Protocol (and maybe Ritual)

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Madame4a -> Protocol (and maybe Ritual) (9/12/2010 2:09:54 PM)
I did a bit of a search on protocol, but not ritual. I find it difficult to separate the two, but I do. My search revealed some posts, but they were not very in depth -- I want more [:D] For my purposes here, and feel free to add... my short and simple is -- protocol is how you do it, ritual is what you do. I will give an example -- my boi has to get my boots on for me, whether we're riding or going to an event, or I'm off to work. That's the ritual, putting on the Lady's boots -- the protocol is, I tell her what boots... and she gets the socks, makes sure the boots are up to snuff, and then gets them on, and laces, or zips -- depending. She also offers me her head and neck for my pleasure... or a nuzzle.. grin We are looking for a bit more structure now that we're living together. It was easy to 'set aside' time when we were apart, but now its 24/7 and life does interfere (I've written on that previously) ... so we are doing several things, but we are trying to put more protocol into our lives -- ritual too I suppose. I have started this process with taking stock of the protocols that we have, that we think of as givens. A friend was visiting us last weekend for the M/s Conference here, and she said "oh goodness, you two have all kinds of protocol, you just don't know it" ... we remain unconvinced. Please give me some ideas on the ones you have... if you're willing to share... I'm not so much interested in the philosophy.. I know why we want them and I know what they add to our relationship. Thanks all!

hausboy -> RE: Protocol (and maybe Ritual) (9/12/2010 3:21:04 PM)
Protocol and ritual: I did a full-time 24/7 for just a few months (I don't count my 14-yr marriage since it wasn't a Domme/boy thing 24/7), but in my full time household, here were some minor examples--I think this is what you're referring to, just keep in mind that it only pertains to domestic service. Houseboy assigned duties: (I"m substituting the word "duties" for "rituals" here but it was essentially the same as you've defined them) Greet guests. Protocol: Pickup phone on the first ring with "Household of {name of domme}, this is [my name} speaking, how may I assist you?" For guests at the door, regardless of whether they were invited guests or cable salesmen: "Good day, {Sir or Madam} how may I be of service to you today?" If they were visitors, they were "announced", their coat/bag taken, and offered a beverage. (typically tea, coffee etc.) If they desired something else, I would of course, leave to go to the corner market to get whatever they requested, with permission. Then I disappeared within earshot, to remain invisible but close enough to hear and watch if they required anything (napkin, pen/paper, etc.) My daily rituals involved many cleaning details--each with it's own protocols, of course. I won't divulge here--it would probably bore most folks to tears unless they were a domestic servant themselves. I also prepared meals for the household, and ran errands. Typical day ? Rise early, shower, and shave my head and then ensure that the bathroom was fresh and clean for the Household. Coffee was prepared and a wake-up call made. Breakfast and coffee waiting for her, then receive any special orders/instructions for the day. Then the bathroom tidying and the kitchen cleaned, and off to perform any errands. (grocery shopping. boots, ironing, dry cleaning, deliveries etc.) The house was prepared for the return of the Household so that they would come home to a clean house at the end of the day. We had a lot of rituals that involved boot/leather care: boots were done as often as needed (sometimes nightly), leathers were done yearly if in good condition, 2x a year to quarterly if in need of attention. Same for toys and implements. Cleaned after every use or on a scheduled basis. For Households that involved discipline: there were clear rituals and protocols assigned based upon the nature of the infraction (if applicable), the type of discipline, and the implement used. Each implement had it's own rituals and protocols to go with it. The other sub in the house--for her mistress (an erotic dancer and pro domme), her boi was expected to pick her up from work daily to ensure her safety, prepare meals or bring them to her at the club, ensure her implements were returned to their proper place (and cleaned). The minute the two walked through the door, her boi went down her knees and remained that way silently until her Mistress had her remove her shoes and massage her feet and shoulders. At no time could the boi's eye level be higher than hers. Her sub and I could converse freely if given permission to do so, often in the kitchen or out of sight. Once summoned of course, her boi was not permitted to speak unless directly asked a question. I suspect they had many other rituals but those were the only ones I was privy to observe. All others took place behind closed doors. don't know if this was what you were interested in hearing or not.... cheers frederich

ReginaMirus -> RE: Protocol (and maybe Ritual) (9/12/2010 3:49:27 PM)
Hausboy, that sounds simply divine. Do you people REALLY exist, in real life? Dammit, must be another european thing...

