Outside Friends for a slave

Outside Friends for a slave (Full Version)

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Grlathrt -> Outside Friends for a slave (8/29/2010 11:17:43 AM)
I am talking to several different Masters at the moment trying to find the best fit for me, and most of them are in a different location than I am at, so my question is, are slaves allowed to have past friends outside the M/s relationship, and possibly visit them once in a while. Does it that negate the whole TPE equation, or can a slave have friends while having TPE???

CalifChick -> RE: Outside Friends for a slave (8/29/2010 11:23:14 AM)
I don't personally know anyone that has no friends. I would think it would be a lonely existence indeed. Cali

littlewonder -> RE: Outside Friends for a slave (8/29/2010 11:35:19 AM)
why would you not be allowed to have friends unless that's the type of relationshp you want? I don't think I'd be with someone who said no friends. If you want friends then choose a Master who allows such.

whis31 -> RE: Outside Friends for a slave (8/29/2010 11:36:05 AM)
Master at times kicks my ass for not spending enough time with my friends outside the BDSM world. He says I need the contact to keep me grounded and function in the world.

AquaticSub -> RE: Outside Friends for a slave (8/29/2010 11:52:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Grlathrt I am talking to several different Masters at the moment trying to find the best fit for me, and most of them are in a different location than I am at, so my question is, are slaves allowed to have past friends outside the M/s relationship, and possibly visit them once in a while. Does it that negate the whole TPE equation, or can a slave have friends while having TPE??? Anyone who tried to prevent me from seeing friends and family would set of major alarm bells in my head. It's an unfortunate fact of life that this style of relationship draws in abusers who want to pretend what they are doing is just an alternative lifestyle. And one of the classic signs of an abuser is trying to cut the abusee off from anyone who would/could help them. I have many friends and visit with them often. Valyraen encourages it as it's good for my mental health and, when I visit with other lifestyle folks, I find it very grounding and helpful. There is nothing like walking around with other subs/slaves, shoe-shopping and trading funny stories. [:)]

DarkSteven -> RE: Outside Friends for a slave (8/29/2010 2:11:39 PM)
The technically accurate answer is that her Master will determine whether she will have outside friends or not. However, I can't imagine any slave accepting a Master who would cut her off.

Focus50 -> RE: Outside Friends for a slave (8/29/2010 2:14:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Grlathrt I am talking to several different Masters at the moment trying to find the best fit for me, and most of them are in a different location than I am at, so my question is, are slaves allowed to have past friends outside the M/s relationship, and possibly visit them once in a while. Does it that negate the whole TPE equation, or can a slave have friends while having TPE??? In this regard, I don't perceive any difference between a M/s relationship and a vanilla one.... That is, that if the girl didn't have friends, family and a life in general outside of our personal dynamic, then I'd find her too suffocating to have around. And it likely suggests she has issues anyway. Or maybe I do, because I simply can't be someone's whole life to revolve around 24/7.... Focus.

peacefulplace -> RE: Outside Friends for a slave (8/29/2010 2:40:32 PM)
[sm=agree.gif]

tiggerspoohbear -> RE: Outside Friends for a slave (8/31/2010 2:33:44 PM)
Anyone who would try to keep me from friends and family would be throwing out huge red flags. As it is, I can only see my family 3-4 times a year and i cherish the time I get to spend with them. My dad's g/f I consider a 2nd mon and her children are not only my friends, they've become my 2nd family. Being cut off from them would not be healthy for my mental health, so it'd be a deal breaker. Luckily, Tigger has no such objections and knows the importance of my dad, his g/f and her family. I don't have many friends here, so i love the time I get to spend with them. He also encourages that.

leadership527 -> RE: Outside Friends for a slave (8/31/2010 2:47:26 PM)
In my own little corner of reality, there is only one "TPE equation". I command her to do stuff = action on her part. So unless I've commanded her not to have any friends, then I see no problem with friends and TPE. It should be pretty obvious that in most cases, being cutoff from all friends is not going to be healthy for most humans.

DesFIP -> RE: Outside Friends for a slave (8/31/2010 4:33:16 PM)
Real life friends, unless they were unhealthy for me ie addicts or users or such, he would never object to. Online friends, it depends. Other women, sure. Unattached male doms within 1000 miles, no way.

NuevaVida -> RE: Outside Friends for a slave (8/31/2010 9:43:59 PM)
I'm allowed and encouraged to have friends. He & I live about an hour & 20 min apart so we don't see each other every day. He thinks it's healthy for me to get out with the girls and he encourages it.

