Is BDSM and a exclusive lover relationship desired in that community or against the point?

Is BDSM and a exclusive lover relationship desired in that community or against the point? (Full Version)

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[Poll]

About charnal pleasure, we have no problem leaving love behind.

0% (0)

Depends with who

46% (6)

I want a harem

7% (1)

If my lover touched someone else I'd force feed its corpse to him/her

30% (4)

I want my lover to be loyal but I wouldn't mind using a human sex toy

15% (2)

Total Votes : 13

(last vote on : 8/29/2010 12:34:03 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )

Message

LisaOfShades -> Is BDSM and a exclusive lover relationship desired in that community or against the point? (8/29/2010 3:08:52 AM)
Hi, I am new to this community. I am saving my favors for my One Lover in an exclusive relationship on both sides. I am willing to try anything at least once as long as I don't have to share my beloved meat. I am concerned about health issues because condoms can't protect the whole body and can fail. And one thing that turns me on even more than powerplay is owning. I am an extremely posessive bitch. I am affraid that I'd never be able to find myself someone. Since I don't want a mama's boy, fatso, or ugly nerd who use soap money to buy collectibles, or some dude twice my age. Would someone beautiful, who's actually ABLE to get whoever he wants, bear to be in an exclusive relationship? Well, I fear that I'm labelled a reject for being a nerd because of my glasses, the kind of people I landed on in my life, and because I don't have an athletic perfect body. Can I still have someone beautiful. I am in spite of... things. And the way I think and am are so very unique. I'm special. If not, I'll die masturbating. I have no problem with that. But I really wish I could fall in love and have a beautiful boyfriend. Is it possible for girls with perfect bodies, or is it free for all because they can? If so, then can it be possible if I'm defective and need a lot of affection and not much sex. Would anyone into BDSM even enjoy that? Do they still love, want exclusive relationship, tenderness and affection... or is it too soft and they like it hard core and nothing else that's not BDSM? Well, many would say no until they get touched by me. I guess I need to know more about this world. I'd like to meet people in my city, montreal. But I fear that because I am chaste, no one would want to even be in the same room with me. Not with an hidden agenda and trashing me at the second they figure out I'm not going to change my mind about it. Am I wrong? Could people enjoy the company of someone they can't have? Or would it be considered as a waste of time and only conquest and BDSM matters? Well, it's ok, I have a great time with my sex toys and I don't think a living human can give me as much pleasure even with a long training. But I wish I had affection. Is it something people into BDSM can desire, or they put that other extreme aside to fully go in the rabit hole? Thanks. It's confusing being a fallen angel.

DarkSteven -> RE: Is BDSM and a exclusive lover relationship desired in that community or against the point? (8/29/2010 4:53:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LisaOfShades Hi, I am new to this community. I am saving my favors for my One Lover in an exclusive relationship on both sides. I am willing to try anything at least once as long as I don't have to share my beloved meat. I am concerned about health issues because condoms can't protect the whole body and can fail. And one thing that turns me on even more than powerplay is owning. I am an extremely posessive bitch. Summary - you're monogamous. quote: I am affraid that I'd never be able to find myself someone. Since I don't want a mama's boy, fatso, or ugly nerd who use soap money to buy collectibles, or some dude twice my age. Would someone beautiful, who's actually ABLE to get whoever he wants, bear to be in an exclusive relationship? Lisa, I hate to be this blunt, but that was an ugly paragraph. You're pretty tough on folks who don't meet your criteria. Also you assume that everyone is just out to get laid as much as they can, and imply that the only thing creating monogamy is opportunity, not inclination. quote: Well, I fear that I'm labelled a reject for being a nerd because of my glasses, the kind of people I landed on in my life, and because I don't have an athletic perfect body. Can I still have someone beautiful. I am in spite of... things. And the way I think and am are so very unique. I'm special. If not, I'll die masturbating. I have no problem with that. But I really wish I could fall in love and have a beautiful boyfriend. Is it possible for girls with perfect bodies, or is it free for all because they can? If so, then can it be possible if I'm defective and need a lot of affection and not much sex. Would anyone into BDSM even enjoy that? Do they still love, want exclusive relationship, tenderness and affection... or is it too soft and they like it hard core and nothing else that's not BDSM? Summary - you want it when you want it, how you want it. You sound like a Domme to me. quote: Well, many would say no until they get touched by me. I guess I need to know more about this world. I'd like to meet people in my city, montreal. But I fear that because I am chaste, no one would want to even be in the same room with me. Not with an hidden agenda and trashing me at the second they figure out I'm not going to change my mind about it. Am I wrong? Could people enjoy the company of someone they can't have? Or would it be considered as a waste of time and only conquest and BDSM matters? You're making an error in equating BDSM and sex. Many people go to play parties to scene nonsexually there. And then they go home. Find a local group. quote: Well, it's ok, I have a great time with my sex toys and I don't think a living human can give me as much pleasure even with a long training. But I wish I had affection. Is it something people into BDSM can desire, or they put that other extreme aside to fully go in the rabit hole? Thanks. It's confusing being a fallen angel.

