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Rooster2000 -> It's a bummer that... (4/22/2006 10:03:20 PM)

... most men that profess to be subs or slaves seeking Mistresses or Owners are full of crap and not serious.   It makes it hard on those of that are serious.  One bad apple in a barrel can easily ruin all the apples, but when the barrel is  9/10ths full of  bad apples the good apples often get thrown out with the whole barrel.   I guess that's just the way it is though.
    It still kind of sucks.



MistWalker -> RE: It's a bummer that... (4/22/2006 10:09:53 PM)

as fond of generalizations as i tend to be i dont thing Most is the opertive word... that said i dont dissagre, to much, there are bad apples that give others a bad name. That kind of thing you find any were though.. the trick is, being that shiny apple that falls out of the barrle last. gleaming there in the sunshine just wiating to be picked up and away from the bad ones..

pull yourself  higher,make yourself shine... there are good and bad in everything.





Spankinatrix -> RE: It's a bummer that... (4/22/2006 10:10:06 PM)

What inspired this..?  Anything in particular?
N



ScooterTrash -> RE: It's a bummer that... (4/22/2006 10:55:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rooster2000

... most men that profess to be subs or slaves seeking Mistresses or Owners are full of crap and not serious.   It makes it hard on those of that are serious.  One bad apple in a barrel can easily ruin all the apples, but when the barrel is  9/10ths full of  bad apples the good apples often get thrown out with the whole barrel.   I guess that's just the way it is though.
   It still kind of sucks.


I tend to agree with you, that the barrel went bad anyway. I am a Male Dom Married to a Domme and from what I have seen from the messages she gets or the subs that have visited or tried to be a part of our family, is that NO, there are probably not too many that aren't rotten. They profess to be submissive yet they have high expectations of what THEY want and don't seem too concerned with what the Domme wants. I suppose it's possible that this isn't the case, but we haven't seen any indications of that.



CrappyDom -> RE: It's a bummer that... (4/22/2006 11:08:50 PM)

While I don't disagree with you that male submissives are a glut on the market, I disagree with you that makes it harder on you, I think it makes it vastly easier.

As a dominant, actions speak louder than words and my talents as a dominant can't be captured in pictures and while words help, they are still quite cheap.

For a male submissive, standing out is much easier.  Read some of the ads, they all sound alike, make yours stunningly different.  Do it as a resume or something.  Show pictures of before and after houses you have cleaned, make a point of saying there wasn't a latex clad woman to be seen while you were working.

The less you mention fetish and the more you list what you have to offer, the more likely someone is going to see you as not just real but very very valuable.  Many talk of massage but few have any real skill, get certified.  Plant and nurture a garden, perhaps something with that silly BDSM symbol or something that shows it wasn't some picture you stole. 

Buy either or both of Greenery Press's books on slave training by Mistress Abernathy, most people have never heard of them, they have lots of good ideas, and it shows you are serious.

Lastly, if you can, join some real S&M groups and prove yourself capable of hard work and attention to detail.  Since the bar is so low you don't have to do much to sail over it into the arms of your dream Mistress.

I edited this after reading your profile which is pretty good but your journals sound hackneyed.  Start journaling about the things you are doing to make yourself a more suitable partner and servant.  Find ways to serve in real life, go to an old folks home and help out, volunteer time somewhere doing something that shows you are willing to work without having a Mistress standing over you in high heels and riding crop.



LadyMorgynn -> RE: It's a bummer that... (4/23/2006 6:27:59 AM)

This is offset by the number of women professing to be the same, as well as Dom/Domme's on here. who are equally full of crap and not serious.  It's not just the male subs, it's not just straight or bi or gay or transgendered.  Some are really lifestylers, some are weekend warriors, and some are wanking at their keyboard.  That's just how it is, not much we can do about it except keep shiffing through that haystack hoping to find the sheen of gold!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rooster2000

... most men that profess to be subs or slaves seeking Mistresses or Owners are full of crap and not serious.   It makes it hard on those of that are serious.  One bad apple in a barrel can easily ruin all the apples, but when the barrel is  9/10ths full of  bad apples the good apples often get thrown out with the whole barrel.   I guess that's just the way it is though.
   It still kind of sucks.




bandit25 -> RE: It's a bummer that... (4/23/2006 6:30:57 AM)

You are absolutely right, LadyMorgynn.  We just have to keep looking.



