RE: Double Standards of behavior/Mixed Messages

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RE: Double Standards of behavior/Mixed Messages - 4/22/2006 10:33:35 AM

TemptingNviceSub

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Simply to me..I try to live by the concept of Live and let Live,,,BDSM or"nilla"..I will always offer up opinions, how they are percieved is up to the reader or person I am conversing with.... agreed with or not...percieved as intolerent or not...but always human and usually well intentioned....be well.Tempting

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RE: Double Standards of behavior/Mixed Messages - 4/22/2006 10:59:19 AM

BitaTruble

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From: Texas
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Basically, the general consensus seems to be there is no general consensus. That said this snippet from Harmony seems to sum things up rather well for me.

' ... expecting logic from human beings is probably.........illogical ... '

I'm going with that one for now and heading back to Vulcan.

Live long and prosper.

;)

Celeste

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"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

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RE: Double Standards of behavior/Mixed Messages - 4/22/2006 3:18:18 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

I think there is a difference between tolerating other people’s kinks and the way they choose to live their lives and tolerating gross overgeneralizations based on inaccurate ridiculous assumptions. I try to minimize the assumptions that I make and when I do make them, I try to ensure that they are made in an educated manner. Too often I see people make a lot of ridiculous assumptions about what people say, write or do. They assume based on their own narrow view of the world rather than just asking for more information to understand the other's perspective. That is something that I have little tolerance for in myself and in others. I don’t come here to be accepted or even liked. I come here to share ideas and mostly hear other people’s ideas.

Knight's kyra

Kyra... so as to not make an assumption... or offend.... I have a question.
I was showing a girlfriend around CM this week while laid up. Showing her profiles and threads on different subjects. And she ran across your picture. Later I showed her both your sisters.... she made the remark that you 3 look like triplets. At least in your pictures. Is this a look you 3 like.. or KoM?... She got me curious as to if Doms actually force their Sub/slaves to actually look a certain way. Or if they're just lucky on finding ones that do look alike.
This is not a flame... nor ment to offend.. that is why I am asking. You all 3 are lovely ladies....not knocking the looks or styles.. but it made me curious.

(Sometimes bringing outsiders in can be screwed up... when they start asking all types of questions.. LOL)

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RE: Double Standards of behavior/Mixed Messages - 4/22/2006 3:57:03 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
If living a life which includes BDSM is exactly the same as living a 'nilla way of life why are so many people hiding from 'nilla society but feel perfectly at home with BDSM folks? Why do so many fear losing their jobs, their children, their friends and family's if everyone is all the same? If it's all the same, no one is better or worse than anyone else, why do sites like collarme exist?

Saying "we're the same when it comes to understanding and tolerance" does not at all mean "we are the same.

People in bdsm ARE just as badly judgemental, as harsh critics, as quick to close doors, as quick to use biased and false generalizations as anyone else.

We just happen to be into bdsm.

quote:

On the one hand.. BDSM folks are intolerant just like 'nilla folks .. get used to it. On the other.. how dare you be intolerant!

Nope. I just don't get it. Anyone here that does get it and can 'splain it to me?

Celeste

One is a statement of reality, the other is a statement of ideality.

The world does suck.

That doesn't mean we shouldn't try and make it better.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Double Standards of behavior/Mixed Messages - 4/22/2006 3:58:12 PM

MistWalker

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Joined: 4/20/2006
From: Memphis
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For as many distinctly differnt personalitys, and types there are in the lifestly, in the end we are all human, and sadly humanity is not that tolerent. and i realize im being very general here, but all to often it happens that ones belive there way is the only right way. and it leads to conflict. myself i would like to belive i am very tolerent persone of others ways/beliefs, i tend to pride myself on it.. i dont have to accept those ways as my own but i would not dissparage another for haveing them. yet all the same i do find myself doing just that at times. wondering why they would ever wish to do such a thing or behave in such a way. i have to step back and remind myself, it is there life, not mine. what choices i make in mine may well make them question me as well.

true tolerance is im afraid at this time simply an ideal, a utopian thoght. people simply do not get along as a whole. the very same uniqnesses, and diversity that can bring us together as a group can drive us apart as well. i do my part to see that that dose not happen....

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RE: Double Standards of behavior/Mixed Messages - 4/22/2006 3:58:58 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u
This is not a flame... nor ment to offend.. that is why I am asking. You all 3 are lovely ladies....not knocking the looks or styles.. but it made me curious.

My ex-master and my current Boston partner all have a string of partners in their life who all have extremely similar physical characteristics. I think it's just a "type" some people are attracted to.

