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Uhm... - 9/16/2010 7:19:29 AM   
devilangel666


Posts: 38
Joined: 6/3/2010
Status: offline 		How do you deal with someone..
Someone you used to chat with for ..Lets say 3 days..
And how do you deal with that SOMEONE knowing SOMETHING abotu you and you know they can use it against you whenver they want?
Theres this guy..
We didnt chat for long..
But,I kind of have someone with whom Im hoping for more real life thing.
I dont know does this person still has the..Blackmail material..
All I know is that this guy would prolly leave me..
I mean I did meet him at fetlife..Both of them..
I am still..In fear of what this guy might have..
I think he changed his yahoo ,he certaintly changed his fetlfie name..
Which kind of puts me in an unusual position of thinking whether or not will he acknowledge what I told him/what he found out not just to this person I am involved wtih but to everyone else too..
How does one even cope with that?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Uhm... - 9/16/2010 7:46:52 AM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline 		Why not continue this new relationship without secrets? Be upfront now and if the relationship is strong it will survive…if not then it would be better to end it before you are hurt worse.

Whatever your secret it is it is a real part of you…do you really think you could spend a lifetime with someone while hiding part of yourself…and be happy and fulfilled?

Butch

_____________________________

Mark Twain:

I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome; variety is pleasing

(in reply to devilangel666)
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RE: Uhm... - 9/16/2010 7:49:58 AM   
KyttynTheMynx


Posts: 4880
Joined: 5/10/2006
From: Moosecrotch, Va
Status: offline 		You out yourself with the information that way it holds no power and you can get on with your life not giving a fuck about some loser.

And seriously? Youre giving away the big secrets after 3 days?! How long does it take to find out info you arent supposed to give away then like SSN's and ATM card numbers, a week?

< Message edited by KyttynTheMynx -- 9/16/2010 7:51:33 AM >

_____________________________

Hibbie's Hottie

The next time you think I give a fuck, remember the 3 F's... Unless you are Feeding me, Financing me, or Fucking me, I don't give a fuck!!

"Kyttyn: The Other White Meat!" - DRH

10 Miles of Hot Chocolate Lovin'.

(in reply to kdsub)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Uhm... - 9/16/2010 7:50:32 AM   
devilangel666


Posts: 38
Joined: 6/3/2010
Status: offline 		I wanted to tell it to him,but gradually..
I dont want this guy to go and just drop everything he knows to this person I am with..
I am concerned of his reaction..
And what this person knows is not exactly something..
I have problems saying it because I have never actually SAID it to anyone..
Plus ,Im really afraid hell turn his back and leave..
Itd get me hurt..Doesnt matter if its now or later but...
I would prefeer later if I could chose...

(in reply to kdsub)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Uhm... - 9/16/2010 7:54:28 AM   
KyttynTheMynx


Posts: 4880
Joined: 5/10/2006
From: Moosecrotch, Va
Status: offline 		You arent going to be able to control whether this guy tells the information or not. What you can control is how your partner receives the information. You can either keep it a secret, and hope he doesnt find out (and in the event that he does, and its not from you, theres another level of drama to deal with), or you can just spill it so he hears it from you, and maybe takes it differently

_____________________________

Hibbie's Hottie

The next time you think I give a fuck, remember the 3 F's... Unless you are Feeding me, Financing me, or Fucking me, I don't give a fuck!!

"Kyttyn: The Other White Meat!" - DRH

10 Miles of Hot Chocolate Lovin'.

(in reply to devilangel666)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Uhm... - 9/16/2010 7:57:09 AM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline 		Then you are not being honest with him...will he not be hurt too?

There is a wonderful feeling of freedom and a thrill when you bare your soul to another….no matter what the result.

