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mstrjx -> RE: A question of expectations... (8/30/2010 10:05:52 PM)
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I have certain desires in a partner. When you meet people you are attracted to on some levels (but not all), at some point the differences become evident. These differences can be innocent or they might culminate in some sort of showstopper. When you face the differences and attempt to address them through the relationship, all sorts of results might occur, some of them uglier than others.
Let's pretend that I'm someone who appreciates women who are of average to below-average build. (We'll ignore the fact that I myself am 'larger than life' and that 'tit for tat' isn't part of this fantasy.) That would be a trait that I want. I don't impose on it an importance of being a requirement, but it's a desire. Now, I meet someone who I am attracted to on so many levels, yet this one comes up lacking. According to the scenario in the OP and adding a D/s layer to it, we (this prospective partner) address the issue head-on. The s-type acknowledges that she is not quite what I would like but in a pleasing manner wants to change to please me. I agree, and why would I not?
Now, weight can be a tricky business. For some people, they can make whatever alterations they need (diet, exercise, something else) and produce results with some haste. For others, it is not so easy. Frame, physical or psychological aspects, and other contributing factors might make positive results difficult or impossible. Both parties might wish the d-type wants to 'dominate' the s-type into generating these positive results, but what happens if these results are not forthcoming, or slow to take effect?
Frustration. Is the d-type not dominating or masterly (mistress-ly?) enough? Is the s-type not trying or sabotaging the results? And if, in the case of the married couple, they demonstrate that they will base the future of the relationship on these results and failure occurs, much good is thrown away over one issue (of varying importance depending on the person).
What is the answer? Settling, and feeling good about the other positive traits that the partner has? Not getting involved with that person to begin with? Giving it that college try and succeeding or failing? And what of the lost time waiting for the results that never occurred?
In my mind, one thing becomes clear. I might be able to teach you how to cook to my taste. I might be able to teach you how to clean to my taste. I might be able to teach you how to take a beating to my taste. I might be able to teach you any number of tangible things where results are relatively easy to attain. But even if my trade is in the dietary or physical fitness arenas, is it possible to 'teach' the absolute correct behaviors and ensure 100% of the time. I think not. Is it fair to make this a requirement of a relationship, even if it is the solemn goal of each partner?
And what about that 'tit for tat'? Is it fair for an s-type to demonstrate that they (through training or on their own) can work on and achieve results in this area while the d-type is lacking? Some s-types call this 'not being able to control themself so how can they control me'?
People sure are funny, aren't they?
Jeff
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