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It might be me... - 8/24/2010 6:58:17 AM   
mushroomchicken


Posts: 26
Joined: 6/12/2010
Status: offline 		Hi all. The situation is this, my girlfriend and I have recently begun to get to know a very (very) new submissive male. We have emailed, chatted online and talked on the phone a few times. Due to his exceptionally crazy schedule (his job), we wont be able to meet until the beginning of September.

Ok, so the problem. Last night he got home late from work, had to be into work this morning at 6am. We talked to him on the phone very briefly and then let him go because he said he was heading to bed. 45 minutes later we find him on that social networking site.

My girlfriend messaged him, said she thought he was going to bed. He said he was in bed, just catching up on the days news, etc. She said ok and good night, told him to go to sleep. 45 minutes after that I got two emails from him, responses from emails I had sent earlier in the day.

So, I now feel much more leery of meeting this boy. I am questioning how truthful he is being and whether he is worth our time, since we dont seem to be worth his. My girlfriend said that we dont own him yet and to give him a break, that he doesnt normally work this shift and is likely having trouble going to sleep so early.

Thank you for reading, what are your thoughts

MC
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RE: It might be me... - 8/24/2010 7:42:22 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		Do you have a dynamic with him yet where you can provide direction to him?  Have you three agreed on that?  If so, then did you give clear direction?  Go to bed, go to sleep?

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to mushroomchicken)
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RE: It might be me... - 8/24/2010 8:04:04 AM   
BeIgnited


Posts: 191
Joined: 6/23/2008
Status: offline 		So, you're leery of meeting him because he stayed up later than he said he was planning to? And he spent that time communicating with you (responding to emails you sent him), not, for example, blowing you off and going out to see other people?

Is there something else, OP? To me, this seems like a relatively minor reason to trust someone less unless there's some other subtext going on.

(in reply to OttersSwim)
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RE: It might be me... - 8/24/2010 9:52:10 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		First off, great screen name!  Very original.

I do have to say that I'm siding with your girlfriend here.  You haven't even met this person yet and no where in your post do you say that there is any element of control that's been established.  The way this transpired, I'm not really seeing a command being given here.

On a more personal note, let Me throw a couple of things back at you.  Have you ever worked a job where you've been on different shifts?  (I have.)  Are you the type of person who can walk straight into the house and go directly to bed without some kind of 'winding down' period?  (I'm not.)  Do you receive a high quantity of emails per day (30 or more) that can become an avalanche in no time flat if you don't go through them in a timely fashion?  (I do.)

Cut the guy some slack.  He's working odd hours that are messing with his sleep rhythm, took a little time to settle in, and addressed what he needed before going to bed.  It's not shifty.  It's human.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to mushroomchicken)
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RE: It might be me... - 8/24/2010 12:27:06 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		A couple of things crossed my mind. You say he is a very new submissive, he may not be quite used to following requests just yet. Also, sometimes I say goodbye to my Dom on the computer...go to try and sleep and can't quite manage it- so I'll get back on the computer for a bit. He may not be trying to directly disobey you and your girlfriend, he might just be feeling more perky than he thought at that point in the evening. I think you should find out more about him before passing judgment.

(in reply to mushroomchicken)
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RE: It might be me... - 8/24/2010 1:55:55 PM   
mushroomchicken


Posts: 26
Joined: 6/12/2010
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your thoughts and comments. We are going to bring it up with him tonight, not to accuse, just to discuss the whole thing (ie my reaction, his thoughts, etc). The three of us seem to have a very good connection so far, and I dont want to mess it up for being overly critical.

LadyPact, thank you for the compliment on the name. :) I HATE mushrooms, to the point of them almost being a phobia...


(in reply to lizi)
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RE: It might be me... - 8/24/2010 2:10:27 PM   
yellowroses


Posts: 167
Joined: 6/12/2009
Status: offline 		I see both sides of this really. I am leaning more towards your side though mushroom.

You are looking out for his well being I think. You wanted him to go to sleep because he had an early day the next day. So the request to go to sleep was given and then ignored IMO. Is this a reason to dismiss him altogether...no. At least not yet. I am a sub mind you but I think you should have another discussion and agree that requests/directives/orders should be taken seriously or there will be consquences. It does annoy me when I hear about subs not able to obey the simpiliest of instructions time and time again. Especially when the instructions are for the good of the sub.

