An issue of balance- Kink and Vanilla

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An issue of balance- Kink and Vanilla - 9/12/2010 7:22:06 PM

ForgetMeKnots

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I love my job.

I really do. If I didn’t love it, I couldn’t do it.

However, I feel like sometimes it’s sucking my soul dry.

Well… that’s a bit melodramatic.

Let me explain.

For the first few years I lived in Florida, I basically **lived** my job.

When I first started my job sometimes I had 8 a.m. to 7 p.m. days just getting things planned out and ready. IT was my life, I LIVED it. I’m sure it’s not anything that others haven’t had to go through-- please don’t think I’m looking for sympathy or that I’m complaining, as I’m not…. I do, truly, love my job.

But now that I don’t HAVE to work 12 hour days-- now that things are going smoothly-- I can step away and let myself breathe, and I have time to explore all this kinky wonder available to me.

But--like many-- I’m a professional and my kinky life and my “real” life can’t mesh. NOT AT ALL.

This gets difficult because the vast majority of my friends in Sarasota I’ve met via my work. They’re who I spend time with here. When I go to Tampa, it’s mostly my kink friends… I’m sort of feeling like there is a harsh delineation between my “real life” in Sarasota and my “kink life” in Tampa.

I’m having so much fun and meeting such wonderful people in the Tampa community, it’s almost unreal. The problem is I’m finding it difficult to “get my head back in the game” Monday through Friday.

(I’m sorry, but I really don’t know if I’m explaining this well!)

Currently I don’t have a play-partner and most of the people I connect with live about an hour away making mid-week trips troublesome.

I get my kink on the weekends, and while I love this… it gets exhausting to have to juggle roles and flip internal switches. Trading one mask for another isn’t easy and to have to do it back and forth is... wearing on me.

I put on a mask and play a role M-F and it’s getting increasingly difficult to remember where the real me starts and the character I play at work ends.

Although the above isn’t an accurate description… my work “me” is just a different facet of my total…but it’s the best way for me to describe how I’m feeling now.

I’ve spoken with a few friends about this, and it seems it’s a common enough problem.

Do any of you feel this way?

If so, I’m wondering if you could share your solutions.

I know, in a way, I need balance. But, when your options are limited to weekends, and not even EVERY weekend… how do you find it?

This weekend I found a little of my balance in a few scenes--both of which were excellent and just what I needed-- but how do I find my own balance? Is it possible?

What am I going to do next weekend, or the weekend after that…or the one after that? Eventually there WILL BE a weekend where I don’t have a kink event available to re-center myself. What can I do then?

(Please feel free to ask questions, if you need clarification!)
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　

< Message edited by ForgetMeKnots -- 9/12/2010 7:23:36 PM >

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RE: An issue of balance- Kink and Vanilla - 9/12/2010 7:36:14 PM

mistoferin

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Have you ever mixed your vanilla sex life with your job? My guess would be not. Why would this be any different?

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RE: An issue of balance- Kink and Vanilla - 9/12/2010 7:59:07 PM

ForgetMeKnots

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Hello Erin,

Right now, it isn't about sex for me. It's about "play" and getting that release... but not sex.

(Not where I thought things were leading when I started...but I'm at a good place here, and going with it... LOL)

It's more that I can let different sides of my personality out with my kink friends, and those sides don't stuff back into boxes easily when I have to put my work mask on.

Does that make sense?

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RE: An issue of balance- Kink and Vanilla - 9/12/2010 8:27:39 PM

mistoferin

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Honestly it doesn't. Please don't take offense at that, I just never understand these types of questions. I am who I am 24 hours a day. But I'm a pretty diverse and complex human being who generally acts in a manner appropriate to the situation that I am in at the moment. I am always in submission to Sir, every moment of every day I am his. However, that doesn't mean I crawl through life on my knees. I don't talk about or act upon my fetishes at work, or at the bank, or at the PTA meeting, etc., etc. I have tons of friends and they're not all kinky. I don't talk about floggers to my hunting friends (ok well, some of them are kinky too so....), I don't show the bruises on my ass to the girls in the Euchre club. But none of it changes who I am. I've never felt like I had to lead some kind of dual existence, I just allow whatever facet of who I am to shine appropriate to the circumstance I am in at the time.