Aileen1968 -> RE: Is BDSM and a exclusive lover relationship desired in that community or against the point? (8/29/2010 5:05:31 AM)
You aren't searching for anything different than what so many others are. And your words border on be patronizing. You'll find that it will become a huge turnoff to a lot. Good luck in your search.

poise -> RE: Is BDSM and a exclusive lover relationship desired in that community or against the point? (8/29/2010 5:08:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LisaOfShades I am affraid that I'd never be able to find myself someone. Since I don't want a mama's boy, fatso, or ugly nerd who use soap money to buy collectibles, or some dude twice my age. Would someone beautiful, who's actually ABLE to get whoever he wants, bear to be in an exclusive relationship? Well, I fear that I'm labelled a reject for being a nerd because of my glasses, the kind of people I landed on in my life, and because I don't have an athletic perfect body. Can I still have someone beautiful. I am in spite of... things. And the way I think and am are so very unique. I'm special. If not, I'll die masturbating. I have no problem with that. But I really wish I could fall in love and have a beautiful boyfriend. I dont feel its your lack of interest in sex that will hinder your ability to find someone to love and who is capable of loving you back. Its your shallowness. Love is seldom found on the surface.

BonesFromAsh -> RE: Is BDSM and a exclusive lover relationship desired in that community or against the point? (8/29/2010 5:50:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LisaOfShades Hi, I am new to this community. I am saving my favors for my One Lover in an exclusive relationship on both sides. I am willing to try anything at least once as long as I don't have to share my beloved meat. I am concerned about health issues because condoms can't protect the whole body and can fail. And one thing that turns me on even more than powerplay is owning. I am an extremely posessive bitch. Okay, These are your standards and expectations. quote: I am affraid that I'd never be able to find myself someone. Since I don't want a mama's boy, fatso, or ugly nerd who use soap money to buy collectibles, or some dude twice my age. Would someone beautiful, who's actually ABLE to get whoever he wants, bear to be in an exclusive relationship? Given the attitude you display in the statement prior to your question (along with your very condesending statement on another thread about middle-aged people and what I call the "cult of youth"), I would have to say outer beauty is the least of your concerns. Everyone has personal standards in regards to relationships. After reviewing your extensive profile, it's clear you have your own so you must be willing to accept that others will also. If you don't meet with their ideal image...accept it and move on. I do have one question...when browsing at a bookstore, do you only choose the books that have appealing covers or do you take the time to look at what is actually written on the pages to find the "meat of the matter"? quote: Well, I fear that I'm labelled a reject for being a nerd because of my glasses, the kind of people I landed on in my life, and because I don't have an athletic perfect body. Can I still have someone beautiful. I am in spite of... things. And the way I think and am are so very unique. I'm special. Is it possible for girls with perfect bodies, or is it free for all because they can?If not, I'll die masturbating. I have no problem with that. But I really wish I could fall in love and have a beautiful boyfriend. If so, then can it be possible if I'm defective and need a lot of affection and not much sex. Would anyone into BDSM even enjoy that? Do they still love, want exclusive relationship, tenderness and affection... or is it too soft and they like it hard core and nothing else that's not BDSM? Again, it comes down to personal standards and expectations...yours and those of your prospective partner. Not everyone needs sex as part of bdsm just as not everyone desires an exclusive relationship...you get what you settle for. For what it's worth, you seem very fixated on outer appearance. This could be seen as shallowness on your part. quote: Well, many would say no until they get touched by me. If touch and affection is important to you, then accept it as a standard and refuse to compromise. quote: I guess I need to know more about this world. I'd like to meet people in my city, montreal. But I fear that because I am chaste, no one would want to even be in the same room with me. Not with an hidden agenda and trashing me at the second they figure out I'm not going to change my mind about it. Am I wrong? Could people enjoy the company of someone they can't have? Or would it be considered as a waste of time and only conquest and BDSM matters? On the main screen of CollarChat you'll see a thread titled "Frequently Asked Questions", click on that. On the bottom of the page you'll find a link for munches and groups, click on that and look for something local to attend. Get off line and get out into the real world and meet a variety of people. quote: Well, it's ok, I have a great time with my sex toys and I don't think a living human can give me as much pleasure even with a long training. But I wish I had affection. Is it something people into BDSM can desire, or they put that other extreme aside to fully go in the rabit hole? The only "rabbit hole" is the one you and your partner create. quote: Thanks. It's confusing being a fallen angel. Enjoy your stay. *For the record, I didn't vote in your poll as you didn't offer an option I found to be acceptable.

