RE: A Question for the Dominants

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theRose4U -> RE: A Question for the Dominants (4/23/2006 9:33:34 PM)
I think in this situation you need to master yourself and your situation. There is a reason that the phrase out of the skillet and into the fire exsists...this would be one of those situations. Being an adult with a child living with mom & dad, regardless of the conveniences that come with that, does not show me that you're an independent and capable person.Jumping out of one bad relationship to run headlong into another with your kids in tow would have my mother at the courthouse petitioning for custody...but she's just that way. Kids come first, they didn't ask to be drug into the drama that you call a life and regardless of them any sane dominant isn't going to be willing to take on the baggage you appear to be carrying. The point of my rant you ask? If you pack your bags to go anywhere it should be an apartment near your family if they are helping with the wee ones. Then work on yourself. You have a good job...keep it the economy is on a downturn. If eventually you can get a transfer near where this person is great, if you can't then it will be a test of their character as to whether they're still interested.

Areflectionofyou -> RE: A Question for the Dominants (4/24/2006 3:12:23 AM)
Well , i am quite capable of fending for me and the kids. I owned my house and sold it to get away from a abusive situation. I gave him half of everything , and happily did so. I do Master myself well and know my limitations. I was stuck in with my mother for longer than needed because shortly after i moved home(a temp thing), within 4 weeks, my father died unexpectedly. Ive been here for my moms emotional well being as well, and was staying until i finally recieved support for the kids. Now that both of the goals that were set from the beginning are attained , i can move on. Its easy to judge unless the whole story is presented...i know. Ive made a decision and am sticking to it. Thankyou all for the advice i appretiate it. quote: ORIGINAL: theRose4U I think in this situation you need to master yourself and your situation. There is a reason that the phrase out of the skillet and into the fire exsists...this would be one of those situations. Being an adult with a child living with mom & dad, regardless of the conveniences that come with that, does not show me that you're an independent and capable person.Jumping out of one bad relationship to run headlong into another with your kids in tow would have my mother at the courthouse petitioning for custody...but she's just that way. Kids come first, they didn't ask to be drug into the drama that you call a life and regardless of them any sane dominant isn't going to be willing to take on the baggage you appear to be carrying. The point of my rant you ask? If you pack your bags to go anywhere it should be an apartment near your family if they are helping with the wee ones. Then work on yourself. You have a good job...keep it the economy is on a downturn. If eventually you can get a transfer near where this person is great, if you can't then it will be a test of their character as to whether they're still interested.

MstrFury -> RE: A Question for the Dominants (4/24/2006 8:40:59 AM)
as with any thread I read...I start at the beginning and go through everyones response....also with that in mind....I really haven't much to say or add through my opinion because....the start of your post left one impression...and it was worthy of the respondents opinions...but your last response seems to say...it really was an excerise in brain drain..as you'd already made made the basic moves or actions on your own already.....just I guess it was just a comformation issue...did you do the right thing.......oh yes..I do have an opinion on something...whatever you feel is right...that's what you do...this affects no-one here but you and your family...how you deal with that and the results thereafter...you own........ I just wish this wasn't an advise column like Dear Abby.....every time I see someone telling another to do or not to do something....I see this as an escape from responsibility for the results of any action taken or not taken....your path and those of your children are your own...walk it with eyes wide open...there's pitfalls everywhere no matter which way you choose...

dincubus -> RE: A Question for the Dominants (4/30/2006 9:19:03 PM)
John definately has it right. Get away but not to him. test out the waters and make sure that your life is in order before you move to him. He should understand the need for that as well as be supportive of you. quote: ORIGINAL: JohnWarren You might consider a temporary move away from your mother but not to your master. I know I'd be very nervous if I suspected someone was moving in with me to get away from an uncomfortable situation. Prove you can be happy on your own. That's the only way you'll really know if you want to be with him

RickandTina -> RE: A Question for the Dominants (5/1/2006 9:06:42 AM)
OK....this is Tina of RickandTina. I am wholley my Masters submissive. I am also wholely his wife and the mother of my two children. My children have suffered through a divorce but are now happy and doing well in this new marriage/family relationship. They have two Dads (though my EX is and was never much of a father and had very little to do woth any childrearing). I took a slow (over many months) route to introduce my children to the man that is now my Master/Husband. WE all took the time to get to know each other before I started to be a "Couple" around my kids. Going slow and allowing for an adjustment period really helped i the long run. It toned down any of the naturl resentments/confussion that would have been there had we rushed into it. If I had just suddenly moved in with him (or vice versa) the kids would have done what kids do...harbored ALOT of Normal resistance and resentment for having this new person shoved into their lives. Basic child psycology. I find it perposterous that some on here would say that the Dom/Master comes first. Any person worthy of being called Master would never put themselves before the wellbeing of children. Any Mother that would put a romantic/D/s relationship before the wellbeing of her children is doing a SERIOUS disservice to them and eventually to herself. They (children) are a parents primary responsibility...much in the same way that a submissives well being is the responsibility of her Master/Dom. A mother is the leader of her children (or she should be) especially when there is no other parent around to do any caretaking. I am disturbed by several of the comments on here saying that either the new Master should come first or that the Mothers romantic / submissive desires should come first....Excuse my very Un- submissive voice here...but thats just selfish and selfcentered. I also remember reading something about the children needing to learn that they don't come first so that they do not become selfish. Ever take any child developement classes? Perhaps you should before making comments on the psycological growth and developement patterns of children. Children who grow up in an environment where they know that they can count on a parent (Mother or Father) to care for their well being (physical and emotional) are far more apt to grow up as healthy, giving, caring, happy individuals than children who are uncertain about their importance or where they stand in the Mothers prioroties. They didn't ask to be here....Mommy made that decision. Now its her job to live up to it. Afterall....they won't be kids forever...and then a parent can be as self involved as they need or want to be. And don't get me wrong...yes a parent should be happy so that her kids can see that she is worth happiness....but there is nothing wrong with taking everything slow so that(kids) they don't feel like the rug is constantly being ripped out from under them. A mother can "have it all"...but it just takes a little more time, effort and thought in her decision making process than it does for one without the important and wonderful title of "Mom". It sounds like this Mother can take care of both herself and her children. It sounds as though she has even cared for her Mother in a time of need. Now she wants/needs to care for her Master... she sounds like a very Caring person. I think she should move, but out by herself (even though she probably wants to be as near as possible to her Master). I remember wanting to spend ALL my time with Master in the beginning...but needing to take it slow for the kids. It was hard...but in the long run...it was best for all concerned. If her Master is worthy of her...he will understand and be patient. And she will probably feel better for having shown him that she wanted to do everything possible to make their situation work best for the long haul. Just my opinion.....for what its worth.

Lashra -> RE: A Question for the Dominants (5/1/2006 10:03:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Arpig quote: If you put your child first then the child sees that the father is not important in the scheme of things... it is also a motivation for the father to not accept the child as his own (which is difficult in the first place) and it takes away any authority the father might have in the family.... BUNK!!!! Pure unalduterated BUNK!!! I would say that the reason 2nd marriages with children have such a high failure rate is the new husband refusing to accept that the children DO come first...if they were his kids he would insist on it, but since they are not his, he views them as an imposition...a single mother (or father) is a package deal....you get em all or you get none. Very very true. I'm a single Mom right now with a child and I told my sub we are a package deal. My child will ALWAYS come first and he needs to understand that, which, luckily he does. This may sound not so nice but...men/women can be replaced but your children can't. They are only young for so long and then they are out into the world. That time is precious and you can't let it go by. ~Lashra

feastie -> RE: A Question for the Dominants (5/1/2006 7:00:26 PM)
I am a single mother of two children. We have no idea where their father is and only occasionally receive any child support from him. He is supposed to provide them with medical insurance, but he has not since we separated. My children and I live with my parents. I work a full-time job as an administrative assistant and have just begun a new business with my sister which is not yet self-sufficient. I provide our groceries, clothing, medical, pharmaceutical, our transportation, fuel and insurance and entertainment. The only thing I do not provide is the home in which we live. I could move us to a place of our own, but anything I could afford, along with utilities, water, etc., would be little more than a hovel. I choose to remain in my parents home so that my children have the benefit of a nice and secure place to live. They also have the benefit of having daily interaction with an adult male, my father. He is stepping up to the plate as needed to provide that father figure they so desperately need. Living here drives me NUTS much of the time. I deal with that, so that my children may benefit. My priorities are mother first, woman second and submissive third. What that means is that my children need to be able to count on me more than more than I need to be personally fulfilled. My womanhood does not end because I am submissive, nor does submission supercede my being a woman. Too often, people try to lose their humanity in their orientation. I am much more than a submissive, I am a submissive woman. The needs of children, any children, come before the needs of parents, male or female, dominant or submissive. It's not a road to the spoiling of the children, my children are not spoiled. They are loved and well-cared for and they are secure and happy. They are very well-adjusted for having a deadbeat dad, in absentia. Any dominant or man who is not man enough to understand that children's needs do indeed come before anyone else's, who is not willing to become a part of their lives and engage himself in childrearing, whether his children or not, is dominant to me, he's simply selfish. If that means I will be alone until after my children have grown and left me, so be it. I would rather be alone. Our children are not possessions. We only have the privilege of guiding them and teaching them to be good and productive citizens as they grow. We get to share their lives with them, and love them, but they only belong to us for a short time. It's up to us to make that time count.

LaTigresse -> RE: A Question for the Dominants (5/2/2006 11:06:17 AM)
I also agree with Arpig, the childrens needs should definately come first. Any man that would demand or expect otherwise would imediately be ejected from my life.

foxnotinsox -> RE: A Question for the Dominants (5/2/2006 11:17:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TrainMeSir I am not taken care of......but this does NOT affect the care i give my children! Submissive in my mind does not mean incapable, nor selfish.....i hope you are not a mother. They are not spoiled by any means in us taking their needs 1st......they are our responsibility to take their needs 1st! Arpig is quite right.........i think you're very confused. Hmmmmmmmm I should hope .. in answering to "my" message .. that you are referring to MasterandCommand .. the person that Arpig was answering to .. as the one you are hoping is not a mother ... For if you are answering me and saying that "I" should not be a mother.. for putting myself first before my child .. because this is EXACTLY what they teach you when you go through abuse counselling. I also explained my reasons for doing so, and they are quite valid. To allude that I am a poor mother because of this and to say that I am confused ... well there are many here who would disagree, including the courts, the doctors, the counsellors and the police. Careful of how you answer things

Dustyn -> RE: A Question for the Dominants (5/2/2006 2:50:17 PM)
A person's first loyalty should be to themselves, period. To subjugate one's self to another at the expensive of yourself is treason against the soul. Or to put it plainer... You can't do jack for anyone if yer a huddled up mass in a bed, playing the "Oh woe is me" game. - Dustyn

NastyDaddy -> RE: A Question for the Dominants (5/3/2006 1:08:36 PM)
Have you actually met your 'Soon to be 24/7 Master' in person before discussing relocation date adjustment? 24/7 means you and your children live with him, or he lives at your home, does it not? Perhaps your evil Mother has a point of not wanting her grand children living with a stranger, let alone a perverse stranger... if she gleaned the basics? I'd certainly question an ex if she were to move my children into a 24/7 with someone afar. Get used to the fact your Motherly duties prevail over your perceived 'lifestyle needs' and that a 24/7 may not be possible for you now or later. If your 'Soon to be 24/7 Master' is deadset on having/owning a 24/7 slave/sub then the pairing is actually incompatible to begin with. Sometimes you can't have your cake and eat it too... sometimes you can, hope it works out good for all, especially the children involved.

Level -> RE: A Question for the Dominants (5/3/2006 3:31:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: feastie I am a single mother of two children. We have no idea where their father is and only occasionally receive any child support from him. He is supposed to provide them with medical insurance, but he has not since we separated. My children and I live with my parents. I work a full-time job as an administrative assistant and have just begun a new business with my sister which is not yet self-sufficient. I provide our groceries, clothing, medical, pharmaceutical, our transportation, fuel and insurance and entertainment. The only thing I do not provide is the home in which we live. I could move us to a place of our own, but anything I could afford, along with utilities, water, etc., would be little more than a hovel. I choose to remain in my parents home so that my children have the benefit of a nice and secure place to live. They also have the benefit of having daily interaction with an adult male, my father. He is stepping up to the plate as needed to provide that father figure they so desperately need. Living here drives me NUTS much of the time. I deal with that, so that my children may benefit. My priorities are mother first, woman second and submissive third. What that means is that my children need to be able to count on me more than more than I need to be personally fulfilled. My womanhood does not end because I am submissive, nor does submission supercede my being a woman. Too often, people try to lose their humanity in their orientation. I am much more than a submissive, I am a submissive woman. The needs of children, any children, come before the needs of parents, male or female, dominant or submissive. It's not a road to the spoiling of the children, my children are not spoiled. They are loved and well-cared for and they are secure and happy. They are very well-adjusted for having a deadbeat dad, in absentia. Any dominant or man who is not man enough to understand that children's needs do indeed come before anyone else's, who is not willing to become a part of their lives and engage himself in childrearing, whether his children or not, is dominant to me, he's simply selfish. If that means I will be alone until after my children have grown and left me, so be it. I would rather be alone. Our children are not possessions. We only have the privilege of guiding them and teaching them to be good and productive citizens as they grow. We get to share their lives with them, and love them, but they only belong to us for a short time. It's up to us to make that time count. *Nicely said, feastie smiles.* Level

spankmepink11 -> RE: A Question for the Dominants (5/3/2006 3:55:12 PM)
I personally do not agree with dragging children into relationship after relationship, i've been seperated/divorced for 9 years...and only in the last couple of years have my children even met anyone i've dated, let alone see me interacting with someone as a couple, The last time i was serious with someone...i even asked if they were ok with that person spending the night on occasion. While i have taken care of my own needs quite nicely i never thought it was fair to thrust someone into my childrens lives and say..."ok...you have to learn to live with this person" let alone several someones. In my opinion...that is mostly successful when the children are infants or toddlers at the time of remarriage. My priority was always raising my children and with a mostly absentee father...i felt SOMEONE had to make them a priority. Good luck

Areflectionofyou -> RE: A Question for the Dominants (5/3/2006 5:04:02 PM)
My Children come far before any of my own needs. He also is a dad , and we both know that "our" kids come first. My Mother has no problem with him or I , she just doesn't want to be alone in the house. Before making assumptions, know the whole truth. My kids aren't relationship hopping . They are sheltered from any dating, nor would i ever bring a man to our house to sleep here. This mom is monagamous and only into LTR relationships, that is why she is happy to have met him. Thanks again for the imput , and wish you all peace in your hearts tonight. hisreflection

OrionStorm -> RE: A Question for the Dominants (10/7/2006 8:17:36 AM)
Emotional baggage can more often than not be as dangerous to the success of a relationship, as the A bomb was when it was dropped on Nagasaki. I have a simple saying ... "Don't punish a person in the here and now, for what another person did to you in the gone and went." We as people should leave the baggage behind, and let ourselves heal emotionally, but take the wisdom from that experience. There is a very fine line between the two. "reflection" speaks from experience.

OrionStorm -> RE: A Question for the Dominants (10/7/2006 8:20:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Areflectionofyou My children always come first Children are resilient. However, they must always come first. After all, they didn't sit on GOD's knee and place an order for this parent or that parent. So, our decisions have to take them into consideration. Being a single parent, my daughter is kept away from this lifestyle and has first place. OrionStorm

OrionStorm -> RE: A Question for the Dominants (10/7/2006 8:32:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Areflectionofyou I have sole custody and he chooses not to be appart of their lives....his choice quote: ORIGINAL: MasterandCommand If you put your child first then the child sees that the father is not important in the scheme of things... it is also a motivation for the father to not accept the child as his own (which is difficult in the first place) and it takes away any authority the father might have in the family.... in essence, it makes the new father a third wheel.... one of the main reasons that second marriages with children have a 65% failure rate. If you are going to marry a Man, then you need to accept him as being first and trust him to be the father and leader, not the third wheel behing your child at your permission. My father was not a part of my life. But, growing up with my mom's family, I saw the "natural order" of relationships. I also have learned about love within the family and in a marriage seeing the joy, love, friendship and communication of my relatives. What children can see, in a M/s relationship is the love and devotion, the communication and deep level of caring and commitment. While it is unfortunate that their birth father takes no active role in the lives of the children, they can see what a healthy relationship should be like when they witness the mother or father in a fulfilling relationship. What must be clear is that they are one family, and not two with the Berlin Wall keeping the Master from the children. OrionStorm

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