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RE: An issue of balance- Kink and Vanilla - 9/12/2010 8:48:54 PM

junecleaver

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I don't feel that way about kink per se, but I understand where you are coming from. You seem to have a grasp on what is really going on *in your head* just not translating to what you are feeling....you know that work you and kink you are all facets of you. It feels like there is a disconnect. Would you really want to be kinky AT work? Well no. But then again you have all these people who share such a large part of your life (work) with whom you cannot share that other growingly important part of life (kink).

In the past, I've dated guys that my friends and family would have completely rejected so I kept them separate. And I did begin to feel something like you described....like there was a me when I was with him and me when I was with everyone else. And I did feel like things would be much better if there was just me being me.

I have absolutely no solution to offer. Just thought you should know that if you are crazy for feeling that way...then you are not alone because I've found myself there too. <3

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RE: An issue of balance- Kink and Vanilla - 9/13/2010 1:27:39 AM

ranja

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It is indeed like having secrets... if your head is full of kink and you find yourself at work with people who have no clue or interest in your sexual preferences or what you have done last weekend, you have to find a way to keep this kink in a little corner of your mind and totally to yourself.

If you need release and there is nobody to play with... you use your hands and vibrators and pegs or whatever and your imagination... maybe watch porn...
masturbating does not have to be boring either.

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RE: An issue of balance- Kink and Vanilla - 9/13/2010 4:18:55 AM

DesFIP

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Are you playing hard all weekend and then rushing home Sunday night? Because I'm guessing that's the problem. Stop play early on Sunday and spend the rest of the day relaxing. Go for a walk, fold the laundry, watch some tv. You're going from one highly focused thing to another with insufficient transition time. Just because you can play solid all weekend doesn't mean that's what you should do.

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RE: An issue of balance- Kink and Vanilla - 9/13/2010 4:56:29 AM

crazyml

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I really like DesFIP's suggestion.

From my perspective :

First, I think your sense of balance may very well resolve itself on its own.

I'm also in a job where I really have to keep "kink" out of my work-life, although there can be a little bit of discrete blending.

I'd suggest that you look out for kink friendly friends in Sarasota, even if they're not "playmates" as such as well - just having people who don't have to always hide the kink from may take some of the pressure off.

Good luck

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RE: An issue of balance- Kink and Vanilla - 9/13/2010 6:01:40 PM

ForgetMeKnots

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Hello Everyone....

First of all thank you all for taking the time to respond.

@Erin--

I'm also "who I am" 24 hours a day... but JuneCleaver put it best by saying it feels like there is a huge disconnect between these two giant parts of my life. Both are important parts of who I am...who I see myself as. For them NOT to be able to meld is a little bit of a problem, it seems?

@June--

I'm so glad someone else on CM can identify! It's nice to know I'm not alone. ~smile~

@Ranja--

"It is indeed like having secrets... if your head is full of kink and you find yourself at work with people who have no clue or interest in your sexual preferences or what you have done last weekend, you have to find a way to keep this kink in a little corner of your mind and totally to yourself. "

It is JUST like that... and thank you for the suggestion... I'm ~SO~ on it!

LOL

@DES--

I'm not rushing home on Sunday...but I often do afterward on a late, late Saturday night. Or there are times that I spend the night up in Tampa with friends and come back on Sunday. There is rarely--if ever, really-- Sunday play. It's more good company.

I'm thinking a little more rest will help.

@crazyml--

I'm actually planning a "date" of sorts with a kinky friend, just for a walk on the beach this week. It's going to be good for me, I can already tell!

~

I actually posted this very same question on that other site in the "Under 35", and got some interesting suggestions. One comment drew parallels between this an a "honeymoon phase" and I think that sort of hit the nail on the head.

I've been in the Tampa scene since last Feb/March, but I was really able to devote A LOT of time to it over the summer. Now that I can't... now that I have to focus on my vanilla life once more, it's sort of like learning to balance again.

I'm sure I'll get through it...but I was just wondering what others have experienced.

Thank you all, once again, for posting!

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