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RE: unyielding dominas - 4/22/2006 8:08:21 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		It seems that this stems from a differing opinion of what 24/7/365 is. For me & my submissive it is about our mindset & the fact that we have a commitment to each other beyond dominance & submission. We have an entire life together to build upon a foundation of our D/s structure.

Because we both desired this we had to figure out not only how to incorporate our normal day to day routines & obligations but also how to work in our individual families, hobbies, interests, goal, expectations, likes, dislikes... you get the point. All of this has to be worked out & then work in the fact that we want to also share our desire to incorporate D/s structure.

Planning a day off from D/s??? We have a devil of a time just trying to keep the D/s intact not to mention find a small margin of time that we can actually have some kinky quality time together. We have teenagers in the house & have to coordinate sleep-overs away from home X's 3 so that we can have that quality time... not an easy task.

To the OP: If you are of the mind that you are going to have a separate home, trek back & forth across the country & such... then do not reply or initiate contact with those that wish to have a 365 partner in their life. It's a guess but I would think that a majority of people who mention 365 are also seeking a partner that shares the same roof.



_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to LadyMorgynn)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: unyielding dominas - 4/22/2006 8:29:50 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I think there is a need sometimes from the slave/sub side of 24/7 to take a break.

Fox and I have worked out a deal where when he goes to spend time at his parents house I formally "free him" for the trip. He gets back, he kneels down and asks to rejoin my household again.

For him, because of the problems he has with his family of origin he feels the need to try and be free with them because when he feels "mine" he feels like he has to represent me well and frankly his parents mean almost nothing to me but a lot to him.

I don't myself understand it because I thought that if 24/7 was right it was right all the time. I just know that seeing how difficult it is for him to do some of these things with his family and respecting his limits about telling them more about our lives, means making a bit of a compromise.

Perhaps as he gets older and deal with his past more, he will feel more empowered and feel like he doesn't need to hide around them.

I doubt I've explained it at all because I don't understand it either. I do know it only happens a handful of times a year when he's with them for extended periods of time.

I do know however that there are couples and households where there is built in "vacation" time when the sub/slave is "freed" so they can visit family or take a real vacation. Service, excellent service, is something that can be stressful so I can theorethically understand the need to for down time. Heck, I've even know a few married couples who take "time off" and take separate vacations once a year to get away from the responsiblities of being married -- can't say I understand that really well either.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MstrssPassion)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: unyielding dominas - 4/22/2006 8:53:21 AM   
LadyMorgynn


Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline 		Absolutely, but that's not what it sounds like he's worried about.  He seems more interested in only being a slave for a specified period of time... hard to tell from his posts, but a week here, a month there is the impression I got... and then suddenly he comes down on me for not wanting to give my 24/7 slave a break... I never SAID he wouldn't have a break, or day off or whatever (which is also a matter of negotiation between Mistress/slave, since everyone's individual needs and circumstances are different).  Between that, and only being a 24/7 for a week at a time, is a big, BIG difference. 

His posts are kind of disjointed and he goes off on tangents, and does not really explain himself clearly, so I'm having a difficult time figuring out just what he's talking about or wanting or trying to say.  But basically, he *seems* to be assuming because I am looking for a 24/7 slave, that I'm going to have the slave laboring, day and night, with no rest, no break, just toil and pain. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
I think there is a need sometimes from the slave/sub side of 24/7 to take a break.


_____________________________

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Lady Morgynn
www.farhorizons.net/LadyMorgynn

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: unyielding dominas - 4/22/2006 12:45:54 PM   
LoneGoddess


Posts: 73
Joined: 1/1/2005
From: Moscow, Idaho
Status: offline
quote:

What domme who wants ltr is going to risk being heart broken to have you for a couple of weeks only to know full well it wont work up the road because you are only part time and not what she is looking for?

Its about as foolish as dating someone who is married expecting a wedding band and no one wants to go thru that.

I couldn't have said it better. By the time I invest myself, emotionally, psychologically and physically... I don't want part time. But given that it would appear that when we use the term: 24/7 people assume it means only one thing, in my world it doesn't. So I refrain from using the term. Truthfully, what does it mean? Is it any different than marriage? Not in my world it isn't. In my mind 24/7 is the same thing, marriage. Someone you're devoted to, live with, share life with. But I am an odd one...