Butch

_____________________________

Mark Twain:

I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome; variety is pleasing

(in reply to devilangel666)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Uhm... - 9/16/2010 7:58:14 AM   
devilangel666


Posts: 38
Joined: 6/3/2010
Status: offline 		Youre right..
Im afraid to tell him still...Its not something thatd be considered normal..
Its like having lunch with your family and saying : Sooo....I made a porn movie,care to see?
I think I know whatd his reaction be...Accent on THINK...Because Im not sure..
No I cant control whether or not this guy tells it..
Now I dont know should I tell him myself or like you said...Hope he never finds out...

(in reply to KyttynTheMynx)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Uhm... - 9/16/2010 8:16:14 AM   
KyttynTheMynx


Posts: 4880
Joined: 5/10/2006
From: Moosecrotch, Va
Status: offline 		A relationship is built on honesty. Dont be like a child and hide. Grow up, own up to whatever you did, and accept things as they come.

_____________________________

Hibbie's Hottie

The next time you think I give a fuck, remember the 3 F's... Unless you are Feeding me, Financing me, or Fucking me, I don't give a fuck!!

"Kyttyn: The Other White Meat!" - DRH

10 Miles of Hot Chocolate Lovin'.

(in reply to devilangel666)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Uhm... - 9/16/2010 8:24:15 AM   
SensualPassion41


Posts: 32
Joined: 4/2/2007
Status: offline 		I agree, own up to what you've done. It's always best for someone to hear it from you, not another who is trying to hurt or destroy your relationship. Better to find out now his reaction, see if you can work things out. Wait till later and the both of you have so much invested in the realtionship it will hurt a great deal more.

(in reply to KyttynTheMynx)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Uhm... - 9/16/2010 8:41:39 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		There is an odd element to this cyber-world that co-exists with reality.
It is both distant and artificially intimate... we sometimes do tell near strangers things we wouldn't tell Anyone.

For some reason, you felt safe. Has this person that you confided in (aside from changing their nicks ... and that may have nothing to do with you) given you any indication that they might use the information for malicious puposes? Does he know you are interested in having a relationship with the other person; do they know each other either on-line or in real life?

However, as for telling the other person the truth, yes tell them the truth, but in my opinion, there is a time for that. And as you have discovered, that doesn't necessarily mean within the first few days of getting to know someone.
Don't hide the truth and don't run away from it, but if the relationship never takes off, since this information is very personal to you: do you really want 2 virtual strangers knowing this about you?

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(in reply to SensualPassion41)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Uhm... - 9/16/2010 8:55:21 AM   
Wolf2Bear


Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KyttynTheMynx

You out yourself with the information that way it holds no power and you can get on with your life not giving a fuck about some loser.

And seriously? Youre giving away the big secrets after 3 days?! How long does it take to find out info you arent supposed to give away then like SSN's and ATM card numbers, a week?


Well stated Kytten. 

Blackmail works on instilling fear in the potential victim. When you remove that fear by being open to your new interest, the fear of potential blackmail is no longer there.I know with all the photos I have in a profile, on FetLife and other various hook up sites, those could be used against me yet, anyone I get serious about, they already know as I told them upfront.


< Message edited by Wolf2Bear -- 9/16/2010 8:57:25 AM >

_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to KyttynTheMynx)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Uhm... - 9/16/2010 9:14:47 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Youre right..
Im afraid to tell him still...Its not something thatd be considered normal..
Its like having lunch with your family and saying : Sooo....I made a porn movie,care to see?
I think I know whatd his reaction be...Accent on THINK...Because Im not sure..
No I cant control whether or not this guy tells it..
Now I dont know should I tell him myself or like you said...Hope he never finds out...


The thing is, da666, sometimes, it's not so much -what- you say as -how- you say it.

There's no practical difference between "Hey, folks... I made a porno... wanna watch?" and "Yeah, well, I got this offer to do a film. It's pretty adult-oriented, but I decided it was worthwhile to do anyway, and it was a really interesting experience."....but the difference in presentation is obvious.

