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[Poll]

Have you ever had Counselling or Therapy?

Yes

77% (47)

21% (13)

I'm here, but not saying

1% (1)

Total Votes : 61

(last vote on : 9/20/2010 6:10:02 AM)
(Poll will run till: -- )

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RE: Have you ever had Counselling or Therapy? - 9/11/2010 10:19:30 AM

hertz

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quote:

bellesoumise When I was in middle school, I was a horrible child then.

Maybe. But maybe you were being the child you needed to be in order to survive.

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RE: Have you ever had Counselling or Therapy? - 9/11/2010 12:51:59 PM

DesFIP

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I'm curious why you don't think that: coming to grips with your own imperfections; getting a better grip on where other people are coming from; and being diagnosed for depression and referred for the appropriate treatment aren't things that make you a better person. If they don't qualify, what does?

Not only have I had it, I refused when looking to meet anyone who hadn't done work on their issues. It shows they accept they have problems, are proactive in seeking solutions instead of just bitching, and it makes them more empathetic.

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RE: Have you ever had Counselling or Therapy? - 9/11/2010 1:20:02 PM

maybemaybenot

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OP:

Yes, I have had counsiling/therapy at three different points in my life for different reasons. It was the hardest, most painful, most liberating, most joyous thing I have ever done for myself.

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RE: Have you ever had Counselling or Therapy? - 9/11/2010 1:31:54 PM

Wheldrake

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Never had any sort of counselling or therapy. There are various reasons for this, but I suppose the biggest one is that I've never been convinced that a therapist would be able to do anything useful that I couldn't do myself in the course of a long, thoughtful walk. He or she would probably end up either telling me things I already knew or trying to push me in a direction I regarded as undesirable. Most of the time I'm fairly happy with what goes on in my head anyway.

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RE: Have you ever had Counselling or Therapy? - 9/11/2010 1:46:18 PM

hertz

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quote:

I'm curious why you don't think that: coming to grips with your own imperfections; getting a better grip on where other people are coming from; and being diagnosed for depression and referred for the appropriate treatment aren't things that make you a better person. If they don't qualify, what does?

See? That's the perfect therapeutic question. Why, given that I can describe clear improvements in my functioning as the result of therapy, why do I continue to dismiss those improvements and default to self-negation? I guess I still carry a judgemental parent figure around in my head, even if I no longer have much to do with the real judgemental parents. Well, it's either that, or I have overstated the degree to which I have got to grips with my own imperfections etc. etc. I don't know, is the correct answer!

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RE: Have you ever had Counselling or Therapy? - 9/11/2010 1:54:24 PM

hertz

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quote:

He or she would probably end up either telling me things I already knew or trying to push me in a direction I regarded as undesirable.

That would be poor in terms of what I understand as therapeutic technique. The point of therapy is that self-examination can only give you half the story (how others experience you, and how, in particular, the therapist experiences you experiencing yourself is important), and, if the therapist directs you, then he or she is unable to help feed back to you his or her experience of the 'authentic you' because what she or he actually experiences is a 'you following instruction'.

I was always told to think of therapy as providing a sort of mirror on the self, a mirror held by another person.

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RE: Have you ever had Counselling or Therapy? - 9/12/2010 12:26:16 PM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SubPet715

Well...thats what friends are for right? I can talk to my friends about anything I trust them and open up to them, thats my therapy.

Well no, actually...friends are for sharing things, but I don't know about you, but I don't care to constantly burden my friends and family with problems that I would be having.

Most people don't want to hear a constant litany of problems without YOU trying to do something about it.

Additionally, some people need help with their emotional and life issues that go far beyond what friends or family can offer in terms of help.

Keep in mind, most people, even your best friends, will offer advice based on their own agenda and their own life experiences. So whatever advice is given, is almost always skewed.

Somewhat like on these boards.

If you find yourself ill equipped to deal with things then sometimes therapy works.

I personally, have only found therapy helpful when I was going for marriage counseling, but other than that, I have never found a therapist to be particularly useful since I know what my issues are and most therapists are unhappy when you are very self aware and not clueless.

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RE: Have you ever had Counselling or Therapy? - 9/12/2010 12:34:03 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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Yes. I have gone to therapy, many a times, and Daddy and I are currently in therapy now.

quote:

ORIGINAL: hertz

I am curious. I've heard the advice 'See a Counsellor' several times in the last few weeks and I wonder if seeing a counsellor is something many of us do. I am assuming the Poll allows for anonymous answers (which is ideal), but if you'd like to add a line or two, some opinion or experience, that would be interesting.

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RE: Have you ever had Counselling or Therapy? - 9/12/2010 12:35:37 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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I thank god I have a great therapist.

She loves that I am self aware, and not clueless, and she says the same thing you do lol.

She doesn't go to therapy, cause as a therapist, she's very self aware and knows herself, and does most her own work for herself in therapy, and therapists kind of get annoyed at you for head shrinking yourself, more than they get to.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I personally, have only found therapy helpful when I was going for marriage counseling, but other than that, I have never found a therapist to be particularly useful since I know what my issues are and most therapists are unhappy when you are very self aware and not clueless.