ShiftedJewel -> RE: It's a bummer that... (4/23/2006 6:33:25 AM)

quote:

While I don't disagree with you that male submissives are a glut on the market, I disagree with you that makes it harder on you, I think it makes it vastly easier.


In my world... it makes it harder for him. I've met too many that could talk the talk. They knew what to say and when to say it. But when it came down to brass tacks the truth comes out. They say something like "do you enjoy otk spanking?" And I automatically hear the rest of the thought... "I could get off on that..." and the questions continue and with each one I swear I can hear it in their heads... "I could get off on that.."

I have certain things that I look for, certain questions that are asked of me that tells me they are sincere. No, I'm not telling what those questions are.

quote:

The less you mention fetish and the more you list what you have to offer, the more likely someone is going to see you as not just real but very very valuable.  Many talk of massage but few have any real skill, get certified.  Plant and nurture a garden, perhaps something with that silly BDSM symbol or something that shows it wasn't some picture you stole.


But I totally agree here, male submissive really need to understand one very important thing... anyone ever hear the old joke about the two unmentionables of opposite genders (geeze that sure screws up a joke, don't it?) that decided to play show and tell one day. The male unmentionable of course had something the female didn't, well that upset her and she ran home and told her mom. The mom told her female unmentionable the next time he teased her about it to tell him that with what she has she can get as many of those as she wants. That is a major truth! Think about it for a while... If I want to get laid I can... not a problem. I want MORE then that. I want to hear a man say "yes, I can get off and still feel VERY submissive" and it be true.

Ok, that's gonna be another thread, not going to hijack this one. But I'm sure you get the drift.



puella -> RE: It's a bummer that... (4/23/2006 10:10:09 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rooster2000

... most men that profess to be subs or slaves seeking Mistresses or Owners are full of crap and not serious.   It makes it hard on those of that are serious. 


How, as a fellow submissive male, did you garner the information that the rest of your sort are crap (While by implication you are of course saying that you are one of the few and the diligent?).  Was there an official poll?  I am always missing these official polls....


quote:

ORIGINAL: ScooterTrash
I tend to agree with you, that the barrel went bad anyway. I am a Male Dom Married to a Domme and from what I have seen from the messages she gets or the subs that have visited or tried to be a part of our family, is that NO, there are probably not too many that aren't rotten. They profess to be submissive yet they have high expectations of what THEY want and don't seem too concerned with what the Domme wants.


Er... at what point did it become a BAD idea for a slave to have a very very solid understanding of what will work for him/her before giving up their rights of choice to another human being?  When did it make you a shitty submissive to not know yourself so well that you have very clear ideas about what sort of person and living conditions you can allow yourself to surrender your life to?  When did being submissive mean you have to subject yourself to the whims and wills of everyone who slaps a Cap at the beginning of their name?  Call me what you will, but there is more than one Dom/me on this site, and many others,  to whom I wouldn't surrender over my socks, let alone myself.

I'm sorry, but any submissive who is not smart enough to have well thought out ideas about who they are and what and whom they will work well with, before giving over their rights as a person, is an idiot, and most likely will become nothing more than a victim (and part and parcel to their own victimization).



ShiftedJewel -> RE: It's a bummer that... (4/23/2006 10:25:11 AM)

quote:

Er... at what point did it become a BAD idea for a slave to have a very very solid understanding of what will work for him/her before giving up their rights of choice to another human being?  When did it make you a shitty submissive to not know yourself so well that you have very clear ideas about what sort of person and living conditions you can allow yourself to surrender your life to?  When did being submissive mean you have to subject yourself to the whims and wills of everyone who slaps a Cap at the beginning of their name?  Call me what you will, but there is more than one Dom/me on this site, and many others,  to whom I wouldn't surrender over my socks, let alone myself.


I think that perhaps he wasn't as clear as he could have been. We both believe that it's beyond important that a submissive/slave know exactly what it is that they want and need from a relationship.. it's vital. But it's also important that they know that they want to be a submissive/slave as well. What he is refering to are the ones that come here, to our home, or contact me and SAY that's what they want but prove otherwise. He is refering to the amazing number of sub/slaves that contact me and after a brief conversation I am fully aware that in reality they are looking to get laid, nothing more, nothing less. Beyond that all they wanted to do was pursue their hobbies, their outside interests and make their own schedules. Hell, I've even had one ask if he could date in the 'nilla world.... he was, after all, looking for the wife and kids life too. WTF??? 
 
That's pretty much what ScooterTrash was refering too.



mysecret40 -> RE: It's a bummer that... (4/23/2006 10:33:45 AM)

Had to put these me[:)]n jokes up somewhere~! Guess this can go for Dom men or sub men~!

Subject: men jokes


>
> 1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
> (because they are plugged into a genius)
>
> 2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
> (they don't have enough time)
>
> 3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
> (they don't stop to ask directions)
>
> 4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
> (because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor
> lock)
>
> 5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
> (so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)
>
> 6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
> (you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
>
> 7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
> (don't know.....it never happened)
>
> 8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
> (because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
>
>
>
>



truesub4u -> RE: It's a bummer that... (4/23/2006 10:54:42 AM)

LOL... knew someone was gonna toss at least one of those out there... didn't know the whole list would show up.... thanks for the giggles.... 



ScooterTrash -> RE: It's a bummer that... (4/23/2006 11:45:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

quote:

Er... at what point did it become a BAD idea for a slave to have a very very solid understanding of what will work for him/her before giving up their rights of choice to another human being?  When did it make you a shitty submissive to not know yourself so well that you have very clear ideas about what sort of person and living conditions you can allow yourself to surrender your life to?  When did being submissive mean you have to subject yourself to the whims and wills of everyone who slaps a Cap at the beginning of their name?  Call me what you will, but there is more than one Dom/me on this site, and many others,  to whom I wouldn't surrender over my socks, let alone myself.


I think that perhaps he wasn't as clear as he could have been. We both believe that it's beyond important that a submissive/slave know exactly what it is that they want and need from a relationship.. it's vital. But it's also important that they know that they want to be a submissive/slave as well. What he is refering to are the ones that come here, to our home, or contact me and SAY that's what they want but prove otherwise. He is refering to the amazing number of sub/slaves that contact me and after a brief conversation I am fully aware that in reality they are looking to get laid, nothing more, nothing less. Beyond that all they wanted to do was pursue their hobbies, their outside interests and make their own schedules. Hell, I've even had one ask if he could date in the 'nilla world.... he was, after all, looking for the wife and kids life too. WTF??? 
 
That's pretty much what ScooterTrash was refering too.
Thanks ShiftedJewel, I think you summed up the point that obviously someone misunderstood. But as to that specific response, shitty response I might add...I think this deserves a personal touch.
 
puella, I don't know who you thought you were talking to lady, but I don't fit a damned thing about the type of person you were directing that to. First off this was completely about male subs. ALSO, I DID NOT say a damned thing about a sub or slave should not have an understanding of what they wanted before giving up control, so I have no clue what you were reading when you drew that conclusion, but it sure as hell wasn't my post. You are so far off in left field you aren't even playing the same game, so kindly pull in your fangs and pay attention before going off on someone you don't know.
 
YES...they should in fact understand what is is they seek, no one is saying they should subject themselves to crappy living conditions, an abusive relationship, or anything of the sort. If they didn't know what they wanted, I wouldn't even be speaking to them about it in the first place. By the same token, they also shouldn't come with a grocery cart of I want this and I want that and I'm not doing shit unless I get it, which is what I have seen. The expectations I speak of are not what they want out of the relationship, it's what can you DO FOR ME today and what have you DONE FOR ME lately. For many of them, their motivation comes from sexual stimuli alone and their submission is superficial. They in many cases are into it if it get's their rocks off, but if it doesn't, they aren't interested. With Her last Male sub I dropped somewhere in the ballpark of $1300 or so in a month, on material things he wanted, not clothes, not food, not essentials, but things for his hobby. If he did anything particularly out of the ordinary, like housework and such, he felt this was some sort of barter system where he should be compensated geometrically for his efforts. He lied up front about his expectations with regard to sex, contantly bitched and moaned about this and that and a couple weeks after he left he charged several hundred dollars worth of expenses against our "girl's" bank account, utilizing the number he had stolen as sure as if he had broken in and taken them. YES, I have a bad taste for male subs, because this was NOT the ONLY piss poor experience, it was just the latest. Damned right I see the barrel as rotten, I have reason to do so and AS THE OP stated, it just sucks that so many leave that impression, that it is tough for a sincere male sub to even have a chance. I have news for you, if a female came here and acted the same way, whining around when they had to do something and thinking they should be treated like the queen of Sheiba because she did the dishes, I would have the same attitude about that...and so would you most likely if in the same position. I have also had bad experiences with female subs as well, but that isn't what this post is all about, so I won't even go there.



