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New to this and need advice - 8/21/2010 5:15:49 PM

DellaSchiavo

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i have recently been told that i would make a good submissive by a potential Master. Intrigued by what this meant i did some research and i also listened to what was said. if what i have read/been told is correct then there are certainly a lot of aspects that attract me and it seems to be innate.

im having a few problems adjusting to my new life because initially i couldn't accept the limit conversation because it seemed to me that to be truly submissive there can be no limits and so i didn't feel i should impose any. i felt thankful that my Master had similar limits to what i would expect.

Some of the things introduced to me have induced a strong oversion, this might seem incredibly naive when i say that these were spanking and the introduction of a collar. i struggle with the desire to do these things to please my Master while challenging the facets of my character that object to these and sometimes i manage to overcome my objections (this surprises me). i must stress that when i do overcome these adversities i choose to-i am not forced.

i s'pose i need advise, maybe a mentor? As i am new to this how do i know if my Master is a good one? I'm wondering if in the many types of submissives there is a possibility that i might still be submissive but not have to endure pain or what i consider to be humiliation? i'm wondering if it does not please my Master then do i have the right one?

< Message edited by DellaSchiavo -- 8/21/2010 5:43:08 PM >

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RE: New to this and need advice - 8/21/2010 6:54:00 PM

Rule

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I think this had better been asked in the Ask a submissive forum. Perhaps a Mod will move it?

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RE: New to this and need advice - 8/21/2010 8:14:18 PM

juliaoceania

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I am just simply going to say, can't you speak with him about how you are feeling? Why do you feel you need a mentor?

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RE: New to this and need advice - 8/22/2010 5:42:46 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

how do i know if my Master is a good one?

trust your heart....

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RE: New to this and need advice - 8/22/2010 5:55:13 AM

mstrjx

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On the one hand, you need to understand that there are many different kinds of dominants, each with their different strengths, personalities, and so on. It is possible that the two of you are not 100% compatible. You need one style of dominance, or one that is not interested in the same things you are averse to.

On the other hand, that a dominant can find these aversions and get you to submit to them while you still retain your self-respect would indicate that he is a fine dominant.

How dominant would someone be if he went to spank you, and you said 'I don't really like that' and he said 'Well, we don't have to do that then'? To some, you are retaining too much control, too much choice. Maybe that spanking will cause you to work on your mind such that you find you are becoming more submissive to that dominant. Would you find that to be good (for you), or not? Really only you can answer that. Since the idea of submission seems to be new to you, you hadn't fully understood what sorts of transformations inside of you all of this would make.

Jeff

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RE: New to this and need advice - 8/22/2010 7:07:03 AM

OohAahMrs

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Send me all your $'s i can help you!

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RE: New to this and need advice - 8/22/2010 1:51:34 PM

DellaSchiavo

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Thank you!!!

Mrstjx you understood EXACTLY what i meant. i am outwardly very strong, opinionated and assertive but it seems i have a very submissive side. One that as much as i try so hard to please people, never seem to get any gratification from it. i am finding though that to please my Master is very rewarding for me and so i loathe to disappoint him. i don't want to have any limits and i am so desperate to relinquish control, yet i am battling almost a split personality. The research i have done suggests that it is possible to have such a lively character and still be a good submissive. i also think it reflects very well on my Master if i am able to serve him well with these traits and submit to things i didn't think possible. i am definitely not a Dominant inside.

Somethings i embrace, thankful of the feelings inside me when i don't have to have yet another battle.....i can just let go.

Lets address the spanking....i do not like physical pain, not because it hurts but because i am vain and do not want any marks on my body. my Master used this as a correction and just feels i am not ready for it yet but i felt that if i do not like it then i should just make sure i do as i am told and there would be no need for it. i think i am much more suited to emotional pain, i do not enjoy it but it would have more of a corrective effect.

You are certainly correct though, i feel very respectful that somethings i thought were perhaps my limits, i overcame because of the desire to please my Master and feel very rewarded personally because of this.

i can talk to my Master about this, he is very tender and caring when he is pleased with me and he is helping me find my limits. i am finding my way with my Master. i feel instinctively that we are compatible but i took notice of some of the warnings on here so perhaps i am being over cautious.

< Message edited by DellaSchiavo -- 8/22/2010 1:53:03 PM >

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RE: New to this and need advice - 8/22/2010 2:08:19 PM

mstrjx

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I'm glad I could help. Good luck!

Jeff

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RE: New to this and need advice - 8/22/2010 2:12:40 PM

tiggerspoohbear

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First of all, welcome to the boards. Just because something is written on here doesn't mean it's written in stone. Each D/s relationship is unique and you need to keep talking to your Master and be completely and unabashedly honest with him. Communication is key and it sounds like you have this with him. Count yourself amongst the lucky ones, it's not every Dom/Master who will truly listen to what you have to say. Trust in him as he trusts in you to tell him when it's just too much. Safewords are there for a reason, and should be used if you are in an untenable situation. Good luck and may everything work out for you.

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RE: New to this and need advice - 8/22/2010 9:05:05 PM

kateindenver

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hello... my name is kate and i must tell you that you can and have limits. the talk about a collar is one that should be very thouroughly discussed, if you are as new to this lifestyle i would strongly suggest a mentor. when i first found collarme i advertized for an on line mentor. i made it clear i was not looking for sex but a teacher who could guide me through this long maze of a journey. i have a question. you say you are new to the lifestyle, how long have you had this master. a great wed site to look at is called http://www.leathernroses.com/lnrhome.htm it is a great place tp read and learn.
kate

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