LG~

_____________________________

~*~
"Unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it's a waste of your time.
There are too many mediocre things in life, love shouldn't be one of them."~DfaI

(in reply to LadyMorgynn)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: unyielding dominas - 4/22/2006 10:11:29 PM   
liks2plzlf


Posts: 390
Joined: 7/21/2005
Status: offline 		I wasn't going to post on this again, many do not read it all anyway. But what is so hard to understand about 24/7/325? If your read, it refers to being a slave. Is 46 weeks of dedicated service part time? That equates to about 36 hours a week, hardly part time. If some slaves are unfortunate as to not have family love, they might be able to give every minute. But the majority probably do, and  it is highlly unlikely they will give up family ties, or at least I sure hope not.Family does not leave, divorce or uncollar you. I believe there are many out there that would be very good slaves, and make a womans life very, very, nice, if only for 46 or 47 weeks a year. Is anyone that special that they believe someone should or would give up everything. I had to post again, because I spent an enormous amount of time rereading the post that prompted this 'question' in the first place. Over 150 posts in the "Mistress's  giving up the search". Actually 193, but about 40 or so are about  1 unpopular post. In fact some of you had a differant tale to tell in that thread. There are many who would be very devoted slaves out there, cleaning for themselves.

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: unyielding dominas - 4/22/2006 10:16:49 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		 
Not all of Us want a boi 24/7/365.  TexasMaam

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: unyielding dominas - 4/22/2006 10:39:35 PM   
liks2plzlf


Posts: 390
Joined: 7/21/2005
Status: offline 		LoneGoddess I totally agree with what you said about it being easier to get a vanilla to eventually surrender to your desires, as oppossed to finding sincerity here. It would be equally as easy to have a vanilla girl friend, who would be delighted to have the guy do everything, while she does what she  likes. She would probably even enjoy an occaisional foot massage, as long as one did not attempt too often. The only thing wrong with that, is the reason why I am at CM. As AaKasha, once stated, the rush for her is seeing a man surrender and feel helpless for her. My rush would come from surrendering to a domina and feeling helpless before her. I would serve out of love, but knowing I could make a reply like, " I'll do it after the game", and get away with it, doesn't evoke the feeling.i desire.  I just wish I was 13 years younger. Been to Moscow a few times, not overly exciting, but beautiful country. I like your posts.

(in reply to liks2plzlf)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: unyielding dominas - 4/23/2006 6:37:01 AM   
LadyMorgynn


Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline 		Again, you are under a misapprehension.  Why would you have to give up your family?  If My slave comes to Me and has close family ties (or any family ties!) I would embrace the family as well, perfectly capable of playing vanilla when needed (but My slave and I will know differently!) and in fact would encourage and support him in his family relationships! 

You speak of months out of a year, hours out of a week.  24/7 is a *lifestyle* not a job.  You live together, play together, work together.  Like a marriage, but so much better because you both know your place, and there is one person in charge.  Nor do all Mistresses require you to hand over all your belongings.  I would incorporate My slave's belongings into the household, just as any 2 people moving in together would merge their belongings into one household.  The only difference is, I get to say what stays and where it goes, and what gets put into storage <grin> 

This also begs the question... if you are living with the Domme 46-7 weeks out of the year, where are you going to go the other few weeks?  Are you going to pay rent on an apartment, or keep a home vacant for all that time?  And WHY, when you have a perfectly good home with your Domme?

From your questions and comments, I still don't think you really understand what 24/7 is all about.

quote:

ORIGINAL: liks2plzlf

I wasn't going to post on this again, many do not read it all anyway. But what is so hard to understand about 24/7/325? If your read, it refers to being a slave. Is 46 weeks of dedicated service part time? That equates to about 36 hours a week, hardly part time. If some slaves are unfortunate as to not have family love, they might be able to give every minute. But the majority probably do, and  it is highlly unlikely they will give up family ties, or at least I sure hope not.Family does not leave, divorce or uncollar you. I believe there are many out there that would be very good slaves, and make a womans life very, very, nice, if only for 46 or 47 weeks a year. Is anyone that special that they believe someone should or would give up everything.


_____________________________

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Lady Morgynn
www.farhorizons.net/LadyMorgynn

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RE: unyielding dominas - 4/23/2006 10:49:45 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		Lady Morgynn

This is where the story of beating a dead horse comes into play.

He obviously is dead set on sticking with his own interpretation of what these numbers represent. It has been said more than once by a few on this thread that they do not view this as giving up anything. They do not expect one to be toiling laboriously 24/7. No one is asking their sub to forget the have a life with family, friends, work, hobbies or interests outside of their own personal relationship. I would be so bold as to say that several of us have no issue with our submissive taking solo trips for whatever reason it may be... personal or business related.

