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Trouble Communicating - 9/9/2010 5:48:16 PM   
subforherMaster


Posts: 25
Joined: 7/4/2010
Status: offline 		How do you go about discussing your pain threshold? I tend to be a bit of a maso but my Master sometimes takes it too far. I have difficulty expressing this either at the moment of impact or immediately afterward. Master prefers the on the spot feedback but when in that frame of mind it's usually not possible for me. He does understand this. Later when everything has calmed down I try to show and tell, but by then the pain has subsided and that too gets in the way. Not that I forget what hurt but with the pain lessening I give it less importance. Until the next time that is! If anyone else has experience getting over this hump your input is most welcome. Along with everyone else's opinion as always.
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RE: Trouble Communicating - 9/9/2010 5:54:38 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		You didn't indicate this directly, but oftentimes if there is sufficient warmup then subsequent 'heavy play' isn't as heavy (or so your brain believes). Even a maso such as yourself can tell the difference between unwanted pain and pleasurable pain.

Jeff

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RE: Trouble Communicating - 9/9/2010 6:09:03 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Usually screaming till I'm hoarse or breaking through the bindings and cuffs works for me.

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RE: Trouble Communicating - 9/9/2010 6:21:25 PM   
subforherMaster


Posts: 25
Joined: 7/4/2010
Status: offline 		You have a great point, there is a warm up but it may not be quite enough. I will make a point of bringing that up. Thank you Jeff

littlewonder, I look forward to your comments. They always make me grin.

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RE: Trouble Communicating - 9/9/2010 6:23:39 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		perhaps you could hold an object, and when play gets too intense,  drop it.  That would be an indication that you are in distress and he needs to back off a bit.
You need a non-verbal signal that he would be able to see or hear. I was thinking of something like a bell that he would be unable to miss.

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RE: Trouble Communicating - 9/9/2010 6:53:49 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It can be difficult to verbalize things in the moment. He could help by asking you where on a scale of one to ten the pain is. Or if you are near your limit. Beyond that, hold something that makes noise in your hand, perhaps a dog clicker. If the pain is so intense you drop it, the sound will alert him. And you can still make the sound happen deliberately.

But if this is an ongoing thing, then he isn't paying attention. Or doesn't care in the moment. Because you shouldn't have to repeat this each time. By now he should know how much you can take.


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RE: Trouble Communicating - 9/9/2010 7:14:35 PM   
femasoslave


Posts: 472
Joined: 5/24/2009
Status: offline 		Ok....I am also a maso....the problem with being a sub AND a maso is that we want to take more pain for our Master which can be to our detriment....there have been a few times when my Master also has gone too far. Yes, they want us to let them know at the time but being a subby AND a maso we enjoy the pain BUT when it feels as though it may be a bit too much we tend to ignore it because we want to please and not spoil the moment.
What I do now is talk to my Master afterwards.....it doesnt matter when it is, whether its straight after or within a couple of days but I let him know what is happening with me...how my brain and body works.
Our Master wants to know EXACTLY how and what we feel because they want the best from us.
Its very hard to talk to him at the time....I can only suggest to talk to him afterwards...yes i know the pain has deteriorated BUT still tell him...it is for both of your benefits.
I hope I have helped in some way.

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RE: Trouble Communicating - 9/9/2010 7:30:18 PM   
subforherMaster


Posts: 25
Joined: 7/4/2010
Status: offline 		femasoslave, yes you hit it on the head as to the why. I will keep at it and continue trying to talk about it after the fact. Thank you so much.

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RE: Trouble Communicating - 9/10/2010 8:03:35 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Usually screaming till I'm hoarse or breaking through the bindings and cuffs works for me.

ORIGINAL: subforherMaster

littlewonder, I look forward to your comments. They always make me grin.



She ain't kidding one bit when it comes to this.
Grins.
Thank God duct tape solves ALL relationship problems.
~Smirks~


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RE: Trouble Communicating - 9/10/2010 8:31:37 AM   
phoenixmoonn13


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline 		i have no idea i am usually in space at that point but he always seems to know just by my reactions and know when its getting too much. last time it was getting too much he stopped and changed to somthing else and after said why didnt you ask to slow down then smiled and said i know you cant.


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RE: Trouble Communicating - 9/10/2010 9:39:16 AM   
sophiesback


Posts: 4039
Joined: 11/4/2009
From: Illinois
Status: offline 		Funny, Master and I just discussed this yesterday. He brought it up because he knows that I often have feelings of ---stop, don't stop, stop, don't stop, stop, don't. It hurts but it feels so good that he's worried he'll push past my limits.  And he knows I will let him push past my limits because, hey I'm a pain slut - I get off on that! We have a safeword and a non-verbal way of my saying stop, and he knows the chances I'll ever use them are slim to none. He typically reads me well but is afraid he'll miss something. Tough job loving a pain slut!  The only thing we could come up with was that he has the right to set limits for me, because I can't be trusted to know or communicate my own.

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RE: Trouble Communicating - 9/10/2010 11:05:45 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I am with littlewonder. However, screaming is not always indicative of pain, in my case, it can be pleasure.

So for me, the clearest thing I have said was, "you fucking asshole, if you do not stop this right this second, I will fucking kill you so I never have to see you again".

It actually had to be that intense for my ex to stop; he was such a prick.

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RE: Trouble Communicating - 9/10/2010 3:28:33 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I am with littlewonder. However, screaming is not always indicative of pain, in my case, it can be pleasure.

So for me, the clearest thing I have said was, "you fucking asshole, if you do not stop this right this second, I will fucking kill you so I never have to see you again".

It actually had to be that intense for my ex to stop; he was such a prick.

You know, 'fucking' doesn't make for a very valid safeword. 'Asshole' could come out like a compliment. We've been taught since grammer school that 'stop' really means 'go'. 'Kill you' would just make me giggly. 'Never have to see you again' just saves on having to buy a Christmas present.

I'm a little torn about the whole thing, to be honest.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

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