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"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Double Standards of behavior/Mixed Messages - 4/22/2006 4:16:06 PM

ownedgirlie

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Joined: 2/5/2006
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Hey Celeste...Interesting thread for sure. I must admit to having been one of those in the mindset of thinking a group of people living a BDSM, D/s, M/s way of life would be much more open and tolerant of others doing the same. Why? Because I had this really strange assumption that this "community" (for lack of a better word) of people was accustomed to being wrongly judged, and therefore would offer a higher tolerance level for their fellow human - BDSM or not.

At first I was quite surprised to discover how wrong I was, but then one must realize - people are people no matter what classifications we put them in. In any walk of life, there are those who believe their way is the only way, and there are those who believe they are better or wiser or stronger than others. Such is life.

I had to write an essay last year - Realistic vs. Idealistic. In this case, it is idealistic to think a group of people who are subject to judgment would not in turn judge. But it is realistic to understand that every individual is made up of elements of ego, pride, wisdom, intelligence, compassion and empathy...to varying degrees. In short - our personalities and public conduct depend on each individual, regardless of what way of life they live.

Although I must admit to wondering if other "vanilla" type forums run into the same intolerances. Take, for example, a gourmet cooking forum - "OH MY GOD....You did NOT just say you put cilantro in your rigatoni!!!!"

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RE: Double Standards of behavior/Mixed Messages - 4/22/2006 4:23:08 PM

truesub4u

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u
This is not a flame... nor ment to offend.. that is why I am asking. You all 3 are lovely ladies....not knocking the looks or styles.. but it made me curious.

My ex-master and my current Boston partner all have a string of partners in their life who all have extremely similar physical characteristics. I think it's just a "type" some people are attracted to.

I can see that.......

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RE: Double Standards of behavior/Mixed Messages - 4/22/2006 4:23:46 PM

catize

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Joined: 3/7/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
Although I must admit to wondering if other "vanilla" type forums run into the same intolerances. Take, for example, a gourmet cooking forum - "OH MY GOD....You did NOT just say you put cilantro in your rigatoni!!!!"

Chef Wannabe!

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Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

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RE: Double Standards of behavior/Mixed Messages - 4/22/2006 4:35:17 PM

ownedgirlie

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LOL yeah, you're not a REAL cook!!!

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RE: Double Standards of behavior/Mixed Messages - 4/22/2006 4:40:29 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u
Kyra... so as to not make an assumption... or offend.... I have a question.
I was showing a girlfriend around CM this week while laid up. Showing her profiles and threads on different subjects. And she ran across your picture. Later I showed her both your sisters.... she made the remark that you 3 look like triplets. At least in your pictures. Is this a look you 3 like.. or KoM?... She got me curious as to if Doms actually force their Sub/slaves to actually look a certain way. Or if they're just lucky on finding ones that do look alike.
This is not a flame... nor ment to offend.. that is why I am asking. You all 3 are lovely ladies....not knocking the looks or styles.. but it made me curious.

(Sometimes bringing outsiders in can be screwed up... when they start asking all types of questions.. LOL)

Thank you for the compliment and I don’t find the questions offensive at all. Though I think there may be a misconception; denika is not owned by Knight. She is a play partner and friend but not his submissive. It may seem like a subtle distinction to some but there are big differences in the interactions and expectations of the relationships.

This isn’t the first time that we have heard that we look alike, and honestly I don’t see it at all. One thing is that all of the pictures are taken at fetish events and we often make the point of dressing similarly. Most times he will approve or instruct alandra and me on what to wear for the evening and he will let denika know what we are wearing so she can choose to dress similarly or not. She hated the night that we all wore dresses *g*

For your question on whether dominants force their submissives to look a certain way, I wouldn’t use the word force. It just has a negative connotation to me. In our house, he has final say in what alandra and I wear, in our hair and makeup. For everyday he very rarely makes specific instructions in what we wear. We know his preferences and dress accordingly. For special occasions or lifestyle events he will be much more specific. He has no say in denika’s clothes, hair or makeup; she knows his preferences and when she goes out with us she will choose something she knows he will like.

I do find that people are attracted to a certain style or look. Looking back at the men I have dated, most all of them have some similar qualities to each other. This may be why we all look so much alike; it is just what he is attracted to. Though in my case, it was my intelligence and wit that attracted him since he didn’t see a picture right away.

I don't mind questions at all and you are asking about my favorite topic. *g*

kyra

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"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: Double Standards of behavior/Mixed Messages - 4/22/2006 5:35:40 PM

OnyxGoddess

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People are people and people are FLAWED. What can you do? Someone said I was unlady like and on a power trip but didnt ask my husband the truth about how HE started me out on being the person that I am. Guess when you don't know a person or thier situations it's really easy to say what is or isnt true of them. I noticed the bashing of the guy who was upset he had a vanilla cone by his name. It was just his opinion and his feelings on the subject and he had his backside handed to him. I don't get it.

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