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RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/9/2010 12:33:23 PM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
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I am mostly interested in his character. If he's an honorable man and fits the "vanilla" side of me then I'll be interested in him. Santa didn't have a string of submissives behind him. He'd never had a submissive before me, well, not one who was willing to be labeled that anyway. He had honor and integrity and a willingness to learn. Once I gave myself to him and he realized he could do whatever he wanted with me, he enjoyed himself immensely because he was naturally a dominant who had been told it wasn't okay to be that. With me, he got to do whatever he liked and worked hard at learning the skills to be able to "play" safely.

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to sothernnyte)

Post #: 21

RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/9/2010 1:01:21 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

quote:

ORIGINAL: nawtycountrygirl

When y'all are looking for a dom or master, do you prefer someone with experience? Would you consider someone starting out?

I consider a person's character long before I question their experience. The size of a person's toybox or the number of people they've played with are near the bottom of the list of things I'm concerned with.

~stef

Ditto.

I will agree with DarkSteven in that if someone wants to try play that is technical in nature they are likely to need an outside source to learn about it. While I have done many things, I cannot teach things just having had the experience of having it done to me and I know that it's not as easy as just picking up an implement and using it for some activities.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to stef)

Post #: 22

RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/9/2010 1:09:50 PM

Wolf2Bear

Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: nawtycountrygirl

When y'all are looking for a dom or master, do you prefer someone with experience? Would you consider someone starting out?

A dom having some experience is an asset yet what takes more priority is how well we mesh on a more personal level.

_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to nawtycountrygirl)

Post #: 23

RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/9/2010 1:37:24 PM

hausboy

Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline

To me it's a combination--I enjoy working with novices--both tops and bottoms--and experience is far less important to me than a person's creativity, skill and willingness to learn. I'm eternally grateful to the very talented folks who showed me trust and patience to teach me new skills. I don't care how many years you have--there's always room to learn new tricks.

It does irk me when someone tells me they are experienced, however, and find out that they have never laid hands on human flesh before except "online.' Virtual topping = web surfing, as far as I'm concerned.

I would rather play with someone who is brand new but open to learning, rather than someone who has played for 30 years, but has no style. We used to call those tops "wood choppers"...all arm, no finesse.

(in reply to Wolf2Bear)

Post #: 24

RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/9/2010 1:56:19 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

And since IB did, I'll go ahead too. From the D-side of the leash, I have a pretty strong preference to "inexperienced". It's generally my feeling that many of the relationship aspects of BDSM are incompatible with me. So I'd rather try to find a submissive vanilla woman and enslave her than deal with a bunch of retraining to teach my partner that a relationship is about both of us (and about 4 jillion other BDSM memes that'd have to go in any relationship with me).

Not all women in M/s relationships have been *dragged up* in the culture of bdsm and D/s mores....lol

When push comes to shove, all you really have is *you and him/her*.

agirl

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 25

RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/9/2010 2:51:52 PM

Wheldrake

Posts: 477
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nawtycountrygirl

When y'all are looking for a dom or master, do you prefer someone with experience? Would you consider someone starting out?

If I were looking, I'd definitely see experience as an asset, but it wouldn't be the most important thing. I'd prefer an inexperienced person with a suitable personality and a willingness to learn the necessary skills to an experienced person who was uncomfortable in the dominant role or just not particularly compatible with me on a personal level. Practice, after all, doesn't always make perfect.

(in reply to nawtycountrygirl)

Post #: 26

RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/9/2010 6:06:25 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

~FR~
If I were looking, I'd want someone with life experience behind Him. BDSM experience is good, esp if there will be a lot of technically complicated play going on. Daddy has 10 years experience, and my former Dom - Who passed away - had 15 years behind Him. I had Someone once ask me to teach Him how to be my Dom, and I told Him I wasn't comfortable w/ that. Were I looking, I'd prefer someone w/ experience is I've only been sub for two years myself. Just as important than BDSM experience, though, are things like compatibility, common sense, attitude, caring, and a host of things.

~sweetsub~

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Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to Wheldrake)

Post #: 27

RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/9/2010 6:17:38 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

My late Sir was very experienced.

The two men i am dating/seeing - one is very experienced and one has no experience at all, and apart from personalities, i see little difference between them.

As far as experience goes, early play is awkward no matter how much experience they have. We are growing used to each other, and enthusiasm seems to be as important as experience.

(in reply to Wheldrake)

Post #: 28

RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/9/2010 6:44:35 PM

Twoshoes

Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline

I research everything before I do it. I even read the IKEA manuals before I assemble stuff.

Then I proceed to formulate my own plan and not follow any of the steps.

No piece of paper tells me what to do!

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 29

RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/9/2010 6:51:46 PM

femasoslave

Posts: 472
Joined: 5/24/2009
Status: offline

Hi......everyone is different....in my case....i have been independant from a young age....i am learning now how to be dependant on someone (and finding it extremely liberating).....I have looked at your profile...first I will say that you seem lovely and that you are a wonderful woman who deserves the best.

There are MANY wonderful Dom/Masters out there.....it isnt easy to find someone that we click with but they are out there.....in your case it would depend on how much confidence you have in yourself.....if you have confidence then it doesnt matter if someone has experience or not....but if you lack confidence....then a Dom who is experienced would probably be more suited to you.
Just be careful and always remember that you have a lot to offer.

Good luck

(in reply to nawtycountrygirl)

Post #: 30

RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/9/2010 6:53:05 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nawtycountrygirl

When y'all are looking for a dom or master, do you prefer someone with experience? Would you consider someone starting out?