RiotGirl -> RE: It's a bummer that... (4/23/2006 11:52:55 AM)

Ummm.. i'm a male submissive and looking for an owner.. and i'm DEAD serious!  i swear..

what colour panties are you wearing?



puella -> RE: It's a bummer that... (4/23/2006 12:23:45 PM)

Before this degenerates into a flame war, let me invite you to send me an email if you feel I have some how personally condemned you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ScooterTrash

 They profess to be submissive yet they have high expectations of what THEY want ....


*I added the italics in that quotes to clarify my following point.


You did post the above statement, correct?

I was responding to what YOU put on a public forum.. and I will agree with you, that it shouldn't matter the gender of the serving party, male or female.  A submissive has every right to however long a list it takes to find the right owner for them, without putting themselves in a situation that is potentially harmful, either mentally or physically.  That CAN be a long list, depending on the person. You chose the words "they profess to be submissive yet they have high expectations...... ".  Maybe you didn't mean what you said, or didn't flesh out fully what you were trying to say, but you did more than imply that to have expectations for yourself when getting into a surrendered life with a Dominant makes your submissiveness questional, with your choice of words, "profess".

If that is not what you meant, great, thanks for more fully explaining what you meant.  However, I will certainly not retract what I said about the statement I quoted from your post.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ScooterTrash

and don't seem too concerned with what the Domme wants.


I spoke in my post, not only of the right (and probably the last right as a surrendered submissive) but the responsibility of the submissive to very clearly know and articulate what they are about and need for them to function properly as a healthy and loving submissive.

quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

...any submissive who is not smart enough to have well thought out ideas about who they are and what and whom they will work well with, before giving over their rights as a person, is an idiot, and most likely will become nothing more than a victim (and part and parcel to their own victimization).


That does not only hold true for one half of the relationship.  It is just as important for the Dominant to know the submissive, what they need and whether that submissive is capable of fulfilling the Dominant's needs.  They are, after all, the DOMINANT in the relationship.  I am certainly sorry to hear of anyone being bilked out of money or being hurt emotionally. I won't go into the questions of why this wasn't covered before he became property, or why that amount of money was forked over without your approval if you are the Dominant, that is your business, and it does not mitigate the fact that you were left with a poor taste in your mouth.

It does not however change what I had stated both in my original post, and above (quite fanglessly, I might add).  It is both the right and responsibility of the submissive to know what they will need in a Dominant in order to be successful and healthy submissive, as opposed to a victim (call it a shopping list if it makes you jolly, I really don't care).  As a relationship takes more than one person to quailify... It is just as much the right and responsibility of the Dominant to know, in the minutest detail possible, both their needs and those of their submissive, BEFORE entering into that responsibility, unless they too are willing to be exposed to victimization.

And I will definitely agree, that what Shifted Jewel said seemed to clear up what you had tried to say.



ScooterTrash -> RE: It's a bummer that... (4/23/2006 12:42:10 PM)

No problem puella, I think I know where you are coming from and I think you understand what I was saying as well, now (Hands used fangs back...lol). The perceived implication that I was one of "those" just hit hard, I make a concerted effort to be fair and not be too judgemental even with regard to some rather interesting experiences. I have read several of your posts and we generally are not that far off base from each other, perhaps that's what struck me as so odd. In any event, nobody died...now on with our regularly programmed thread.



gooddogbenji -> RE: It's a bummer that... (4/23/2006 12:50:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

Ummm.. i'm a male submissive and looking for an owner.. and i'm DEAD serious!  i swear..

what colour panties are you wearing?



I'm a Mistress looking for a male slave, and I'm wearing a red thong.  I want to see you on webcam, but I just can't go on webcam because my computer is messed up.  But I swear, i'm not a 60 year old fat, gay man. 



Calandra -> RE: It's a bummer that... (4/26/2006 12:33:36 AM)

Speaking from experience, I tend to notice the subs who actually put thought into their profiles. If they can give me a good idea of who they are (both lifestyle and vanilla interests), what they seek, what they offer to a potential relationship, what they think about current events/politics/religion/ethics/yaddayadda... I discover that I'm much more engaged in talking to them.
 