Leave him to his imagery, I am sure these types of stern misconceptions & unwillingness to consider another person's view is the real road block he is encountering.

Talk about unyielding.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: unyielding dominas - 4/28/2006 5:47:51 PM   
MsRachelxxx


Posts: 31
Joined: 3/25/2006
Status: offline 		As a sub/slave, 24/7, i'm only sure of one thing, that is my Mistress's needs are my priority. i have a difficult time with seperation. it is far easier fo me to be in a service space to my Mistress, 24/7, than i know it would be 8 hours a day only. i love the meditation of 24/7 service, i feel extremely complete and fulfilled in that space and nothing ever seems difficult there.
i value my Mistress deeply and even though there was no negotiating before Mistress agreed to take me, and i'm sure many would say why would you go into a relationship with someone you don't even know? i found from past experience that when it really comes down to it we each create our own lives. i do not worry about my Mistress and Her life or if She will love me, i know that by simply taking care of Her needs i am taking care of my needs and i will love Her for it unconditionally.....that means i am not dependant on my Mistress for love. Love comes from my service/actions.
This is not written so very well, i'm meaning to say that looking outside of ones self for completeness is untenable at best. i don't look for my Mistress to complete me, i am already complete and i express that completeness in service to Mistress.

rachel

(in reply to MstrssPassion)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: unyielding dominas - 4/28/2006 6:32:56 PM   
ladylexington


Posts: 117
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline 		First of all, my hat is off to you for asking the question. E-mailing a group of Domme's (even ones as great as us) takes quite a bit of courage. So, I want to respect the questions you asked. Here are my answers.

Are Dominas are just too unyielding?
Well, we certainly don't think so. If we did, would we be the dominants you're searching for?

So I question if you would really want 24/7/365?
Like everyone else, and perhaps more so, dominants have a pretty solid idea of what they want. It's the nature of the beast. So, if a domina says she needs 24/7/365, she probably does. Save some time and don't contact her.

For those currently without a slave, wouldn't it be better to have one there 'almost' every day, than without any at all? 
I think this is a personal decision. I've always enjoyed "part-time" service, but many dominants are searching for a full-time committment. Again, like most people in the vanilla world, why should they settle for a situation that doesn't satisfy them?

In many cases accepting an unsatisfing arrangement is irresponsible. In my experience, submissives attach very quickly to dominants, and can have difficulty when service ends. For a domina to accept a submissive that doesn't mesh with her, is to hurt the other person selfishly. 

I hope these answers help you.

_____________________________

If you must gamble your lives sexually, don't play a lone hand too much. -- Mark Twain

(in reply to liks2plzlf)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: unyielding dominas - 4/28/2006 8:48:31 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear liks2plzlf, Lady Lexington, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
First, Lady Lexington--excellent post.  Liks2plezlf, a very good topic indeed.
 
That said, I just wanted to add; that there is an across the board difficulty for male and or female slaves seeking their dominants, when they have a spouse, girl/boyfriend, children as a single parent and or care giver to family relatives. 
 
Each dominant/submissive has to do what is "gut" right/correct for them.  Each person has their uncompromising criteria which needs to be respected.  In other areas there might be compromise but, it takes communication and understanding.
 
Before my parents became elderly and needed me, I was retired and ready to create my poly household.  When one passed away, it tossed my plans into the wind and I have to reset my long term goals on hold as to handle the short term necessities.
 
Only the powers above know if I will ever be free of my daughterly duties and live long enough to pursue my life.  So, for me I live with as much quality as I am able, even if it means a part time slave, a living off premise full time slave and or no slave at all.  It really depends on the match of individuals involved.
 
Speaking from personal experiences, I have to agree that it is impossible to live 24/7/365 the lifestyle.  Work, sleep, meals, sitting upon the throne and looking regal while reading the newspaper, time in the car traveling to and from work, outside activities and those dreaded chores; all eat into the time in having lifestyle time to yourselves.  However, I do understand what 24/7/365 means -- Just like a father to your daughter, just because you aren't smothering the daughter and goes off to school without you, your role as father and in regard to this thread, a submissive/slave, never ends.
 
Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to ladylexington)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: unyielding dominas - 4/28/2006 9:28:11 PM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyMorgynn

I see where you are coming from, and yet, here is the thing.  I don't want a part-time submissive.  It's not about having my house cleaned, or the foot massages and back rubs.  I mean, yeah, that's the perk of being the Domme (and a very nice perk it is, too <g>), but that is not what it is about... that's not why I want a 24/7 slave.  What it is about, for Me, is someone who is completely and totally devoted to Me, who looks up to Me to make the right decisions for him and for both of us, who will do the things I ask (yes, the perks above), not because he wants to do those things but because he wants to please Me by doing them.  ME.  Not just any ol' Domme who comes along because she's a Domme, but ME.

And honestly... I've had soooooooooooo many emails from subs wanting to come clean my house for me part time.  And I can tell you, there are ALWAYS strings attached!  They want to be nude, or cross dressed, or chained, or spanked, or dressed in a uniform or costume of some kind.  Doing the housework is the price they are willing to pay to get their kink/fantasy played out. Face it, there aren't many Veronica's out there.  And while that is perfectly fine, I am NOT knocking these subs for this, I am saying that this is not what I want. 

You're not the only one on collarme who likes to criticize others for not providing what YOU want, because you haven't yet found someone who matches your interests.  But it gets awfully tiresome. 

One last point, a lot of the types you mention who can't enter into 24/7, can't do so because they are married or in a relationship, and that is a hard limit for Me.  Personally, I will have no cheaters/adulterers/liars (no matter what pathetic excuse they have come up with) in My home under any circumstances.  Period.   My views on this are, yes, as unyielding, as they are well-known.

Well said Lady Morgynn!

I absolutely agree, I have never had no strings housework performed, there is always some catch. On a personal note I might add that instead of contacting Dommes that you find "unyeilding" liks2plzlf perhaps you should try to find Ones where you actually fit the sub that They are looking for. Will I settle for less? Absolutely not. For example...I'm searching for a cuckold relationship leading to marriage...its what I want and what I know will bring the greatest fulfillment and happiness to Me on a relationship level. Why then would I consider a straight married individual that does not in any way match what I' m looking for??? Unyeilding??? Perhaps, but I also know the cuck/slave/sub for Me will eventually be found because he is looking for the same things I am and not settling for anything less than I would. I make it very clear what I'm looking for and one either lives up to those standards or they do not. Its that simple. I'm not going to waste time and effort training someone that doesn't.

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to LadyMorgynn)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: unyielding dominas - 4/29/2006 9:40:07 AM   
ladiespet77


Posts: 30
Joined: 2/6/2006
Status: offline 		wow Some Great posts on this one and most right on the mark.....I have found it Really depnds on the Mistress some are more unweilding than others.Most However are resionable.....

I would add one thing though....as a  male sub/slave i am good with somewhat more casual type of play and D/s relashionships  and to be sure there are Some Mistress's who are as well.
However for Longer term They are and  should be Very unyeilding in what they seek...I know i am.....

(in reply to SDFemDom4cuck)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: unyielding dominas - 4/29/2006 12:50:22 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		Why should I settle in what I'm looking for in a long term partner?

Why should I settle and be second, fourth or 20th priority in the life of one that I'm investing my time, energy, love, money, and trust in?
I mean really if I'm putting all of myself into something why should I expect the same...bad Domme...so very selfish.

Why shouldn't I just be happy with the married sissy boys that want to come clean my house once a month, when I need once a week.Why shouldn't I be happy with the boys that only believe in submission when the little brain is in the on position...I mean no sex really means that they don't HAVE to care about my needs right? I'm only in this to have someone to tie up and that HAS to mean sex right?I mean it does on on the pornos so what woman would DARE call herself a Domme if that's not what she's like.

If in your world my choices are giving up who I am and what I stand for what's the freakin point of being a Domme? Most subs that I know won't lower their standards for just any old dom so why is it that boys seem to always be the ones on here trying to tell us that our wants, desires, needs and feelings are somehow wrong? I mean really you're not willing to drop whatever bizarre pre-concieved notions you have from porn?

GOD FORBID I actually expect a sub to be available, be in service when I want and..the worst HOW I want. I've turned down 3 applicants this week because they couldn't wrap their brains around this concept.
I was told...well I have a very important job that I'm so busy with and can only contact you on weekends...that's ok right? Umm NO. I've had much more important people than you in my collar if I'm not #1 we have a problem.

I was told...I don't understand why you think mopping floors and being your maid is submission I mean I have my own leather can't you just tie me up a few hours a week. Umm NO because I said service is what I want. Umm NO because I think that power exchange means that there is a giving back in the process. Umm NO because part time means you're not focused where you need to be.

