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Do you think that the expectation of an individual to keep a promise is unreasonable?


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[Poll]

Do you think that the expectation of an individual to keep a promise is unreasonable?


No...if someone makes a promise, they should be able to keep it.
  59% (19)
Yes...life changes all the time. So promsies should too.
  3% (1)
Depends on the promise...explain
  21% (7)
Depends on the person...explain
  0% (0)
Depends on the day of the week...explain
  0% (0)
Depends on who else is involved...explain
  0% (0)
Other...explain
  15% (5)


Total Votes : 32
(last vote on : 8/26/2010 10:09:48 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )
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Do you think that the expectation of an individual to k... - 8/23/2010 8:20:45 PM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline 		Do you think that the expectation of an individual to keep a promise is unreasonable?

I have my own feelings about this but I wanted so what other people think about this as a general concept.

boi


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RE: Do you think that the expectation of an individual ... - 8/23/2010 9:01:13 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		If someone makes a promise, the normal course should be they keep it unless an act of God, changes in circumstance etc prevent it.

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RE: Do you think that the expectation of an individual ... - 8/23/2010 9:07:33 PM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

Do you think that the expectation of an individual to keep a promise is unreasonable?

No.  If I can't trust you, I want nothing to do with you.

~stef


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RE: Do you think that the expectation of an individual ... - 8/23/2010 9:08:36 PM   
BKSir


Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline 		I use the word promise very rarely, and unless there is absolutely no way to keep it, I find it unforgivable to break one.  I'm not saying "unless there's no way to reasonably keep it" either.  Promises are to be kept.  Even if the person to whom they are made is no longer around, that's no reason or excuse to break a promise. It's the principle of the thing.  It mattered enough then, it should matter enough now.

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RE: Do you think that the expectation of an individual ... - 8/23/2010 9:11:17 PM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BKSir
It mattered enough then, it should matter enough now.


*swoons*


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RE: Do you think that the expectation of an individual ... - 8/23/2010 10:26:35 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I rarely make promises because I believe that if you are going to make them then you should keep to your word. It's one of my pet peeves and people who make promises and can't keep them they become like the boy who cried wolf. I just stop believing anything at all they say.



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RE: Do you think that the expectation of an individual ... - 8/23/2010 10:36:20 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		After being with someone for a long time who broke more promises than there are stars in the sky, I would have to say, no, it is not unreasonable to expect promises to be kept.

That trusting shit is pretty much gone now and hopefully someone will come around to restore my faith in mankind.

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RE: Do you think that the expectation of an individual ... - 8/24/2010 3:24:16 AM   
flcouple2009


Posts: 2784
Joined: 1/8/2009
Status: offline 		Not really.  Neither of us has much faith in anyone else.

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RE: Do you think that the expectation of an individual ... - 8/24/2010 3:54:30 AM   
soul2share


Posts: 7084
Joined: 12/18/2007
From: somewhere out there.....
Status: offline 		Well, I believe that yes, a promise should be kept if possible, but I also know that life changes, people change, and yes, promises can change......I'm the one who needs the explanation before I make a real decision.  If it's a promise to help out w/the housekeeping and it doesn't happen, well, no biggie, ne real foul, but if it's a promise that they make based on the relationship, then yeah....failure to keep those kinds of promises affects the level of trust you have in a person.  Once that's gone, then it's pretty much over.

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RE: Do you think that the expectation of an individual ... - 8/24/2010 5:31:39 AM   
cpK69


Posts: 1593
Joined: 5/9/2008
Status: offline 		I think that having expectations, in general, is unreasonable; it is to presume to know the future. I haven’t mastered that talent.

I prefer that others not make promises to me; same reasoning.

Kim


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RE: Do you think that the expectation of an individual ... - 8/24/2010 6:07:34 AM   
divi


Posts: 11109
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		A promise is a promise and they should be kept

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RE: Do you think that the expectation of an individual ... - 8/24/2010 7:00:35 AM   
MistressLavinia


Posts: 1110
Joined: 3/6/2009
From: DFWM in the Land of LaviKinks
Status: offline 		A promise should be kept, its a verbal bond. If anyone breaks a promise I wouldn't trust them with other things so the trust bond is already broken.

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RE: Do you think that the expectation of an individual ... - 8/24/2010 7:46:49 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I had to answer 'other' because there are a lot of variables to me.

For me, and me alone. My expectations of myself........if I promise something I already know I have every intention of doing everything in my power to follow through. I am smart enough to know that there are some people that will take a 'maybe' or an 'I will try' as a promise, so I am very very clear in my communication. I will even state something like "I am making NO PROMISES!" I might even indicate that the odds are not in favour of me being able to follow through with the 'maybe'. It really is that important to me to honour my word.

BUT.......of other people. Well, I trust people to be exactly who they are. I do not expect them to behave anyway other than they have in the past. I know some very wonderful and yes, very honourable people that do routinely break promises. It's not that they are horrible people, but that they are uncomfortable saying no, disappointing people. It is easier for them to say yes to something, believe at that moment they will follow through, then when the time comes......they do not, or cannot, follow through. They meant well, but..........

I don't think it makes them a terrible person, just immature, insecure, irresponsible.......something or a combo of several things. The key, to me, is to see the people in our lives clearly and have realistic expectations of them. To avoid setting them up to fail, to avoid setting ourselves up to be disappointed in them.


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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Do you think that the expectation of an individual ... - 8/24/2010 8:27:33 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		If "I promise" actually comes out of My mouth, the only way that changes is if I and the other party that I've promised 'whatever' both agree that I no longer have to abide by it. 