What someone's stated experience level is, is of little consequence to me. He could have all the experience in the world at being the worst master in the world, and what does that get ya?

My owner had one submissive who was not a slave, before me. But his character and personality stood out and attracted me. He may not have had slaves in his past, but he knows what he wants, and, more importantly, how to go about getting it. He knows himself and that's what was most important to me.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to nawtycountrygirl)

Post #: 31

RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/9/2010 9:50:45 PM

QuirkyAnne

Posts: 268
Joined: 9/17/2008
Status: offline

While previous experience can be nice, I don't care if someone is new or not. I'm attracted to the PERSON first and foremost and if we're compatible. If we can carry on a conversation and have a good time with each other in the vanilla parts of our life, then the Dom/sub aspect in the bedroom can be developed with time and patience.

Also, as someone mentioned already, if a Dom has a laundry list of previous subs, that's a red flag for me. Any man that can boast of several subs in the past few years or decades is probably not the one for me. Either he likes to have several at once, which won't work since I'm strictly monogamous, or he's likely incapable of maintaining a long term relationship, which is what I'm ultimately after.

_____________________________

Anne

"The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just STUPID."

(in reply to nawtycountrygirl)

Post #: 32

RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/10/2010 2:47:43 AM

AlexandraLynch

Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline

I prefer someone who has done a lot of thinking about who they are, what their deep fetish trigger items are, and what they want to do with their life. You don't necessarily need a great deal of experience to do this, but you do need to be thoughtful and have an inquiring mind, and be willing to be honest with yourself. That can happen at any age.

Now, at this point, I would enjoy having an experienced rope bottom while I learn rope, but I think I can "borrow" one temporarily; I don't know if I'll like rope enough to make it something I do a lot. (I feel that as a dominant I should be able to do some rope, so I'm learning.) I do, however, have nearly a fetish for giving someone their first flogging. I love doing it, I get to do it a fair amount, and I view giving people a positive impact play experience as being a service to the community. (This is funny, because I don't like virgins in bed. Just on a cross.)

People are all different, and sometimes personality can make up for experience. The only place where experience tends to be the deciding factor is in that "knowing what you want" thing. I don't want to fall in love with someone ten years younger and get my heart broken when he decides he wants to get married and have babies after all. Again. Generally someone close to my own age has figured out a lot of these things.

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I use fastreply. Don't take offence where none is meant.

Just because I'm not a bitch doesn't mean I'm not perfectly capable of making sure you'll be very sorry if you disobey.

(in reply to QuirkyAnne)

Post #: 33

RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/10/2010 8:16:12 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

With 2 single exceptions, my husband and a dominant with lots of connections locally, the rest of my dominant partners have been younger by 5-10 yrs. My husband was more along the lines of domineering, though we did have a kinky marriage. The other older man was just a friend and I would never have considered him anything more than a play partner.

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

In the past, have your dom or masters been generally younger or older than you?

I may be wrong, but I have it stuck in my head that when this question has been asked in the past, the doms were older than the subs by an overwhelming majority.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 34

RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/11/2010 12:39:38 PM

nawtycountrygirl

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/6/2010
Status: offline

I know what qualities I'm looking for in a Man and they are the same as in a Dom... Some I'm hell bent on that I can't settle for nothing less.. Other qualities I can get over.. Its just finding the right man..
Experienced or not experienced I'm not sure if it makes a difference to me but I just go on what I look for in a Man..

I asked this question because when I was asked I said the following:

To me a Dom you will know by his actions and attitude his personality.. The way he carrys himself.. You will be able to see how he is strong minded he is when he talks.. He doesn't have to brag and. tell you what he has done or hasn't done.. He doesn't demand you to call him SIR he waits for your trust to build with him..

I was told that I should leave the lifestyle because that's not a true Dom..

Each relationship is different experienced or not experienced..

Thanks y'all for answering the question..

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 35

RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/11/2010 5:17:07 PM

fishoutofwater

Posts: 9
Joined: 9/11/2010
Status: offline

If I were to find another one (Dom) now, then I would only consider people with extensive experience, as I am into edgeplay(Although, if a man comes off as confident, in control and dominates me at the social and mental level, then I may consider him even if he has no previous experience with specific activities. In this case I would look at how submissive I feel around him, what his ideas/fantasies are etc)

All that being said, the first time I tried BDSM it was with someone completely new to the game. I am still with that someone today

fishy

(in reply to sothernnyte)

Post #: 36

RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/11/2010 11:44:03 PM

SubbieScarlette

Posts: 4
Joined: 6/14/2008
Status: offline

I definitely prefer someone with experience. It does not turn me on to have to teach someone how to Dominate me. I personally would not consider someone starting out. Sorry n00bs :P

As an after thought... I may consider helping a new submissive who is starting out. I mean... we all have to learn sometime.

(in reply to sothernnyte)

Post #: 37

RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/12/2010 8:49:35 AM

subsan192

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/9/2010
Status: offline

Well, experience ain't a big issue... But, i'd prefer someone with experience to start with as i'm new.... But not having experience won't be a hindrance in maintaining a good relation(atleast thats what i think)!!!

I will try learning things on my own, but nothing beats experience... so it'd be nice to have someone experienced so that i can learn things!!!

(in reply to SubbieScarlette)

Post #: 38

RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/13/2010 12:55:08 PM

kinkyafterall

Posts: 4
Joined: 9/13/2010
Status: offline

im looking for a master right now i prefere experience

(in reply to nawtycountrygirl)

Post #: 39

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