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RE: To be a better submissive - 9/15/2010 10:47:36 AM

LadyRian

Posts: 486
Joined: 9/5/2010
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Hello Op,
My view on this echos the wisdom of other posters. Communicate, communicate, communicate. And clarify. Make sure you both are on the same page in expectations.

Examine yourself, and ask yourself honestly how you really feel about concepts such as intimacy, sharing, and the need for space within a relationship ( because we all do need space to ourselves, no matter how close two people can be.)
Self knowledge is so important, because then it's a lot easier to be able to relate honestly to the other.

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RE: To be a better submissive - 9/15/2010 5:27:37 PM

SthrnCom4t

Posts: 343
Joined: 9/9/2007
Status: offline

I just read this thread, minus the hijack, but I'd like to address the original post. I agree with the previous posters' advice about communication, and applaud the OP's subsequent insights and understanding of his/their unique dynamic.

Otter's 'strategy' if you will, is that he observes, and then actively initiates good service. We have very few rules in our dynamic. He gets up and fixes my tea, not because I ever asked him to, but because he thought I would enjoy it. I do, and so it's become part of our routine. So, too, with him ironing my work clothes, making my breakfast, lunch and dinner most days, and putting on/taking off my shoes/boots quite often.

I have great appreciation for a service-oriented submissive.

A word of advice re: communication

I have been in the situation of having a submissive constantly asking me what I wanted, and frankly, I found it a bit annoying. First, because my *awareness* is not always in tune with *what I want.* Sometimes, I don't know. In my profile it says, sometimes I like to drive and sometimes I like to be chauffeured. That does not mean that sometimes I don't want to be in charge....what it means is that sometimes, I want someone to offer me choices. It's incredibly endearing to have someone serving me creatively in ways I might not have thought about.

Sometimes I want high protocol, sometimes I don't. It's my responsibility to communicate, if there are specific things I want. It's Otter's responsibility to be flexible to my desires at the time.

Simply put, figure out what makes your Lady feel loved and cherished. (Otter's unlimited patience with my spontaneity fuels our great energy).

Also remember that while you will be a direct influence to her upset / pleasure, some of the time, ultimately, she is responsible for how she feels. Meaning, if you do something and she doesn't react in the way you anticipate, don't take it personally because there could be something going on that has nothing to do with you.

Having a strong and grounded partner - submissive or Dominant, is truly valuable.

Best of luck,

quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682

I was recently collared by my beautiful Ebony Domme,Moriah,alittle while ago.I do care about her alot.I respect her as well very much.While I do have some experience being collared,I am trying my best to be a better sub for her.I am not perfect and without a lenghty resume of being collared,I am learning as I go.I do find that learning through my submission,I am also learning to be a better person in general.I think true submission is something I can learn from to benefit my life in other area's.Of course,the most important thing is that I want Miss Moriah to be proud to have me as her submissive.While I guess you could say that she has had experience as a "Pro-Domme",I am the first true submissive that she has "collared" in real life.For me,that mean's putting her first and to alway's show her proper resepct.

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'The sign of a developed mind is one in which two opposing ideas can coexist' - Oscar Wilde.

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RE: To be a better submissive - 9/25/2010 8:03:51 AM

SensualMz

Posts: 10
Joined: 9/20/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682

Well,Nick has certainly showed a very good example of what I can expect to avoid.My overall question is basically that since I am still new to being truly collared,how to appoarch this unique relationship in a productive manner.I am very practical and don't want to mix up fantasy with reality.Meaning,I realize there is a difference bewteen thinking about being collared and actually being collared in real life.I will say,that my Domme does respect me and I respect her even more for that.I don't think she is looking for a mindless robot.I can't imagine that she would want me to be clinging and alway's a "Yes Ma'am" stooge.I do realize open communcation is key as in any type of relationship.

Charles, IMHO you have too much emphasis on your collar.
Is your collar your submission? What is the difference between you being owned and your collar.
I will own someone who is submissive to me and my ways, and then consider a collar after the proof is in the pudding.

If her emphasis is in your collar, then ask her what it is for and what you can do for her........not us.
We do not know you or your Moriah.

I wonder if she is asking how she can be a better domme to you??

Talk to each other.

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RE: To be a better submissive - 9/26/2010 4:46:22 PM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
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IME 'collared' tends to fulfil the same language function as 'engaged' or 'married'-is the engagement ring the relationship? Of course not. That would be silly. But asking him if his collar is his submission is functionally the same question.

He's using it as a term to describe the status of his relationship. Don't read too much emphasis into it.

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Post #: 24