KnightofMists
Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Surrenderwithin
KnightofMists,
Thank you for that answer. It clarifies a few things for me and I appreciate the time you took to explain your perpective to me.
The funny thing is the prime directive in my TPE was" It is my responsibility to be a good care taker of his property. I am to take whatever steps are needed to ensure my own welfare and well being in every capacity including but not limited to " Mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, morally, ethically, and socially" This includes to being it to his attention immediatly if I cannot follow an order because it would endanger me in one of these ways".....
I realize now that I failed in this. I take a great deal of accountability in that, however at some point in the relationship I realized ( ror maybe decided for him) that he did not really mean that prime directive. Actions speak louder than words, and I could not handle the disappointment, or anger, he projected when I invoked the prime directive ( all of twice in nearly 13 years). I quickly " learned" that my emotions and feelings were simply not important or acceptable and I was not entitled to those feelings. I was only allowed to express emotions that he valued as being positive. I have since come to understand that there is no such thing as a positive or negative emotion really. Emotions and feelings are neither good nor bad, rather what we do with them.
Anyhow, thank you for your feedback.
Maggi
I not so sure that you failed... I am thinking you would of failed if you had remained in a relationship that you clearly felt was damaging your well-being. So in fact... I think you succeeded in this one aspect. Unfortunately, it would seem that he was unable to adapt and make the changes that would be necessary for your well-being and the well-being of the relationship.
I think you do point out a problem that does exist in many relationships. It was something that I had a difficult time in making rather clear to Kyra in the beginnings of our relationship. To me there is a distinction between Being allow to Express one's feelings and expressing ones feelings Constructively. Constructive DOESN't mean that such feelings must be positive... but only that any feelings are expressed in a constructive manner for the relationship and not destructively.
IE....
Construcitve - "I felt hurt and angry that you forgot our play date that you arranged"
Destructive - "Your a fucking Asshole that I can't depend on to do anything that you say you will do!"
The differences are here are rather dramatic... but it's the more subtle differences within a given relationship that will occur. Understanding what those differences are in a given relationship can make a huge difference to its success or failure. In the beginning, I had to teach Kyra how I expected her to communicate in a constructive manner. But, at first, she was hearing that I didn't want to hear her negative feelings. I had to adapt somewhat on how I was communicating my meaning until she understood.. then she had to learn how to communicate in the manner I expected. Slowly she realized that I was true to my words in that I would listen to any of her feelings... but that I wouldn't listen to her feelings in anyway she communicated them.
Second problem is that just because I listen to her feelings doesn't mean that I will agree with them or even validate them as being accurate. Having feelings is one thing... but not all feelings are valid in my view and that includes my own. Sometimes our feelings are the result of some very narrow prespective and that with further information or even consideration one sees that those feelings was rather unjustified and even wrong. Rather recently, I was extremely upset with the girls. However, after calming down and considering it more clearly and actually listening to a different presecptive, I realized that my anger was based on Unrealistic expecations. My feelings though they occurred where NOT valid. So your right it's what you do with those emotions but your actions are going to be based on your prespective of them being valid or invalid emotions. If you are always of the mindset that they are valid.. how open are you to listening to other points of view that change your opinion and give actions as a result. This must go both ways for Master and slave. It is clear to me that you are indicating that he communicated in a manner that gave you the preception that your feelings was always invalid when they didn't conform to his own feelings. Absolutes are NOT really accurate and It makes it rather difficult when one or even both individuals tend to function in the manner... especially when things are emotionally charged!
< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 9/7/2010 8:55:40 AM >
_____________________________
Knight of Mists
An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.
|
RE: Internal Enslavement Vs Stockholm Syndrome - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread