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Obedience - 8/22/2010 7:11:46 PM

MistressDarkArt

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I'm particularly interested in replies from straight male subs/slaves:

What would you personally need from your Mistress to inspire willing, total obedience to her?

Thanks and best!
MDA

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RE: Obedience - 8/22/2010 7:24:36 PM

subanthony2010

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I don't know if it is a question of what I would need from Her because there isn't a one single act or phrase that brings about such obedience for me. Either I respect Her enough to be obedient or I don't. With that being said, I was disobedient once and it was because I wanted to be, I knew better. My Mistress put me into Chastity and it was my first experience with that wicked wicked device. Well it didn't take long for me to chose to be obedient to her. I didn't question her again nor did I ever ignore her requests again. Still it was my choice to be obedient she just helped change my mind faster than I wanted too.

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RE: Obedience - 8/23/2010 10:32:58 AM

DesFIP

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Proof that she merits it maybe? If your decision making skills are poor, then you don't deserve to be obeyed fully. Not if what you're demanding will make life worse for the sub.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

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RE: Obedience - 8/23/2010 12:34:18 PM

MarcEsadrian

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt
I'm particularly interested in replies from straight male subs/slaves:

What would you personally need from your Mistress to inspire willing, total obedience to her?

Most require personal compatibility and good leadership.

And yes, it's really that simple—in concept. Successful practice is another matter, however. It's more complicated than it sounds.

_____________________________

Omnes una manet nox

Founder, Humbled Females

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RE: Obedience - 8/23/2010 12:53:27 PM

texangael

Posts: 167
Joined: 12/14/2009
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From Sun Tzu's Art of War (Chapter X)

quote:

14. Now an army is exposed to six several calamities, not arising from natural causes, but from faults for which the general is responsible. These are: (1) Flight; (2) insubordination; (3) collapse; (4) ruin; (5) disorganization; (6) rout.

15. Other conditions being equal, if one force is hurled against another ten times its size, the result will be the flight of the former.

16. When the common soldiers are too strong and their officers too weak, the result is insubordination. When the officers are too strong and the common soldiers too weak, the result is collapse.

17. When the higher officers are angry and insubordinate, and on meeting the enemy give battle on their own account from a feeling of resentment, before the commander-in-chief can tell whether or no he is in a position to fight, the result is ruin.

18. When the general is weak and without authority; when his orders are not clear and distinct; when there are no fixes duties assigned to officers and men, and the ranks are formed in a slovenly haphazard manner, the result is utter disorganization.

19. When a general, unable to estimate the enemy's strength, allows an inferior force to engage a larger one, or hurls a weak detachment against a powerful one, and neglects to place picked soldiers in the front rank, the result must be rout.

20. These are six ways of courting defeat, which must be carefully noted by the general who has attained a responsible post.

As with soldiers, obedience in the slave is obtained through the master's strength, through the clarity of his command, and through his willingness to nurture the strength of the slave.

_____________________________

"Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no Try."
Corny movie cliche that just happens to be true.

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RE: Obedience - 8/23/2010 1:46:32 PM

Wheldrake

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

What would you personally need from your Mistress to inspire willing, total obedience to her?

For one thing, I'd need her to be the kind of woman I want to obey and submit to. This is going to vary so much from one submissive to another that there's probably no point in my writing down a list of the qualities that are important to me.

For another, I'd need the commands or instructions I was supposed to be obeying to be clear, firm and purposeful. I suspect I would quickly get frustrated with a mistress who had a habit of hinting at things without saying them directly, who constantly changed her mind about what she wanted me to do, or who simply lacked the confidence to give orders and expect them to be obeyed.

Also, a good way to elicit obedience is to impose consequences for disobedience, or just to make it difficult. The knowledge that a serious, genuinely unpleasant punishment is possible can work wonders, even if it never actually happens. And if you tie a slave down tightly enough, obedience becomes a bit of a moot point.

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RE: Obedience - 8/23/2010 3:57:15 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
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MistressDarkArt,

Two replies that really resonate with me (ironically, one right after the other):

quote:

DesFIP:
Proof that she merits it maybe? If your decision making skills are poor, then you don't deserve to be obeyed fully. Not if what you're demanding will make life worse for the sub.

