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Mercnbeth -> RE: Can they truly get to know me? (4/21/2006 8:40:34 AM)
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When my parents visited, (they came for a week and stayed for 6!) we had very little compromise. As when anyone visits, beth wore clothes, but that was the only compromise. I still was served by her in every way as if they weren't here. Our bedroom door is closed. Our dungeon is locked and private. beth's 'collar' is discreet and to the uninitiated appears as a necklace. beth's daytime "cuffs" pass as bracelets, her ankle "cuffs" jingle, but still pass as jewelry.
The bottom line after the long six weeks was a comment that my mother said; "I never looked happier". she told beth, "I don't know what you are doing for him-but PLEASE keep it up!" My favorite exchange actually occurred while we were waiting for the luggage at the airport. I was with my father, and beth was next to my mom who is confined to a wheelchair. My mom asked; "What do you do?" beth's PERFECT, unrehearsed reply was; "my job is to keep him happy." I think that set the tone for the entire visit.
Sure we were nervous, sure I didn't want my 80+ year old parents to face something that would embarrass them. But that was the thought. It wouldn't embarrass me or us, it would embarrass them. As it turns out, beth's "service" represented to them an "old school", perhaps Italian/Sicilian, husband/wife relationship. They saw happiness. What happens behind closed doors, be they dungeon or bedroom, is not their business.
It's a similar attitude we have with everyone else. We're honest, we're not ashamed, but we don't wear signs on our forehead. My "sign" is on my left arm, beth's at the base of her back. But ask why beth's always wearing a certain 'necklace' and you'll get the answer. Don't want to hear the answer, don't ask, or at least don't ask the 'follow-up' questions. Unless you want to join us - in that case lets take the conversation to a more private location and you'll hear about and learn as much as you like.
Pride and confidence go a long way. It's difficult to "act" for extended periods. Eventually the "act" wears thin and people see through it. Better to just be yourself. With minimal adaptation a M/s relationship need not be excluded under any circumstance or in any public setting. All that's required is that the people involved prioritize and remember that the "relationship" is more important than anything or anyone else that confronts it. Only when this isn't the case, and priorities are misguided, can problems arise.
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