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i need some help - 8/29/2010 11:12:51 PM

kateindenver

Posts: 35
Joined: 8/4/2004
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i have a submissive friend who is brand new to the world of bdsm. Does anyone know how i can find a good online mentor for her?
kate

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RE: i need some help - 8/29/2010 11:34:51 PM

MastrVran

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One of the slightly more difficult ways might be to read these forums, find someone who makes intelligents posts and seems like a decent person and send them a message lol.

I am sure there will be many other ways given to you in a little while. Not sure any way is completely safe or valid.

MV

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RE: i need some help - 8/29/2010 11:38:09 PM

thishereboi

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You could help her find some local clubs or munches and go out and meet people. Or she could create a profile and start reading the forums. There is a lot of good advice on here and she could ask questions after reading some of the threads.

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RE: i need some help - 8/29/2010 11:55:08 PM

aldompdx

Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
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Search profiles for the keyword: mentor. Then, as MastrVran suggests, press the "view forum posts" to read their comments.

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RE: i need some help - 8/30/2010 4:12:36 AM

texangael

Posts: 167
Joined: 12/14/2009
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quote:

Does anyone know how i can find a good online mentor for her?

"Good" and "Online Mentor" are mutually exclusive terms.

Encourage your friend to explore the lifestyle, be her friend and support her in her efforts, and help her gather as much information as possible about her interests and her desires. When she meets potential dominants and/or tops, give her your honest appraisal of their qualities as a human being.

You, a good friend supportive of the journey, are far more valuable than any self-proclaimed online "mentor" who knows nil about your friend.

_____________________________

"Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no Try."
Corny movie cliche that just happens to be true.

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RE: i need some help - 8/30/2010 4:32:29 AM

DarkSteven

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Lemme see if I have this straight. You want her to learn about BDSM, and you've decided that an online mentor is the way to go? There are other ways!

Heck, send her to the Longmont munch. I've heard that there is a Denver one as well, but haven't been there for over eight years. Let her meet people.

If you think she needs a mentor, get one in the community.

Also, she may want to go to Skales on Wednesday nights.

_____________________________

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: i need some help - 8/30/2010 7:58:17 AM

bliss4us09

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Online help is a bit of a crapshoot but if she's patient and willing to do some weeding she could find someone just be reading forum posts and getting a sense of their helpfulness and attitude that way.

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RE: i need some help - 8/30/2010 8:41:50 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
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From: Apple County NY
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She already has a real time mentor, op. You.

Beyond that, there's a whole lot of worthwhile people to ask advice of on these boards. Have her come and read, and when she identifies one particular poster who she thinks is right on, have her write that person with a question.

Do not have her sign up with some strange dominant for 'mentoring', because mentoring should be without any sexual tension or hidden agenda. She should ask advice from a sub, not a dom.

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RE: i need some help - 8/30/2010 9:24:51 AM

CeriseNin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kateindenver
i have a submissive friend who is brand new to the world of bdsm. Does anyone know how i can find a good online mentor for her?
kate

Is there any particular reason you think a stranger would be better suited to help her than a trusted friend?

At any rate, she can read these forums where there's a lot of good information.

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RE: i need some help - 8/30/2010 9:28:06 AM

LadyPact

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I'm with Steven. Send her to the local munch so that she can meet people in the flesh. Why direct her specifically to someone who is online that she doesn't know and can't verify that they are really doing this in real life?

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RE: i need some help - 8/30/2010 9:59:01 PM

AnimusRex

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quote:

ORIGINAL: texangael
"Good" and "Online Mentor" are mutually exclusive terms.

Quoted for truth.

Try this scenario, and see if you see the silliness in it-
I have a good friend who is thinking of dating and finding a wife. I don't want him to be hurt in picking the wrong one, so I need someone to mentor him online in dating, maybe a "Training Girlfriend", or even a "Protector", who will screen girls and select one for him to date...

Yeah, it's about that silly.

You can't learn to swim without getting wet.