Calla


_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to devilangel666)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Uhm... - 9/16/2010 10:55:14 AM   
frazzle


Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline 		I'm finding it very hard to believe, that youd tell someone you had only been talking to online, for 3 days, something that can be used against you.

Even if you were that daft!!!

Why would your new online friend, believe something said by a random someone they dont know????

(in reply to devilangel666)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Uhm... - 9/16/2010 11:31:09 AM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		now's the time when you have to own up to your responsiblities; being honest with your partner, as well as learning when to and not to tell complete strangers anything they could use against you in the long run.

(in reply to devilangel666)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Uhm... - 9/16/2010 11:50:39 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I am one of these people that believes the past is the past depending on whatever the info is. If it does not impact the present I do not think you "owe" people to give your complete autobiography and life details. In other words, I do not tell everyone each and every past fuck up of my life... they are MY fuck ups... some of which are very ancient history.

If you really want to hide whatever it is that you think can harm you, kill your internet accounts and live in the real world. It is pretty damn hard to track what you do in meat life if you do not state it on the internet. In other words, this internet person will not know who you are involved with unless he reads about it on the interwebs, no online account, no way for him to know. If I was convinced this was something I did not want my present lover to know, something that was no one's beeswax but my own, or I did not trust a particular person with the info, I would kill my online accounts.

Here is a lesson for you, loose lips sink ships... but I am thinking this online person found some images, etc, posted online with you in them... another lesson, be careful with your face if you don't want to own something.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Uhm... - 9/16/2010 12:00:54 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		Although I think I understand what you mean ...... really, if it's bothering you , just tell the guy. Few people on the net haven't made some stupid mistake or opened up and wished they hadn't.

Look we're all human, and a lot of people divulge things they really think was unwise after the fact. Don,t worry , you'll survive it.

agirl

(in reply to devilangel666)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Uhm... - 9/16/2010 3:13:13 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		I think you should tell us your secret so we can judge how to react to it. After all, if one person knows, then the chances of someone else finding out about it are growing with every passing minute.



Just kidding   -   if you really think that Thing One is going to tell Thing Two, then you need to beat him to the punch. Tell Thing Two and put as good a light on it as possible without lying.   Would you really want a relationship with a deep dark secret that could be outed at any time hanging over your head?     and if Thing Two gets freaked out and leaves, then chalk one up to experience and go on, sadder and wiser.

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Uhm... - 9/16/2010 3:18:03 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		I really want to know what you told him....

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RE: Uhm... - 9/16/2010 3:27:43 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		I am trying to think of the old saying that covers this.  Something about shutting the barn door after the horses are already out.

Get to know folks before you give them blackmail material.  It may not be as bad as you think though.  I would tell em to bring it on, and I would tell the person they wanted to let know before they did.

But then I can be quite the bitch I am told.

_____________________________

yep

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RE: Uhm... - 9/16/2010 4:20:04 PM   
pompeii


Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline 		While it's nice that others say you should live your life sans secrets, we all have them. That's why you whisper in the confessional (well, for those of us brought up that way).

You SHOULD have secrets (it's part of being alive). You know, by now, there are no secrets when two people know ... but alas, let's call them "closely guarded secrets". You have them. I have them. We all have them.

Now, what you choose to tell others ... well ... that's a different story. There are two approaches fundamentally (prolly' more) ...

The first approach is to tell all (that's what I do) but ... and this is the but ... KEEP YOUR IDENTITY secret!

The other approach is to tell nothing (or very little) ... and then you can let your ID be known (that's what I do at work).

Up to you ... but you learn ... and live ... and over time, you learn to change your email address, to change your IP address, hell, you can even change your MAC address, all in an attempt to maintain anonymity (never can spell that sucker) ...

That way, you can tell the truth ... but they don't know who you REALLY are ... :)

PS: Does not work for long term relationships ... but ... for those ... by then ... you TRUST them (even if you did meet them on fetlife) ... For those you trust, let the truth be known (but that takes more than just a few weeks).

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)
Profile   Post #: 20
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