When is it time

When is it time (Full Version)

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subanthony2010 -> When is it time (8/23/2010 10:23:08 PM)
As you meet Dominants and begin to correspond with some how do you know when it is appropriate to stop talking to other Dominants to just focus on one? I had a talk with another sub tonight and they felt that if they write an intro letter and get a response they immediately stop corresponding with anyone else. I really didn't see the logic in that, I feel it is too soon and you don't know if you and Dom are a match yet after only one email between each other. When do you decide it is time to stop socializing with others to focus on one only?

myotherself -> RE: When is it time (8/24/2010 12:54:41 AM)
I say it's when you've met a few times and discussed whether you should be exclusive or not. I've talked to several Doms online who I've had a lot of online chemistry with, but that hasn't translated into r/l chemistry. In the meantime, I've ceased communication with men who may have been a better fit. With the benefit of hindsight, I will continue to talk to others but I will always be upfront and honest. If someone asks if I'm talking to other Doms, I will say yes, and happily explain if they wish to know the reasoning. But then, that's just me [:)]

SpiritedRadiance -> RE: When is it time (8/24/2010 1:14:50 AM)
It depends on the type of talking, I tend to get along with males real life better then females because we have more inclined interests. So if its romantic talking, once we set a meet and it goes well i stop romantically seeking anyone else. If its just talking about normal things like hey i need to do an oil change can i borrow your driveway. Then it will continue. But since I seek real life only, I dont count my chickens before they hatch so to speak.

phoenixmoonn13 -> RE: When is it time (8/24/2010 2:59:28 AM)
depends on how far the talking has got i stopped when i knew i was going to submit well a long time before that in reality as i just knew when we first met that it was special . the dom before, it wasnt until i was collared and was exclusive to him that i stopped talking to others.

daddysliloneds -> RE: When is it time (8/24/2010 4:21:08 AM)
about the same time that they mention that they'd like to make this a monogomous dating thing.

atursvcMaam -> RE: When is it time (8/24/2010 4:47:36 AM)
Question for you... What kind of restaurant do you prefer? are you more likely to go to a place where you read the menu, explore your options then make your choice and have dinner, or are you the buffet type, that wants a taste of everything? at some point or another, in any case, things work out best if you make one selection, savor and enjoy it, and then, if you wish, or if it was not quite up to your expectations, move on. How are you ever going to be sure "This is just what i wanted or needed" if you keep on looking at the next dish?

subanthony2010 -> RE: When is it time (8/24/2010 5:13:46 AM)
quote: Question for you... What kind of restaurant do you prefer? are you more likely to go to a place where you read the menu, explore your options then make your choice and have dinner, or are you the buffet type, that wants a taste of everything? at some point or another, in any case, things work out best if you make one selection, savor and enjoy it, and then, if you wish, or if it was not quite up to your expectations, move on. How are you ever going to be sure "This is just what i wanted or needed" if you keep on looking at the next dish? I prefer a menu, thou I don't always get to visit those types of restaurants. I understand your example, it is a good one. I also agree if I were to keep sampling I would always see something else to sample and I would never get to really enjoy one dish. I have been on both sides where one I would drop everyone for someone early on and where I didn't. For me there is a black hole there. I think anyone I am talking too that I have a realistic interest in knows that I do. I don't play games of cat of mouse with anyone. Yet if that interest isn't return then I have no idea what there intentions are. Granted I know some Mistresses use time to see if a sub is really interested or just seeking the next dish, but also there are Mistresses who keep us subs on a hook and they never real us into the boat. No one is at fault each does what works best for them. I just don't want to let go of people I am talking for a person who really doesn't have an interest me but is also learning about me. I feel if they can take the time to get to know me to see if there is something there and they are not sure at present, then why is it bad if I talk to others at the same time or until they show a real interest? When we eat at restaurants we can love the food but the food doesn't have to love us back, the food has no choice but to be eaten by us, where with a Mistress they do have a choice. Thank you for your reply it made me think.

lizi -> RE: When is it time (8/24/2010 5:38:43 AM)
I narrow my focus to concentrate on one person when we've decided we will be exclusive with each other. Up until that point I figure it's in my own best interest to keep the door open- I have no idea of how someone will work out until we've spent some time together. When I was looking, I was honest with any prospective partners and would let them know that I was still talking to or seeing others. Some men took offense to this, which was fine, because that meant they were someone I was not interested in. When I did decide on exclusivity with a new partner I would call or write anyone else I was in contact with to let them know what direction my life was going in, and that I wouldn't be pursuing a romantic relationship with them anymore. I never wanted anyone to be wondering what was going on because I had disappeared on them...

subanthony2010 -> RE: When is it time (8/24/2010 5:59:42 AM)
lizi, Yes I agree communicating during this process is important and I could always improve my own communication. Do you find that the Doms in turn communicate effectively to you with where they are in consideration of you?

whiteslavebitch -> RE: When is it time (8/24/2010 2:23:57 PM)
When that dominant is the only one I still have a desire to talk to. When he has me feeling very submissive toward him. When the others pale in comparison to the one that is fascinating to me.