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RE: i need some help - 8/31/2010 1:13:20 AM

alhamdullilah

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Undeniably, ya gotta get wet. You might drown, of course, but don't be daunted by that little tidbit! I had an online Protector of sorts, who recently passed, but without whose guidance I would be less complete. I think the distinction is that a Mentor is not so much in a position to reject you, and a good one is neither inclined to harm, nor to allow you to be harmed. I personally don't think it's such a silly notion, humbly and with respect to AnimusRex. Silly is, in my opinion, diving into the deep with the hope of learning to swim without Someone there to keep you from going under. The danger is real and potentially devastating. I say that with far more experience than I wish to possess. Why would such undertakings not warrant a Guide or guides?

Respectfully offering my meager two cents,
-llilah

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RE: i need some help - 8/31/2010 1:22:22 AM

SpiritedRadiance

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llilah- She has a good friend who knows about bdsm, why does she need a random stranger to teach her when her trusted friends into the life?

Also Mentor leaves a nasty taste in my mouth kinda like when your driving with the windows down and smell skunk.

OP your friend can learn alot simply from reading the forums and starting threads instead of a mentor (seeing as we all do things differently round these parts.)

_____________________________

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RE: i need some help - 8/31/2010 5:41:05 AM

subsfaith

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Fetlife has a group: Looking for a BDSM mentor.

Or perhaps you could mentor her yourself?

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RE: i need some help - 8/31/2010 9:09:39 AM

yellowroses

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Joined: 6/12/2009
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Fear of failure is never a good reason not to do something.

If I was always thinking that the worst might happen everytime I left the house, got in the car or did anything for that matter I would be curled up on my bed all day. Even then...WHAT IF, the house collapsed on top of me. WHAT IF is a phrase that gives people an excuse not to take action in their own lives. What if I get in the pool and I drown? What if I drive and get in an accident? What if, I turn on the oven and the house blows up? What if I go in the backyard and get hit by lightening? What if I get involved with this person and I get hurt?

Back to the point of the OP. Yes is can be scary being new to this lifestyle. Is an "online" protector/guide going to prevent someone from getting hurt either emotionally or physically? I think not. Can they be there to give advice? Of course, but just as other people have said...the message boards can help with that. I had some unpleasant experiences when I first started in this lifestyle. If I had a personal "guide/mentor" at the time would they still have happened? Probably so. Even still I believe that everything that has happened in my life has brought me to exaclty where I am today. No regrets for me and I feel like I have had my share of unpleasantness. I am now stronger, happier, healthier and more content then I have ever been. I would not give up feeling that way for anything.

And besides I don't think ANYONE is suggesting that the OP's friend jump into the deep end of the pool without knowing how to swim. When you are "learning to swim" you can get your feet wet without any real fear of drowning.

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RE: i need some help - 8/31/2010 7:33:51 PM

alhamdullilah

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When I read your unsurprisingly intelligently-written reply, yellowroses, I found myself predominantly in agreement... I just think it's important to remember - for those who venture into harm's way and it is that for many submissives for whatever reason more than others - (and please know that I offer a very genuine smile to you as I say... to a woman who never has to be in harm's way again, nor wonder if she'll spend her life alone or with a Man so much as a smidgeon less than pretty much perfect... from a woman who, like the newbie, faces essentially, potentially the opposite reality) - perspective is everything!

No harm in a hand to hold... God knows some of us could use one.

-llilah

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RE: i need some help - 9/2/2010 10:56:53 AM

D0M1NANT

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there are quite a few good ideas.. I do think the best is to find someone secure and seems to know what they're talking about and ask that person to mentor.. I get approached this way a lot, though none have sought Me out here yet.. *laugh* I am in the process of training a Dom who has come along quite a bit in the last 6 months, but still needs to witness how a Dom interacts firsthand with their sub..And yellowroses, you are way too right there.. EVERYTHING happens for a reason. I believe when someones time is up they go, no matter where they are or what they're doing.. May as well enjoy the trip, right..?

< Message edited by D0M1NANT -- 9/2/2010 11:00:02 AM >

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