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RE: Can you lead - 8/20/2010 9:11:47 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kadu12
I'm not sure he ever will, has anyone had a similar experience?

Sure. I was vanilla. Now I am... well... whatever I am. Whether I'm dominant or not is anyone's guess given the nature of that word in BDSM land but I do boss my wife around an awful lot.

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~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Can you lead - 8/20/2010 10:16:58 AM

Twoshoes

Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527
Whether I'm dominant or not is anyone's guess given the nature of that word in BDSM land but I do boss my wife around an awful lot.

You make it sounds like it kind of just happens on its own while you're not looking!

I think it's safe to say you can be held accountable for being dominant.

< Message edited by Twoshoes -- 8/20/2010 10:33:08 AM >

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RE: Can you lead - 8/21/2010 5:45:29 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
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I can teach a trained monkey to wield a whip, and I can teach pretty much anyone the rudiments, including safety lessons, of most of the physical (Except for shibari, I suck at that) elements of BDSM, but I can't give someone the personality type to be a take charge dom.

IJMHO, but I think that being dominant is just an extension of who I am. I take charge in almost every situation in my life. I'm the guy people turn to in a jam, seek out for advice. Always have been, seems like I always will be. It's nothing I tried to be, just the way things worked out.

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RE: Can you lead - 8/21/2010 9:02:36 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twoshoes
You make it sounds like it kind of just happens on its own while you're not looking!

*laughs* It didn't happen on it's own. CAROL did it! Damn that woman! *laughs*. More seriously... I was dominant by personality before Carol asked me to collar her. So for me, it was more a "connect the dots" type problem than an issue with learning something totally new.

quote:

I think it's safe to say you can be held accountable for being dominant.

Only in your eyes and Carol's and some others. I know for a fact that the word "dominant" means a lot of things in BDSM land that I want no part of. Hence, why I left my domliness score to the reader's interpretation.

To the larger question, I find it terribly interesting that people seem to go down this path so much. I've trained lots of people to be "more dominant" throughout my life. But people here are speaking like it's some sort of boolean value and it's not. I could train ANYONE to be both somewhat more and somewhat less dominant than they are by their own nature. How much more or less would be very dependent on the specific nature of their personality (not some 0-10 dominance score) but a real assessment the underlying features in their personality. Whether that movement would be enough to change person A from sub to dom in person B's eyes is anyone's guess. Serious change like this typically takes time... a minimum of a year of relatively regular contact... in the business world I call it mentoring and it isn't an overnight fix. But yeah, one person who actually is dominant can mentor another who is not-so-much.

< Message edited by leadership527 -- 8/21/2010 9:04:37 AM >

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Twoshoes)

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Post #: 24