You're shy you say? No problem, sit down and forget that anyone else is going to read it. Write down all the things you'd want to say about yourself if you discovered you were going to die tomorrow... what would you like people to remember about you??? I've noticed that the ones who seem to be most hesitant about filling out a profile are the ones who try hardest to figure out what a prospective Domme wants to hear... Stop that! instead, try writing about who you are. Sure, there will be a few people who may pass you over because you don't match what they're looking for, but then that special Domme who reads your profile and just knows you're the one may come along. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
 
Once you do make contact... quality rather than quantity... Email her with additional details about yourself. Maybe you have questions for her? No Problem! Ask the questions, but also anticipate that She will also want to hear your answers to the same questions... Consider what Her day to day needs might be... Does she have someone to mow her lawn? Fix her brakes? Pamper her after a stressful day? Try to put your immediate physical and emotional needs aside long enough to restore her good mood, and you'll find that she's much more able and willing to return attention to you.
 
There are internet greeting card sites, flower sites, humor sites... send her something every day (not ten times a day - thats stalking!) to remind her that you're thinking about her. Maybe you can't write poetry, but you can find lovely poetry written by others that inspires you. Share it with her. Wanna pamper her extra special? If you can afford it, contact a spa thats local to her area and pay for a "day of beauty" package... they cost anywhere from $50-250 and usually involve a facial, manicure, pedicure, massage, and wash, dry and set. Trust Me a woman who's leaving a spa is seriously going to remember you above all those dummies who email with "hi, can I serve you?" messages.(Hint: if you do not have her legal name or address yet, you can always explain that this is a gift for an internet friend and that you'd like to set up an "identifying phrase" that only she'll know when she calls to schedule the appointment. Simply email her with the spa's name, address and phone number - and the phrase of course so she can set it up) This method can also be used to send gifts, just make sure the manager of the establishment is willing to assist you in customer service.
 
Does she mention an interest that you are unfamiliar with? Research it online, through books, groups, or classes. Even if she does not ultimately choose you, you'll have a new skill/interest that you can always list in service to the one who does choose you.
 
Show interest in her as a human being. Does she have a signature fragrance? A favorite wine (or type of wine)? What about her birthstone, or maybe her favorite color? Research the "pampering arts" such as reflexology, and aromatherapy. Don't expect her to be in "role" 24/7. If you show consideration for her, she will return your efforts tenfold if she's the right one for you.
 
I'm rambling..... thanks for listening.



Calandra -> RE: It's a bummer that... (4/26/2006 12:37:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom
Buy either or both of Greenery Press's books on slave training by Mistress Abernathy, most people have never heard of them, they have lots of good ideas, and it shows you are serious.


Have you read the book "Slavecraft" by Guy Baldwin and a grateful slave?

I think that is a MUST READ for many of the new subs who are discovering this lifestyle... I loved reading it and sharing it with My slave each night before bed.



masterdeltafire -> RE: It's a bummer that... (4/26/2006 2:59:10 AM)

Sounds like someone is a little frustrated.  I hate to break the news to the OP, but last I checked, the ratio between male submissives and Dommes was at least 200 male submisives per Domme.

Of the Dommes out there, a good chunk, and not sure on the numbers, but I would say a conservative bet of 45% of them perfer women over the guys.

Now, with that said, and I have joked many times with Dommes I know online from my groups, and friends in person, that if they made a nickle for every male submissive who begged at their feet for a collar, they each would be millionaires inside of a month. 

I know not all male submissives think with the head between the legs instead of the one above the neck, but put yourself in their shoes.  The Dommes are badly outnumbered in ratio, and have been for a long time.  And I imagine they get slightly umm testy on all of the attention.


As for the others, yes, On the Domside, if you took out all of the ones wanting sex slaves and nothing more, ie, kinky sex,  or the ones who believe the girl should just kneel instantly at their feet and service their organs, then perhaps they would not be as jaded, turning to the female jewels over us guys.

I have always believed there is someone out there for everyone.  Yes, it is frustrating on paying a girl an honest compliment, without hitting on them, and getting it rammed down the throat and not appreciated.  But if it happens, I blow it off.  From a girl's point of view, if they get hit on dozens of times per day by the ones thinking below the waist instead of the other head, it does get old fast for them.  They start seeing all men as wanting to get in their privates, and when the good ones come along, it makes it that much harder.

From experience, let me offer this advice.  Good things come to those who wait.  Make a very detailed perfile, and let the girl come to you if she is interested.  It usually works.  The right girl has a habit of dropping in your lap when yu least expect it.









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