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RE: question for masters only - 9/17/2010 2:35:03 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: nursedrugthem

What would you do if you were in a relationship with a female slave that you are in love with and down the road she decided she doesn't wan tto be a slave anymore. Would you stay in the relationship cause you love her or would you just let her go???

Speaking from the perspective of a Master the answer you seek is as varied as there are couples and dynamics. Sorry, no one answer fits all. Humans are like that, just when you think you have them pegged they go and do something different and from their perspective it is probably logical but not to everyone else.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to nursedrugthem)

Post #: 21

RE: question for masters only - 9/17/2010 4:19:44 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

Yes, I cut them lose . . . I have ended 2 relationships based on lifestyle or relationship role changes in my partner. One was a marriage of 9 years, the other a relationship of 2 years. I have no use for vanilla women in my life no matter how much they love me and that's why it's always good to have written goals and intentions in a relationship contract. It prevents hard feelings if you have to point out they have changed and aren't living up to the agreement. Hey, if she is not slave, then I cannot be Master . . . and Master is what I am. I wish I could deny being myself and be so foolishly romantic to think love was the end all and her fickle and changing relationship role didn't matter . . . but it does, a lot.

What a crock of romantic horseshit, love is not greater than BDSM. How far do you follow someone that disrespects you and your original relationship pact? Fuck her if she goes vanilla . . . what if she becomes a Domme, you gonna' switch and become her submissive butt boy in the name of love? You gonna change who you are? The only place "love is greater than BDSM" or your relationship role and self image is in some online fantasy world.

If LTR relationships are hard to come by or maintain, you're doing it wrong. Everyone falls in love. Love is a personal choice and no one can resist "falling in love" in a good relationship with good people. Having common goals like kids, lifestyle and whether or not I will be Master of my own home is more important than love. Make the good match, then love will follow. Everyone falls in love with me, I am a great guy and easy to love. Relationships are easy if you stay true to yourself, stay away from all the pretty posers and do not tolerate people that want to change their spots after the rapture wears off.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 22

RE: question for masters only - 9/17/2010 5:50:12 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Actually not quite so old chap.. We choose to fall in love but we certainly can choose not to. Done this many times in the past when it became apparent that i could fall in love and it wouldn't have been appropriate so I walked away metaphorically speaking. I just shut myself off and turned a hard cold face toward the situation. Humorless agreed but it works

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 23

RE: question for masters only - 9/21/2010 8:54:41 PM

D0M1NANT

Posts: 32
Joined: 3/18/2010
Status: offline

It is My personal experience that such situations arise when those who are enamored of the lifestyle come into it because it is the "latest fad" and have to keep up with the joneses, so to speak. Later after finding out what it really MEANS to submit to someone they decide they do not like the reality.. I have had deep love for all of the girls I have collared, and would not collar one I did not love. But even so have had girls come to Me 3 and 6 months down the road wanting to know when Wwe would stop the role play stuff and be a normal couple.. I have released these girls so they could go and find the boyfriend they thought I was going to be.. I have been a Dom now for well over 15 years. I tried a couple times to leave the Lifestyle, but its all I remember now.. Will not be anything but..

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 24

RE: question for masters only - 9/21/2010 9:15:15 PM

DMFParadox

Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline

Nothing is permanent, except for the 'now'. Enjoy, strive for the best relationship you can, but don't ever become so attached that change in your partner or yourself becomes toxic to you.

_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to D0M1NANT)

Post #: 25

RE: question for masters only - 9/21/2010 9:49:59 PM

DMFParadox

Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
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If the girl I'm with grows metaphorical cojones, then it doesn't bother me - IF she grows a brain at the same time. If not, I cut her loose. I tend to not get threatened by these things. Sub, girlfriend, eh; just words, most of the time. But if she's getting so uppity that I'm not attracted to her, I'll let her know. Up to her what she does at that point.

There's a few different reasons:

1. The girl has reason to feel insecure in herself. She's not keeping up, I've lapped her too many times, or outside pressure is making her feel like she's not 'worthy' somehow.
2. I do something to lose her trust. Caught in a lie, put her in an unsafe situation, or alternatively, I 'pull away', get too distant and uninterested. I'm an OCD workaholic, so that last one happens more than I'd like. Submissives need sturdy walls and a decent amount of attention; it's part of the deal. Though if you ever come across a really self-reliant sub, I'm stealing her from you.
3. She was never a sub in the first place. But if this is the case, I don't blame her too harshly; we all have to figure out our own path sometimes. Also, brain chemistry is not always under our own control; change happens.

_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to DMFParadox)

Post #: 26

RE: question for masters only - 9/23/2010 3:13:23 PM

EclipseAbove

Posts: 220
Joined: 8/11/2005
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I'm assuming the question is an either/or and you can't have both (aka no poly/whatever). So, give up kink for love? My answer is no. But you can replace kink and love with any two things that are really important to me and you'll get the same answer. Give up love for kink? Nope. Give up family for kink? Nope. Give up happiness for family? Nope. Give up love for friends? Nope. I expect most people are the same with the things that are really, really important to them.

Of course the reverse question is just as interesting. Would you want to be with someone who is willing to give up the lifestyle that makes them happy because they love you? My answer to that is also no.

(in reply to DMFParadox)

Post #: 27

RE: question for masters only - 9/24/2010 8:30:50 AM

SeaviewBridge

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/26/2010
Status: offline

Let go.

I'm clear and open about myself when I meet someone and they are clear and open about themselves, but then down the road they arent't what they say they are?

That's deception clear and simple. What else is a lie? Where does it end?