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RE: Have you ever had Counselling or Therapy? - 9/12/2010 12:39:19 PM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

I thank god I have a great therapist.

She loves that I am self aware, and not clueless, and she says the same thing you do lol.

She doesn't go to therapy, cause as a therapist, she's very self aware and knows herself, and does most her own work for herself in therapy, and therapists kind of get annoyed at you for head shrinking yourself, more than they get to.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I personally, have only found therapy helpful when I was going for marriage counseling, but other than that, I have never found a therapist to be particularly useful since I know what my issues are and most therapists are unhappy when you are very self aware and not clueless.

You are lucky then. I have never found a personal therapist to be able to offer any assistance that I had not thought of myself first. In fact, I met some therapists who expressed insecurity and anger when I questioned their technique and when I seemed stronger than they were. Very odd.

I do know people who swear their therapists saved their lives, kudos to them.

At this point in my life, I can work things out on my own. I know my motivations, fears, causal behaviors, and thought process better than anyone else and why pay someone for work I can do myself?

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RE: Have you ever had Counselling or Therapy? - 9/12/2010 12:39:23 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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Maybe I am just really lucky, but I've never had to pay very much if anything at all for my therapy.

A lot of places around here have sliding scale fee's from 0 to 100's. And I qualify for the 0 range.

And, I have even gotten therapy for free, because the programs to do so were availible here.

I had one potential therapist laugh at me and tell me my sliding fee scale of 40 or less was un resonable, no therapist worth their salt would go that low, even interns want 80 bucks an hour.

Well the woman Daddy and I are seeing is 25 a session.

I called the original therapist that scoffed at me and called me unrealistic, I said by the way, your scoffing at me and saying it's unrealistic to find any one for less than 40 dollars isn't true. I have had therapists that did therapy for free, and one of them did therapy for a dollar.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

No. The times in my life when it might have been useful, I didn't have the money. It is expensive.

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RE: Have you ever had Counselling or Therapy? - 9/12/2010 12:54:42 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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I disagree. Friends can help ya out by listening every now and then, but their jobs not to play therapist to you and listen to your woes, nor are they qualified to give you advice.

The things that are wrong with me, and wrong with Daddy, and wrong with both DAddy and I together from a relationship standpoint, need a qualified professional.

I have cried on friends shoulders before, perverbially speaking, and it helped to have someone hear me, but it didn't help the problem get any better.

In fact Daddy got hurt because he knew I was telling friends about deeply personal issues I had with him and felt it was gossiping and wrong to do..

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubPet715

Well...thats what friends are for right? I can talk to my friends about anything I trust them and open up to them, thats my therapy.

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RE: Have you ever had Counselling or Therapy? - 9/12/2010 12:58:25 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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I agree, When things came up that made me cry, my therapist, never tried to there there, here's something funny to think of it's all ok thing.

In fact she feels I don't express my pain enough, and have hidden it so deep, even I can't access it. and plans on doing work to bring the pain to the surface an let it break free.

quote:

ORIGINAL: hertz

I get that, and I don't want to devalue it - I value my friends advice immensely, but counselling is different in one fundamental way which makes all the difference. Your friends want what's best for you. They often want you to be happy, to be 'better'.

Counselling and therapy, done properly is not so interested in that. I remember leaving some of my sessions feeling utterly numb with the pain of whatever had come up for me. A friend might have tried to cheer me up, steer the conversation away from the painful bits and help me. But for the counsellor it's about reflecting and allowing things to be. There's little direction given, just a whole lot of observation and feedback - it's very difficult to explain. It's not uncaring, in fact quite the contrary, I found. But it does allow for misery and pain to be properly experienced and felt.

Put like this, it sounds bloody awful, doesn't it? lol

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RE: Have you ever had Counselling or Therapy? - 9/12/2010 1:00:13 PM

Twoshoes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
I personally, have only found therapy helpful when I was going for marriage counseling, but other than that, I have never found a therapist to be particularly useful since I know what my issues are and most therapists are unhappy when you are very self aware and not clueless.

As someone who is highly emotionally aware, I have experienced this too.

Friends can make you feel better but cannot help you change the underlying problems as well as a professional.

And ya, I've had that kind of reaction from therapists.

You can't really help yourself though, since sometimes you need someone else to listen and hold you accountable and objectivity is highly... lacking.

So you just have to find someone patient - therapists come in all sorts of personalities.

Frankly, they should be able to adapt to the personality of whoever they are helping but it isn't always the case. Therapist and dentists are still human so not all of them are equally talented. :)

Some patients just want to know what to do differently or how to get themselves to think differently and need a very results based approach.
Others may be stuck mauling over something in the distant past that needs to be come to terms to to move forward.

Even if I decided to get a degree in psychology (and I've considered it througly), I'd probably still go to a therapist if needed.

< Message edited by Twoshoes -- 9/12/2010 1:01:08 PM >

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RE: Have you ever had Counselling or Therapy? - 9/12/2010 1:10:05 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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Yes, I have been very lucky for the most part with my therapists.