LadyPact -> RE: Protocol (and maybe Ritual) (9/12/2010 4:53:36 PM)
I tend to see it a bit differently. I consider protocol more as a standard. The ritual between the two is the uniqueness of it. People generally do have more of these than they actually distinguish. They just don't recognize them as such. Vanilla couples who have certain habits about them, such as saying "I love you" to each other before they go to sleep, have the ritual of doing so. They just don't call it that. I see the use of protocol and ritual as having two specific functions. One is the constant reminder of the authority transfer in your dynamic. The other is the time spent to allow you to concentrate on feeling that and the closeness that you share with one another. No matter how long or short, don't rush through your rituals. The idea of having them in the first place is for the focus. Some of the protocols that we have include: That he must participate in all rituals. I know that sounds funny, but it is the standard that I expect. I am served meals first and I take the first bite. If we are together and he needs to use the bathroom, he must ask permission. Any time we are together, he will open all doors for Me. Unless specifically permitted, he does not sit on the furniture. When getting out of the car, he will open the door and offer his hand to help Me out. My shoes and socks will be put on My feet by him. I am to be called Mistress at all times, with the exception of cell phone calls where it may be an issue with work. Leather protocols are expected at all leather functions and those events related to BDSM. Toys for play are to be carried by him, taken out before the scene by him, and put away by him. Rituals I have always found most effective when they are specific, but not scripted. We don't recite long, memorized passages. The morning ritual consists of him wishing Me a good morning and confirming that he has taken his medication. The evening ritual consists of him making himself ready for bed, kneeling in front of Me so that I may kiss his forehead before going to sleep. Once I have kissed him, he is to smile up at Me while kneeling. Changing collars. This is done due to necessity. There is an 'every day' collar for situations such as work and a leather collar for our time together. Removing his own collar is forbidden unless there is a situation where it absolutely must come off. (I am to be told if this arises.) My boy kneels in front of Me and I unclasp the collar, taking it off of him. At that time, he is to kiss the stone on the leather collar or the lock on the every day collar. I ask him to hold the collar being removed so that I can pick up the collar that is about to go on. The collar being held by Me is held in front of him so that he can kiss it before it goes on. Once he has, I secure the collar to his neck. Shower times are basically the same, except he has to present himself after the shower to put the collar on him. Prior to play. I am brought his leather restraints, which are wrist and ankle cuffs. For the wrist cuffs to be put on, he is to kneel in front of Me for them to be put on. Depending on how I am dressed (leather corsets making bending over a bitch), he may have to stand to have the ankle cuffs put on. If we are using a blindfold, that is also brought to Me. Any new toys that are introduced into play are placed in front of his lips for him to kiss before they are used. Arriving home when he is present. The door gets opened for Me just a crack so that he is still opening the door for Me. The boy is to be kneeling so that I will see him immediately when I enter, with a glass of diet pepsi in the palm of his hand. If the weather is warm, I expect him to have ice in the glass. I am greeted by him calling Me "Mistress" and him offering the drink to Me by lifting his palm. I take the drink from him and kiss his forehead, calling him "lil one".

PeonForHer -> RE: Protocol (and maybe Ritual) (9/12/2010 7:03:28 PM)
Vanilla couples who have certain habits about them, such as saying "I love you" to each other before they go to sleep, have the ritual of doing so. They just don't call it that. One could argue that those vanillas use the right terms and you're using the wrong ones, LP. What you call 'rituals' are perhaps better described as romantic practices, D/s style. [;)] I guess the bottom line is that there's an assumption that rituals - and protocol - in D/s are associated with the 'cold and hard' style of such relationships. (I know that I had that view myself, at one time.) But, actually, those rituals and that protocol might well be signs of something quite the opposite. In your relationship with clip, they all seem to stem from a decidedly soft sort of place in you both . . . .