I'd let go. I'm not going to live like that.

< Message edited by SeaviewBridge -- 9/24/2010 8:35:07 AM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 28

RE: question for masters only - 9/25/2010 1:18:21 AM

TaeonilKral

Posts: 3
Joined: 3/23/2010
Status: offline

let her go... she's not happy with me and i'd want her to be happy. Course there is still room for play/sex later if she isn't going to jump right into another exclusive relationship right away ;)

(in reply to nursedrugthem)

Post #: 29

RE: question for masters only - 9/25/2010 3:34:32 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

From a sub's perspective, I've become less submissive in a relationship because he's become less dominant. It made me angry and I felt really let-down. So my need to submit to him faded and died.

In that relationship, I found I couldn't submit to him any more - he didn't inspire that within me.

So maybe it's not the slave who is becoming too nilla - maybe the dominant should also review his approach to the relationship.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to TaeonilKral)

Post #: 30

RE: question for masters only - 9/25/2010 5:38:35 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

But bunny, it's much easier to blame it all on the sub, don't you know?

Maybe she can't submit because he's made stupid decisions that got them in hot water, such as with credit problems. She's supposed to be in debt for the rest of her life because he buys every toy that comes on the market? Hardly. Smart subs take back financial control when faced with someone like that, and the dominant deservedly loses all respect.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 31

RE: question for masters only - 9/25/2010 7:01:43 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

Seems like slave has taken back ALL of the control, not just the financial...

Sounds like she's finally getting smart.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 32

RE: question for masters only - 9/25/2010 7:23:55 AM

ShoreBound149

Posts: 622
Joined: 7/2/2009
Status: offline

Kick her in the stomach until she comes to her senses.

_____________________________

"People don't think it be like it is, but it do."

Oscar Gamble

(in reply to nursedrugthem)

Post #: 33

RE: question for masters only - 9/25/2010 8:03:54 AM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

From a sub's perspective, I've become less submissive in a relationship because he's become less dominant. It made me angry and I felt really let-down. So my need to submit to him faded and died.

In that relationship, I found I couldn't submit to him any more - he didn't inspire that within me.

So maybe it's not the slave who is becoming too nilla - maybe the dominant should also review his approach to the relationship.

it happens a whole hell of a lot more than most dominants would admit but i believe you are spot-on in your assessment

yet, try telling your dominant partner that, or just about any dominant that and all you get in return is

< Message edited by daddysliloneds -- 9/25/2010 8:05:00 AM >

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 34

RE: question for masters only - 9/25/2010 8:19:20 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

I'm not a fan of hypothetical questions. People usually can't predict what they'd actually do in a situation until they're in it.

When I look at my relationship, I see two people who are naturally being who they are - him being the leader, me being the follower - within the relationship. If I decided I didn't want to follow anymore (for whatever reasons) but asked him to keep the relationship, I'd feel like I'd be asking him to be something other than who he is. How could he suddenly NOT be the dominant force in the relationship, when that's what he naturally is? I don't think it would be fair to him.

Then again, it's not a topic that comes up between us, and if it did, maybe he'd give me a perspective I hadn't considered.

There are a lot of unanswered questions in this hypothetical. It makes the question nearly impossible to answer.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to nursedrugthem)

Post #: 35

RE: question for masters only - 9/25/2010 8:36:41 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Though if you ever come across a really self-reliant sub, I'm stealing her from you.

I had to laugh when I read that. I often tell people, "yes, I'm high maintenance, but I maintain myself very well." You can put that in your pipe and smoke it, too.

to the OP:

People change, people learn new things about themselves all the time, people grow, but their basic reality doesn't change. The question is, what is the basic nature of the person? Many MANY people seem submissive, but it's out of fear or lack of safe opportunity to be more assertive. Those people are not submissive, they are beaten down by life or perhaps merely diplomatic. At some point, if they are lucky, they will come to a crisis and become more who they are. At that point, their relationships (not just the romantic love relationship) will change.

Love is more than a roll. It is about seeing the person as they are, it's about being who you are. Well, healthy love anyway.

Best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 36

RE: question for masters only - 9/25/2010 9:24:20 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

quote:

Though if you ever come across a really self-reliant sub, I'm stealing her from you.

I had to laugh when I read that. I often tell people, "yes, I'm high maintenance, but I maintain myself very well." You can put that in your pipe and smoke it, too.

to the OP:

People change, people learn new things about themselves all the time, people grow, but their basic reality doesn't change. The question is, what is the basic nature of the person? Many MANY people seem submissive, but it's out of fear or lack of safe opportunity to be more assertive. Those people are not submissive, they are beaten down by life or perhaps merely diplomatic. At some point, if they are lucky, they will come to a crisis and become more who they are. At that point, their relationships (not just the romantic love relationship) will change.

Love is more than a roll. It is about seeing the person as they are, it's about being who you are. Well, healthy love anyway.

Best,
sunshine

Um, you responded to me but quoted someone else...not sure who you quoted lol. But lots of submissives and slaves are totally self reliant. I don't think it's that rare, actually.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 37

RE: question for masters only - 9/25/2010 10:54:29 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

quote:

Though if you ever come across a really self-reliant sub, I'm stealing her from you.

I had to laugh when I read that. I often tell people, "yes, I'm high maintenance, but I maintain myself very well." You can put that in your pipe and smoke it, too.

Um, you responded to me but quoted someone else...not sure who you quoted lol. But lots of submissives and slaves are totally self reliant. I don't think it's that rare, actually.

It is not rare at all, it is a myth to think otherwise. Or a fantasy gone awry.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 38

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