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Long-Distance Jitters - 4/22/2006 2:25:04 AM

NakedGirlScout

Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline

Hi Everyone

I'd like comments from anyone who has been through this:

My new dom and I have to live apart for several weeks because he needs to wrap up affairs at home before immigrating here. We've already been apart for one month and it's already driving both of us crazy and making us depressed and edgy. There is no possibility of visits before he comes back for good (because I have to keep my job in order to sponsor him for immigration and I don't get time off, and we don't feel $600 spent on plane tickets for a weekend visit is realistic).

If you've ever had to be away from your dom, found it very hard, and you've gotten through it... what helped you? If anything?

(I appreciate the point of view that people ought not to be in long-distance relationships--but I'm not really looking for that sort of comment, because it is already too late

)

Post #: 1

RE: Long-Distance Jitters - 4/22/2006 4:09:02 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Ok, this is going to be an add. LOL

One thing that works well for me is the phone. If you have broad band internet, like road runner, you can get an internet based phone like vongage. For about $30, you can call anywhere in the US. Calls outside the US are very reasonable. It costs me $0.04 a minute to call my boy in Germany. vonage.com can give you the info.

The other thing you can do is IM with a camera. Some of the programs, like YM, have a voice option. Unless you get a really good camera (i.e. expensive), the video will be choppy, but it's better than nothing.

Mail works too. There's nothing like getting a real, handwritten letter in the mail.

I hope these help.

Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)

Post #: 2

RE: Long-Distance Jitters - 4/22/2006 4:20:57 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

I don't hold to the view that folks shouldn't be in LDR's, it happens, I've had several myself (And nearly moved over the pond about a decade ago as a result of one *Shudder* nice place to visit but seriously I wouldn't want to live there!)

They are bloody difficult and frustrating though, of that there is no doubt. Especialy when the little lady in question is going through a rough time and just needs to feel your arms around her for a time to give her the strength to get through it, and you feel trapped and bloody helpless at not being able to be there for her.

The only thing that helps, contact, communication lots and often using any method available. Plus lots of patience, you know things are moving to a better place eventualy and no matter the difficult times in between you just have to ride it out till you get there.

Good luck

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)

Post #: 3

RE: Long-Distance Jitters - 4/22/2006 6:55:34 AM

fyreredsub

Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

this one broke all her rules about long distance with her Owners.
she is having a hard time, not just because of past trust issues, but with the feeling like it isnt real/tangible.
she can not see, touch, feel, hear.
she does not 'feel' as tho she is serving.
her belly has been giving her fits lately
.this one is grateful that Master and Mistress do attempt to calm her 'fears'(perhaps not the right word) and take control of her via the distance.

thi sone has no solution nor easy answer....
except if it is something you both really want in your heart...
keep trying and give it your best shot.find little things to do for each other that keep it special and near and dear to your hearts.

Master reminded this one*he tapped to his heart* and stated, "you carry me here" and Mistress makes time for her and both find tasks for her training to make her feel like she belongs to them thro the distance.

good luck and hugs to you both

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)

Post #: 4

RE: Long-Distance Jitters - 4/22/2006 7:42:57 AM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

There is a vast difference between BEING apart, which of course implies you HAVE been together, and never really having been together which is a disaster waiting to happen in my opinion.

That said, I understand being apart from someone you have woken up to often enough to find it uncomfortable to wake up alone. Anyway, what I did for someone I lived with who went off to college was read to her at night till she fell asleep. I read fantasy cause that was what relaxed her, you can read math books if that works. It works on many levels, you get the care of someone taking the time to do something like that plus you get the voice most submissives crave talking you to sleep.

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)

Post #: 5

RE: Long-Distance Jitters - 4/22/2006 7:50:37 AM

fyreredsub

Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

Raven
great words

this one wonders if counting the days helps or hinders

it is simply amazing how a simple phone call would/could/can soothe jitters

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

I don't hold to the view that folks shouldn't be in LDR's, it happens, I've had several myself (And nearly moved over the pond about a decade ago as a result of one *Shudder* nice place to visit but seriously I wouldn't want to live there!)

They are bloody difficult and frustrating though, of that there is no doubt. Especialy when the little lady in question is going through a rough time and just needs to feel your arms around her for a time to give her the strength to get through it, and you feel trapped and bloody helpless at not being able to be there for her.

The only thing that helps, contact, communication lots and often using any method available. Plus lots of patience, you know things are moving to a better place eventualy and no matter the difficult times in between you just have to ride it out till you get there.

Good luck

< Message edited by fyreredsub -- 4/22/2006 8:18:35 AM >

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 6

RE: Long-Distance Jitters - 4/22/2006 11:54:22 AM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

Well you have probably come across these suggestions..but I will bring them up..If desired you can both begin a journal of love or the like ,,write in it every night,,telling of your day, your thoughts,your accomplishments,your needs your frustrations ...and then know that when you get together you can gift them to one another, this accomplishes a feeling of closeness while the other is gone and a joyful gift to give when together again..Also occupy your time with your preparation and anticipation..ie:..spring cleaning,umm..self improvement and the like...be well...tempting

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)

Post #: 7

RE: Long-Distance Jitters - 4/22/2006 12:08:43 PM

Phoenixandnika

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline

When Phoenix and I first officially went real time. He flew from NY to Ca and from there we went to MD where he stayed with me and the kids for several days before he had to go back to NY.

I know NY is ONLY 4-6 hours from MD but when you can not go back and forth every day or even on weekends it is not much different than being 3000 miles apart.

He had me start a journal where I wrote every day.

He would give me things that I had to get done on a daily basis.

We spent hours on the phone and online.

I wont lie I cried ALOT.

That was the longest 2 months of my life. *laughs*

I hated it, however; the day him and his best friend drove that moving van from NY to here and the phone calls and sleeping along and simply not being able to lay my head on his lap was all over. I relized that it made is stronger. It made me relize that it was all worth it. That the lonely nights- made me appreciate the little every day things even more.

The bumps in the road make arriving to your destination so much more prescious.

Nika{Phoenix}

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 8

RE: Long-Distance Jitters - 4/22/2006 12:14:18 PM

cariad

Posts: 943
Joined: 9/25/2004
From: Calgary, Alberta
Status: offline

girl has lived the LDR thing and it drove her nuts not being able to see Him more often than we were. she started writing in a journal daily, of her thoughts, feelings, wishes, desires, wants and needs.

journals, emails, hand written letters, messengers with the cam, sending a voice mail to Him, when we were together girl cried her eyes out, as she shared her journal with Him because He had said He was proud of her.

when it was time to go again, she cried her eyes out because she did not want to leave and the fact that she didn't know when we would be together again wasn't helping.

He has a good job but getting time off to be with girl was hard for Him to do, but when He could get time off He let girl know and each moment we spent together more than made up for us not being together.

at night before going to bed if He has left a shirt there or a jacket, grab it and snuggle into it at bedtime, girl used to wear her now former Owner's shirt to bed and all day, she never washed it until one day she spilled mustard on it but to this day it still has His scent on it.

snuggling with it at bed time has helped girl to know that He was still close at hand even though we were 3000 miles apart, if that makes any sense.

girl hopes that her suggestions help you...

Blessed Be

_____________________________

The Path To Being A Good slave Takes Hard Work, A Willingness To Learn, Ability To Take Criticism and the Ability To Take Punishments Well. i Am Still Learning So Please Be Patient With me, As i Walk the Path to Being A good slave. SLRN: 742 958 000

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 9

RE: Long-Distance Jitters - 4/22/2006 12:25:35 PM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

Can't you chat back and forth on the puter daily, that would help immensly?

I wish you well but my experience in LDR are dreadful so I will not share them here.
I've decided that in the future if she's out of state, she's out of mind!
Fastlane looks in the mirror at himself...."sure, famous last words!"

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to cariad)

Post #: 10

RE: Long-Distance Jitters - 4/22/2006 4:40:04 PM

OnlyHis

Posts: 137
Joined: 2/25/2004
Status: offline

I have had to be away from Master several times. We began as long distance and i visited Him for 2 weeks. It was then over a year before i had a chance to go back to Him which i did for several wonderful months. Then it was over a year before i got back for 4 weeks. Now we are apart again and working towards a more permanant situation ( immigration red tape you understand)
We have weekly phone calls and i write a journal and personal letter to Master everyday which He answers back as often as possible. I have kept most of our past letters and conversations on msn and yahoo and reading these over again can help a great deal.
Also letting Master know when i am feeling especially down and lonely so He can help me in any way He can with encouragement and reassurances. Keeping a positive attitude , remembering all He means to you and you to Him, and not allowing any insecurities to weasle their way into your mind . That i have to work hard to control because i sometimes allow my imagination to conjure up things that i know better than to think. But still it happens.
Hope this helped you some. I look forward to hearing what others do to help in situations like this too.

_____________________________

Property of Master Deid

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)

Post #: 11

RE: Long-Distance Jitters - 4/22/2006 6:40:04 PM

NakedGirlScout

Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline

Thank you for all of your supportive and interesting letters. Thank you!

Some of the suggestions we've already been doing. Vonage *smile*, oh hours and hours each day.

I guess I feel better for you all giving me some cheese with my whiiiinnne?

Thank you MasterFireMaam, Vonage is saving my life....

RavenMuse you took the words right out of Master's mouth, he feels just like you said...

FyreRedSub thank you for your sweetness and for validating my feelings knowing I'm not the only one who suffers through it....

CrappyDom (your name doesn't do you justice!), that's a great idea, we'll try it...

Tempting, I'll try and do my cleaning *grins*....

nika thank you for your words of encouragement!

*hugs to all*

Naked

(in reply to OnlyHis)

Post #: 12

RE: Long-Distance Jitters - 4/22/2006 8:31:12 PM

Rayne58

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fyreredsub

this one wonders if counting the days helps or hinders

While I was back in NZ getting ready to move to Australia Master and I would count the days gone instead of the ones still to come......He would tell me "One day closer" in His farewells to me on Yahoo chat and I would go to bed feeling loved and cared for even though there was an ocean between us

We emailed and PMed each other every day. At night we would chat on Yahoo. I needed that daily contact to know He was ok (He has major health concerns). Slowly but surely the time passed, it helped that I had so many things to do that kept me too busy to be moping about for very long.

fyreredsub......twice Master and I have had to be apart when I had to fly back to NZ for family reasons - He did that exact thing your Master did, of telling me I am in His heart always, and held my hand on His chest. It helped me through the difficult time of my father's illness and then his funeral

(in reply to fyreredsub)

Post #: 13

RE: Long-Distance Jitters - 4/22/2006 10:41:53 PM

MistWalker

Posts: 90
Joined: 4/20/2006
From: Memphis
Status: offline

Distance can be brutaly painfull in a new relationship.. Mistress and myself were together for a month or so at first.. only to be forcefuly seperated by ilness for a period.. it was hard beyond all belief, especaly with NO comunication for a time.. .. comunication is a major key though to making things better, most the sugestions ive seen here are great, so not much i can offer there save my best wishes.. it took us a while, to get things settled, long bus trips from my home to hers, and back many times before finaly multiple trips here to move in.. its all worth it in the end though.. and even when not with her i always have the memories of us together, and our vows to each other.. ...

(in reply to Rayne58)

Post #: 14

RE: Long-Distance Jitters - 4/23/2006 5:39:15 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

My boy and I live 3011 miles apart--all the time--he is in Seattle and I am in Raleigh--we have seen each other twice for extended periods of time--with a third and a fourth planned this summer---O/our plan is for him to move here permanently, BUT things have to happen at both ends for that to happen---things that will take time---but W/we are committed to each other and are very much in love--a few weeks ago we hit what I am calling a "speed bump"--that at lost, at sea, adrift feeling, a disorientation if you will--however, My determination and his, opened the communications again, even extended them further--the Mistress stepped in and took more control of long term decisions---that brought us both back in focus--and to a new level in our relationship----Today, you can get a monthly phone rate that allows unlimited long distance calling ( I got it for My teen--it comes in VERY handy)---protocols, if you are true to E/each other, you will follow protocols--and communication-OPEN communication about everyday things--if you have gas--tell him, if you see a beautiful flower, tell him---its the unknown that is the most fearful. My boy and I wish you B/both well. If it's worth it.... it's worth it.

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 4/23/2006 5:40:13 AM >

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)

Post #: 15

RE: Long-Distance Jitters - 4/23/2006 6:13:32 AM

fyreredsub

Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

rayne and naked thanks....

from a freckled face girl
this one doesnt suffer from it all the time...but oh boy when it hits.

and MHOO(waves hello, long time no see),
this ones
Mistress helped this one bigtime with goals and planning for the visit then the subsequant move to get her mind back focused.
this one stayed ditzy and then some till sat morning but she is back to normal.*phew*
protocols and the tasks Master had given her as well have helped.
Journaling of the day helps*smiles*
and she often has the visual for comfort and this girl must burn up the yahoo*smiles*

to all of us in LDR (((BIG HUG)))

best wishes all
fyre

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 16

RE: Long-Distance Jitters - 4/23/2006 6:18:38 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Definitely try the journal...it should help.

(in reply to fyreredsub)

Post #: 17

RE: Long-Distance Jitters - 4/23/2006 6:42:59 AM

smilezz

Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline

NakedGirlScout, i understand very well your ache. We are gearing up next week for Thorns' first stint of a 22 month separation. I have to say though, everyone has given some great advice, one i would offer up also.

One of the things that Thorns always tells me is, just because He is gone at that moment/time, i am still in service to Him, i still have a home to maintain, i have two little kittens to watch after, we have our children to attend to, our family members to care for, and my work. I am not sure i will get the luxury of being able to pick up the phone and speak with Him, nor will i get the luxury of being able to e-mail Him and get a reply everyday. I have decided that i will be taking a class or two to keep busy, i am doing some painting in the house, some decorating, i do also have a journal to vent with and the most important part is: He is coming home to me. His house will be in order. His finances will be in order. The thing that gets me through this? i am His slave, i am His wife, i am His best friend.
I have work to do to ensure when He gets back home all is as it was and should be. I am doing a service for Him.

I wish you both much peace....

~smilezz~

< Message edited by smilezz -- 4/23/2006 6:44:16 AM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to NakedGirlScout)

Post #: 18

RE: Long-Distance Jitters - 4/23/2006 11:16:30 AM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

If you've ever had to be away from your dom, found it very hard, and you've gotten through it... what helped you? If anything?

I'm always away from my Master more than I am with Him. And we live together!!! What gets us through the almost constant separation is the knowledge that this is temporary. It will end, eventually, and He'll be home for good.

That, and we both got Verizon cell phones so we can talk whenever we want.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)

Post #: 19

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