LadyPact -> RE: Protocol (and maybe Ritual) (9/12/2010 7:50:44 PM)
You may want to check your dictionary, peon. I can assure you that I am using the right term. While some dynamics may use ritual for the romantic aspect, since there is no romantic love between clip and I, it is more about getting into the right mind space. It's all about reaffirming his place in submission, and Mine in authority. This is one of the reasons that I tend to use kneeling a lot or him positioned in such a way that he has to look up at Me. In his case especially, it is also about the focus. The reaffirmation of service to Me and that we are not equal in authority or romantic partners in the dynamic.

PeonForHer -> RE: Protocol (and maybe Ritual) (9/12/2010 7:58:52 PM)
OK, 'romantic' is the wrong word when applied to your relationship with clip. That's not the important thing for me, though, re ritual and protocol. I was focusing more on that idea of protocol and ritual coming from a 'warm' (romantic, friendly, whatever) place rather than a 'cold' one. But maybe neither's correct.

hausboy -> RE: Protocol (and maybe Ritual) (9/13/2010 8:10:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ReginaMirus Hausboy, that sounds simply divine. Do you people REALLY exist, in real life? Dammit, must be another european thing... blushing thank you--I'll take that as a huge compliment! --and YES, I assure you, we do certainly exist. Since I left the west, and admittedly, assimilated into society, I haven't met that many here. but I've met lots of other servants when I lived in California--including a few that were truly 24/7 live-ins--it was their sole job and responsibility I'm sure it is European in its roots, as were several of my Dommes, but no, I'm domestic in that sense too--that is, my upbringing in the U.S. I'm born and raised on the east coast. I'm too embedded in my career now, but when I was 21....I jumped at the chance to be a houseboy for a summer and it was truly, without a doubt, the best summer of my life. I met people that shaped who I am today--I love them all dearly. It was an amazing household of lesbian bikers! I'm sure my ex-wife will never appreciate what she kicked to the curb--I keep holding onto hope that there's a special Domme out there, just waiting for a boy like me.

MistressDeStrict -> RE: Protocol (and maybe Ritual) (9/17/2010 3:33:21 AM)
To Me, protocol and ritual mean different things. Protocol means the generally accepted practices of the particular BDSM group you associate with. * A sub or slave approaching a Dom/Domme and waiting to be acknowledged before speaking. * Keeping your hands off the collar or d/o-ring of a slave that's not yours--unless you have specific permission from said slave or sub's Owner. (I do recognize the "old school" thought that an open o/d-ring without a lock is fair game for grabbing though.) * One Dominant addressing another Dominant by Her/His title: Mistress, Master, et al. (The exception being if there is an understanding that no such formalities are necessary.) When I'm at a social function such as a fetish ball and I'm not on a first name basis with another Dominant I always refer to the Dominant by Her/His preferred title as a matter of courtesy and respect. Further I expect such courtesy to be recipocated. Ritual means how you go about conducting a session or a practice. * A Mistress requires her slave to meet Her at the door when She comes home. (The ritual is how it occurs: how the slave is dressed, what position the slave is in, the greeting uttered when She enters, etc.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Protocol (and maybe Ritual) (9/17/2010 6:16:49 AM)
To me protocol seems to be a very structured thing, not as personal as a ritual but that is just my personal opinion. Protocol and ritual can be the same thing, and you certainly can personalize protocols... My preference is for things that look harmless to the outside or the people "not in the know", things being done just how you want them to be done, like in public that the hands are held in a certain position that could be normal, but you both know it's a D/s expression. A friend has her submissive put his hand on his neck if he wants to say something and with a look he is allowed or denied to speak up... Looks perfectly normal even in vanilla settings but helps to keep the D/s mood for them even if they are among vanilla people...

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