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afraid to submit - 8/22/2010 6:41:01 PM   
atrusub


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/19/2010
Status: offline 		this is my first D/s relationship that i am in but im having trouble submitting because im afraid of losing myself and being hurt despite the fact that she hasnt showed me that She would abuse or hurt me.....can somebody please help me because its causing problems with my Dom and i dont want to lose Her.....She has been there for me and loving me for a year but She has stated that She is getting tired of the lack of respect
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RE: afraid to submit - 8/22/2010 6:45:14 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		Respect is something that should be present in any type of relationship, not just a bdsm one.
If respect is the issue, you may want to step back and see why that's a factor.
It has nothing to do with hesitation or fear of submitting.

_____________________________



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RE: afraid to submit - 8/22/2010 6:48:56 PM   
twistedwillow


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		I am no expert, and there are many here with much more experience than I, but to my mind, lack of respect and non submission are two entirely different things. You can respect someone with out submitting to them, but I find it is a rare sub who can submit with out respecting the person they are submitting to.

I would clear things up with myself first, regarding weather the lack of submission is due to my fear, or if it is because of my lack of respect.
If it is due to fear, this can be overcome, usually, with patience and love, but if it is lack of respect, well ... I know what I would do.

But mostly, we here on the forums are not able to tell you what to do, that is something only you can figure out for yourself, in conjunction with your Domme, and maybe if you feel the need a kink friendly therapist.

Hope it works out for you.

_____________________________

Jesus died to forgive our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them? —Jules Feiffer
Don't be fooled by the pretty words and sweet face.. sarcasm is the norm not the exception.



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RE: afraid to submit - 8/22/2010 7:02:01 PM   
subanthony2010


Posts: 36
Joined: 6/16/2010
Status: offline 		I don't know if it is a lack of respect as much as maybe lack of trust, either way they both have the same result.  I can tell you the first time can be scary it is like hanging from a cliff and someone saying to you "Let Go, you will be fine".  I feel your real issue is fear based more than anything else.  Being afraid of the unknown is common, and I believe you know if you don't move forward facing this fear you will lose your Dominant, now which is worse?  I believe is you allow yourself to be lost you will find that you weren't lost at all but rather you would have realized who you are in real life.  I was petrified my first time and embarrassed but the next day I came back begging for more.  The best advice I have is to close your eyes, and let go of that cliff knowing that your Dom cares for you and will never hurt you.  Trust her and the fear will go away.  When you feel this fear look up to her for strength and guidance if you do this you will be able to face the fear for you are not alone, you have a Dominant on your side.

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RE: afraid to submit - 8/22/2010 7:44:03 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Stupid questions - why is it that you want to submit?  Why do you call this a D/s relationship if you have not been submitting to her?  What do you consider "submitting" to her to be - housework, sexual submission, allowing bondage, what?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to subanthony2010)
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RE: afraid to submit - 8/23/2010 10:29:10 AM   
subsfaith


Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline 		Afraid of being hurt.. I can understand that.  Most people have been hurt in the past, but carrying that baggage forward and allowing it to adversely affect your future relationships isn't fair. 

Fear, when it causes us to alter our behaviour and strive to avoid something, it needs to be addressed.  It would be foolish to go through life avoiding what we fear.  Personal growth would be hindered, and so on.

Losing yourself?  I am not sure I understand that.  Submitting to another person doesn't mean you change to the point of not recognising yourself.  Hopefully you have picked a person who will inspire change in yourself, but in a positive way.

Time to get your big-girl pants on and be an adult.  Own your behaviour.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
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RE: afraid to submit - 8/23/2010 10:30:30 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Therapy. She isn't a therapist and she can't cure your issues. They predated the relationship and they will outlast it. Go get some help determining what caused them and how to deal with them.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: afraid to submit - 8/23/2010 8:41:47 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		sounds like a lot of baggage you got there.  As mentioned, just from reading your short OP, you sound like you could use some therapy to dump all that baggage. 

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

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RE: afraid to submit - 8/24/2010 2:53:38 AM   
phoenixmoonn13


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline 		do you trust her, what do you see submission as, do you respect her, also do you see yourself as lacking respect for her and what sort of things does she want you to show her that you are not. i believe but it is only my belief that if she is right for you and if she means kneeling before her and offering submission and wearing her collar and you trust her then you would do, the fact your hesitate does it mean that deep down you know something not right

(in reply to atrusub)
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