LadyNTrainer -> RE: Outside Friends for a slave (9/1/2010 8:02:50 AM)
It really depends on the type of friends. In most cases, I consider my submissives' social circles including friends and family to be an integral part of their support system for staying mentally and emotionally healthy. Their work is an integral support system not just for their mental health, but for their financial support and well being. Remove your human property from one of their critical support systems, and it's kind of like owning a lovely tropical saltwater reef fish that you decide to keep in a 10 gallon freshwater tank. Nothing good happens to the fish, and after awhile it won't be nearly so lovely or fun to keep. Also, it will probably start to smell funny. Not a desirable outcome. My pet has one friend whom I do not personally like to be around because he is thoughtless and has been offensive in his language, but he is not a bad person fundamentally, and he is certainly not bad for my pet and has been a good friend to him. I would not forbid him to see this person, nor would I ban him from parties or gatherings hosted by my pet. I may well choose not to attend if he is in attendance, depending on the size of the crowd. I encourage my pet to remain friends and to nurture the relationship because it is good and healthy for him, but I also exercise my preference not to be around this person much. It's good for him to have someone to go to sporting events with that I have no interest in, since I'm poly and he needs to keep occupied in healthy and constructive ways when I'm busy with my primary partner. I don't have to like my pet's friend, I just have to know that he's overall a good influence rather than a bad one. The few times historically I've told a submissive not to see someone have involved threats to their health, safety or well-being, in one case their physical safety from a family member with a history of violent assault and abuse. In another case drug use, a compulsively promiscuous and unethical sexual history and lying was involved. It's rare that I would tell someone I owned not to see another person; I am only really interested in having emotionally stable and mature adults in my life, and adults can generally make their own judgment calls on who's healthy for them to be around and who isn't. But if some help is needed for a submissive who is having a hard time saying no to bad friends or abusive family members, then it's my job to step up to the plate and do it for them.

Shadow-tiger -> RE: Outside Friends for a slave (9/1/2010 10:25:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: whis31 Master at times kicks my ass for not spending enough time with my friends outside the BDSM world. He says I need the contact to keep me grounded and function in the world. I like the way your Master thinks! quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven The technically accurate answer is that her Master will determine whether she will have outside friends or not. However, I can't imagine any slave accepting a Master who would cut her off. This is pretty much my line of thinking, that by the way TPE tends to work the Master/owner makes that call. And either the slave agrees or it's not TPE. My personal view is that most of those who would have their slave cut all ties are either insecure or a bit too controlling. Either way that makes em an asstard.

phoenixmoonn13 -> RE: Outside Friends for a slave (9/1/2010 11:27:14 AM)
RL friends are no problems i just ask if i can go out however he doesnt ever refuse its jsut protocal. online firends are slightly different i ask to accept freindship offers (refering here to second life i dont do chat rooms) then i ask if i can accept them if i am away from home and we are online together then i ask if i can take IM if one comes in or ask to send one. he trusts me and i would never break it and he knows it so doenst matter who they are as long as i ask

Twoshoes -> RE: Outside Friends for a slave (9/1/2010 8:16:32 PM)
I've moved to many foreign places during my life. I can tell you that moving to a place and depending only on one or a few people, without making friends in the new location, is the third worst idea you will ever have. At one point after moving to my n-th country, I decided: "Fuck this. I keep losing friends; it's not worth it." Big mistake that I learned from pretty quickly. Cheers

BlackTigerDragon -> RE: Outside Friends for a slave (9/1/2010 9:24:50 PM)
Well that depends. Do you want friends? Are you looking for a master or a serial killer?

Zevar -> RE: Outside Friends for a slave (9/1/2010 10:22:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Grlathrt I am talking to several different Masters at the moment trying to find the best fit for me, and most of them are in a different location than I am at, so my question is, are slaves allowed to have past friends outside the M/s relationship, and possibly visit them once in a while. Does it that negate the whole TPE equation, or can a slave have friends while having TPE??? Clearly to NOT isolate yourself from the friends that you have formed a bond with prior to becoming acquainted with Masters is quite reasonable. Never forget that you are an individual with needs and personal boundaries. I encourage you to make your needs known as a priority & then proceed to demonstrate such in your Life, regardless if someone else tells you to sever a friendship bond. You get to decide what works for you. Make your position clear or else the waters will become muddied & prone to a can of worms that you more than likely would not appreciate being opened. Namely isolation is never a healthy dynamic between people. Decide, inform & enforce. Simple aye! Take good care of you!

Wolf2Bear -> RE: Outside Friends for a slave (9/2/2010 10:50:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Grlathrt I am talking to several different Masters at the moment trying to find the best fit for me, and most of them are in a different location than I am at, so my question is, are slaves allowed to have past friends outside the M/s relationship, and possibly visit them once in a while. Does it that negate the whole TPE equation, or can a slave have friends while having TPE??? One's relationship with their owner does not negate that there is more to life than complete withdrawal from the rest of the world. This TPE aspect does not exclude having friends outside the kink, does not exclude the relationship they have with family and relatives.Any potential master who requires me to exclude any and all external relationships outside ours is not a Master who is suited for me and I will not be suitable for them.

daddysprop247 -> RE: Outside Friends for a slave (9/5/2010 3:21:27 PM)
the overwhelming majority of Masters will not cut a slave off from past relationships with friends and family, and will want their slave to continue to cultivate outside relationships and interests. however it is not necessarily the "red flag" of abuse that so many make it out to be if a Master does place such restrictions on his property. as long as there was no deception involved so that the decision to become slave was made with eyes wide open, i don't see the issue. that is the way it was for me...when i first became a slave i was cut off from all past connections for about a year. that was all friends, all family, everyone. after that period was over, select people from the past were permitted back into my life gradually. of course imagine my surprise when most of those people rejected me anyway (due to my new way of life). but then at that point it didn't really matter, as i was wholly the property of my Master. that period of isolation was vital to cementing our bond as Owner and slave, and especially for driving home the reality of my utter dependence on him. for us, it was a very good thing.

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