DesFIP -> RE: When is it time (8/24/2010 2:54:20 PM)
It depends. I prefer to focus on one person at a time. Chatting to six different people I've never met wouldn't work for me. I would get them confused. But if you can keep everyone straight easily, more power to you. It's whatever works for you.

PrettyJewel -> RE: When is it time (8/24/2010 8:49:11 PM)
Amen, whiteslavebitch. It took a few months of talking, chatting, a few meetings before I found someone who just "did it for me." I knew he was different and exactly who I was looking for. While the others I spoke with were interesting, nobody hit it home like this one. - Jewel quote: ORIGINAL: whiteslavebitch When that dominant is the only one I still have a desire to talk to. When he has me feeling very submissive toward him. When the others pale in comparison to the one that is fascinating to me.

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: When is it time (8/24/2010 9:01:44 PM)
Once someone interests me, I tend to focus on that one person. It isn't that I make a conscious decision not to pursue others, it is just how I'm wired, I guess. I know it isn't the most practical, or efficient way to go about finding a relationship. Casting a wider net might land me more opportunities, but I'm just monogomous minded, and it presents itself even in the getting to know him stages.

subanthony2010 -> RE: When is it time (8/24/2010 9:34:58 PM)
I want to thank everyone for sharing your thoughts on this question. I will admit that when I asked this question I was pretty closed minded about it. I had my mind made up. After reading the comments I think maybe I was incorrect in my first thoughts on this. as whiteslavebitch said, "When that dominant is the only one I still have a desire to talk to. When he has me feeling very submissive toward him. When the others pale in comparison to the one that is fascinating to me." I know this feeling, I completely understand your statement because I feel this way about someone now. Even thou it is very early on I am going to take a risk and focus just on her, maybe I will have a better result :) Thank you everyone!

sirrandpolyfam -> RE: When is it time (8/24/2010 11:19:54 PM)
Does any slave know how to contact the Moderators to ask what happened to the "New Users" section? SR&MC

dreamerdreaming -> RE: When is it time (8/25/2010 1:56:47 AM)
Nothing happened to mine. Its still exactly where it was and still works the same. It lists sixty profiles, going back four months. I'm sure it would be a lot more if I had my search parameters set to "submissives" instead of "slaves". If some features aren't working as they usually do for you, it may be your browser. I've had best results with IE, here. Safari or Firefox may cause some things to look differently or go missing, for you. Edited to stay on topic: Feel your way, OP. Do what feels right. Don't overthink it! Just have a faith in yourself and your good judgement. But make sure you own your own decisions. If it feels right to focus in on one person, but then ultimately you don't get what you want out of the focus: don't blame or resent that person for your decision to put more energy towards them, etc. Make sure you 100% own that this was your choice.

SubPet715 -> RE: When is it time (8/25/2010 3:38:28 AM)
I didn't think it was good etiquette to correspond with more than one domme at a time, it's like working two jobs at one time, one of the jobs gets shafted as far as performance goes. Not scolding you about doing this if you have, just stating my personal actions regarding this. Besides when I would look for a domme I would usually treat it like fishing, rather than set multiple hooks in the water hoping for a bite, I improve my bait on one hook to catch the best fish. Guess what I am saying is try to focus your attention like a laser, if only once to see how it feels to wake up knowing you belong to only one domme, it feels very special. If it came down to choosing between two I would say flip a coin, not because the coins outcome determines what you do, but because for the moment the coin is in the air you know what you're hoping for.

lizi -> RE: When is it time (8/25/2010 6:45:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subanthony2010 lizi, Yes I agree communicating during this process is important and I could always improve my own communication. Do you find that the Doms in turn communicate effectively to you with where they are in consideration of you? No, I did not always receive stellar communication from Doms during this process which in turn made the selection process easier. I don't want to be struggling with communication in a relationship of this type so I figured if things weren't working at this stage then they probably wouldn't pan out overall. I don't expect Doms to be mindreaders or omnipotent, but if I ask for clarification or try to discuss with them and I don't get a reasonable response back, then we are not a match.

littleone35 -> RE: When is it time (8/25/2010 9:59:32 AM)
I was talking with 4 or 5 even had met 2 (no sparks for either if us) when Master comntacted me. I was upfront with all i was talkng to that i was speaking with others, if they were not ok with that oh well. Once Master and i decided to meet and sparks (hell the whole 4th of July for Americans) i did not talk to any of the Domsi was talkng to. I was nice about it though i told them i had met somebody special. Most of them took it well one did not so i had to block him. So i knew when i would stop talking to others it depends on you particulre situation and mindset. Matt's littleone

horizonz -> RE: When is it time (8/25/2010 10:15:50 AM)
I agree with you subanthony20, that stopping communication with other Dom/mes after only one introductory letter is certainly a bit quick. For me personally if the dominant party catches my interest and I feel that there is a pretty strong connection -- then after a week or two, of not only talking online, but talking on the phone --I may stop talking to others and focus solely on them. My personal preference has always been to focus on one person. I feel that a stronger relationship can be built by giving that one person my full attention.

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