sexyred1 -> RE: Is BDSM and a exclusive lover relationship desired in that community or against the point? (8/29/2010 6:01:48 AM)
Whenever people start threads like this, and it is usually new guys, the negativity, condescending attitude, and ugly words all just indicate insecurity. Whenever anyone talks about how all the beautiful people get whatever they want (bullshit), however they only want someone beautiful, it is extreme frustration showing. OP, instead of writing how special and unique you are, perhaps show it.

DarkSteven -> RE: Is BDSM and a exclusive lover relationship desired in that community or against the point? (8/29/2010 6:23:26 AM)
Oh, and to answer your question, I'm seeking a mono relationship right now with a woman. After that is established, I might see if extending it to poly would be an option or desirable. I'm not ruling it out, but wouldn't do it unless she and I both agreed and I thought it would work.

DesFIP -> RE: Is BDSM and a exclusive lover relationship desired in that community or against the point? (8/29/2010 6:23:46 AM)
Your insecurities are showing OP. Until you deal with them you won't have a beautiful loving relationship. Right now you've rejected everyone. If they are physically attractive, you reject them because you don't believe they can be faithful. If they are less than physically perfect, you reject them on that ground. It leaves you safe, but lonely and unloved. Go get some help. You need it. A lot.

DisenchantedLife -> RE: Is BDSM and a exclusive lover relationship desired in that community or against the point? (8/29/2010 6:28:30 AM)
Hey now Desp - not everyone needs help. There are many shallow, miserable people running around with the world with out shrinks following behind them. I say - let her go be miserable.. just on her own time.

jujubeeMB -> RE: Is BDSM and a exclusive lover relationship desired in that community or against the point? (8/29/2010 6:48:18 AM)
OP - Until you open yourself to the possibility that everyone is attractive and beautiful in their own way, you will never see all the amazing potential relationships you could be having. Stop judging others, stop judging yourself, take a good, fresh, clean look at the world and realize that you are right now living your life, and it's a very short life indeed. Don't waste any of it in insecurity and shallowness.

LadyPact -> RE: Is BDSM and a exclusive lover relationship desired in that community or against the point? (8/29/2010 8:13:55 AM)
I didn't answer your poll either. There were no options that were reflective of the situation that I am in Myself. I do have to say that I agree with some of the other posters. It screams that you want an Adonis, but don't live up to the same physical standard yourself. Usually, this attitude tends to come from males. Older guys who have a gut or are losing teeth or hair that feel they deserve some twenty year old swimsuit model. If shallow is what you want, find someone who wants the same thing and be shallow together. Just remember what you are basing your relationships on and know that gaining ten pounds could be a major upheaval. From what I'm reading here, it isn't you being chaste that is the issue. It's not a preference for monogamy, either. Take that attitude that you have about outward appearances and apply it to how people perceive you. It's not attractive one bit, is it?

SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Is BDSM and a exclusive lover relationship desired in that community or against the point? (8/29/2010 8:21:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LisaOfShades Hi, I am new to this community. I am an extremely posessive bitch. If this wasn't readily apparent to everyone already, then it certainly becomes so with the rest of your post. quote: I am affraid that I'd never be able to find myself someone. Since I don't want a mama's boy, fatso, or ugly nerd who use soap money to buy collectibles, or some dude twice my age. Would someone beautiful, who's actually ABLE to get whoever he wants, bear to be in an exclusive relationship? Yes, beautiful people do enjoy monogamous relationships. But not with you. Beauty comes from within and you, madamoiselle, do not have it. I strongly suggest you cultivate some if you ever hope to find a partner. quote: Well, I fear that I'm labelled a reject for being a nerd because of my glasses, the kind of people I landed on in my life, and because I don't have an athletic perfect body. Can I still have someone beautiful. I am in spite of... things. And the way I think and am are so very unique. I'm special. I hate to burst your bubble... Wait, no I don't. I'm a sadist. You are not a unique snowflake. There is nothing about you that can't be found in a dozen other women who also have a better attitude. quote: If not, I'll die masturbating. I have no problem with that. You're certainly going the right way for that. Carry on. quote: But I really wish I could fall in love and have a beautiful boyfriend. See above re: cultivating inner beauty. You're quite possibly the ugliest person I've seen on this forum in months. The ugliness has nothing to do with your physical appearance and everything to do with your attitude. quote: Is it possible for girls with perfect bodies, or is it free for all because they can? This doesn't even make sense on a grammatical level but, if I understand you correctly, you're asking if women with perfect bodies can have monogamous relationships. The answer is: of course they can. But since you're not one of them, I hardly see how this is relevant. (Psst, here's a tip - no woman has a "perfect" body unless it's been sculpted by a plastic surgeon or Photoshop.) quote: Would anyone into BDSM even enjoy that? Do they still love, want exclusive relationship, tenderness and affection... or is it too soft and they like it hard core and nothing else that's not BDSM? The short answer is: if you can imagine it, there's someone who is doing it right this minute and enjoying the heck out of it. The longer answer is that you seem to have quite a few mistaken, preconceived notions about BDSM. Not everyone requires sex in order to engage in kinky activities. If that's your preference, then find someone who wants the same things you want. Just don't expect to find him tomorrow. Or even within the first year. Finding a compatible kink partner is no different than finding a "vanilla" partner. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the prince. quote: Well, many would say no until they get touched by me. My, doesn't someone have an unduly high opinion of herself? Narcissistic, much? quote: I guess I need to know more about this world. Truer words were never spoken. quote: I fear that because I am chaste, no one would want to even be in the same room with me. Believe me when I say it's not your chastity that will make people not want to be in the same room with you. It's your overweening arrogance, narcissism, and negativity. quote: Well, it's ok, I have a great time with my sex toys and I don't think a living human can give me as much pleasure even with a long training. Well then, since you've got it all figured out, there's no need for you to continue looking, is there? Buy stock in Adam & Eve and get cozy with your vibrator. *Edited for typos and formatting

peppermint -> RE: Is BDSM and a exclusive lover relationship desired in that community or against the point? (8/29/2010 8:31:17 AM)
I did not answer your poll as you did not have a "None of the above" option. Lisa, are you always so negative and miserable sounding? Are you ever happy? Do you have chronic depression? Your negative attitude makes you unattractive. Rather than seek a partner perhaps you should fix yourself first.

tazzygirl -> RE: Is BDSM and a exclusive lover relationship desired in that community or against the point? (8/29/2010 8:51:54 AM)
Your profile reflects exactly what others are posting about you on this thread. Why would anyone want a Domme who doesnt consider herself beautiful in some way? You mentioned that monogamy isnt the way of BDSM. Im sorry, around these parts, we call that one-wayism.. and it doesnt fly. There are as many different ways to have a BDSM relationship as their are BDSM relationships... each one is unique to the people within that relationship. To state emphatically what is or isnt is extremely arrogant. You state .... quote: Would someone beautiful, who's actually ABLE to get whoever he wants, bear to be in an exclusive relationship? As i read your OP again, and your profile, i have to ask, and perhaps you should ask yourself this question.... Why would anyone, not just someone beautiful, WANT to be in a relationship with someone who is coming across as insecure and shallow as you?