I was told I can't tell you who I am, won't open up and be honest about my feelings and only want to IM ad nauseum because I have an important government job, which the next time was running their own company which the next time was their boss is such a jerk.
Umm NO if you lie so often that you can't keep them straight I'll fix the problem of not being able to open up for you. The response was can't we just be friends. Ummm NO my friends don't lie to me treat me badly or try to use me for their own gratification.

So if wanting what I desire enough to be willing to put all of who I am into something and expecting the same from my boys is unyielding and somehow makes me a bad person in your eyes...frankly I can live with that.
I want someone that adds to my life. I'm happy, independent and work hard to keep a list of responsibilities longer than your arm straight and orderly. I want someone that's willing to help with the missions that I've taken on in my life and make life easier. I've learned the hard way that compromising standards and who I am because "oh they'll come around" turns into more work and trouble than it's worth. Not yielding in your standards may be lonely from time to time but it's a whole lot easier than cleaning up the mess that a bad match creates in your life. 

< Message edited by theRose4U -- 4/29/2006 1:12:20 PM >

(in reply to ladiespet77)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: unyielding dominas - 4/29/2006 1:34:28 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		Actually, this is a very good post, and has quite a few good points by theRose4U. 
In all fairness to the OP, however, I am aware that he is searching for a live-in 24/7 position and is in process of working through the issue of 24/7/365, and how committing to this type of relationship can and will affect his life as he knows it now.
This is a very big problem for many boys who seek this out.  They are not even being selfish, as is so common and shown by theRose4U's post.  We do get a lot of what she has described.  For Me, it is easy to dismiss those petitioners. 
When a boy is sincerely trying to work through the logistics of altering life so radically, I tend to give him a bit more slack.  I would rather have him be aware, be blasted with bluntness on a forum if necessary, be spoken to factually, and figure out how he can work all this out for himself.  For I would rather be very honest, and not sugar coat what the mindset has to be for a D/s or M/s relationship success, than sugar coat it and then have him brought up short with the "But, I thought..." problems.
There are always those who will absolutely refuse to see what this lifestyle is about (as evidenced by the typical examples given by theRose4U), there are those who are trying to figure out how and where they can happily fit, and there are those who already know. The first mentioned is the most common. The latter two are the more rare.  Hence, everyone's frustration in getting onto the same page. 

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: unyielding dominas - 4/29/2006 1:56:16 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		Wow dusty I guess I should be honored at being nominated the poster child for not your kind of domination.

My boys are expected to be 24/7 and frankly lowering my standards to make that happen hasn't worked for me. Any slack that I've ever given in trying to help one that up front just doesn't get it make the jump to being mine is the very slack that they've tried to hang me with. If the same thing is explained 10 times, 10 different ways and they don't still get it. Sorry I'm going to make my life easier and go...NEXT!

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: unyielding dominas - 4/29/2006 2:21:02 PM   
Summarizer


Posts: 12
Status: offline 		Thread Summarized:

Open your wallet, they'll yield all day.



_____________________________

Idiots and their sycophants will be blocked

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: unyielding dominas - 4/29/2006 2:51:03 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

Wow dusty I guess I should be honored at being nominated the poster child for not your kind of domination.

My boys are expected to be 24/7 and frankly lowering my standards to make that happen hasn't worked for me.


I am truly sorry  if you misunderstood My post.  Or perhaps I am not clear on your direction.
I did feel that your post was excellent.  I am not one to lower My expectations, but I hope I am flexible enough to allow a boy some time to digest and figure things out.  A little time to realize the logistics and reality of 24/7 is okay with Me.  Then if it is not right, they can move on.  Hopefully they can figure out the commonality of the committment to most Ladies seeking this sort of relationship, as opposed to going to another on to another Domina with the presumption that this one might have regularly scheduled vacation time and a time clock to punch in and out of submission.
My apologies of you misunderstood Me.

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 4/29/2006 2:52:34 PM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: unyielding dominas - 4/29/2006 3:25:09 PM   
MistressLina


Posts: 34
Joined: 3/17/2006
From: Montreal
Status: offline 		I think MsRachelxxx put it best.
If both parties aren't fully satisfied, what is the point of engaging in such a relationship? Just like I wouldn't accept certain people for personal service, I wouldn't accept certain people for 24/7, in fact that would be very rare indeed.

_____________________________

Mistress Lina...indulge in your fantasy...

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 40
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