A real quick example on this would be us deciding to be poly.  Originally, we were monogamous and promised to be so.  Even after years of being poly, I'd still go back to the original promise if that was ever what MP asked Me to do.  The same goes for the involvement in BDSM.  If he pulled the plug on his consent to My participation, it would end.


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RE: Do you think that the expectation of an individual ... - 8/24/2010 9:47:43 AM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BKSir

I use the word promise very rarely, and unless there is absolutely no way to keep it, I find it unforgivable to break one.  I'm not saying "unless there's no way to reasonably keep it" either.  Promises are to be kept.  Even if the person to whom they are made is no longer around, that's no reason or excuse to break a promise. It's the principle of the thing.  It mattered enough then, it should matter enough now.
This

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yep

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RE: Do you think that the expectation of an individual ... - 8/24/2010 2:47:08 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline 		I don't have a problem keeping or making a promise. I'm not scared of the word..It means a commitment to do something and You would think that would be part of a Dominants nature. Why would a person be scared to say "I promise" if they know they are the type to keep it.

I make commitments all day at my business..to make deadlines, to do any type of work. I have broken them in the past but there has always been something that happened which was out of my control at the time. Late materials..Rain or what have you. In this case I explain the situation and hope they are understanding.

It's no different than any other relationship..My intentions and my follow through are driven by my tenaciousness, the desire to finish what I start and to keep my word to the satisfaction of my own conscience standards.


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RE: Do you think that the expectation of an individual ... - 8/24/2010 2:51:17 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I live up to my commitments, and I expect others to as well. Therefore I do not make commitments lightly.

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RE: Do you think that the expectation of an individual ... - 8/24/2010 3:02:07 PM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline 		There are too many contingencies to make a hard and fast rule. i can't decide whether it is reasonable or not unless i know the specifics. In general, i expect people to do what they say they will. But, in reality, much depends on the specific situation. For example:

1. What is a "promise"? Is it anything you said you were going to do? Do you have to say the words "i promise"? What if i tell you i'm going to the store, and on the way there, my car breaks down. Do i leave the car and keep walking to the store, because i said i would?

2. What if there was something you really needed at the store, and i said in would get it for you when i went? Then, when i got there i was so stressed out about the car that i forgot. Is that the same as breaking a promise?

3. What if the thing i said i would get was something you needed urgently for work? And then i forgot to get it, and by the time i went back the store was closed, and the result was that you missed a deadline and got in trouble? Would that change the equation?

4. What if i wasn't aware of how urgently you needed this thing? What if you just said, "Hey, if you're going to the store, would you pick me up ....?" Then i forget, but i didn't know how important it was? Would that change anything?

5. What if they were out of the thing you wanted; they were selling another brand but i didn't buy it because it wasn't the one you said you wanted? What if they had a sale on a different brand, and i bought that one instead because it was cheaper, and you needed the first one, but i didn't know that? Then i bring it back, and you say, "Bitch, i said i needed, AJAX, not COMET!"

6. What if on the way to the store, i get called in to work, and so i decide i'll just go to the store later?

7. What if a chicken crosses the road, but it has a blue feather, and as i'm driving i say, "What the fuck? That chicken has a blue feather. And then the chicken flies up and shits on my windshield, but a cop sees this and starts laughing. So i start cussing at the cop, and i wind up in jail, but i'm going to be there a while, because when they were searching the car i was driving to the store they found a million dollars in unmarked bills, some cocaine, and a mattress with the safety tags torn off. So i call you to bail me out, and you say, "Hell no! i'm not bailing you out. You never brought me my toothpaste." So, now, i'm screwed.

SEE? THERE ARE TOO MANY CONTINGENCIES. THAT'S WHY IT'S DIFFICULT TO MAKE A HARD RULE ABOUT KEEPING A PROMISE. TOO MUCH DEPENDS ON THE EXACT SITUATION.

pam
P.S.- the chicken thing really happened

< Message edited by gungadin09 -- 8/24/2010 3:09:30 PM >

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RE: Do you think that the expectation of an individual ... - 8/24/2010 3:06:41 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It is foolish to impose your expectations on others unless you want to be able to walk around all the time feeling that you are the guiltless party and it's all their fault.

Go ahead and have whatever expectations you want, just know they will have expectations of you that they will be miffed about you not fulfilling.

At 23 I meant my marriage vows. 15 years later, after dealing with a severely emotionally handicapped child, I found myself choosing between my husband and my child. I chose her. Nowhere in my marriage vows were there any discussions of the difficulty of having a handicapped child (divorce rates among parents is in the 90%) rate. Nor any discussions of how either of us would react. Any discussion thereof would have been moot because we all believe we can handle long, stressful times with no end ever in sight. The truth is that we all have our breaking points.


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RE: Do you think that the expectation of an individual ... - 8/24/2010 3:41:55 PM   
peacefulplace


Posts: 157
Joined: 8/22/2010
Status: offline 		As a few have said, life is not predictable, making "promises" difficult to keep. Taking people at their word at those moments they say them means everything. To expect that exact same thought in the exact same words 30 or 40 years later is just a little different. While people do not change that much, they do change slightly over time--whether it be willingness to admit to a kink that they've had forever and never experimented with or whether it be an evolution in political/philosophical thinking due to experience. I believe in people being honorable, but not in keeping promises. It might seem contradictory to some, but it is not to me.

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