AquaticSub -> RE: Is BDSM and a exclusive lover relationship desired in that community or against the point? (8/29/2010 9:01:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven quote: I am affraid that I'd never be able to find myself someone. Since I don't want a mama's boy, fatso, or ugly nerd who use soap money to buy collectibles, or some dude twice my age. Would someone beautiful, who's actually ABLE to get whoever he wants, bear to be in an exclusive relationship? Lisa, I hate to be this blunt, but that was an ugly paragraph. You're pretty tough on folks who don't meet your criteria. Also you assume that everyone is just out to get laid as much as they can, and imply that the only thing creating monogamy is opportunity, not inclination. Agreed. As I gear up for one of the biggest cons Val and I attend, making my props and getting my ducks in a row to buy collectibles - not with our soap money I assure you, OP and I have reason to believe that both of us are reasonably attractive. I'm a bit thicker but he's definately quite thin - I have to say I entirely lose interest in the OP and anything she had to say after this. quote: Thanks. It's confusing being a fallen angel. "Angel" isn't the term I'd use for you. That's a term I associate with people more tolerent, forgiving and kind to others. You're so hung up on appearence, believing that everything hinges on it and fear being labeled a nerd, that you lash out at those who are different from you. And that, my friend, is what is going to get you ostrasized in a BDSM community, not wanting to be monogamous. We've got plenty of those - even gorgous ones. However, it would do you some good to remember that, when people are selecting life mates, they look for someone who is beautiful on the inside as well as the outside. Someone who is incredibly judgemental of those they deem "less worthy" or "less special" may not fare as well. Oh... I also didn't answer your poll. No answer I found acceptable.

Twoshoes -> RE: Is BDSM and a exclusive lover relationship desired in that community or against the point? (8/29/2010 9:12:04 AM)
Firstly, I agree with DarkSteven. quote: ORIGINAL: LisaOfShades I am affraid that I'd never be able to find myself someone. Since I don't want a mama's boy, fatso, or ugly nerd who use soap money to buy collectibles, or some dude twice my age. Would someone beautiful, who's actually ABLE to get whoever he wants, bear to be in an exclusive relationship? Well, I fear that I'm labelled a reject for being a nerd because of my glasses, the kind of people I landed on in my life, and because I don't have an athletic perfect body. Can I still have someone beautiful. I am in spite of... things. And the way I think and am are so very unique. I'm special. You might say I think like a woman, but seriously: If walked up to you, called both of your friends "ugly", made it clear I want "someone beautiful"... I'd have offended every female in a 5 km radius. Plus, I'm sure the men around would feel the urge to walk over and punch me in the face. So what you wrote slightly annoys me. Ever hear the colloquial phrase "Bros before hos"? (There is a certain code of honor.). Hurting your friends for a woman is definately frowned upon. If the woman was really special to the guy involved, the rest of us might overlook her tendancy to insult us. To directly answer your question: I have friends that you could call "nerdy", but thanks to a combination of actively pursuing sports, taking care of themselves and having a mesomorphic frame, they have amazing bodies. (I, on the other hand, claim to be exactly average-looking.) One of them also happens to be very, sweet and caring. He's made me repeatedly question my heterosexuality... Ughm, don't mention that to anyone. quote: Is it possible for girls with perfect bodies, or is it free for all because they can? If so, then can it be possible if I'm defective and need a lot of affection and not much sex. Would anyone into BDSM even enjoy that? Do they still love, want exclusive relationship, tenderness and affection... or is it too soft and they like it hard core and nothing else that's not BDSM? You are clearly projecting your insecurities onto any potential partner and hoping he fills your emotional void in regards to attractiveness. I'm not saying you shouldn't pursue someone attractive, I'm saying it's pointless, since your real issue is elsewhere. Also, there is the issue of echoism; beauty is subjective... quote: I guess I need to know more about this world. I'd like to meet people in my city, montreal. But I fear that because I am chaste, no one would want to even be in the same room with me. Well, read the first part again, you pretty much offended anyone with friends of any sort so... Salut! P.S. Also this poll is rigged as hell...

KyttynTheMynx -> RE: Is BDSM and a exclusive lover relationship desired in that community or against the point? (8/29/2010 9:29:39 AM)
I will never understand people that point out their flaws, and expect them to be accepted, but want nothing but perfection from a partner. This isnt high school. Its the real world. I could go for the hot guy, but if he doesnt have a personality, what fun is that? The hot guy could go for you, but frankly, your personality sucks. So why should he stick around? Chew on that for a bit, please. At any rate, its posts like these that make me love the fact that I am multifaceted and ave never settled for one type of person. I have dated the mama's boy. I had a very loving relationship with the "fatso". And I love me some nerds (smart guys get me so hot!). So ask yourself, "Am I the person, the person that I want, wants?" And dont ask yourself this question while wearing your rose colored glasses. Be really honest with yourself.

NuevaVida -> RE: Is BDSM and a exclusive lover relationship desired in that community or against the point? (8/29/2010 9:38:03 AM)
It was hard for me to tell if the OP was just being sarcastically funny or was serious. If it was an attempt at humor, it fell a bit short. As has already been said, "BDSM" is not all about getting sex whenever the opportunity presents itself. That's a personal preference, that happens within the "BDSM community" and outside of it. That's simply a trait by people who like a lot of sex and either don't want an exclusive relationship or are filling the void of an inability to have one. It doesn't describe most of the posters on these boards. You place a lot of value on outward appearances. Perhaps in time you will see how limiting this is. But, we all have our priorities and this is yours, apparently. Stock your money away now, though, because if you do find an exclusive relationship that lasts long term, you'll want to invest in a good plastic surgeon going forward, because 30 year old hard bodies hardly remain the same without external help. It's one thing to have personal preferences of what you find attractive, and you're entitled to that. Broad criticisms of everyone in life who doesn't meet those preferences are likely to land you without a lot of meaningful company.

Tantriqu -> RE: Is BDSM and a exclusive lover relationship desired in that community or against the point? (8/29/2010 9:58:00 AM)
So . . . fear of rejection because you're not beautiful, but demanding beauty? You opened up a big vat of crazy right there, but at least you can articulate it. We all have our hard limits for what we're attracted to, but ya gotta loosen 'em up to near-reality and make a few compromises to find love. Straight subbie guys, for example, are good men. Like any other good men, they're far less likely to judge you solely on physical characteristics, and here's the nifty part, far more likely to judge you on your character. You know, just like good women do. Right now you've got youth on your side, and perhaps have gotten drunk on that power but it'll be gone shortly. When I was younger, the only men I dated/felt attracted to were average-height musclemen, until the first man I ever fell head-over-heels for was very tall and very slim, and then I discovered you can fall for almost any good man if they make you laugh. And here's a mantra to get you through the rest of your days: life's not fair. Get over it. Turn off the rabbit, leave your apartment, and go volunteer somewhere: building good karma, but also THAT's where all the good guys are. Good luck.

peppermint -> RE: Is BDSM and a exclusive lover relationship desired in that community or against the point? (8/29/2010 10:12:43 AM)
I'll go back to something I read in a autobiography many years ago. The author was introduced to his friend's fiance. He was appalled. She was homely while his friend was handsome. He just knew that his friend could have done much "better" in finding a wife. Fast forward several years. The author now considers his friend's wife among the most attractive women he knows. She has the most wonderful of personalities. She is a lovely person. He can't even figure out why he considered her so homely when he first met her. The author now knows that his friend could not have done any better than the wonderful lovely woman he married.

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