feeling for both people when the pubis meets the cheeks and then some. The shape of the head and texture of the shaft also contribute a lot. For a beginner, I wouldn't choose a dildoe with a pronounced ridge between the cock's head and shaft as this can make it more difficult to accept initially. For a more experienced receiver though, the aforementioned ridge can be a great source of pleasure and often something thicker and longer is enjoyable too. You'll have to use your best judgment as to what appeals to you and what you think will work for you as you're starting off.
About dildoe materials. Silicon is very popular because it isn't porous and thus doesn't, for the most part, allow lubes and secretions to impregnate the dildoe. Silicon is also, with appropriate use, very durable and lasts a long, long time. However, after having said all of this, I find many silicon dildoes not firm enough and they tend to be considerably more expensive than dildoes made of other materials. You also must use special lubes designed for silicon as some lubes will eat away at the material.
I prefer dildoes made of high quality, reinforced-psuedo-plastic-rubber materials as these are firm, last a long time, and are versatile in terms of the lubes that can be used. There's only one kind of dildoe I suggest you avoid entirely and these are the soft, rubbery, somewhat see-through sort (although some of these are not see-through). You'll know when you find these because they feel spongy to the touch. Apart from the fact the feel of these dildoes is all wrong (they feel limp), the material is porous and breaks down over time. I've had dildoes of this type that only lasted a year or two before they started breaking down. These types of dildoes are often attractively priced (read: cheap) and there's a reason for this - poor quality. Also, consider that when the material is breaking down, it is doing so inside your body. Eeeps! I won't use this kind of dildoe anymore and I don't allow it to be used on me.
The first time I went into a shop to purchase a butt plug, yes, I felt very embarrassed. Once you actually go into a shop though, you'll realize there is no need to worry. The shop wants your business; they are there to sell you sex toys. Similarly, the clerks know the toys and are there to answer questions. Thus, it's fine to speak in a matter-of-fact way about what you're looking for (such as saying "my girlfriend and I are beginners looking a harness and dildoe for anal play - she wants to penetrate me"). The clerk may well reply by asking "would you prefer something soft or firm?" Just as typical a reply may be the clerk asking your girlfriend directly "would you like something that provides clitoral stimulation too - we have harnesses that can hold a small, clitoral vibrator in addition to a dildoe for your partner". Truly, as much as nothing anyone says is likely to take away your feelings of trepidation, once you're actually in a shop talking to a clerk and trying out the toys, you'll realize there is no reason to feel embarrassed. Actually, shopping together this way or shopping on your own to buy something that turn's your partner on is a lot of fun.
Final note, speaking of butt plugs... these are a great starting place for anal play and a nice way to warm up before your partner uses a strap-on to take you. Pugs don't have to be a solo toy. You and your girlfriend can use these together (on you or on each other). Thus, in addition to a stap-on, you might want to ask the clerks about butt plugs and other toys of this ilk.
Good luck to you and your girlfriend with your purchase,
Elan.
|
first strapon - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread