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Anal play - 9/4/2010 7:35:53 PM

ROPENHIGHHEELS

Posts: 24
Joined: 3/22/2004
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Do all sub males have to be interested in getting anal sex done to them to attract a Domme? It seems to be the main thing with most Dommes on here and anal play is a hard limit for me.

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RE: Anal play - 9/4/2010 7:40:24 PM

mstrjx

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I think your question is .... Once you have attracted a Domme, is it generally expected that you would be expected to submit to anal sex, even though it is a limit?

Gra-Mary Jeff

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RE: Anal play - 9/4/2010 7:43:56 PM

bellesoumise

Posts: 258
Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ROPENHIGHHEELS

Do all sub males have to be interested in getting anal sex done to them to attract a Domme?

No. Every Domme is different.

quote:

It seems to be the main thing with most Dommes on here and anal play is a hard limit for me.

Some not most, how many have you actually spoken to?

(in reply to ROPENHIGHHEELS)

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RE: Anal play - 9/4/2010 7:52:28 PM

ROPENHIGHHEELS

Posts: 24
Joined: 3/22/2004
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Either way. Seems like a male sub that has anal sex as a limit is frowned upon. Which is dumb to me. There is more to being a submissive then just anal play. Just because I don't want anal play done on me doesn't mean that I haven't given a Domme my "Ultimate sign of submission" to her. In my opinion, that's so dumb for a Domme to think that way. And most Dommes I've encountered on here think and feel that way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

I think your question is .... Once you have attracted a Domme, is it generally expected that you would be expected to submit to anal sex, even though it is a limit?

Gra-Mary Jeff

(in reply to mstrjx)

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RE: Anal play - 9/4/2010 7:55:38 PM

ROPENHIGHHEELS

Posts: 24
Joined: 3/22/2004
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Well I've been on here for around 7 years, so I've spoke with many Dommes on here. Granted some were fakes pretending to be Dommes when they actually knew nothing about what they were saying but there are many others that feel anal play is a "must" from their sub.

quote:

ORIGINAL: bellesoumise

quote:

ORIGINAL: ROPENHIGHHEELS

Do all sub males have to be interested in getting anal sex done to them to attract a Domme?

No. Every Domme is different.

quote:

It seems to be the main thing with most Dommes on here and anal play is a hard limit for me.

Some not most, how many have you actually spoken to?

(in reply to bellesoumise)

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RE: Anal play - 9/4/2010 8:55:18 PM

DarkSteven

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Joined: 5/2/2008
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Perhaps if you tell a Domme that it is a hard limit for you respectfully and not call her dumb...

quote:

ORIGINAL: ROPENHIGHHEELS

Either way. Seems like a male sub that has anal sex as a limit is frowned upon. Which is dumb to me. There is more to being a submissive then just anal play. Just because I don't want anal play done on me doesn't mean that I haven't given a Domme my "Ultimate sign of submission" to her. In my opinion, that's so dumb for a Domme to think that way. And most Dommes I've encountered on here think and feel that way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

I think your question is .... Once you have attracted a Domme, is it generally expected that you would be expected to submit to anal sex, even though it is a limit?

Gra-Mary Jeff

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to ROPENHIGHHEELS)

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RE: Anal play - 9/4/2010 8:55:57 PM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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I like anal play but it's not a deal breaker. Guess you need to keep talking to doms.

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RE: Anal play - 9/5/2010 7:39:44 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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Just out of curiosity, are male Dominants that expect their female submissives to engage in anal play 'dumb' too?

To answer your question, no, not all female Dominants have anal play for their male submissives as a requirement. While I get a great deal of enjoyment out of strap on play or having My sub wear an anal plug, I would accept a sub who had this as a hard limit. The stipulation on that is if that sub has an actual reason for that hard limit. The 'just don't like it' bit doesn't qualify something as a hard limit. I want to know how something is going to be harmful to someone for them to put it on their hard limit list. If it is really just a preference, I don't see that in the same light. I see that as a submissive attempting to retain control in that area.

Of course, this is My opinion alone. However, considering the number of female Dominants that I know that aren't interested in anal play on their male subs at all, this probably isn't the reason that you have been unable to connect with a Dominant woman in seven years. You may want to dig a little deeper than what is happening (or not happening) in your anal cavity.

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(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

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RE: Anal play - 9/5/2010 7:42:05 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
However, considering the number of female Dominants that I know that aren't interested in anal play on their male subs at all, this probably isn't the reason that you have been unable to connect with a Dominant woman in seven years.

I wanted to say this and didn't, so I'll just quote LadyPact here 'cause she said it well.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Anal play - 9/5/2010 8:59:10 AM

SubPet715

Posts: 337
Joined: 8/24/2010
From: Brooklyn, NY
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There must be a much larger reason why you aren't attracting a domme after such a long time.

Has anyone explicitly said it is because you refuse anal play?

My understanding as it comes to dommes is not to come with a list of things you will and won't do, while it is good to have lines and reinforce them it shows very little tact if you approach a domme right off the bat with what you want. Judging by your profile you seem to have this problem, skimming it I saw "I like" and "I want" peppered throughout. Submissive men on this site doing that are a dime a dozen, sure there are women interested in this sort of play but simply because you are willing doesn't mean that you are qualified.

Ass play being a limit for you doesn't seem like a big deal, if I may assume for a second, I can imagine you being very insecure about your masculinity when this is brought up. To the point where you become outwardly aggressive or apprehensive, if i'm wrong feel free to say so but I know people like you. Anal play equals gay, which is simply untrue, but you believe what you believe.

In the end it is what you as a person can offer a domme in a D/s relationship. Not just your body but your being, your trust in her enough to relinquish power, with the right domme all things are possible. She could be so kind and understanding that she wants to experiment with you, as a sub you oblige because the trust you two have built allows you to be vulnerable with her knowing that she will not take advantage of that trust. Lines can be broken, views of things expanded, be open to new experiences and discuss with someone in an amicable way your thoughts and concerns.

Best of luck to you.

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RE: Anal play - 9/5/2010 3:35:13 PM

jujubeeMB

Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
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Whether or not anal is a hard limit for you has nothing to do with D-types. I can't do anal, and I'm very upfront about that with Doms because I know that it's something that a lot of people want. I've found that expressing a sincere regret at being unable to provide anal (or any other activity that's a hard limit) is almost as good as being able to provide it, because I genuinely want to please in every way and wish I could. Never call someone "dumb" for wanting a certain type of submission from you - just because you can't or won't do it doesn't mean they don't have the right to want it. Be respectful and you can reasonably expect respect of your limits in return.

(in reply to SubPet715)

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RE: Anal play - 9/5/2010 3:43:54 PM

Tantriqu

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
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Although I love strap-ons, if an aspiring sub says ass-play is a hard limit, it would not be a deal-breaker; it's one of several negotiables. Besides, every good man so far has ended up begging for it!
However, a do-me switch bottom with vanilla porn fantasies is.
If you're serious about attracting a lifestyle Domme, you need to re-write your profile to reflect what you'll do for her, and get rid of your gallery. However, if you want a pro-Domme, you're doing great!

(in reply to jujubeeMB)

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RE: Anal play - 9/5/2010 7:17:27 PM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
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If a frmale sub can have giving head as a hard limit (I knew one), then I guess a male sub can have ass play as a hard limit. I have a feeling, though, that neither of them will have a full dance card.

(in reply to Tantriqu)

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RE: Anal play - 9/5/2010 7:38:37 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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To the Op. What is the "Ultimate sign of submission" and does it have anything to do with eating holy logs (turds)?

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RE: Anal play - 9/5/2010 7:39:26 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
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In my personal experince , things like that won't keep you from having a full dance card. When I had limitations on play not involving anything sex related, that included blow jobs, our right penetration of the ass or vagina, and we would not be exposed to each others bodily fluids, like semon, It didn't stop me from having a full dancing card.

And if those two hard limits keep someone from being interested in them, I say THEY are the ones better off, since I think it's kind of petty to cut potential play people out of the loop for those types of limits.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

If a frmale sub can have giving head as a hard limit (I knew one), then I guess a male sub can have ass play as a hard limit. I have a feeling, though, that neither of them will have a full dance card.

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RE: Anal play - 9/5/2010 8:05:34 PM

Twoshoes

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The other thing about anal sex is that it doesn't lend itself to much spontaneity. You can't exact push someone into a closet and do that in the dark with no lubricants or other preparation.

Ya...

Not the biggest deal for me either way!

(Your question may have not be targetting at me, however!)

< Message edited by Twoshoes -- 9/5/2010 8:09:30 PM >

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

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RE: Anal play - 9/5/2010 8:38:34 PM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

In my personal experince , things like that won't keep you from having a full dance card. When I had limitations on play not involving anything sex related, that included blow jobs, our right penetration of the ass or vagina, and we would not be exposed to each others bodily fluids, like semon, It didn't stop me from having a full dancing card.

And if those two hard limits keep someone from being interested in them, I say THEY are the ones better off, since I think it's kind of petty to cut potential play people out of the loop for those types of limits.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

If a frmale sub can have giving head as a hard limit (I knew one), then I guess a male sub can have ass play as a hard limit. I have a feeling, though, that neither of them will have a full dance card.

My definition of "hard limit" is as follows. Will NOT happen. EVER. There is a huge difference between a hard limit and "Things we arent going to do till I trust you more"

If you said then that there would be no fluid exchange and now you do it routinely, that is NOT a hard limit. It was just a "I'm not ready yet"

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

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RE: Anal play - 9/5/2010 8:39:44 PM

Dom4FullSlave

Posts: 1
Joined: 8/28/2010
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I do like a sub/slave into anal play. It can be really REALLY fun !

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

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RE: Anal play - 9/5/2010 8:50:00 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Twoshoes

The other thing about anal sex is that it doesn't lend itself to much spontaneity. You can't exact push someone into a closet and do that in the dark with no lubricants or other preparation.

Ya...

Not the biggest deal for me either way!

(Your question may have not be targetting at me, however!)

Well, yeah...you can actually. Really.

(in reply to Twoshoes)

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Post #: 19

RE: Anal play - 9/5/2010 9:15:48 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
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It was a never going to happen thing. Sex and fluid bonding was for my partner and I only. Not people whom I played with outside our relationship, with his permission. It was a hard and fast rule, he applied to me being allowed to play with other people.

I still didn't have trouble having a full dance card. With the exception of once or twice, where people claimed they couldn't dominate me with out sex, oral, or trying to fuck my partner as well as me, if they dominated me. Those people naturally didn't get beyond internet contact.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

My definition of "hard limit" is as follows. Will NOT happen. EVER. There is a huge difference between a hard limit and "Things we arent going to do till I trust you more"

If you said then that there would be no fluid exchange and now you do it routinely, that is NOT a hard limit. It was just a "I'm not ready yet"

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(in reply to Hillwilliam)

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