MarcEsadrian:
Most require personal compatibility and good leadership. And yes, it's really that simple - in concept. Successful practice is another matter, however. It's more complicated than it sounds.

I'll add another, very important attribute: time. Asking for instant, absolute obedience won't cut it. You need to take time to get to know your submissive and to allow for them to get to know you. Over time (I'm talking months and, more likely, years), as you demonstrate effective decision making and that you're consistent and trustworthy, your submissive will give more and more control to you and more and more obedience without question. This isn't something you can short-circuit with language the ilk of: "I'm the dominant; you do as I say". At the outset of a D/s relationship, partners often decide what their given roles and responsibilities are, but these grow and expand over time, as does the amount of trust and power that is shared and transferred. It doesn't benefit a relationship or the people involved to expect too much too soon, and this is particularly the case with BDSM relationships. Demonstrating trustworthiness, leadership skills, empathy skills, the ability to compromise when appropriate, patience, communication skills, balance between vanilla and BDSM life/needs, and a number of other traits... these are the kinds of things that inspire "willing, total obedience" from an s-type. There is no quick way to earn this. You earn this, over time, with the qualities and consistency of your personage.

Elan.

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RE: Obedience - 8/23/2010 4:25:23 PM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Proof that she merits it maybe?

*chuckles* How terribly pragmatic of you Des. I agree. Or, at least, I'd certainly like to believe that I merit it for Carol.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Obedience - 8/23/2010 6:32:27 PM

OsideGirl

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Master always says that obedience is overrated. He can get the dog to obey. What he wants is proactive service that doesn't require him giving orders and me obeying. But, then again, he's just not into micro-managing. Some people are.

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: Obedience - 8/23/2010 6:37:33 PM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
Master always says that obedience is overrated. He can get the dog to obey. What he wants is proactive service that doesn't require him giving orders and me obeying. But, then again, he's just not into micro-managing. Some people are.

*laughs* Well, I like obedience really well, but I have to admit I'm also way big on proactive service. Honestly, I struggle to wrap my head around the idea that somehow, someone doing something thoughtfully nice for me is bad. That's one of those corners of BDSM-land I'll never get.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Obedience - 8/23/2010 7:10:01 PM

texangael

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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
Master always says that obedience is overrated. He can get the dog to obey. What he wants is proactive service that doesn't require him giving orders and me obeying. But, then again, he's just not into micro-managing. Some people are.
*laughs* Well, I like obedience really well, but I have to admit I'm also way big on proactive service. Honestly, I struggle to wrap my head around the idea that somehow, someone doing something thoughtfully nice for me is bad. That's one of those corners of BDSM-land I'll never get.

I look at it this way: If I have to tell my slave to bring me my coffee in the morning, that's not good, but if I have to tell her TWICE....the belt is in her very near future.

_____________________________

"Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no Try."
Corny movie cliche that just happens to be true.

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RE: Obedience - 8/24/2010 3:28:38 AM

UROBEDIENT1

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For me, and my "trigger" is obedience, the answer is that she understand the very nature of obedience and that she be as dedicated in her need to be obeyed as I am in becoming obedient to her. Of course, other factors are a part of it too. I need to trust her, I need to know that she appreciates my need to obey.... not in the "Oh thinak you, you are such a good boi" sense of appreciation, but in the sense that she can empathize with how strong the desire to obey is in me and how important it is that we work on it together. It is a process, something that must be both surrendered and demanded and developed through a mutual desire to obtain the goal of perfect obedience. It is not passive, but active; much more than "doing as I am told". Rather, it is the process of learning her needs and wants and anticipating her wishes accurately. It requires constant effort on both parts and consequences for failure on my part.

In short, at least for me, obedience is at the heart of the relationship.... the central point from which all else radiates.

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RE: Obedience - 8/24/2010 5:29:24 AM

sophiesback

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

What would you personally need from your Mistress to inspire willing, total obedience to her?

Rope and a big strong hand... the first time anyhow.

Second time only requires the LOOK I got right after the rope was tied, but before the hand struck for the first time!