One therapist I went to tried to insist my interest in ageplay was so I could be victimized again and not have to take any responsibility for it, and bdsm was evil and blah blah blah, but she went by the wayside very quickly, and most the therapists were awesome.

and yes, if you can come to the same conclusion with your own self for free, as with a therapist, then I agree why pay.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

You are lucky then. I have never found a personal therapist to be able to offer any assistance that I had not thought of myself first. In fact, I met some therapists who expressed insecurity and anger when I questioned their technique and when I seemed stronger than they were. Very odd.

I do know people who swear their therapists saved their lives, kudos to them.

At this point in my life, I can work things out on my own. I know my motivations, fears, causal behaviors, and thought process better than anyone else and why pay someone for work I can do myself?

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RE: Have you ever had Counselling or Therapy? - 9/12/2010 1:18:25 PM

Viridana

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FR

Friends are not impartial people. They are people who very often are good listeners and if you're lucky, can give you good advice. But friends nevertheless are people who are invested in you and therefore may not (or cannot) give you full objective help in the way a therapist can.

I find it rather sad to see many people's prejudice against therapy. We are all humans, from assortive backgrounds that deal with issues that we may not have been taught/lack the skills or objective view to be able to solve those issues. Expert problem solving skills are not congenital mind you, they are learned... and sometimes, some of us didn't have the greatest teachers needed when growing up.

Point is, therapy (cognitive +/- pharmacological adjuvants) is a very viable option for many, especially when issues have evolved to the level of being in a seemingly untieable knot.

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RE: Have you ever had Counselling or Therapy? - 9/12/2010 1:41:43 PM

PeanutTigerinBox

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

No. The times in my life when it might have been useful, I didn't have the money. It is expensive. I learned to rely on my self and figure my own shit out. It worked for me.

Dito, except that when it would have been useful a so called professional didn't get it

However I also learned to rely on myself and sort my own stuff out....

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RE: Have you ever had Counselling or Therapy? - 9/12/2010 1:59:53 PM

Aileen1968

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Never had been to any kind of therapy. I'm a private person and have been able to work through my issues of grief and major life changes.
I did need a reminder recently that I wasn't handling things well. It had seriously jeopardized my relationship.
Once it was pointed out to me I have been able to focus on healing and dealing with my father's death and a lot of changes in my life in the past year that I've pretended weren't there. I'm much happier now.
I don't think that therapy is the right answer for every one. It has never been an option for me.
I suppose I'm lucky in that aspect. I'm almost always happy and find it easy to be happy. I can't imagine therapy could be more effective then what has worked for me my whole life.

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RE: Have you ever had Counselling or Therapy? - 9/12/2010 2:00:08 PM

hertz

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I want to challenge the idea that Therapists would prefer clients who are not self aware. It seems to me that a reasonably high degree of self awareness is a prerequisite in a client if the client is to get anything at all from the experience of being counselled. Without the ability to reflect on one's own inner narratives and learn, surely it would be extremely difficult to come out of the process with anything new?

I think when a counsellor is perceived as annoyed or angry at being challenged, there are some real questions to be asked. Is the counsellor's anger 'real'? Or is it a projection - an unconscious re-experiencing of the client's childhood experiences projected onto the counsellor? It's difficult, because for sure there are some really bad counsellors out there, but equally what happens in the counselling session itself is often not a simple one to one relationship as we might normally understand it.

I'd also like to challenge the idea that a therapist can be considered to be a 'completed' or ideal human being who no longer requires the support of counselling of their own. I would suggest that it is essential that a therapist in turn receive counselling or supervision if only to ensure that they are fully aware of their own mental processes in relation to their clients. Counselling isn't a process which turns out a completed and improved end product. Counselling is a process which facilitates growth, and as such is always appropriate, even for the most highly trained therapist.

In my opinion...

< Message edited by hertz -- 9/12/2010 2:01:32 PM >

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RE: Have you ever had Counselling or Therapy? - 9/12/2010 2:27:23 PM

Wheldrake

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hertz

quote:

He or she would probably end up either telling me things I already knew or trying to push me in a direction I regarded as undesirable.

That would be poor in terms of what I understand as therapeutic technique. The point of therapy is that self-examination can only give you half the story (how others experience you, and how, in particular, the therapist experiences you experiencing yourself is important), and, if the therapist directs you, then he or she is unable to help feed back to you his or her experience of the 'authentic you' because what she or he actually experiences is a 'you following instruction'.

I was always told to think of therapy as providing a sort of mirror on the self, a mirror held by another person.

My ignorance of therapeutic practice is clearly showing, but, um, doesn't a counsellor have to offer counsel at some point? Surely after mirrors have been held up, and problems identified, it's necessary to talk about solutions. That's when a sense of being pushed might come in, if the therapist started to propose solutions that I didn't find appealing.

Maybe a visit to a therapist will start to seem like a good idea if I ever become seriously concerned about how others are "experiencing me". However, I do keep tabs on that, to the extent that I experience others experiencing me all the time. I don't seem to be a horrendous or distressing experience for most people, so I don't worry about it too much.

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