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ORIGINAL: rednicky

This deals with mental health but it's still an issue I'd like to address. I like to fantasize when I'm taking care of business. Stimulation doesn't do anything for me. It's all in my mind. So I fantasize about others in certain situations of vulnerability. That's not the issue. The issue is that it's impossible for me to incorporate myself into my own fantasies. I am my own turn off. I'm worried that this means that no one will ever be able to make me orgasm ever. Since I'm not in my own fantasies, they can't be acted out.

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ORIGINAL: Lockit
You can claim it is a fetish, fantasy or whatever you want type thing, but really, you may be hitting the mark now, with a mental health thing.

I'd suggest talking to a mental health professional.

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ORIGINAL: Lockit

Well, since you asked... you love starting threads, saying things easily confused and inflammitory, calling attention to yourself until everyone is upset with you and then you go away for months until you need a new fix of attentions, good or bad. You can claim it is a fetish, fantasy or whatever you want type thing, but really, you may be hitting the mark now, with a mental health thing.

I'd suggest talking to a mental health professional.

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one is upset with you and then you go away for months until you need a new fix of attentions, good or bad. You can claim it is a fetish, fantasy or whatever you want type thing, but really, you may be hitting the mark now, with a mental health thing.

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ORIGINAL: rednicky

Ty Angel. Btw, I got your message and shared it with my bf. I don't exactly know where to go from here because I'm not sure my situation is exactly the same.

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ORIGINAL: rednicky

I don't know anymore. I just want to be normal. I don't know how to change my wiring and I'm afraid that if I go to a specialist, they are going to condemn me and say that it's impossible to actually 'fix' myself and that I'll only get a little better over the course of years and years and years, before dying without actually experiencing what so many other people have accomplished: getting someone 'else' to make them orgasm.

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ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia

rednicky, I am 46 and have never had someone else make me have an orgasm.  Yet.
 
I have as many as I want, by myself, as I am multiorgasmic.  (Though I will NEVER have 47 in a row again...yes, I was trying to break some record...as it gave me evil cramps all day long in my womb and I hurt for days afterward, AND I messed up my G-spot for a year, lol, and was barely able to pee.)  I've been busy these past 21 years raising an autistic son, in a teeny town where I found nobody to fall in love with.  One night stands just don't do it for me, even though I've had a few during this time.  Though I've adored past subbies, I haven't been in love with any of them, so all my clothing stayed on.  Just a quirk of mine. 
 
If I find someone special, he WILL be told exactly what to do to get me off.   I am not a teenager nor in my early twenties anymore and I've learned a lot since then.
 
So...are you going to tell me that if your boyfriend ties you up spreadeagled to the bed, gets some lube on your clit and takes a vibe to it...that you can PREVENT yourself from having an orgasm?  (Can any woman do that?)  LOL.
 
I had a friend years ago who couldn't have any orgasms, then she met a man...who was great at oral sex.  She had so many she could barely even walk for hours afterward she was in such a daze, and the slut/huzzy used to even get random orgasms while riding in my car if she even started thinking about what he did to her, or even if we were talking about tampons.  I am so not joking.
 
When I learned how to have orgasms, I tried to show the boyfriend I was with all about them and share this with him, but...he was pissed off instead.  In his stupid vanilla way, he had trained me not to have them.  How?  By not understanding how females have orgasms.  If I had been kinky, and had put a ball gag in his mouth there would have been no problem.  If your guy does some of these vanilla things, have him stop:
 
1)  If you are really wound up and very close, don't let him say, "Let it come." Men spend their whole time trying not to cum, so this seems logical.  Giving me a WTF are you talking about??? moment makes me lose all tension and I'm back to the beginning. 
 
2)  Smack him if he tells you to relax, for the same reason as above, lol.  My orgasm is like slowly pushing a boulder up hill.  Telling me to relax makes me relax for a moment...and the boulder rolls back downhill and I have to start all over again.
 
Anyway, there can be several other problems that you think might be because of fantasy, but might be from other reasons.  The first guy I was with (I was 17 and stupid) used the pull out method for birth control for the first year.  I would get so close to orgasm and then he would pull out.  My body got used to expecting disappointment.  With subs and men I have topped, I've kept my clothing on and have enjoyed having a female boner for hours and hours.  <WEG>  I never had this happen in vanilla and love it, don't want to end it quickly with an orgasm.  Men never seem to understand this.   With one sub, I had this going on for about eight hours at a time and felt like I was walking like a duck.
 
With your boyfriend, if he touches your clit, make sure his fingernail is cut down to nil and any calluses removed, AND that you are using KY Jelley.  Tell him exactly how you like it and give him lots of feedback.  When I get close, if anything changes (direction, intensity) it fizzles out and I have to start all over again, lol.  Learn yourself, then make sure he knows what you like.  Maybe have him do some mild stimulation while you fantasize, have yours, get some hugs, then start on his.  Stop thinking about problems and start finding different things to do and enjoy. 
 
Btw, I found out that with regular sex (penis/vagina) my sister cannot have an orgasm.  She gets so close, and afterward when he gets off of her, all she has to do is squeeze her thighs together a few times and whammo, a great orgasm.  I told you this so you won't feel strange.  Each of us are unique beings.
 
If you cannot go in to a therapist, try to find some solutions with your boyfriend and take things in baby steps.  There is even a butterfly vibe for the clit that I think might be possible to wear during sex.  Seek.  Explore.  It's supposed to be fun, not some pass or flunk test you have to take.   

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ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

However the truth is that life is not like bodice-ripper romance novels, where dominant men up-end women
and spank them without an invitation to do so first, because if they did, they would be looking at assault charges from a majority of women.

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There is a reason why people talk about consent and it is for the protection of both parties.

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The issue is your brain is wired to respond in one way and you want to change that but can't do that on your own. So, find someone with the knowledge and tools to help you acheive that.

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However the truth is that life is not like bodice-ripper romance novels, where dominant men up-end women
and spank them without an invitation to do so first,

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Finding yourself a turn off shows you have mental health issues. Get help with them.

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ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

You are quite young and I think changing your wiring isn't going to be as difficult as you think it is.

Finding an affordable sex therapist may be more of a challenge.
Baltimore is where Johns Hopkins is however, and they must have a mental health clinic with their hospital.
Given that they do training in human sexuality there, I am guessing they probably have people who function in that capacity.