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bignipples2share -> RE: Too Intense <Redux> (4/21/2006 4:25:51 PM)
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Well, IMHO, once a person has made the decision to leave and they're sure about it, it's time to move on and not look back. If they have the ability to leave, it's much easier for them to leave a second time. (I'll probably hear from the people where they're going to prove me wrong, but I have to say, this is extreemely rare for it to work out).This hurts, yes, but the only thing you can do at this point is to start working on healing yourself. The only thing you need to look back on is for the learning aspect.
The way I feel, if someone has left and the matter of staying together is not resolved in a day or two (getting back together or leaving and they still choose to leave) then they have closed the door and I would, at that point, close the door as well. If either has a trust issue, it's very rare that it can be healed by either of you unless you're living together and that would take years.
If someone has betrayed your trust, that doesn't mean that there are no people out there that you can trust. There may not be many, but they are out there.
Remember, you can't base your whole being on 10, 20, 30 relationship...how much of the population is that anyway (not really asking), very very few.
I believe there are more than one person in the world who is just right for us, it's just wading through the population to find them.
If you keep picking the same type of person and it keeps ending in disaster, then it's time to change what you're looking for. Maybe the traits you're looking for are setting you up for failure. It would be time for self reflection, and a time for change in your searching preferences, so that you don't keep ending up with same type of person. Look back and search for the common denominators, just don't look back to trying to make a relationship work that just isn't going to work.
I know all of this is hard, especially when a break-up is new and you're grieving, but as soon as your able, forgive yourself and work on how you can make the next relationship work.
I also would not spend alot of effort on anyone I've had an emotional relationship with who is wishy washy. If we've had feelings with each other and they just can't make up their minds, it's time to move on. Either you're able to correct the problem(s) in short order, or you're not. Anything else is them just coming back occasionally for sex, no matter if they realize that or not and eventually one person or the other ends up still getting hurt. It just takes longer for it to happen. If I'm going to use somebody for sex, it's going to be someone who I've never had emotional involvement with and they're going to know it's a sex thing, right up front. I would much rather seek happiness than constant turmoil wondering, are they, or aren't they gonna be there. I just don't need that type of up and down rollercoaster in my life. I'll get my highs from the excitement of life and a good relationship, I'll get my lows from my running out of stamps and I have to make a seperate trip to the post office to buy them.
I am happy with the person that I am. The only thing I seek is someone to share the happiness with, nothing more. I think there is that person out there. I'm willing to wait because I CAN live with just me, all on my own, all by myself and be happy. I also know that someone out there that is gonna think I'm the perfect one for them.
It is not our right to have happiness in a relationship (it takes constant work), but it is at our grasp and it is out there.
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