Long distance relationships can be difficult. It requires trust and communication. When you have these little lies or disobediance and you are 50, a 100 or even 500 miles away it doesn't build the bridge of trust. Without trust you don't have much in any relationship.

kim

(in reply to mushroomchicken)
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RE: It might be me... - 8/24/2010 4:18:09 PM   
subanthony2010


Posts: 36
Joined: 6/16/2010
Status: offline 		I think drawing any conclusion at this point will only lead to false truths.  Your on the right path, to talk about it with him, communication is the best way to go instead of drawing conclusions.  It could have been any number of reasons why he stayed up, but don't this one event erase the positive experiences you have had with him to date.

(in reply to yellowroses)
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RE: It might be me... - 8/24/2010 5:43:54 PM   
texangael


Posts: 167
Joined: 12/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

Thank you for reading, what are your thoughts
I think insomnia makes liars out of the most obedient of slaves.

I think if you put any trust in a person you've only chatted with online, you're deluded.

I think you are thinking about this way too much.


_____________________________

"Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no Try."
Corny movie cliche that just happens to be true.

(in reply to mushroomchicken)
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RE: It might be me... - 8/24/2010 6:24:23 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: texangael

quote:

Thank you for reading, what are your thoughts
I think insomnia makes liars out of the most obedient of slaves.

....

I think you are thinking about this way too much.



This.

I have a chronic sleep issue. It really doesn't matter how much I want to sleep and it doesn't matter how much I want to obey the command to sleep. If I can't sleep, can't sleep and unless you are going to feed me sleeping pills or wham me over the head, there is just nothing to be done about it.

Hell, it was just 45 minutes. For all you know, he started getting ready. Putting on jammies between e-mails. Winding down in bed, looking over a few things before getting sleepy enough to turn off the light.

For me and mine only, if I haven't met a person and they were trying to issue me commands... that would be a red flag for me. Someone who hasn't met me A) doesn't fully understand my sleep issues because they haven't seen it and B) isn't aware of my routines and the things that help me sleep. So how could they possibly put a timeframe on how long the process of going to bed should take me? And what I should and should not be doing while going to bed?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to texangael)
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RE: It might be me... - 8/25/2010 3:32:28 AM   
SubPet715


Posts: 337
Joined: 8/24/2010
From: Brooklyn, NY
Status: offline 		I sleep at...terrible times, sometimes I say i'm going to sleep with all the intention to yet I wake up.

Let me just ask this with no intended sarcasm, do you expect him to message you when he wakes up? Or if he could not sleep, should he have told you?

Doesn't make him a liar per se, but in the age we live in where you can see a little glowing green icon next to someones name (myspace is the last social networking I use so sorry for the outdated reference) it just gets too easy to keep tabs on people and wonder what they're doing with their free time. You can also look at it this way, I have in the past done that, grown suspicious because one person says they're going to sleep then goes off on myspace (again with that site) it brings up suspicion in me and I needed to look at that suspicion as mainly having to do with me. My inadequacy issues, my insecurity, and my distrust...now this may be looking too much into a situation given the nature of it all but in my case it was that way. In your case it seems like you want this very much to work so you're worried, understandable, just try not to let it get the best of you.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: It might be me... - 8/25/2010 10:55:36 AM   
Inthewoods


Posts: 36
Joined: 4/5/2010
Status: offline 		Perhaps he wasn't sleepy but was too tired from work to want to talk with you - just not in the mood.  And maybe he feared your reaction if he was honest about that.  I've been there myself, and until you know one another better he may have felt that a "white lie" was the safest route.  I'm not saying he would be right in that, but if he is very new then it is a possibility and you would then need to work out together how you all handle that.

(in reply to SubPet715)
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RE: It might be me... - 8/25/2010 2:31:05 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		if you don't own him, he owes you no explanations for his actions; end of story.

(in reply to mushroomchicken)
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RE: It might be me... - 8/26/2010 12:31:41 PM   
Wheldrake


Posts: 477
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Are you the type of person who can walk straight into the house and go directly to bed without some kind of 'winding down' period?  (I'm not.)



Me neither. I almost always like a bit of quiet, solitary time before bed, during which I usually sit at the computer and surf the net, check e-mail, do a bit of writing, or even (heaven forbid) post some thoughts on CollarMe. I find it very easy to get caught up in any of these activities and stay awake much longer than I'd originally intended.

It does sound like the new submissive mentioned in the OP might have similar habits. Of course, he might also be trainable - personally speaking, I suspect that a dominant could get me into a routine of going to sleep much more promptly, if she made it clear that this was important to her and was prepared to put a little effort into enforcing her wishes.

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: It might be me... - 8/26/2010 1:45:51 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Please..this is online. You don't know what anyone is doing when you are chatting with them. I often leave my computer on and am signed into the multiple sites.

(in reply to Wheldrake)
Profile   Post #: 15
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