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RE: What do we have in common? - 9/6/2010 6:43:17 AM

Aileen1968

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quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

i realise that people are different, but are there any traits that sadists and masochists exhibit more frequently than the general population? Intuition, for example, or the ability to sense what someone else is feeling? Compassion? Cynicism?

Is there a characteristic that Dominants and submissives both need in order to be successful at BDSM?

pam

Nope, I don't think we are any more different, enlightened, special, unique, etc. from any other couple trying to have a successful relationship.
He doesn't have super powers and can't read my mind. He isn't tremendously sensitive (heh).
I'm not incredibly wonderful at expressing my emotions any better than someone who doesn't do kinky things.

To expect differences that set us apart or mentally make us better than non kinky people is just going to disappoint you every time and will continue to perpetuate the stupid fantasy that this is all somehow dreamy and castle realm wonderful.

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RE: What do we have in common? - 9/6/2010 8:13:04 AM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

Generalizations don't work. You can't figure out what all of us have in common, because each one of us is remarkably different, in our kinks and personalities. There isn't a single thing you could say that would apply to each and every person on here, much less in the greater world of kink. Try it - make a general statement and see if it applies to everyone.

The closest I can think of is that we all enjoy playing with power, but I bet there are some people who would disagree with even that statement.

I agree. And I think that too many people are asking for answers to things that are unaswerable. There is no common anything when it comes to people, other than stereotypes.

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RE: What do we have in common? - 9/6/2010 9:04:21 AM

MsMillgrove

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I think there is one quality that is more common to the bdsm community than to the world in general and that is risk-taking. I think most active dom/sub or kinksters have had their risk-taking trigger pushed.

I say this becuase i've been following some brain research related to imaging the pleasure centers of the brain. The scientists have given names to the areas that will produce various levels of pleasure when stimulated. One of them surprised me, because it is named: risk-taking.

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RE: What do we have in common? - 9/6/2010 9:15:52 AM

LadyPact

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I have to say I agree with the majority of posters on the thread. Just because we're interested in kinky or power dynamics, doesn't mean we tend to look for particular qualities that would be different than if we were looking at a non kinky relationship. We're not 'more of' anything as far as character or personality traits.

Jeff specifically mentioned imagination and creativity, but I don't especially see those as important as 'in common'. While I do consider them darn important in a Dominant or top, I don't place the same level of necessity if someone identifies as a submissive or bottom. Don't get Me wrong. It's a nice bonus when it happens and there are plenty of people out there who have those traits who identify as s or b, but as the person who prefers directing the scenes Myself that I engage in, I just don't see it that high on the list.

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RE: What do we have in common? - 9/6/2010 9:22:45 AM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
I agree. And I think that too many people are asking for answers to things that are unaswerable. There is no common anything when it comes to people, other than stereotypes.

I think you've gone a bit too far here. While I certainly agree that we are not all somehow special because we are into BDSM, there very much are things that are "common" to people... some of them even universal.

I think the issue here is that typically these sorts of statements get made by folks with zero background in any relevant field and zero study data to back them up. I'm pretty sure that a real and detailed study would turn up some common factors among those who self-identify as "into BDSM". I'm also pretty sure those factors would not be what most people are thinking of.

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RE: What do we have in common? - 9/6/2010 10:05:29 AM

littlewonder

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsMillgrove

I think there is one quality that is more common to the bdsm community than to the world in general and that is risk-taking. I think most active dom/sub or kinksters have had their risk-taking trigger pushed.

I say this becuase i've been following some brain research related to imaging the pleasure centers of the brain. The scientists have given names to the areas that will produce various levels of pleasure when stimulated. One of them surprised me, because it is named: risk-taking.

I don't think this is true at all. Most Doms and subs that I know have very little interest in risk-taking. They don't like to take risks. They want lives that that are based around security.

Those who get off on risk-taking are usually the younger generation which is no different from young people from any walk of life. That's what young people do...take risks.

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RE: What do we have in common? - 9/6/2010 1:11:14 PM

ResidentSadist

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I think the S&M community members have a common thread of strong religious beliefs. I seen nun's in the dungeon all the time.

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RE: What do we have in common? - 9/6/2010 6:08:41 PM

femasoslave

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hmmmm.....and here I was wondering why religion is always getting mentioned....must be because of all the Nuns!

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RE: What do we have in common? - 9/6/2010 6:14:55 PM

SorceressJ

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RE: What do we have in common? - 9/6/2010 6:25:04 PM

Chrisincuffs

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Gotta love those nuns

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